THE NEUROSCIENTIST DISCOVERS NEW LIFE AT HIS FEET

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THE NEUROSCIENTIST DISCOVERS NEW LIFE AT HIS FEET

 

By

Dr. P. Shashidharan

 

 

 

 

Dr. Shashidharan is a Neuroscientist and Associate Professor of

Neurology at Mount Sinai School of Medicine, New York. He first came to

Swami's fold in 1987 and since then has visited Prasanthi Nilayam

several times. He has also participated and chaired scientific

conferences at the Sri Sathya Sai University. An active Sai worker, he

has served as President of Sai Center of Flushing in New York, and also

as Regional Devotional Coordinator of the Sri Sathya Sai Organisation

of the Mid-Atlantic Region.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Reflecting

on the bygone days of childhood and youth, religion to me was nothing

more than a facade; it was an extension for socializing. Having

witnessed people claiming spiritual powers and deceiving the innocents

for monetary benefits, only confirmed my belief that religion was a

phenomenon concocted by the weak minded. Having grown up in Hyderabad

(the capital of Andhra Pradesh), I had heard about Sai Baba.

I

strongly and firmly believed if there was God, He cannot be in human

form; an idol was more acceptable and in line with what our ancestors

have embedded in our minds. I had thought there should be more mystery

surrounding such a phenomenon. Any derogatory write up of Sathya Sai

Baba satiated my unfounded dislike for this "God". However, I now

realize that it was my ignorance clouding my rational thinking that

deprived me of realizing the divinity of the Sai Avatar then.

The Skeptic's Journey to Sai Begins…

 

After completing my studies, I went to the United States and a year

later I got engaged. I was shocked to learn that my wife and her entire

family were staunch devotees of Sathya Sai Baba as revealed by my

mother-in-law, but she was magnanimous enough to tell me, "You don't

have to believe in Him, but when you have your divine experiences,

don't deny His divinity".

She

requested me to write a letter to Swami, and since I didn't want to be

disrespectful to her I wrote a single sentence, and mailed it out. The

sentence was more of a challenge that I would come and visit Him if the

content of my letter materializes. It was the commencement of the

divine intervention as things started unfolding in a matter of weeks,

but it was conveniently brushed aside by my egoistic mind as

coincidental.

 

My wife's first request immediately after marriage was to make a trip

to Prashanti Nilayam to seek the blessings of Swami. I obliged her, and

six days after marriage we flew to Puttaparthi. Upon reaching there I

was not very impressed with the ashram life, particularly in the late

80's, and it was definitely not my idea of a honeymoon. Waiting in the

long line for hours to get a good seating for darshan to see my wife's God was mind-boggling, but the resentment was contained.

 

Finally, we were ushered in and I was seated in the last row. Swami

went around and looked in my direction from a distance, and Swami's

eyes met mine. Swami continued to stare at me, and I felt very

uncomfortable, and just wanted Him to go away, but He would not. My

super ego was deflated when I offered pranams (obeisance) to Him, and finally He walked away towards the Mandir.

That was my first darshan

of Swami. However, the first meeting with the Divine did not have any

impact on me at all - at least that was my conviction at that time.

Back in USA, I requested my wife not to place Swami's picture in any

place visible in the house, but she could keep His picture in a closet

and pray to Him. Without resistance, she complied as she felt strongly

that all this would change someday.

 

 

 

 

 

 

One

day, in May of 1988, I woke up around five in the morning with a dream

of Swami. In the dream, Swami conveyed several messages. I immediately

narrated the happening to my wife, and later on to my mother-in-law who

lives in Singapore; they were extremely happy. I couldn't rejoice to a

similar degree, as for me it was just a dream. We were living in New

Jersey at that time, and as I was driving to work the same day, I

noticed a sign that Swami had shown me in the dream; the sign indicated

a highway number that was leading to New York.

