Prayer of Relinquishment By Dr. G. R. Vijayakumar

[Guest guest]

Prayer of Relinquishment

By Dr. G. R. Vijayakumar

'What you are is God's gift to you. What you make of yourself is

your gift to Him.'

Like most Sai devotees, when I first began active experi­mentation

with prayer to Sai Baba, I was full of questions, such as: Why are some

agonizingly sincere prayers granted, while others are not? Today I still have

questions. Mysteries of Sai Baba are always ahead of present knowledge -

luring, beckoning on to further experimentation. But one thing I do know - I

learned it through hard experience. It is a way of my prayer to Sai Baba that

has resulted consistently in a glorious answer, glorious because each time

power beyond human reckoning has been released. This is the prayer of

relinquishment.

 

I got my first glimpse of it in the fall of 1985. I had then

sustained an injury to my right shoulder and the arm was out of use for over two

months. Long immobilization practically made me unable to lift the right limb

above the chest-level. A bevy of specialists and physiotherapy seemed unable to

help. Persistent prayer to Sai Baba, using all the faith I could muster, had

resulted in nothing.

 

One afternoon, a pamphlet was put in my hands.

It was the story of a missionary who had been an invalid for eight years.

Constantly she had prayed that God would make her well so that she might do his

work. Finally, worn out with futile petition, she prayed: 'All right, I give

up. If you want me to be an invalid, that is your business. Anyway, I want you

even more than I want health. You decide'. In two weeks the woman was out of

bed, completely well.

 

This made no sense to me, yet I could not forget the story. On the

morning of 18th October 1985 - how can I for­get the date? - I came to the

same point of abject acceptance. 'I am tired of asking' was the burden of my

prayer. 'I am beaten through, Sai Maharaj; you decide

what you want for me'.

 

My wife suggested that we go over to Bangalore as my sister, Mrs. Usha

Ranganathan, was returning to India from USA. We could not only receive her but also

participate in the 'Punya Thithi'

celebrations at Sri Sai Spiritual Centre, Bangalore on November, 23rd and 24, 1985. I told her that

if Saipadananda Radhakrishna

Swamiji gives mean indication that I should be

present at the Mahasamadhi Celebrations' we would

surely go over to Bangalore. I had no faith as I understood faith, expected

nothing. The gift of my sick-self made me say these with no trace of

graciousness.

 

The mail brought me a deluxe invitation from Sai Spiri­tual

Centre, Bangalore. It was unexpected as well as surprising

because I am not a member of the centre. Sai Maharaj

and Gurudev Radhakrishna Swamiji greeted me and beckoned me to be present at Bangalore for the Mahasamadhi

Celebrations and Kumbabhishekam of the renovated

temple. The riddle of my getting this V. I. P. invitation was solved by Mr. S.

P. Nanjunda Mudaliar, then

President of Sai Spiritual Centre, later at Shirdi in February 1986. He told me

that Sai Baba prompted him to dispatch invitations to all Sai bandhus who had contributed articles to the Souvenir of the

forthcoming Devotees' Convention. As my article too found a place in the Souvenir,

I got an invitation to attend the Mahasamadhi

Celebrations.

 

As I saw the invitation for Mahasamadhi

day as well as the 'Kumbabhishekam' of the Sai

Spiritual Centre, tears flowed. It was as if I had touched a button that opened

windows in heaven, as if some dynamo of heavenly power began flowing.

 

Within minutes I had experienced the presence of the living Sai

Baba and Radhakrishna Swamiji

in a way that wiped away all doubt and revolutionized my life. From that moment

my recovery began.

 

We journeyed to Bangalore on the night of November

19th 1985. We

were stunned to see the magnificent change that had come at the Sai Spiritual

Centre. As I offered my obeisance to Sai Maharaj and Swamiji, a surprise awaited me. I could lift my arm. There

was no more the disability.

 

As I sat in a corner of the Centre, Sai Baba was try­ing to teach

me something important about prayer. Gradually, I saw that a demanding spirit,

with self-will as its rudder, blocks prayer. I feel that the reason for this is

that Sai Baba absolutely refuses to violate our free-will that, therefore, un­less

self-will is voluntarily given up, even Sai Baba cannot move to answer prayer.

