Transformation of the Heart - Chapter 10

[Guest guest]

NEAR AND DEAR(By : Rosie Loew)"The bird with you, the wing with Me;the foot with you, the Way with Me;the eye with you, the dream with Me;the world with you, the Heaven with Me -so are we free, so are we bound,so we begin and so we end,you in Me and I in you."- Sathya Sai Baba -It

was on November 23, 1971, at the age of 22, that my spiritual adventure

began. Although I did not know it at the time, this was an auspicious

day, the birthday of Sathya Sai Baba.I left for what was to be

a two week trip to Amsterdam, and ended up traveling for two years to

Amsterday, Italy, Greece, Israel, Cyprus, Pakistan, and finally to

India.This adventure would change my life.I was born

and raised in New York City and am a product of the '60s, a time when

everyone was involved in alternative and experimental lifestyles. I was

interested in having a good time, sitting around coffee houses,

chatting about art and getting high. I was not serious about my work or

about committing myself to anything.Being raised in a large,

extended, and loving Jewish family gave me a strong, healthy and happy

foundation, which protected me from the allure of social pressures,

enabling me to lead a moderate and balanced life. We regularly had

weekend dinners with at least twenty people. There was a strong

communication between the older and younger relatives. My parents were

not religious, but the holidays and customs were celebrated and

discussed. This feeling of closeness and belonging is a wonderful

memory - one that I cherish to this day.The trip in 1971 was my

first outside the United States. The adventure of traveling, seeing new

cultures and meeting new people from different countries was a kind of

revelation to me. Everywhere I went, I met new friends who would join

me in my adventure. My Marco Polo spirit erupted. I traveled into the

mountains to visit remote historic spots; and I was attracted, over and

over again, to places and countries because of their spiritual history.When

I arrived in Israel, I decided, in order to save money, to live in a

kibbutz - a self-sustaining commune where members live and work

together. My job was working in the kitchen serving breakfast and

lunch, setting out food and cleaning up afterwards. This was a large

community - everyone worked very hard but seemed to thrive on the group

spirit of service. I felt my "family" extend and multiply as I moved

along in my travels.I traveled the length and breadth of

Israel, which is filled with ancient and holy places. I visited all the

religious sites representing Islam, Christianity and Judaism. I was

saturated; a great feeling of satisfaction permeated my being. Once, in

the Judean desert, I had a fantasy that I would like to be a part of a

new chapter in history, one representing all religions and cultures; a

new era that would benefit all of humanity.One morning, shortly

after this experience, I was in a coffee house in Istanbul when a girl,

dressed in multiple colors with bright henna hair, glided in and sat

down at my table. I was amazed at her appearance - I had never seen

anyone look so colorful. For about two hours, she spoke to a group of

us about her adventures in India. She felt that the color, culture and

spirituality of India were unique.I wondered what my parents

would think when I told them about my new travel scheme : an overland

trip to India! After all, I had already been away for over six months.

I decided to telephone and present them with my new extended travel

plan.My mother was almost in tears, but I assured my parents

that they would hear from me once a week by letter. Little did I know

that the wheels of destiny were in motion now, and nothing on earth

could stop the momentum.In the Far East, "the guest is God,"

and during the next three months we experienced this, meeting some

incredible people and often invited to dinner in their humble homes.

Eventually, however, the water and food took a toll on my Western body.

When we arrived in Lahore, Pakistan, a doctor told me that I had

dysentery and must go to the hospital. I thought, "Not yet; if I'm

going to die, at leas let me die in India."When we arrived in

Amritsar, it was 115 degrees in the shade. My friends did everything to

make me comfortable, but we finally decided to go to an air-conditioned

hotel. Soon after, they had me checked into Amritsar General Hospital

for proper medical attention, including some pills that didn't help

much. Just as we were leaving, a young Sikh doctor told us that we

should go to the Himalayas, where the climate and spirituality

surrounding the place would heal me quickly. We didn't know of the

Himalayas, but our inner feelings screamed loudly, GO! Somehow, I knew

that my journey was reaching a climax.It took about three days

to get to the Himalayas by bus. The scenery, people and places seemed

old and familiar to me. The peaks and scented mountain forests aroused

deep memories and far away feelings. When we arrived at Dalhousie, a

hill station in Himachal Pradesh at an elevation of 8000 feet, I felt

as if I were in the cradle of India's highest peaks. I was elated. My

illness no longer concerned me.Barely an hour after we'd gotten

off the bus, we found ourselves face to face with a Tibetan monk,

delightful looking in his red shoes and holding a large black umbrella.