The

following week, I got a call from New York, asking if I was interested

in taking up a Fellowship in the Medical Center. I discussed it with my

wife and she convinced me to accept the position. What alarmed me even

more was the fact that the salary offered was also exactly as was

indicated by Swami in the dream, and the offer was more than what was

originally advertised. Further, Swami had also indicated to me in the

dream that I will never have to look back and there won't be any

competition in my work.

A Dream Comes True!

 

True to His blessings, I rose to the level of Associate Professor of

Neurology, and never had to look back. This was a jolt and I was

beginning to see His divinity, but was not convinced enough to accept

Him as the Avatar, but this was definitely the initiation into

accepting Swami into my life. We moved to New York, and without a

second thought, to my surprise I placed Swami's picture in the altar.

On an occasion, when we visited the Hindu temple in New York, my wife

was overjoyed to learn that Sai bhajans are conducted in the premises every Sunday, and she was insistent that we go for the bhajans, and hence we started regularly attending the bhajan sessions.

Drawn by the Beauty of Bhajans

 

 

 

I voluntarily started learning Sai bhajans and there has been no giving up since then. Music to me now is only Sai bhajans. It is always ringing in my ears and humming in my throat. My quest for bhajans is an obsession that cannot be satiated.

 

 

During my wedding, my mother-in-law had indicated to me that I had a good voice and that I should consider singing bhajans. My instant reaction to that was to avoid bhajans!

But, despite all these negative notions about religious activities, I

had always enjoyed devotional music from a very young age. And now I

had this urge to sing bhajans. I voluntarily started learning Sai bhajans and there has been no giving up since then. Music to me now is only Sai bhajans. It is always ringing in my ears and humming in my throat. My quest for bhajans is an obsession that cannot be satiated. Thanks to Radio Sai, now it is round the clock listening to bhajans at home and at work.

Life was moving along and we had two children. We participated in weekly bhajans, and I started taking an active role in the activities of the Sai Group in Flushing, New York. On most days after bhajans,

we would meet up with friends to socialise. With the passing of days

and getting more and more convinced of Swami's divinity, I felt a

strong urge that we should move beyond bhajans and the small

Sai Group should become part of the Sathya Sai Organisation of USA.

This, I thought, would enable us to get involved in service activities,

Sathya Sai Education programs, and these activities can be done in a

more organized manner along the guidelines of the Organisation.

 

However, this proposition was met with strong opposition from majority

of the senior members who did not see any reason for this change. But

none of the hindrances could stop my determination to pursue the goal,

as I knew that I was just an instrument in His divine hands carrying

out His Will. However, at the same time, hurting the sentiments of

elders filled me with guilt. I started introspecting whether the course

of actions was in any way self-centered and this filled me with anguish

and frustration.

Awaiting His Green Light

I needed some sort of positive reinforcement before I could go forward, and so, on a Thursday bhajan session at home I prayed to Swami to show me a sign. The moment I had this thought, a flower from the Padhukas

(which was blessed by Swami in 1997) flew into the air and landed on

the floor. I couldn't believe my eyes; I can understand a flower

falling from pictures, and explain it is because of gravitational

force, but what I witnessed defied the law of gravitation.

 

 

Swami

had given me the green signal, and all I wanted was His blessings to

carry out this mission. With a group of devotees who believed along the

same lines, we decided to go forward with the formation of the Center.

Swami once again reassured me that I was on the right course by

showering the pictures in our altar at home with a viscous liquid

(Amrita). This phenomenon lasted for about a week.

 

 

 

The flower went up in the air and came down. My wife and sister-in-law were giving chorus to the bhajan `Sakshath Parabhrama Sai…' with their eyes closed, and when they opened their eyes they saw the flower on the floor and not on the Padhukas. They thought I dropped the flower on the floor instead of placing it on the Padhukas. When they heard what had happened, they were very happy.

