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Letter from Satan to Pat Robertson

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From the <http://www.startribune.com/opinion/letters/81595442.html>

Minneapolis Star-Tribune:

Dear Pat Robertson,

I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the

shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when

they are down, so I'm all over that action. But when you say that Haiti has

made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but

I'm no welcher. The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks

desperate and impoverished. Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike

bargains with people, they first get something here on earth -- glamour,

beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have

nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake. Haven't you

seen " Crossroads " ? Or " Damn Yankees " ? If I had a thing going with Haiti,

there'd be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox --

that kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing

against it -- I'm just saying: Not how I roll. You're doing great work, Pat,

and I don't want to clip your wings -- just, come on, you're making me look

bad. And not the good kind of bad. Keep blaming God. That's working. But

leave me out of it, please. Or we may need to renegotiate your own contract.

 

Best, Satan

(The actual author is identified as Lily Coyle, Minneapolis.)

 

 

 

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