I sensed his peaceful and contented state. I had never met anyone like

him before. He looked our way and greeted us with, "Teshe deleg" -

Tibetan for, "I honor the light within you." His English was

surprisingly good - better than our Tibetan! He asked if we had a place

to stay and invited us to take lodging in the guest quarters at his

monastery. I couldn't believe it. This was exactly what I had wanted to

experience. Everything seemed to gel. I was beginning to understand how

the wheel of destiny turns when one's desire to experience is fulfilled.After

two weeks, my condition acted up again, but now I was calm because,

here in India, I felt at home. And somehow, deep inside, I knew I was

being looked after.There was a British nurse living near us.

She recommended that I go to the nearby Belgian Mission, which included

a small hospital. There I was greeted by the Mother Superior, who, with

great compassion, said that within ten days I would be perfectly all

right. Each day she visited me and spoiled me with her cooking and

spiritual songs, which we sang together.When I left the

hospital to return to the Tibetan house, I saw circulars describing a

meditation teacher named U.S.N. Goenkaji who was coming to teach a

method of meditation called vipassana. This method was reputedly the

one which Buddha had used to attain enlightenment : a technique

involving concentration of the mind on the breath - between the tip of

the nose and the lip - eventually leading to contemplation and

meditation. The precepts of the Buddha were part of this great

teaching. This was the first time I had heard "liberation,bliss,"

and "peace" spoken of as individual goals as well as societal goals;