 

Swami had given me the green signal, and all I wanted was His blessings

to carry out this mission. With a group of devotees who believed along

the same lines, we decided to go forward with the formation of the

Center. Swami once again reassured me that I was on the right course by

showering the pictures in our altar at home with a viscous liquid. This

phenomenon lasted for about a week. This was the first time I had

witnessed such a paranormal phenomenon. As a neuroscientist, I am

always in the pursuit of evidence and explanations, but this was

happening right before my eyes in my own home, and so, the `Doubting

Shashi' had no go but to succumb.

 

During this exact time, the original Sai Center was closing down, and

this came as a blessing in disguise and we immediately agreed to take

over this Center, and continue the activities. By Swami's grace I was

chosen as the first President of the Center. But we were still facing a

lot of obstacles; when the senior members moved out we lost instrument

players and many good lead singers. I wrote a letter on June 25, 2000

to Swami saying, "I am coming to have Your darshan and if I did everything right Swami should speak to me". I wanted this reassurance once again and this time directly from Swami.

Parthi Pilgrimage to Know His Will

 

On July 6, 2000, we arrived in Puttaparthi, and since our kids were

very small we decided to stay in a cottage outside the ashram. As we

were entering the cottage, the porter hit a bush with the suitcase and

dislodged a big beehive. Thousands of bees were set loose on us, and I

was stung in the hand and near the eyes. Since it was close to 3 pm, we

decided to go for darshan, and rushed to Sai Kulwant Hall; it was hot and I was miserable.

I

didn't have time to take medication and my eyes and hand had started

swelling. Luckily my son's plight was not that bad. Somehow I sat

through Swami's darshan. I inferred that I was being taught a

lesson for running after physical comforts, and soon realized staying

outside the ashram wasn't a good idea, and since then we always stayed

only in the ashram. When I came to terms with ashram life, I found it

more peaceful and enjoyable than anywhere else.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Awaiting Swami's call

 

 

 

Since

it was Guru Poornima time, the whole place was crowded with thousands

of devotees and Sai Kulwant hall was packed to capacity; many devotees

were actually standing outside. I had my doubts about getting an

opportunity to talk to Swami; how will He know me among the tens and

thousands of people seated there? I thought. I was fortunate enough to

get the first row for the afternoon darshan on July 7.

Swami's boundless Love and Compassion were again in evidence and in abundance. Since there was one more hour for darshan,

I decided to write a letter in detail about various matters in

particular about the Center. I reasoned that if Swami talks to me I

will not have enough time to ask all that I wanted to ask Him.

One

of the things I wanted to know was if Swami approved the way we

conducted ourselves in the formation of the Center. I needed

reassurance in this aspect and this would be ascertained if Swami

speaks to me and takes my letter – I was thinking to myself "If He did

not then I would take it as an indication that my actions were wrong".

So many conditions and demands from the Lord – liberty one can take

only with this Universal Mother!

Swami came for darshan

at 3 pm and He took letters from two ladies, and then materialized

Vibhuthi for one of them. He came to the men's side, spent a few

seconds speaking to the students, materialized Vibhuthi again, now for

an elderly gentleman, and then went to the opposite side, towards where

we were seated. After a while, Swami turned to return to the Mandir and

my heart sank. I thought Swami did not approve of the Center formation

– all the previous reassurances were just a figment of my own

imagination. As I was thinking this, Swami turned in my direction as

though He had heard my thoughts! I prayed silently in my heart "Swami,

please come to me and talk to me".

Face to Face with God

 

Then it all happened, Swami turned around and instead of going to the

Mandir, looked in my direction, walked straight to me and then smiled,

His eyes fixed on me. I gave a bundle of letters to Him wrapped in a

newsletter I was carrying with me for His blessings. Now, with a gentle

smile on His lips and in a soft voice, He said in Telugu "okka okkati vidi vidiga ivvammu"

(Give the letters, one by one, separately). I unwrapped the newsletter

and handed the letters, one at a time, and Swami patiently received

each one smiling at me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Seated for Swami's arrival

 

 

I

was directly facing Swami and looking into His eyes; I was in total

bliss, savoring every moment. It was a spectacular moment to directly

look into Swami's face, His crown of hair, and His beautiful and

compassionate eyes. He showered on me the love and compassion of a

lifetime.

