The Change, Part - 2 - By Shri.B.N.Narasimha Murthy

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In October 1965 I went to Puttaparthi and was conferred the Divine blessing of Darshan, and Sambhashan by Swami. I had found my Divine Master in Swami. It did not take much time for me to realize that HE had prepared me, before leading me to HIMSELF. It was baptism by fire. My heart started clamouring for HIS Sannidhi more and more. HE occupied my mind more and more. It did not mean that all doubts and questions inside me had vanished. The monkey mind, propelled by the sharp brain, continued to play its tricks now and then. Prayer and Namasmarna helped me a lot and there was Anna, always ready to guide. But I was separated by a distance of about hundred miles from Swami and two hundred and fifty miles from Anna. In October 1965, I was still left with one and half years of Engineering Course at Bangalore. I made it a point to go to Puttaparthi, at least once in a month and never miss any festivals there. During festivals like Swami's

Birthday, Shankranthi, Shivrathri, Guru Poornima and Navarathri, I could meet Anna there and also listen to the nectarine Discourses of Swami. When Swami was in HIS Ashram in Brindavan, near Bangalore; I went there, mostly with Anna, who came down from his village, Alike, near Mangalore. Whenever I went to Puttaparthi, on days other than festivals, Swami was very kind to call me and talk to me, lovingly and intimately. The topics were always spiritual, and related to the deepest aspirations of my heart. HE never asked me about my studies at College or happenings in our family, even once. In one of the early interviews, HE resolved a deep dilemma, arising out of my strong affinity for Sri Ramakrishna Paramahamsa, by speaking in the terminology of the Great Master. HE said, "It is extremely difficult to conquer Kamini and Kanchana, my son. But, do not worry. You enjoy Divine Grace in abundance. Swami will grant you peace of mind." Kamini

Kanchana was a phrase very often used by Sri Ramakrishna, to indicate the two major obstacles in the path of a seeker; craving for sensual pleasures and wealth. Thus my heart knew that Swami had in HIM, Sri Ramakrishna also. On another occasion, Swami granted me HIS Divine assurance saying, "You have a strong aspiration to lead a sacred life and attain fulfilment. But your parents have other ideas. You need not worry over it. I shall change their mind." My parents, especially my mother, were afraid, that I might run away from the world, and become a Sanyasi or monk. As days passed, a very strong desire to be with Swami all my life, without getting entangled in family life, developed in my heart. I kept on praying to Swami, for this boon, day after day. It was an inner prayer, which was never expressed in words, even to Swami. Nevertheless, HE responded to my prayer, in one of those early interviews. HE told me, "Swami will

take you nearer and nearer. HE shall grant you the good fortune of serving HIM." Now, when I look back, I find that, HE has kept all the promises HE had made. But, I have certainly failed to keep up many of the promises, I had made to HIM. I can only say that, this is the difference between God and man! Apart from my spiritual needs, Swami looked after my worldly needs, too. Even during my college life, HE solved miraculously one of the problems related to my studies, and strengthened my faith in HIS Omnipotence. I had to write my pre-final Engineering Examination in March/ April, 1966 and that was six months after my first Darshan of Swami. During my sojourn in Engineering College, I was not very regular in my studies, for two reasons. The first was my obsession with the study of books and magazines, not related to the Engineering Course. The books of my interest at that time were those on literature, political ideologies, and political

thinkers. The second reason for my neglecting my course was my over-confidence in my intelligence and memory power. I would study my course subjects for only a month before the annual examination and still manage to secure a first class. After I met Swami in October 1965, I neglected my studies completely. Most of the time was spent in reading books on and by Swami. Also I missed many classes during my trips to Puttaparthi. Even in the classes that I attended, I could not concentrate properly. When the annual examination approached in March /April 1966, I tried my best to concentrate on studies. Three days before the examination started, I was shocked by the disappearance of Madhav from his hostel room. He had left a note on his table which read, "I am going in search of Truth. None should worry about me and search for me." I roamed around all the places which he would normally visit, in Bangalore, but could not find him. I learnt from one

of the monks at Ramakrishna Ashram, Bangalore, that Madhav might have gone to Belur Mutt, Calcutta, to join the order of monks as a Brahmachari. Next day, I went to Madhav's native town, which was fifty miles from Bangalore, to meet his parents. It was heart rending to see their grief. Madhav was the eldest son of the family and he had four brothers and sisters. This was a lower-middle class family. I shared their grief and felt that none should desert ones parents, brothers and sisters in such a condition, for any cause, however noble it could be. I prayed to Swami for Madhav's return to his house. I returned to Bangalore, a day before the examinations. My concentration was totally disturbed. I did my best to study and write the examinations. That was my worst performance ever in any examination. Till then, I had never secured anything less than the first class. When I returned home after the examinations, I felt very sad for my parents,

imagining their disappointment over my poor performance in the examinations. Meanwhile, Madhav returned home, after fifteen days. The authorities at the Belur Mutt had advised him to complete his course of studies first, and then go there. His return brought great joy to his parents. I was there in his house to share their joy. As expected, I secured only a second class in the pre-final examination, to the utter disappointment of my parents, especially my father. He was worried about my future. I could not bear to see his worried face and promised him that I would secure a high rank in the final examinations, next year. My promise brought some cheer to my parents. Finally my course started in June 1966. However much I tried to concentrate on my studies, I was not successful. I had not achieved the balance between work and worship. It was like a new priest, trying to wave the Aarthi with right hand, ringing the bell