and the mind, as a web of desires creating discontent.We

traveled with Goenkaji because his instruction had guidance were

valuable. Through constant practice and listening to the discourses, I

became more disciplined. I knew that this path would mean a lifetime of

challenge, and I was willing to do it. What a change from my

disinterested and uncommitted attitude of less than a year ago!In

the midst of all this, I received a letter from my family saying that

they wanted to visit me in India. I froze. What would I do with them

here?! Certainly they weren't going to meditate! So I changed gears and

decided to tour with my family to New Delhi, Jaipur, Agra, Cochin,

Bombay and Bangalore.While traveling in India, the name of Sai

Baba kept coming up. I saw his photographs in many cities. At that

time, I felt that Baba was a great teacher and a miraculous holy man,

but since I was already involved in a formless approach, I had no

desire to see him.My parents left, very pleased at having seen

India and me. With sadness, I realized that soon I would also have to

leave, as my visa was soon to expire. I returned home through Kenya,

where a girlfriend and I rented a small bungalow in the rain forest

near Mt. Kenya. The beauty and tranquility, and our daily meditations,

helped prepare us for our transition home. We made a detour through

Israel and England, and almost two years to the day of my departure, I

finally arrived back in New York.*****I was filled

with experiences and feelings I could never have dreamed about. I had

developed an inner perseverance and dedication to my spiritual path and

its practices, as well as a deeper understanding of life's values. I

saw myself in a new relationship to my daily life and society. My job

in real estate would now become just another spiritual practice. I had

changed and I knew that there would be no going back to my old ways and

habits. Where I had once felt no commitment, I now felt dedication; my

life now had purpose, discipline and direction. I had gone from whiling

away hours in Manhattan coffee houses to meditating in the Himalayas

ten hours a day.When I had dinner with my best friend a few

weeks after my return, one of the first questions she asked was "Did

you see Sai Baba?" I was astounded to hear this. Now I was hearing his

name right here in New York City and from my best friend! She asked me

if I would like to go to Hilda Charleton's on Thursday evening. Hilda's

meetings were very colorful, lively and nourishing, and everyone seemed

to be fulfilled from these gatherings. I had been accustomed to being

alone in meditation for ten hours a day, so the singing and discussions

were totally foreign to me - yet, I was somewhat intrigued. From 1974

to 1976, I attended the meetings, for I longed to be with others on the

spiritual path.During this period, dreams of Sai Baba occurred

on a regular basis. I had 23 dreams in 24 months! Each dream was vivid

and felt as if it had actually happened. The dreams varied according to

my needs at that time: Baba was my companion, spiritual teacher,

advisor, and best friend. I felt very happy about this and finally said

to my girlfriend, "If I have just one more dream, I'll go see this Sai

Baba once and for all."Finally, in early December 1976, we were

off. I was curious to see Baba in person, to find out what my feelings

and reactions would be.We arrived in time for darshan at

Whitefield and found seats on a line facing his house. I felt pretty

relaxed and detached, and I felt comfortable using my vipassana

technique to achieve an observant, disciplined attitude. Baba walked

out at a very slow and sure-footed pace; his orange robe and afro hair

glistened, while the sun around him seemed overly bright. As he moved

closer to the people, I gazed at him with a steady look. His aura had

heightened, and I noticed that my heart was beating so fast, I thought

the person next to me could hear it. This continued; I was feeling very

happy, and observed that an inner monologue had begun. It wasn't my

mind; it was a higher consciousness that kept repeating over and over

again : "This is someone near and dear to you, someone you have known

forever."The next second Sai Baba was walking straight toward

us. He came over to me in his full glory and said, "You have come - you

came from Hilda Charleton?"At this point, I felt as if I were filled with unconditional light and love, and replied, "Yes, but now I will see only you!"Baba said, "Yes, yes. And where do you come from?""New York." He smiled and walked off toward the rest of the people eagerly awaiting him.I

turned to my girlfriend and said without a moment's hesitation, "The

connection is now complete; Baba is what I have always been searching

for. He is everything to me, my all in all."I was swimming in bliss. This melting was unlike anything I had ever experienced - a very tangible and clear feeling.I