I was

dumb founded and forgot myself and all that I wanted to ask Him;

thankfully I had put everything that I wanted to ask Him in writing.

But in the meanwhile, I gathered courage to ask Swami about a cancer

patient. Swami nodded His head and told me He knows all about it and He

will take care of her and showed His Abhayahastha (Hand raised in blessing).

 

Swami then looked at the Young Adults folder that we had made with a

young Swami sitting on the lotus. I noticed Swami reading what was

written on the folder, and He once again smiled at me in

acknowledgement. While this was going on, my brother-in-law (this was

his first trip to Puttaparthi) was holding onto Swami's Lotus Feet and

enjoying the Padanamaskar to his heart's content.

Before

coming to Puttaparthi, he visited Shirdi and was very upset that he

could not touch Shirdi Baba's feet, and my sister-in-law told him to

pray to Bhagavan and He will grant his wish, as both Shirdi and Sathya

Sai Baba are the same. Swami now amazingly fulfilled my

brother-in-law's wish. Finally, I was at peace and guilt-free. My

Universal Mother had shown Her approval in myriad ways, and I needed no

further assurance. I was convinced that it was His will that prevailed,

and I was merely an instrument in the entire process of formation of

the Center.

All the Center activities progressed well, and by Swami's Grace a young boy joined the Center who was an excellent tabla

(percussion) player. The membership grew and became one of the largest

Sai Centers in New York. The devotees conducted all activities such as

Devotional, SSE classes, Service projects; the Young Adult programs too

had good participation. In August 2004, I was nominated as the Regional

Devotional Coordinator for the Mid-Atlantic region, which has 34 Sai

Centers. Initially, I was reluctant to accept it as I had doubts about

my spiritual knowledge and ability to take up such a responsible

position.

 

 

 

 

 

 

But

as always, my Mother Sai never failed me. He again came to reassure

this confused, apprehensive child. In the early hours, I had a vision

of Swami, in which I heard Swami calling me. He then materialized

vibhuti for me. I put the vibhuti on my forehead and ate the rest. As I

was walking away from Swami, He called me back saying "Ekda pothunnavu? Ikkadara!" (Where are you going? Come here!). When I approached Swami, He said, "Padanamaskaram theesuko" (Take blessings by touching My feet).

I took Padanamaskar and looked at Swami, and asked if He would grace me with an interview too. Swami said, "Anni oka rojey kavaali, inka okka rojura"

(You want everything on the same day; come back another day). This

vision of Swami convinced me that I was only an instrument, He is the

doer and the position that He has bestowed upon me is His blessings.

So, I happily accepted the responsibility.

 

I have since completed two terms and am immensely grateful for being

given this opportunity to serve the Lord. This is greater than any

other accolade I will ever receive. It has been a great learning

experience and spiritual journey for me.

In 1988, I had a dream of Swami wherein He held my hand and led me to a place where many ritwiks (Vedic priests) were chanting and performing homam (a

sacrifice). There were several sacrificial fires set up; such scenes I

had seen only in some movies depicting Ramayana or Mahabharata.

 

 

 

Finally,

I was at peace and guilt-free. My Universal Mother had shown Her

approval in myriad ways, and I needed no further assurance. I was

convinced that it was His will that prevailed, and I was merely an

instrument in the entire process of formation of the Center.

 

 

I

wondered since the first dream came true whether the second dream would

also realise. I was skeptical about it since I didn't consider myself

to be that fortunate to have such close contact with Swami, and

re-enactment of scenes seen in epic Ramayana is impossible. It took 18

years for me to see the second dream realise.

