WYC: It's only you and Him

September 1, 2007

The Ultimate Experience of Sri Sathya Sai World Youth Conference 2007It's only you and Him.With heart full of hope, I stepped into the temple of my Beloved - Prasanthi Nilayam. The first thing that happened was that I got a news. I came to know that I could not get through a music examination, for which I tolied for four months. It was indeed very disappointing for me, though I smiled back on hearing the news. The first challenge I faced at that moment was to keep the matter between me and Swami. I mean, when I thought about the whole process of preparing and giving the examination, I could see so many people involved in it - those who guided me, those who interviewed me and those who decided the result. All these people seemed to affect the outcome of the examination, but I knew in the depths of my heart that the ultimate judge was Swami Himself and all others are just 'deliverers' of this verdict of His. I prayed to Swami, " I could not get through the test; but it is solely a matter between You and me. I put my efforts and You gave Your decision and let me stick to this faith, Lord, and let me thank everyone else with the fullness of my heart " I learnt a valuable lesson there: From every individual's point of view, this life is a game - only between the individual and Swami. All others act as per the dictates of the Lord, who makes them act only for one's ultimate good. The 'deliverers' of the news of one's failure might appear harsh and the 'deliverers' of the news of one's success might appear sweet and soft....but all that is one's imagination only. Success and failure are awarded only by God and none else; that too as a result of one's own Karma. No one else can ever be made responsible for one's fate other than oneself. Though the news of the exam appeared to have put me down, I had a saving factor there. My mind was occupied with the desire to see Swami, to be in His proximity. The bruise of the failure in the exam did not appear painful before the desperation to see Him. In the first few Darshans, I could only see His car. The feeling was not easy to handle. Because, the previous time I came to see Swami, I could not have His Darshan at all. It was in Chennai during Yagna (Jan 2007). Everyone who sat before me in the hall stood up when Swami came near, and I could not even see His chair. Already, I was heart-broken with that and these Darshans : me sitting in some 10th line and His car going off with the window glass shut...it was not easy to take it. Even one glimpse of Him would have filled some hope in me. But I could not get it. After Darshan, I return to the house of an old student of Swami, who graciously shared his room with me for the few days of my stay. " Don't worry brother! These days, if Swami gives you chair Darshan for 20 minutes, it is equal to an interview! " , he says and smiles. All day, I try to pray and plead with Him and then I go to Darshan to see if He responds. I return without even a distant glimpse. And when I come back, my room-mate keeps telling me stories of some old students and devotees of Swami, who are examples of extra-ordinary faith and steadfastness. Even when they were in the verge of death and Swami was simply not looking at them (as He appeared so), they just kept faith and surrendered to Him. And at the end of those tests, Swami rewarded them, not only by saving their lives, but also by showering so much of Love personally. Their experiences were astounding; I heard all of them so intently, yet I could not gather enough hope and courage. When your beloved seems to ignore you right away, what words can bring you solace? And then .... after five long days, it happened. That morning finally, I could have a clear Darshan! Though I was sitting in some 6th or 7th line, He created for me an excellent view between the heads of all those who sat before me. And I saw His Face in Full. After about an year, I saw Him. After all the turmoil and desperation, I saw my Mother Sai so vividly. He was sitting in the car and looking out so compassionately. And I can only say, I felt paid more than a million times of what I asked for. When I came out of the hall overwhelmed, He gave me these words to treasure the feeling in my diary:I saw! I saw today, the Smiling Face of my Sai!

My heart jumped in joy!Like a spring of Ganga, the bliss upsurged. And while my eyes strangely twinkled, I saw! I saw today, the Smiling Face of my Sai!

The game of love did not end there. It just started.Sandesh-- http://a-life-in-love.blogspot.com