simultaneously with the left; and could do neither successfully. I had to choose either studies or Swami. I forgot my promise to my father and chose the latter. Still, I hoped that I would study well for a month or two before the annual examinations in March/April 1967, and do well. But it was not to be. A month before the examination, I prayed to Swami, "Lord! YOU have assured me that my future is safe in YOUR hands. The forthcoming examination is YOURS and not mine! Help me to keep my promise to my father!" I tried my best to study and write the examinations. But the performance was much below par, definitely not better than the previous years. In one subject related to drawing, I could attempt answering only 34 marks out of 100. The minimum for a pass was 35. I returned home after the examinations. My anxious father asked me, how I had fared in the final examination. I said that I had done well, for fear of

disappointing him and making him unhappy with the actual facts. I was sure that I would fail in one paper. I had not done well in other subjects also. I started feeling miserable as the day of results approached, but my diffidence, arising out of bad performance in the examinations, became an obstacle in the path of my prayers. Surely, it was lack of firm faith in the words of Swami. A week before the announcement of results I confided to my father, that I had not done that well. But, I was not bold enough to tell him that I might fail in the examinations. He asked me, if I would get at least first class. I answered in the affirmative. But I prayed to Swami for HIS forgiveness, for having told a lie to my father. Panic and confusion gripped me on the day prior to the announcement of the results. I had no courage to show my face to my parents, after failing in the final year Engineering examination. I was totally distraught at the prospect of

failing in the examinations, for the first time in my life. I quietly left my home and went away to a neighbouring town, where Madhav lived. I stayed in his house that night and confided to him my fears. That night became a most forgettable one for my parents and others at my home. In panic, they looked for me every where in the town. They spent a sleepless night. On the other side, Madhav tried to give me solace and courage. He talked, through almost the entire night. At the end of it, I told him that the only hope for me was the Divine Grace of Swami. I hoped for a miracle by Swami, to salvage me .But that faith was not complete, so the fear continued to haunt me. Madhav convinced me that I should go back to my home next morning. In fact, he accompanied me back to my town, which was twenty two miles from his. As we got down in the bus stand, news papers greeted us in the stands. But I was not

eager to look for my result in the examinations, because of my pessimism. I instinctively wanted to postpone the time of learning the unpleasant news. I told Madhav that the newspaper would be available at home. As we were walking down towards my home, one of my younger brothers came running, with a news paper in his hand. His face was brimming with joy. He shouted with uncontrollable glee, "Brother, you have secured a rank, Congratulations!" Neither Madhav nor I could believe it. I could hear my heart beat. Madhav grabbed the news paper from my brother's hand and looked into it. My name was in the rank list. He congratulated me. My eyes were filled with tears of gratitude to Swami. I whispered to Madhav, "It is surely a miracle of Swami!" When we entered my home, the celebration had already started. Everyone congratulated me on my distinction. All the time I was telling Swami in my heart, "Swami, thank YOU very much. Forgive my lack of

faith in YOUR words." Next morning I went to my college office in Bangalore and received my provisional marks card. Almost in every paper, I had secured at least five marks more than what I had attempted for; and in Engineering Drawing, I had got 37 marks! While I was returning home, I pondered over how Swami had influenced the minds of at least ten examiners, and lost myself, in the Bliss of complete gratitude, to the Divine Master. I returned home and showed the marks card to my father, who was agog with joy, at his son's achievement. I did not tell him about the Divine Miracle, which had helped me in my achievement, since my father had his reservations about Swami, at that time. That night, I confided to my mother, in detail, the handy work of Swami in helping me pass the Engineering degree examinations, with distinction. My tender hearted mother was quickly touched by the kindness of Swami and expressed her desire to go with me to

Puttaparthi, to offer our gratitude to HIM. Probably, she also wanted to pray to Swami to remove her fears, of her dear son becoming a Sanyasi. She would have thought that, only a miracle of Swami could restore her child to herself. Within three days, my mother and I left for Puttaparthi. We were accompanied by one of my sisters, younger to me by three years. She had developed great faith in Swami, by that time. As soon as Swami saw us, HE called us for an interview. HE accosted me with a question, waving HIS forefinger at me, a mischievous smile adorning HIS beautiful face. "Hey! How did you pass the examination?" Words failed me. I fell at HIS feet, tears drenching HIS robe. I could barely blurt out, "Swami I passed only because of YOUR Divine Grace." Swami then chided me for what I had done, on the day prior to the announcement of results, and added with HIS right hand on HIS chest, "At least now onwards, develop steady faith. Swami will

never desert any one who trusts HIM." All the while, my mother was nodding her head with tears of joy in silent approval. The Master had already divined her feelings. HE told her, looking at me mischievously, "Now that he has finished his education, your burden will be reduced by getting him married, is it not?" My mother's face lit up with intense joy and deep sense of gratitude to Swami. She exclaimed, "Yes Swami!" Swami then looked at me and asked, "Hey! Is it not true?" I blurted out, "No Swami". Swami said seriously, "What do you mean by that? Do you have a steady mind even for five minutes?" With a feeble and unsteady voice I answered, "No Swami". "Do as Swami tells you", HE commanded and continued, "Help and serve your parents". My mother's cup of joy was full. Her faith in Swami's Omniscience was complete. Swami led us out of the interview room, after materializing vibhuthi for us and granting Pada Namaskar. My mother and sister left Puttaparthi

for home, the same day, while I continued to stay at Puttaparthi. The next day, Swami told me, "Develop will power to control your mind. You have Swami's Grace." My faith in His Grace was firm. I knew for sure, that the Lord, who had changed me, would surely change my mother's mind. I had the faith that I would be blessed to offer my life in service to Him. Today as I look back, I know that my faith, did work miracles! concluded… Source : http://media.radiosai.org/Journals/Vol_01/04OCT15/Memories/The-change.htm

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