A Dream Relived

 

In August 2006, I was part of an International Scientific Delegation

that went to give lectures at Sri Sathya Sai University. Fortunately,

during that time, the Athi Rudra Maha Yagna was about to commence in

Prasanthi Nilayam. All the delegates were given opportunity to sit in

the veranda; I thanked Swami for our great good fortune. On August 7,

after I was seated and looked around, I observed the homa gundams (sacrificial pits) being constructed; the whole place was being transformed into a hermitage.

I saw dozens of ritwiks. The whole milieu seemed very familiar to me; it felt as though I had witnessed a ceremony like this before – was it déjà vu?

Instantly I recalled my dream in 1988, and was surprised; the entire

arrangement around the Mandir was like a replay. However, in the dream

Swami held my hand and lead me to the Maha Yagnam (sacrifice) -

I started getting goose bumps. I started wondering if Swami would

really come near me; will His divine touch be on me for real?

 

 

 

 

 

Delegates with Shri V. Gokak, Vice Chancellor of Sri Sathya Sai University, August 8, 2006

 

 

 

Next morning (August 8, 2006) the conference was to be inaugurated, and

all the delegates were seated in the Mandir veranda waiting for Swami's

darshan. Swami got off near us and we had a wonderful darshan.

He spoke to two of the prominent organizers of the Athi Rudra Maha

Yagna. In the meanwhile, Prof. Krupanidhi, who was sitting in front of

me, turned back and told me if Swami agrees we will go up one by one

and seek His blessings before the inauguration of the conference. I

waited anxiously as Prof. Krupanidhi spoke to Swami. The Professor

looked in my direction and nodded, I immediately stood up and walked

towards Swami, but He turned His attention once again to the details of

the Yagna and I was asked go back to my place. I was surely

disappointed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I was trying to get up, Swami said "Koorcho" in the form of benediction

 

 

 

In

a few minutes, Swami stood up and looked in my direction. My hands were

folded, but in sign language I asked Swami if I could come to Him. With

His Abhayahastha Swami said, "Koorcho" (sit down) and slowly walked towards me. Prof. Krupanidhi introduced me to Swami in a formal way, Swami said, "Chala Santhosham" (very happy), I explained to Swami the research I was conducting and asked for His blessings. He said, "Manchidi, chala Santhosham" (good, very happy). I gave a letter to Swami and in the process touched His divine hands and took Padanamaskar.

 

 

 

With His Abhayahastha Swami said, "Koorcho" (sit down) and slowly walked towards me. Prof. Krupanidhi introduced me to Swami in a formal way, Swami said, "Chala Santhosham" (very happy), I explained to Swami the research I was conducting and asked for His blessings. He said, "Manchidi, chala Santhosham" (good, very happy).

 

 

Apparently

several people took many pictures at that time. However, in none of the

pictures I could be seen with Swami, except the one in which Swami was

looking at me and I was facing Him. The significance of this picture

came to me like a total surprise. Once in the past, I was looking at

pictures of devotees taken with Swami. A thought had come to me at that

time: that if at all I have an opportunity in this life time

to have a picture with Swami, I don't want to pose with Him but face

him.

This

subtle thought that came to me was all forgotten and was never

mentioned to anyone. When I saw the picture in which I was facing

Swami, and not posing with Him, it brought home the message that even

the subtlest thoughts are heard by Swami, who resides in our hearts. It

was indeed a great blessing to be part of the Athi Rudra Maha Yagnam,

which was an opportunity of a lifetime although we went in the guise of

attending the scientific conference.

