How Swami U-Turned My Life - By Mr. Robert A. Bozzani

December 1, 2008

How Swami U-Turned My Life

By Mr. Robert A. Bozzani

One

among the few devotees from the western hemisphere who came to

recognise Baba’s divinity way back in the early seventies, Mr. Bozzani

was a forty-five year old flourishing businessman from the USA when he

came to Baba for the first time. For more than thirty five years since

then, he has visited Puttaparthi at least once every year and has been

a hand-picked instrument of Bhagavan in His Divine Mission. Currently,

he is a Trustee of the Sathya Sai Book Center of America, California,

USA.

God draws people to Himself in myriad ways. And every traveller bound

for the Divine Pilgrimage has a different and interesting tale of how

he was first drawn to the Lord. So too is my story.

My tryst with divinity began when I was a 12 year old boy, studying in

a public school in Pasadina, California. My mother, giving in to the

counsel and pressure from her friends, decided to switch me over to a

Church school. Three weeks into this school, and I encountered

something which sowed the seeds for a transformation that was to last a

lifetime. For, at the Church School, our teachers told us – “You know,

there is one thing we must tell you. That is, God would not like it if

you went to another Church. If you do so, you will be doomed to

perdition.”

Three Unanswered Questions

Mr. Robert A. Bozzani

I did not feel too comfortable with that. Instead, three questions raised themselves to my mind.

If there is a God, shouldn’t He be there for everybody? If He has manifested as Jesus Christ, does that mean that He has not manifested earlier, or will not manifest hereafter? Shouldn’t

there be more to this universe than what I can think of? This thought

stirred the depths of my consciousness every time I looked up at the

night sky even as a young boy and saw all the beautiful stars twinkling

and shimmering in the empyrean.

stopped going to the Church school. But then, unknown to myself, the Journey had begun.

It was essential that I first lose my way in the labyrinths of worldly

happiness, for only then it would strengthen the urge for spiritual

bliss and peace. Thus, I took the path of the temporal and the mundane,

because my path, being born in America, was to seek happiness in a

materialistic way. So I went, full barge as one would say, and finished

school, and later went on to become a flourishing business man. Then I

got married and even had wonderful children.

It

was essential that I first lose my way in the labyrinths of worldly

happiness, for only then it would strengthen the urge for spiritual

bliss and peace. Thus, I took the path of the temporal and the mundane,

because my path, being born in America, was to seek happiness in a

materialistic way.

I

had everything that was supposed to make one happy; I could not ask for

more. But, at the age 45, I was so unhappy that I didn’t want to be

around any more. The feeling was, in fact, deeper than that. I just

thought life was useless, but nobody could feel or know how I felt

inside; absolutely nobody, not even my wife, family, or my mother. I

was trying to find happiness in the pursuit of the great American

dream. But I could feel that in spite of having everything, I had

nothing.

‘Sai Yoga’ – Union with Sai, Through Hatha Yoga

It

was around this time that Bhagavan decided to draw me to Himself. And

this happened in early seventies through my wife who had developed an

interest in Hatha Yoga. Keen in her intent of pursuing this ancient

form of Yoga, she got in touch with Indra Devi, the leading Yoga

practitioner in the West, who was also an ardent follower of Sathya Sai

Baba. My wife went twice to Tecate, to supposedly learn Hatha Yoga but

when she was there with Indra Devi, they spent so much time talking

about Baba.

When

my wife returned to California, she told me that she had learned about

Sathya Sai Baba and would like to go India sometime. Reluctant and

unconvinced, I dropped it at that. But my wife wanted to go the

following year, and she did.

Then, towards the end of the year 1973, about December, my wife made a

statement which was so unlike her. She said, “I am going to go to

India, whether you come or not.” I did not say no to Satya Sai Baba,

because, fortunately, we had an open upbringing. We were brought up

that way. So, I said, “Well, I guess I am going.”

He Appeared, Not in Dream, But in Person

Here, I should mention something very significant which happened in

this month of December. Actually, during this period I was deeply

depressed and one night Sathya Sai Baba appeared to me not in a dream,

but in person. I woke up in the middle of the night on December 9, and

there was Baba standing at the end of our bed! He was clothed in a

white robe and with a raised hand as if blessing and comforting me, He

said, “Don’t worry, everything will be alright.”

