A Western Renunciate's close experience with Ammachi

[Guest guest]

Article

 

A Western Renunciate shares Ammachi’s Amritapuri Inner teachings and what it

is like to live closely with Amma

 

In Amritapuri, India, I was not quite in the innermost circle but had revealing

contact for years with those closest to and by all measure would be considered

an

insider. Being very outgoing myself I made friends with all who didn't hate me

because of

my frequent close proximity to Ammachi and her personal handmaidens. I got in

with

all the high ups to glean insight into Ammach’s mystical world. I wasn't shy

in my

conquests and thereby gained access which others could not. I rode on the waves

of bliss as I

got to do special tasks for Ammachi and before Ammachi . I reveled in being

needed and called

while everyone else chopped vegetables. I reverently breathed, meditated and did

continuous awareness exercises which amplified my bliss to unprecedented

heights.

And Amma seemed to like it. Unfortunately, most if not many people skimp on the

practices and

spend their time doing selfless service, moping around in " devotional " yearning,

or

gossiping and stuffing their faces at the Western canteen. I took a more

maniacal approach

toward everything from diet to speech to every moment of my day being accounted

for.

It was very revealing and not by any means the only time in my life I

experienced

altered states of consciousness. (I do take the stand that it can all be

explained

scientifically even Amma’s psychic abilities. We laypersons just get

flabbergasted when someone has somewhat refined their mental energy and mistake

them for god.) It all went

well, the visions of various deities, loud music spontaneously in ears, the

exalted

emotional states. Eventually reality seeped back in and my life became a

struggle to earn enough

money to go to Indiaand get my fix year after year. Each time a little more

magic

evaporated, yet I still decided to become a renunciate (a full time resident who

gives their life

to the ashram) It only costs $16,000 if interested. But I noticed people were

growing

more unhealthy, the air quality seemed to get exponentially worse, the water

filters

seemed to be rusting and my duties became more clear. The honeymoon was over

This compounded with the sheer insanity of virtually all the residents, the

inability to get healthy

nourishment ,Amma’s rehearsed daily routine, everyone’s angry pent up

explosive sexual energy,

and the now complete impossibility to find any solitude or even quiet anywhere

at any

time within the ashram, had me at my wits end. I started to question where this

conforming,

contentious, fearful, repressed new personality I adopted was going to lead me.

Would I become as neurotic, diseased, insalubrious as so many long term inmates

of the

ashram had become? Would I stay there an adulating sycophant, fearful of the

world,

believing the apocalyptic hype promoted by fellow inmates-- that we are the

chosen few,

liberation is ours through service, everyone else in the world is perishing in

the fire of

worldliness, Ammachi will save us from the cataclysm sure to come in the western

world? I

decided that I had had enough. I embraced the world as Ammachi claims to do

while actually alienating her children. I think many people there want to leave

but have become so neurotic that they can't even communicate to others now

without using their Amma speak or judging and

condemning people for not being as " spiritual " . Many want out, but the prospect

of life

middle-aged in some cold European city, financially destitute from all the

touring with

Ammachi seems too overwhelming. Others want out but are lost in their youth and

have no job

skills, education, dietary control, or interest in sports and are subject to

depression

in the world. A great catalyst for me has been the outdoors. There are many

nurturing

friendships to be made in the world of outdoor sports.

 

Ammachi has taught many things in Indiawhich went completely over the heads of

even those sitting around her. I would look around shocked at times on chai

stops

(stops on Indiatours) like " I can't believe she just said that, did you hear

that?â€

Unfortunately none of this is published. She always lectures how national

sovereignty

fosters bigotry and unequal wealth distribution. She is all about tipping the

scales so Indiagets more, just read her UN speech. Ammachi has foreseen the

collapse of Western civilization; she speaks about it as karmically inescapable.

She warns about natural disaster as imminent and the dollar being equal to the

rupee. She hasn't gone as far to say that we will be a cashless, martial law

enforced society with credits being our only wealth and no constitutional rights

but she likes to paint a grim picture. And she has said that one day

international order will reign as the governing force. She says it like it’s a

matter of fact. But this will not be found on amritapuri.org because she’s

said these kinds of things when Westerners ask her questions on Tuesdays and on

chai stops. Amma is very careful about what is published by the math. She

personally reads the final editions and has the swamis who know well her agendas

work with her. She is much more

careful now than she was just 5 years ago. You should see how the swamis are

groomed in India.

 

I have been in a room where Amma was meditating I have sat in her personal house

while she rehearsed songs with brahmacharinis. I have felt intoxicated at times

and other times driven to tears, and I have also felt nothing at all. It is

subjective. These emotional states, nervous tremors, are experiences that are

felt around Amma. Or one could argue that she can transmit some energy but for

what purpose? To get people hooked is exactly what she is doing; I have had

numerous personal conversations with her. And frankly she is quite patronizing,

elliptical and aloof. She is mocking, condescending or pretending, rather poorly

to be overly caring. She delights in causing mental turmoil, all part of

" surrendering the ego " . But it’s true; too many people are too terrified of

her to really have any meaningful dialogue. Of course she makes herself appear

busy and it’s very difficult to corner her or question her at all. Then when

you finally do there is no

meaningful dialogue, only authoritarianism. You can't get anywhere with her.

