DEVOTEE EXPERIENCE : How Shirdi Sa Baba Helped in the Smooth Passing Over of My Dear Son By Vandana Ritik, New Delhi

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DEVOTEE EXPERIENCE

 

How Shirdi Saibaba Helped in the Smooth Passing Over of My Dear Son

 

The hit and run accident and on the spot passing over of my 18 year old son on

this years’ Valentine day at a Flyover in Delhi left me in a state of shock.

In fact, when I was rushing to the hospital after hearing about accident of my

son I was sure nothing would have happened to him. But I was totally in for a

shock when I found his body in the mortuary at AIIMS. First words that came out

of my sobbing husband were ‘Woh chala gaya. Tere SaiBaba jhoote nikle’.

 

I could not believe how could Baba do this to me as I was always so devoted to

Baba not only during crisis but even during happy times. I always chatted with

him as if I were talking to a friend. I was always thankful and grateful to him

and always felt that I must have done something very nice in my previous birth

to deserve this kind of happiness. After looking at the lifeless body of my dear

son, I hated Baba. What was the use of so much of devotion, belief and faith in

Baba when he could not save my son’s life. Maybe I was worshipping the wrong

God. I was content with whatever I had, I did not crave for more but still Baba

gave me this pain, which was so unbearable. Was there any Baba at all or not? If

I have to suffer for consequences of my karma, in any case, what was the use of

praying to Baba? He could not save my son’s life. May be ‘meri bhakti mein

shakti nahin’. I don’t know what type of devotion do you want, I asked Baba.

If you do

not like my way of devotion then I will not worship Baba or anybody, I resolved

in my mind and was also vocal about it to other Baba devotees.

 

Everyone coming to us for condolences was also wondering how could somebody who

was religious, worshipped and had so much faith in Baba suffer like this. I also

asked Baba how he was feeling - ‘tumhari badnami ho rahi hai’. In fact, I

had sent a letter to Baba on the day of this accident itself through my friend

(incidentally called Shama and a true Sai Baba devotee) who was going to Shirdi

with a request to call my husband, our two sons and me to Shirdi. But my son

passed over even before the letter reached Shirdi. My friend got my SMS when she

reached Shirdi. She informed that this was the first time she forgot to take

sweets for Baba with her from Delhi as was her normal practice. So she went to

Samadhi mandir without sweets and she said Baba was looking sad that day. I knew

I was crying and so was Baba.

 

Later on, when I was little more composed and I reflected on the events that had

happened a few months before my son’s physical departure on 14th Feb, 07, I

could sense all the things Baba had been doing for me. In my grief I was just

not able to understand. I was wailing all the time as to why Baba did not save

him. My son could have been hurt badly but he need not have left us forever like

this. How will I worship Baba after this? But something in me was telling me

that even Baba was shedding tears with me. But still my faith was shaking.

Shradha and Saburi were just looking meaningless to me and I did not want to

believe in any God for it seemed useless to me now.

 

When I joined my duties in office, I took out my diary where I write down some

important events of my life. The last note I had written was on 18th Aug, 06

which caught my eye instantly. As per my note, on the previous day i.e, 17th

Aug, 06, a fibre murti of sitting posture of Saibaba (one of the two murtis I

have) which I had been worshipping for a long time was accidentally hit by a

ball by my younger son and it fell. Even though it was made of an unbreakable

material, it broke. Baba's head was severed from rest of the body and I was

shocked. I had recorded this in my diary note and written ‘what problem of

mine have you taken on yourself Baba’. Incidentally, my elder son (who is no

more now) went with us to the bank of the Yamuna to drown the murti properly,

while all the time I was feeling so sorry at what had happened and kept asking

for forgiveness. As time passed, the memory of this mishap faded.

 

I was reminded of this mishap only after my son departed from this earth in Feb,

07. It struck me that Baba had perhaps given extension of life to my son by

giving his head but still I was not so sure about it. But it did make sense

somehow because my son had also succumbed to his head injuries. For the six

months after breaking of ‘murti’ both my husband and I were spending a lot

of time with our elder son without realizing that he was to pass over soon while

Baba knew this all and the following records how he did this:

 

• My husband holds a senior post in a central PSU. During Aug, 06 end, he had

some altercation with the top most level following which he was suddenly

transferred, posted and relieved immediately to join at a remote area in central

India which was not even a family station. He left and joined there but after

few days he fell sick suddenly. He said he never ever felt sick like this

before.

 

• My elder son went all alone (on his first trip) by a late night train to

give support to his sick father. One week later, both of them returned to Delhi

and my son told me not to send his papa back to that remote station as there was

no work at all for him there and also that if he goes there he will fall sick.

So in 25 years of his service, my husband was on leave for four months and

stayed at home with his late son day and night. To give moral support to my

husband I also took leave in between and stayed at home. All along my late son

gave us moral support. He would encourage his father to quit his government job

and join some MNC instead. Do not be scared of anyone Papa, he said.

 

• All efforts to reverse these transfer orders, either politically or even

administratively, were failing and we were wondering why this simple problem was

not getting resolved. I used to pray to Baba to do whatever was good for us and

also to make us strong enough to withstand this professional crisis. Those days

my prayers to Baba had increased manifold. All the time I was doing ‘naam

jaap’. I could not sleep properly, so at night also, I would keep looking at

Baba’s picture in my bedroom and ask him why this was happening. My intensity

had increased so much that I could now compose and even sing Baba’s bhajans

with zeal all the time, sure that something would work out and my husband would

ultimately join his duties. All we needed was to have Shraddha and Saburi. Baba

knows what is good for us and why He is doing this, for He only knows the whole

plan of our life while we only see our life in bits and pieces. Our life had

come to a

standstill.