And

the unique thing about this experience is that Swami spoke to me in the

voice of my physical father who had actually passed away the year

before! In fact, I remember, saying to Him, “How are you, father?” And

Swami again answered in my father’s voice. He sweetly said, “I am fine, but working very hard.” It

wasn’t until several years later that I found out that Shirdi Baba

often talked to newcomers in a voice they are familiar with so that

they feel comfortable.

It did not stop at that on that momentous night. Baba, next, took me

out of my body and I remember looking down on the bed where my wife and

I were actually sleeping. It was such a unique experience. He then put

me back into my body and told again, “Don’t worry, every thing will be alright.” After

this, Swami left. But again, it wasn’t until a year later that I

completely understood the message that Swami wanted to give me that

night. It was very clearly this: “I wasn’t the body”.

So, filled with such experiences, we came in February 1974 to

Bangalore, India. And as per our plan, I was to escort my wife to

Puttaparthi, ensure that she was safe, and then I was to go back to

Bangalore, and from there, start touring. I was still, not so convinced

about His divinity.

But way back in 1974, having come to Puttaparthi, it wasn’t easy to

turn around. We reached Puttaparthi into the evening and it was

impossible to go back. So I decided to stay on for the night and return

the next morning to Bangalore. In fact, I hadn’t checked out of the

hotel even, since I knew I was going back.

Answering the Three Divine Puzzles

The next morning, Swami was very kind to call our group in the Mandir.

It was not an official interview, but a sort of a small discourse.

Professor Kasturi was there who translated His words for us. And then,

something very beautiful transpired. It was actually quite

extraordinary for me then. For, as I was to learn later on, Bhagavan

talks to each one of us - heart to heart. And one is sure of a message

from Him, whether it is in a discourse, or whether one is in darshan.

Directly or otherwise, Swami has a message for each of us, if we are

alert to it. Sometimes we get it, sometimes we don’t. But in my case,

it was direct.

For,

here was Swami giving us a sweet talk. But suddenly I could feel Swami

answering the three questions that I had asked of an unseen Creator

when I was a twelve-year old. I could hear His message distinctly,

addressed straight to my heart, though not verbally, and felt their

import and impact.

Yes, there is a God and He is here for everyone.

He has come before Jesus, and He is here now and He will come even after.

No doubt, there is much more to this universe than what man thinks there is.

After the discourse and that wonderful get-together, I walked out of

the Mandir, found my wife and said to her, “He is God. We are staying.”

And I sent somebody, who was going to Bangalore, to check out of my

hotel and send my luggage to Puttaparthi.

Instantaneous Realisation

Then came the dramatic twist to my tale. My wife, who was very

enchanted by Sathya Sai Baba, and wanted to come and see Him in the

first place, was dumbfounded. For I, the non-seeker, had realized

Baba’s divinity instantly. Whereas, it took her three years to accept

the fact that Sathya Sai Baba was God Incarnate and the Avatar of the

Avatars. That’s interesting. I got it like that! She took a little bit

longer.

But

acceptance or not, Bhagavan ensured that He made us feel comfortable

all the time when we were with Him. Let me share one instance. We were

fortunate to have a private interview with Swami. On that occasion, He

told us things that we didn’t know. He revealed us about our past and

present; it was surprising He knew events about our lives that nobody

would know. But what struck me the most, more than His overwhelming

omniscience, was this: He had such a beautiful way of personalizing any

moment that you were/are with Him, by making you think – ‘Here is God

of the Universe, and I am the only thing existing at this moment’. That

is the divine love that He is able to pour out. You cannot explain it.

But it’s there.

I

still remember that, sometime later, we were standing up with Baba, and

so was He. But we did not have to look down at Him. For, He had raised

Himself up to our height! And Swami and we were looking at each other

eye to eye, and were just in a natural flow, back and forth, at that

particular time. It was an unforgettable experience of how He made us

so comfortable. And He did so not just for ‘that’ moment, but during

all the moments that we’ve been with Him, in all these 34 years.

That first time, we stayed at Puttaparthi for about two weeks. We were

even fortunate to follow Bhagavan to Anantapur, where He stayed for a

couple of days. And from there, we left for America.