realized after this meeting that Baba's hand had been involved in my

whole life. My past and present made sense now; both had been a long,

slow introduction to Baba and his message and mission. I later found

out from others that Baba calls us to him when he wills - and not when

we desire. And he appears to us in dreams by his will - not ours.Shortly

after this, Baba left for Puttaparthi and we followed. When we arrived

at his ashram, Prashanti Nilayam, I felt the atmosphere was holy and

sacred, yet this was also a place charged with a worldly purpose. There

were service and health programs, educational institutions for the

young, and even a large, world-wide service organization. It was as if

my fantasy of being involved in a new era had come true!I told

my girlfriend that I knew Baba would call me for an interview, and soon

after, I was included in a large group of about twenty-five people. I

was the last one to go in for a private talk. Baba spoke to me with his

face very close to mine, and he told me things that proved to be very

personal, and known only to me. He was confirming his all-knowingness.*****Four

years later, in 1980, my trip to Baba was a special experience for me

because my mother decided to come along. She had read a few books about

Baba and had seen the tremendous change within me, and now she wanted

to see and meet him herself.Baba was in Whitefield, an my

mother and I weren't really getting much attention there. My mother was

very disappointed because she didn't feel a connection. However, after

the Christmas holiday, things seemed to change. Baba went to

Puttaparthi; we followed and were given a simple room. We set up a

comfortable sleeping arrangement on the floor for my mother and, to my

surprise, she loved the ashram and felt very peaceful.One

afternoon on the darshan line, my mother and I didn't sit together. We

thought that in this way we might have a better chance of catching

Baba's attention. Baba walked up to my mother, smiled and, looking deep

into her eyes, said, "Mother here and daughter there; mother and

daughter should sit together." My mother felt that Baba had finally

acknowledged her.A few days later, Baba called us in for an

interview. There was a large Italian group, my mother and I, and two

friends. I was thrilled that she would now have her own opportunity to

hear and see Baba and feel his presence. People were asking all kinds

of questions; this went on for twenty minutes.When finally

there was a pause, my mother spoke out. She introduced me as her

daughter and told Baba that we were very happy to see him. Baba

replied, "Yes, I know her well. This is her fifth trip here, and she is

my daughter also."I was overwhelmed by the fact that my divine

Sai mother and my mother had interacted. And, of course, my mother was

inspired by this, as well as from seeing a few materializations.One

week later, I leaned that my mother had written Baba a letter and had

given it to him at darshan. On New Year's day, Baba walked over to us

and called us in again for an interview. I wasn't aware of the content

of my mother's letter, but it was, in fact, the key to her final

question regarding Baba.In this interview, another mother and

daughter had been included, as well as two girlfriends of mine. It was

a very small and intimate gathering. We all sat close to Baba who was

sitting in his chair, in a jovial and humorous mood. He made us feel

comfortable and very relaxed and we were all so happy with his love. He

made vibhuti and my mother viewed this intently. He spoke first to the

other mother and daughter and made the mother a ring; she was crying

with happiness.Then Baba turned to my mother and said, "How are you?"With

determination and deep longing to have her ultimate question answered,

my mother replied, "Baba, why is it that everyone in here sees you as

God and I don't?"Baba leaned over in his chair slowly, looked

deeply and compassionately into my mother's eyes, and said, "When you

realize that God is within you, you will see me as God."For the

next half hour, Baba was holding my mother's hand, intermittently

twirling her marriage band. At Baba's instruction, my mother and I were

sitting on the floor right next to his chair. The other four sat around

us.He then asked me, "How are you?" Before I could answer, Baba

told me in great detail all about my health problems. He said that he

would look after these small problems and that I was not to worry. He

then discussed my job and cited a small argument I had had with my

boss. Baba reminded me that, under my breath, I had been calling him.

He told me it was not ladylike to be angry, and anger was not a good

trait. We should speak sweetly and kindly to others. He then described

the other women in my office, and said that when they weren't busy,

they had unladylike conversations and that I joined in. Well, what

could I say? He was right!The conversation then returned to my

mother - who I noticed was sitting there glowing. Baba assured her that

my father was a good man with a "good heart"; that her brother was

healing very quickly from open heart surgery; and that my sister would

have his protection. My mother should not worry or fear; Baba was here!I then asked Baba to bless the ring I was wearing. He took it from my hand and carefully looked at it."This is a very good make," he said as he returned it to me.As

he bent over in his chair to give me back the ring, he said something

privately, which was extremely meaningful to me and awakened my higher

understanding. It was so sweet, so filled with his divine compassion

and guidance that I felt as if I were enveloped in a time warp, and I

lost my awareness of the moment. In this blissful, unconscious state, I

laid my head on the lap of my divine parent and drifted into his divine

love. And then I became aware, little by little, of a faraway

conversation. Slowly, I came back to reality, with Baba lightly tugging

at my hair and sweetly saying, "Get up, come up."I "awoke" to

find my divine parent ever watchful and my mother sitting beside me. I

felt completely at ease, but then I had a quick flash - "Oh my; what

did I just do?" For this lapse had been completely out of character for

me. In about a second that feeling left, and in another second, I

realized that Baba's infinite plan, in all our lives, is to give each

of us what we need so we can get what he has truly come to give us -

liberation!The blissful experience of being enveloped in his

light and love is the true condition of atmic reality. Baba is the

great transformer. He fills us all and sets us on the right path, the

dharmic path, so that we can attain our spiritual goal. He becomes

everything to us - embodied in one, as unconditional love in constant

action.Baba ended the interview by allowing us to do

padnamaskar, and he gave us packets of vibhuti. With all this, Baba

graciously escorted us out of the interview room (as he is the dearest

host) to see us off to the darshan line. We, of course, floated out.My

mother had come to see Baba, and Baba had given her his divine

attention and had awakened her into spiritual life. Although eight

years have passed since my mother has been to India, Baba has often

asked me on my yearly trips, "How is your mother?"As for me -

Baba is the avatar of this age. And Prashanti Nilayam is not only a

place in India, but the place in my heart where the indweller, Baba,

resides.We all have unique experiences with him. It is our good

fortune to know Baba, see Baba, hear Baba and serve all of humanity as

instruments of the divine. Serving is our greatest opportunity to

expand beyond the limited self by dedicating all our actions to God.I will continue to pray for Swami's grace, and I will continue my journey until I reach his lotus feet... and merge in divinity.May we all meet there! Jai Sai Ram.(From : Transformation of the Heart, compiled and edited by Judy Warner)Copyright reserved by Sri Sathya Sai Books and Publications Trust, Prashanti Nilayam Visit : Sai Divine Inspirations : http://saidivineinspirations.blogspot.com/ Sai Messages : http://saimessages.blogspot.com/ Love Is My Form : http://loveismyform.blogspot.com/