She'll say it’s your ego that wants to come assert yourself before the master

and that a true disciple is

quiet like a mouse, listening and assimilating the teachings. I see how it can

be seen as the

fault of the devotees around her cringing in reverence, tradition and

conformity. But it is not

their fault, they are brainwashed by Amma to accept this conformity as

discipline. One can see this during her satsangs on Tuesdays in Amritapuri where

she lectures endlessly on ashram dharma and appropriate behavior. Most do not

have enough experience to really know the extent of the deception and

programming. Amma claims nothing yet has Disney marketing executives buying her

CNN time. Amma is her organization, it is her creation. The truth is the people

closest to her are the most programmed and spineless. That’s the only way they

ignore the truth boiling within, that something is wrong with Amma. She can't

keep assertive people in her folds, they leave. Go see what the endless game of

pretense and suppression will bestow.

 

I feel so relieved to finally be free from this 7 year long damaging dependency

with Amma and her organization. Although the depths of my devotion were

seemingly

bottomless, and I would have done anything to gain her favor, somehow I have

managed to

extract myself from a very unbalanced environment of spiritual seekers and a

spiritual leader masquerading as a charitable organization. I am relieved to

know that others too are waking up from the intricate web of subterfuge. I

struggled for the last two years trying to imagine life without the guru, and I

know how hard it is to undo the neural connections linking Amma to every aspect

of thought. I understand why for some it will be extremely difficult or

downright impossible

to break the bonds of this mind controlling situation. The truth about Ammachi

and the

manipulative techniques she employs, along with the scandals her devotees have

orchestrated will sober up the more astute among us. But the hordes of

unsuspecting, innocent, guileless devotees having divorced their real parents

and lives, in search of freedom. I feel really sorry for. Nothing can help them

because the elaborate programming

won't allow any thoughts contrary to that of Ammachi being god. Even rational

people will have a hard time accepting that what they gave all their time,

resources and

heart to was merely a charismatic bamboozling village girl. Even those who have

left (and

there are many) are still subtly afraid of retribution from her psychically

 

Thanks for coming out and sharing your experiences in Amritapuri. I am glad you

brought up the issue of deplorable working conditions in which Westerners and

Indians are taking part of, as seva. For renunciates seva is not elective and

for visitors it is strongly suggested. For most it is

mundane and something like vegetable chopping or washing clothes (with a very

nasty Indian detergent but probably no worse than the usual stuff found in the

states), but for the

Others it can be working in the cassette stall, or the printing press, or gluing

newsletters. These sevas are very nasty and one must breathe very crude

chemicals nonstop. Many are sick

Western and Indian alike but as A mentioned it’s not just from the working

conditions but also the tainted water supply. The filtered water there is so bad

it tastes way harsher than any tap water I have ever had the misfortune of

tasting here in the US. The water is clearly rusty and filthy. Of course, with

everyone in that densely populated coconut jungle, burning their trash

(consisting mostly of plastic) every morning as their means of disposal, one

can't expect air quality to be much better. The food is laden in chemicals

outlawed in the USand frequently one can find plumes of smoke coming from trucks

which is DDT used to kill disease spreading

mosquitoes. The sugar used for chain and sweets is so coated with DDT the ants

won’t even attempt to carry it off. The backwaters are frighteningly polluted

with

feces and all manner of abomination. So, it is no wonder that many long term

resident W Westerners with their 1st world immune systems are looking

terrifyingly unhealthy. If they aren’t gaunt from self inflicted starvation

they are obese with that nutritionally deficient food they must eat more and

more of just to get a little nutritionIt’sts a toxic place no doubt, that

epicenter Ammachi’s brand of spirituality. Ammachi doesn't limit her verbal

abuse to hippies; she

likes to make fun of obese people, Japanese, overly devotional and gays. These

are just the things I have personally witnessed.

 

Most Indian devotees definitely look down on Westerners. They definitely feel

superior. Many of

the ones here in the West belong to the Brahmin caste. they are taught that

Westerners are of a class lower than shudra (lowest) because they are foreign

and not born in the holy land of bharat.  Ammachi herself believes this her

affiliation with certain political parties in Indiapoints to this.

I heard about what Ammachi really thinks about Westerners from credible sources

because I don't appear Western (oh boy am I revealing myself now). I was tight

with her little posse of inner circle Indians and the contempt for Westerners is

appalling. We are just ATMS, gullible sevites who believe every idealistic karma

yoga stanza we read in Ammachi’s s books. We try so hard to reach the goal we

kill ourselves.

 

I was involved with Ammachi for 7.5 years. I was probably around her physically

for over half that

total time. I was a college student when I met her. I was finding that science

knew little about subtle energy and I thought Ammachi was a better teacher. I

started realizing how confusing and misguided the organization was slowly and it

built up more and more in the latter 4 years. I started seeing how Amma

manipulates people, how greedy she is, how hypocritical, and how contradictory

her teachings are. I was very involved, had given much mental energy, time and

money so it was difficult to sever. But the truth weighed in and I couldn't

stand to be in her presence eventually.

