To Amarnath about experience

[Guest guest]

Dear Amarnath ~ thank you for sharing your experience so deeply and

lovingly. It does help, as the relationship I am in is very difficult, on top of

the already difficult health issues. In my long experience, a relationship

is never what you believe/feel it will be ... then how to overcome the

disappointment, sadness, etc. I await your next installment for some inspiration

~ Linda

 

 

Amarnath wrote:

 

My failed relationship, 39 years ago, is what started me on my spiritual

quest. This was the first really major mistake in my life, especially

since my ex-partner was pregnant with my son. Also, it seemed I was leaving my

physics career even before it got started. It seemed my knowledge of

physics, math, etc was useless and turning to university psychologist was not

much

help. Fortunately somehow, I did not turn to medication, drugs, alcohol,

women, bars, or binging on food which many turn to in such cases; I couldn't

lose myself in my career because the interest was gone and circumstances

were forcing me out in any case; that year 700 physicists were forced to

leave their career.

 

Oh, religion and God was something that I had given-up-on gradually in my

life replacing it with science, although my growing up religion was kind of

innocent, easy and fun during holidays.

 

What to do? Walking, walking and more walking and watching my mind

unravel. I observed that my intellect/logic would come to a certain conclusion

but

my emotions had other plans and my body also had different needs than

either my intellect or my emotions. This lack of inner integration, let alone

the outer challenges, all added to frustration, sadness, anger, confusion,

weakness, fatigue and uncertainty in my life at that time.

 

Eating less, I lost 20 lbs; this perhaps was my first benefit.

 

Hardly reading any books outside my physics career, I ventured into a

bookstore and picked up two books, J. Krishnamurti's " Think On These Things "

and something about concentration meditation. Reading Krishnamurti was a

little scary as it sounded nihilistic and did not seem to promise any hope, but

at the time it seemed to resonate with my hopelessness about everything

including Vietnam war, corruption seemingly permeating all our institutions,

government, etc.

 

But, when my reading of " Think On These Things " was finished, something

quite unexpected happened, I was filled with Joy and perhaps a little of

that Peace that passeth all understanding. While my UNCERTAINTY in my

relationship, job, money, `what to do' remained, it was no longer such a

burden;

there was hope after all, something new, although I couldn't quite put my

finger on it, a kind of new adventure without plans or any guarantees.

 

Soon will follow this with a sequel post " My Failed Relationship =>

Recovery "

 

Hope this is useful for some one and God Bless,