Baba came to be a major turning point in my life. For, when I returned

to the USA, I was absolutely sure that my life was to take a total

U-turn from thenceforth. During that one interview which we had with

Baba, Swami had said to me, “You are very unhappy.”

I must say that I added to myself, “Even though He is God, He doesn’t

know how unhappy I am right now, which I know now He did.”

Then Bhagavan in His infinite mercy reassured me, saying, “Do not worry. Things will change… You are unhappy with your work. Don’t worry. That will change.”

So I came back, invigorated by hope and suffused with optimism,

thinking, “Oh, wow, work is going to change. A new job on my way! How

exciting!” Soon I was to discover that it is not my work which was

going to change; it was I who was about to change. And that was the

beginning of my transformation.

Swami Sows the Seeds of Change

The seeds of change had already been sown by a discourse that Bhagavan

Baba gave in 1968. That particular message to me is still one of those

which is most important; I replay it even today. In that discourse,

Bhagavan clearly stated the reason behind His Divine Descent. He said

that this time He had come to protect the righteous.

However,

since everybody was tainted with sin at this particular time, He had

come to ‘Transform’. To me, that really hit home. I tried to dive deep

into that, and listen intently to the Voice of Bhagavan to put into

practice any particular idea that He might point at me in my path of

transformation.

Guiding

me also on my individual path of transformation was Swami’s message to

me, which He pointed out in that interview. Swami told us – “Duty without love is deplorable. Duty with love is desirable. Love without duty is divine.” And

that is where I started my journey from. For, though I always did my

duty with a sense of moral righteousness, I could not say that it

stemmed so much from Love. Thus, Swami decided to set to me on to this

path of ‘Love without Duty’.

It has been 34 years now, since I first met Swami. And I am now

beginning to get His message. I would not say that I practice ‘Love

without duty’ in the truest spirit, but I’ve been fortunate enough to

get parts of that, and it is really beautiful.

Swami’s message is Love. “Love is God. Live in Love. And do everything with Love”.

That is where Swami has been dragging me along - to really dive in and

get that message. More importantly, practising this Love was very

important to my personal and spiritual growth, because at that time, my

heart was very dry and I didn’t know it. I thought I was being nice but

the fact was that I felt completely devoid of Love from within.

Sai Can Spot You, Wherever You May Be

The next time we arrived at Puttaparthi was in 1975 for the World

Conference of Sri Sathya Sai Seva Organisation. That was the time when

the American chapter of the Sri Organization was first put together.

Dr. John Hislop was appointed as the first chairman of the American

Council. And it so happened that I was appointed as one of the Council

Members. It was again a very interesting experience. I was seated half

way back in the Poornachandra Auditorium during the function. Bhagavan

Baba was present even as Dr. Hislop announced the names. And when my

name was called out, Swami acknowledged me in that crowd, even though I

was seated right in the midst of a jam-packed hall. It is amazing how

Swami can directly see you even in the midst of a multitude of people.

I was touched, truly overwhelmed!

Swami has this inimitable way of uplifting one’s spirits. With His

soothing words, He would make you feel that when you are returning to

your world, you are going to be happy immediately and everything is

going to be perfect. And I learnt that it was not quite so, because

things begin to happen slowly. They neither change overnight, nor by

themselves. I encountered this fact of life, even in my work, where I

found it difficult sometimes to handle people; there were a few with

whom I had to necessarily interact. But I realized that Swami sent such

people to me so that I could learn to open my heart.

Thus

it was that, when I began getting His message of Love and doing

everything in Love, I could feel the change, both in my workplace and

in the Sai work. This has been my wonderful and

fortunate path all the way. Because, when you begin to get this subtext

of Love, you become a happier person. Thus, I went back to the

same society and environment, and yet I was able to fit in an entirely

different way. It was a slow yet steady process of metamorphosis. For,

on the one hand was the wonderful feeling that God is here and now.

Yet, on the other hand, my desires took awhile to loosen their hold on

me. Although I wasn’t too happy with the endless merry-go-rounds of

pleasures and pain, I was still getting entrapped in their vicious

cycle in my quest for happiness.