 

 

[Guest guest]

This type of posting is better served on the free speech zone list. I respect

the spirit of this group. It's not Dharmic to disturb peaceful situations

without just cause.

 

There's plenty of videos on Youtube where a guy goes up to Hari Krishna (ISKCON)

events and yells out that Sri Prabhuba was murdered and he's got proof in his

knapsack. He has someone film him as he does it and then posts it. That's not

Dharmic behavior, to disturb otherwise peaceful gatherings.

 

Because this list has so much New Age and non-Amma teachings on it on a regular

basis, some exceptions can be made, but the long Ex-Amma style rants and

articles should be on the free speech zone list.

 

Ammachi , Stacee Kramer <stacee.kramer wrote:

>

> Article

>  

> A Western Renunciate shares Ammachi’s Amritapuri Inner teachings and what it

is like to live closely with Amma

>  

> In Amritapuri, India, I was not quite in the innermost circle but had

revealing

> contact for years with those closest to and by all measure would be considered

an

[Guest guest]

>  

> A Western Renunciate shares Ammachi’s Amritapuri Inner

> teachings and what it is like to live closely with Amma

>  

> In Amritapuri, India, I was not quite in the innermost

 

[balance of message mercifully snipped]

 

If you have personally experienced bad things around Amma, that's one thing. But

we don't need re-postings of second-hand accounts that have been circulating

online for years and can be easily found through the magic of google. Take stuff

like this someplace else, e.g. Ammachi Free Speech zone or the ex-Amma group.

 

Booting people from this group is only a band-aid solution, as they can easily

re- using another e-mail address or ID. My recommendation for

dealing with trolls: hit delete and move on. Do not reply to their posts. No

matter how much it hurts to read some bitter rants calling Amma a phony, a

charlatan or worse, step back from the keyboard, take some time to cool down,

chant your mantra, do IAM, or whatever...just do what it takes to resist the

immediate urge to fire off a reply. Don't give these immature cry-babies the

attention they're craving.

 

Keval

[Guest guest]

Thank you for supporting our group. I think we all appreciate your speaking up

to defend what is for many of us, our Satsang.

 

thanks,

Adriane

 

Ammachi , " bluepearllight " <bluepearllight wrote:

>

> This type of posting is better served on the free speech zone list. I respect

the spirit of this group. It's not Dharmic to disturb peaceful situations

without just cause.

>

> There's plenty of videos on Youtube where a guy goes up to Hari Krishna

(ISKCON) events and yells out that Sri Prabhuba was murdered and he's got proof

in his knapsack. He has someone film him as he does it and then posts it.

That's not Dharmic behavior, to disturb otherwise peaceful gatherings.

>

> Because this list has so much New Age and non-Amma teachings on it on a

regular basis, some exceptions can be made, but the long Ex-Amma style rants and

articles should be on the free speech zone list.

>

> Ammachi , Stacee Kramer <stacee.kramer@> wrote:

> >

> > Article

> >  

> > A Western Renunciate shares Ammachi’s Amritapuri Inner teachings and what

it is like to live closely with Amma

> >  

> > In Amritapuri, India, I was not quite in the innermost circle but had

revealing

> > contact for years with those closest to and by all measure would be

considered an

>

[Guest guest]

Aum Namah Shivaya,

LOL..this was perfect Keval. Thanks. I have not read most of the posts by the

troll because they were so incredibly disrespectful and shameless. I would read

a few words then see the direction it was going.

 

Just a suggestion: It might be good to delete some of them on our site so that

no one gets the wrong idea on here. Imagine a new comer reading that garbage? It

would be incredibly confusing to read that for someone who is new to Amma and is

madly in love with Her-as the rest of us are! Plus she trashed people by name

and that's not right. No one should have their name posted publicly being

bashed. It's disrespectful.

 

thanks again,

adriane

 

Ammachi , Mike Brooker <patria1818 wrote:

>

>

> >  

> > A Western Renunciate shares Ammachi’s Amritapuri Inner

> > teachings and what it is like to live closely with Amma

> >  

> > In Amritapuri, India, I was not quite in the innermost

>

> [balance of message mercifully snipped]

>

> If you have personally experienced bad things around Amma, that's one thing.

But we don't need re-postings of second-hand accounts that have been circulating

online for years and can be easily found through the magic of google. Take stuff

like this someplace else, e.g. Ammachi Free Speech zone or the ex-Amma group.

>

> Booting people from this group is only a band-aid solution, as they can easily

re- using another e-mail address or ID. My recommendation for

dealing with trolls: hit delete and move on. Do not reply to their posts. No

matter how much it hurts to read some bitter rants calling Amma a phony, a

charlatan or worse, step back from the keyboard, take some time to cool down,

chant your mantra, do IAM, or whatever...just do what it takes to resist the

immediate urge to fire off a reply. Don't give these immature cry-babies the

attention they're craving.

>

> Keval

>