 

In time, I gained more understanding about the prayer of

'Relinquishment' through the experiences of others in conte­mporary life and

through Sai Satcharitra. Sai Baba's life is a pattern

for us, I learned. He could have avoided his Asthmatic attacks. He did not have

to give up his body for three days on the lap of Mahlsapathy

to get rid of Asthma. He had the power, but Sai Baba used His free will to

leave the decision to 'Allah-Malik'. Sri Junnerkar in his novel on Sai Baba 'THE MISSION DEVINE'

brings Sai Baba's prayer into focus for us. " Dear Allah, all things are

possible to you, please let me not suffer from these attacks of Asthma. Yet it

is not what I want, but what you want " .

 

The prayer was not answered as the human Sai

Baba wished. Yet power has been flowing from His tomb at Shirdi ever since.

Even as he was suffering from repeated attacks of Asthma, Sai Baba never forgot

the presence or the power of God. The prayer of 'Relinquishment' must not be

inter­preted negatively. It does not let us lie down in the dust of a God-less

universe and steer ourselves just for the worst. Rather it says: 'This is my

situation at the moment. I will face the reality of it. But I will also accept

willingly what­ever a loving father sends'. Acceptance therefore never slams

the door on hope.

 

It is good to remember that not even an expert cowherd can lead if

the cows have not this trust and insist on running ahead of him or taking side

paths or just stubbornly refusing to follow him. That is why Sai Baba

commended: " Cast your burdens on me. I shall surely carry them " . Our

pliability must be complete, from our wills right on through to our actions. So

Mother Sathya Kapoor, wife

of Sri P.K. Kapoor, 1121, Chah

Rabat, Delhi - 110006, found as she wrestled in prayer years

ago. Their only child Rachna was seriously ill. The

attending physician warned that unless the young girl's fever abated before

morning she would die.

 

As Mother Sathyaji sat by Rachna's bed her thoughts went to what her husband had said

earlier that day: " I can­not endure the alternations of hope and fear,

therefore I have settled with myself not to hope at all " . But the mother

could not share Kapoorji's hopelessness. Rachna could not, must not die. This daughter has a fine

mind and attractive features. Why should some capricious providence demand that

they give her up?

 

As the night deepened, the girl lay so still that she seemed to be

in the ante-room of death. The mother went to the window and looked out. There

was no moonlight; a dark and silent sky was heavy with clouds.

 

" I cannot bear this

loss - cannot - cannot......., "

Then suddenly, unaccountably, another thought took over, " Why

should I doubt the goodness of Sai Baba? Let him take Rachna,

if he sees best, I can give her to him. No, I won't fight against him

anymore " .

 

Then an even stronger thing happened. Having made the great

sacrifice, Mother Sathyaji expected to feel sadder.

Instead she felt lighter, happier than at any time since Rachna's

illness had begun.

 

Some minutes later, she walked back to the girl's bedside, felt

her daughter's forehead. It was moist and cool. Rachna

was sleeping naturally. And the mother rushed in to the next room to tell her

husband that a miracle had happened.

 

Now the intriguing question is: What is the spiritual law implied

in this prayer of 'Relinquishment'? Fear is like a screen erected between us

and Sai Baba, so that His power cannot get through to us. So how does one get

rid of fear? This is not easy when the life of someone dear hangs in the

balance, or when what we want most is involved. At such times, every emotion,

every passion, is tied up in the dread that what we fear most is about to come

upon us. Obviously only drastic measures can deal with such a gigantic fear and

the demanding spirit that usually goes along with it. My experience has been

that repeating ‘OM SAI SRI SAI JAYA JAYA

SAI’ as a faith affirmation is not drastic enough.

 

So then we are squarely up against the law of

relinquishment. Was Sai Baba showing us to use this law when He said: " Why

fear when I am here " In Sai's eyes, fear is evil

because it is acting out of lack of trust in Him. So he is advising:

" Resist not fear " . In other words, Sai Baba is saying, admit the

possibility of what you fear most. And lo, as you stop feeling, force yourself

to walk up to the fear, look it full in the face - never forgetting that Sai

Baba and His powers are still the supreme reality-the fear evaporates. Drastic? Yes. But it is one sure way of releasing prayer

power into human affairs.

Source Shri Sai Padananda

July 1988 issue