Re-Sanctifying Rudraksha mala....???

December 20, 2008

I am astounded not only by the verbiage....the almost wondrous-prose if your last message/respone, it was so well crafted, I know it must be the Divine Voice speaking.

The basic wisdom and advice is the same that many sources (other people) have told me for over a year now as concerns this other person; and lately I have recognized ( tho most sadly) the sense of it. I can 'see'the core of pure essence/spark of Divinity within this person, same as in everyone; but I also now realize that not everyone recognizes or lives from this most sacred place of their 'Self' ( choosing the lesser egoic self instead).

Ah........I, too, do tangle with this dilemma, as do all humans, LOL.

But now I wonder.....is it even a good idea for me to keep this mala ( a Siddha Bracelet), or should I return it back again? I know that Rudraksha, so Holy and Sacred, cannot be permanently defiled or tainted........yet I do not wish for there to be any lingering enerigies attached to this awesome mala/bracelet. I say this because I doubt the sincerity with which it was given back to me....I wish I had obtained another item for this person to begin with. I did have some reservations and my intentions were to purchase a new one for this person, but they continued to ask for it and I felt compassion and sympathy and generosity, and caved into the pressure.....so when I presented it as a gift and felt some 'pinging on my own radar screen within', I presumed it was just my ego not wishing to relinquish an 'object; if another was in desperate need of the blessings rudraksha bestows. Perhaps it was not my ego after all, eh? This unconditonal love and generous spirit is a facet that I need to work in, insofar as I've a history of certain types of persons taking advanatge...because I allow it!

There is in the next town an Indian Cultural Centre, so I will seek additional assistance there. The nearest location for me to travel in order to connect with a Swami, etc or Temple is approx 4 hours from my house, and that is just not feasible at this time.

Yes, this is the same self-purported friend who was with me when I gave her another item of value and then received the blessings galore from Shiva in the puja-items that mysteriously appeared on the shore of the lake, and the few small pieces of cloth I kept in the trunk of my car permeated ( and still do) with dleightful scent, while she kept the majority of cloth peices, etc...and hers stink...and I do mean reek.

Don't want to belabor this subject, but am in a quandry here.

It is not just the theft of my sacred, precious ( and many expensive items of antiquity), or all the time,effort and energy I have invested ( as well as monetary help) in this friendship, it is also the plethora of lies, which still continue...and at every turn, I have offered unconditional love, acceptance and the opportunity to gracefully return sentimental items and all that. When I have attempted to pull away and put distance in a kind way, attributing it to my personal cirmumstance so her feelings are not hurt, she retaliates with even worse behavior...spiteful, vindictive behavior to deliver punitive measures (not to me alone but my family members, just to hurt me). Of course common sense dictates to me that I desist with trying to keep boundaris and limitations in place, and simply do not permit this person access to my personal life. I hurt deeply , as it did not have to be this way, and she seems to have missed the whole point of my willigness at every turn to 'forgive and still love'.

There is a lesson here for me as well, and I can see now what I need to focus and work on within myself.

But I do not know the best thing to do with this rusraksha issue. I feel like I ought to keep it, but if this would entail me being 'selfish' and trying to take back an item or have negative karma on me, I desire no part of that!

This issue profoundly has disturbed the peace of my mind; if I return it, I do not think it will be honored, nor my action entail the end of the subject ---plus, part of me ( Divine Mother and Shiva forgive me if I am erroneous) thinks that keeping it might serve as recompense for those things she's taken from me; on the other hand, if it is not honorable to keep the bracelet which was mine to begin with, and she only wanted in order to obtain posession of my sacred item ( knowing I could not afford to replace it soon), am I better to give it back ot her once again and tell her in no uncertain terms to keep it...and not trouble me with this again? She will not admit nor return the other items, reagrdless of how many times I have told her I would accept them with no recriminations and extended many opportunities to 'return them' indirectly without even admitting she took them.

I do not wish to dishonor the Divine, most of all.

Thanks for any insight....

Bom! Bom! Om Namah Shivaya...

Gina