 

After lighting the lamp for the commencement of the Athi Rudra Maha

Yagnam, Swami returned to His seat, turned His face, looked at me and

smiled. I felt as though Swami was saying to me that the vision I had

18 years ago, was His blessings. If not for the conference, I would not

have gone to have Swami's darshan as I was under tremendous

pressure at work. My wife's belief and faith in Swami is much stronger,

and she insisted that I should go and see Swami; she was confident that

with His blessings everything will be fine, and indeed Swami did take

care of my problems of mundane existence.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A dream come true after 18

years: "Facing Swami, not posing with Him"

 

 

Swami's

omniscience and omnipresence was once again revealed to me in another

dream. On Vijaya Dasami day (October 21, 2007) in the early hours when

I had a vision of Swami, He put His right hand on my head and blessed,

and then He leaned towards me and whispered in my ears that I ate ham

(pork). When I heard this I woke up and looked at the clock; it was

5.15 in the morning. I started reflecting on my dream and realised that

when I attended an international meeting a few months ago in Rome,

there was a lunch buffet served for the delegates.

After

confirming with the Italian server (who did not understand English)

that there was no meat in any of the items served on my plate, I

started to eat and noticed it didn't taste vegetarian. An Italian

Scientist, who was also a vegetarian, ate the same food by mistake and

told me that there was pork in it; I immediately discarded the food.

This vision of Swami convinced me that Swami is with me all the time,

and that he knows all my thoughts, words and actions. I reasoned that

Swami wanted to reinforce my faith by telling an incident from the past

that was known only to the Italian scientist and me.

His Ever Present Guidance

 

Swami's unconditional love not only changed my outlook towards the

world but has also rose to be the guiding force in my personal and

professional life. In my professional life, I used to get perturbed

when things happened contrary to my expectations, but I started heeding

Swami's constant advice of performing to the best of my ability and

leave the rest at His Lotus Feet. At times, my colleagues are

surprised at my attitude and sense of equanimity and often mistake it

to be lack of enthusiasm. But now I feel more confident in pursuing any

task, for now I know that Swami will not only guide me, but also rescue

me if the need arises.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dr. P. Shashidharan

 

 

 

Whenever I have encountered difficulties in my work, Swami has guided me, either through some messages or dreams. Swami has said, "Even if you give up on Me, I will not give you up". My

Lord has and will never fail me. Whatever I have accomplished

professionally and personally is nothing more than His sublime Love and

grace.

Although I came to Swami very late in my lifetime, I believe it was my previous karma

that it took so long to recognize the divinity walking on two feet.

Even as a child I believed in all religions being same; they preach the

same doctrines and should not be discriminated for their beliefs.

Although my parents were non-vegetarians, I refused to eat

non-vegetarian food even as a child.

 

 

 

I

believe all these qualities that developed very early in my childhood,

were helpful and laid the ground work in my transformation from a

non-believer in Sai to a staunch devotee and a humble instrument in the

hands of our beloved Swami. Swami says, "I only echo. If you accept Me

and say yes, I too respond and say "yes, yes, yes!" If you deny Me and

say "no", I also echo "no". Come, examine, experience, and have faith;

that is the method of utilizing Me."

 

 

I

believe all these qualities that developed very early in my childhood,

were helpful and laid the ground work in my transformation from a

non-believer in Sai to a staunch devotee and a humble instrument in the

hands of our beloved Swami. Swami says,

"I only echo. If you accept Me and say yes, I too respond and say "yes,

yes, yes!" If you deny Me and say "no", I also echo "no". Come,

examine, experience, and have faith; that is the method of utilizing

Me."

 

Indeed that is exactly what I did, in every step I took towards Swami.

I was skeptical and wanted convincing evidence and reassurance to go

forward in my belief. These inquiries convinced me in the divinity of

our Lord. Although non-believers in the family and among friends

ridicule me, I don't heed to their criticisms and avoid arguments.

Coming to Swami made me a better human being. Now I neither get elated

at good fortune nor become miserable when things go bad. I am fully

convinced that my Swami is my pillar of strength in all times, good or

bad. Although I teach neuroscience, I make it a point to bring human

values in some context, and make students understand the importance of

following these values. I pray to Swami to give me the guidance and

blessings to work for the service of mankind.

Jai Sai Ram!