 

• Both my husband and I were on leave, so we would go to various malls etc and

every time we would end up purchasing things for my elder son only. His clothes,

his shoes, his belt, his gloves etc. At home I would end up cooking his

favourite food etc. Obviously, Baba had given us time to spend with our son. My

son who did not believe in God earlier began going to Gurudwaras with full

devotion on every Sunday. He even changed password of his computer to

‘saibaba’. He visited Saibaba temple also with us on the New Year. He said,

he did that to make me happy. He became so attached to me in last few months

that he began discussing everything under the sun with me, his smoking, his

girlfriend and his after college activities. I was so happy at this special bond

that we established with each other during his last few months. And to think

today that Baba was behind all this.

 

My son became so religious, calm, mature, helpful, compassionate and

understanding in his last months. Baba was doing all this and internally

changing all of us. He was keeping us together during the extension of life that

he gave to our son. With Baba’s blessings, my son had developed so much of

wisdom that he knew how, when and where he would pass over. Of course, we came

to know these details only after he crossed over to the spiritual world leaving

us in tears. His favorite rock band is named ‘Nirvana’. I have placed his

small picture in the lap of Baba’s ‘murti’ in my home because I know he is

in Baba’s light now. And how do I know this. Three things happened in the

space of one month each.

 

1. During the mourning period of 12 days, I was so upset that I would tell

everyone that my praying to God did not help in saving my son’s life so I have

stopped believing in God. One unknown lady came to meet me especially in those

days and told me that though she did not know me she wanted to meet me and tell

my that my son was in a very happy and blissful state and that I should not

mourn his passing over as he had been called to God’s home for his further

higher spiritual education. She referred to Yogananada’s Geeta and some of its

extracts that she had brought with her. I felt a bit comfortable and when she

left I saw a SaiBaba sticker on the rear glass of her car and I thought how kind

of Baba to have sent her to comfort me.

 

2. One month after this, when I was alone, I wept bitterly in front of Baba’s

murti and prayed from the depth of my heart. I asked Baba, ‘why did you not

save my son Baba? He could have been hurt but need not have gone. Where were

you? Unless you give me a reply to this question yourself I will not believe

anyone. I compared myself to His devotee ‘ the doubting Hari Kanoba’

mentioned in Satcharita. Half an hour later, my husband came and suggested that

we see the SaiBaba serial on Star plus. I said that the serial must be over and

I don’t want to see it anyway. But he insisted that we see the last scene at

least. So the TV was switched on. The scene was where Bhagat Mahalsapati is

forced by Baba to go home and when he reaches there reluctantly, his sons dies

in his arms singing Baba’s aarti. Everybody around is surprised as to why Baba

could not save his favourite devotee's son’s life. SaiBaba tells Mahalasapati

that even Krishna, God

himself, could not save Pandavas sons. Your son was meant to be with you for

this much time only. This all ‘lena dena’ is due to our ‘rinanubandh’.

Therefore, one should not grieve. If Baba had not sent him home he would not

have been able to meet his son at the end. Similarly, Baba had arranged

circumstances in such a way that my husband spent his leave with his son during

his last six months. Not to mention that my husband was lucky he kept away from

that controversial posting because later on various enquiries were ordered and

my husband was saved as he was on leave. Thanks to Baba.

 

I had a dream around one week before my dear son passed away. In my dream, I saw

pictures of mostly all the Gods – Shiva, Krishna, Rama, Bhagawati etc – but

SaiBaba’s sitting posture statute was lying on the floor with a white cloth

all over it. Only the forehead was partially visible so that I could recognize

it was SaiBaba. I could not understand this dream and I asked my dear friend

Shama why I could see faces of other Gods while Baba’s face was covered with

white cloth. What did this mean? Even she could not figure out but felt that it

meant that I had blessings of Baba and that Baba is with me. However, one week

later when we went to the mortuary to identify my son’s body, I saw a similar

white cloth on his body. Only his forehead was partially visible and as he had

long gold tinted hair, I could identify my son immediately. It looked similar to

the way I saw Baba's statute covered with white cloth in my dream. Was Baba

trying to tell me

that there was no difference between Him and my son. In fact, I started looking

up to Baba as my loving son there after. I feel that dream was Baba’s message

to me about my destiny.

 

3. One month after this, while meditating in the garden, I had a beautiful

vision. I was meditating in my living room at home. Suddenly, my late son walked

in wearing a red Nike T-shirt and asked me ‘why are you sleeping Maa’. I

replied that if I opened my eyes, he would go away. He said that he will not go

away and that I should get up. As I opened my eyes I saw him standing there and

he pointed towards, Sai Baba who was standing next to him. I was totally choked

and cried, ‘you have brought SaiBaba for me’. Then I fell down at Baba’s

feet and thanked him so much. I could distinctly feel Baba’s off-white thick

clothes. Baba said ‘Now you can see that your son is with me. You were

unnecessarily crying’. I thanked Baba and requested him to give my son what he

wanted. Baba asked ‘What’. I said ‘Give him Nirvana’. Suddenly Baba

produced a flame shaped bright light. My son walked into it and spread his arms

in happiness once he was

inside it and said ‘Thankyou Maa’. The vision was over. I realized I was in

garden still meditating.

 

Today, my husband also believes that SaiBaba had actually given my son an

extension of life for a few months. What was predestined had to happen and it

happened ultimately. But by this vision, Baba showed me that my son was with

Him. Of course, being a mother, I feel the pain of losing my teenage son but I

am thankful to SaiBaba for taking him in his light. I am sure that my son has

ultimately got his Sadgati, thanks to Baba. I feel blessed.

 

My son, you are indeed very very lucky. Maa loves you forever.

 

Vandana Ritik, New Delhi