to mybeautifulamma about story

[Guest guest]

Dear mybeautiful amma ~ I can't tell you the depth with which this person's

" story " reached into. My whole body and sense of being felt immediately

transformed. If Amma's grace can even reach out through others, how great it

must

be. I had never thought of this before in a conscious way, though in

thinking back, there have been many times when what someone posted to the digest

felt like Amma reaching out to me. This is truly a blessing. I hope you can let

this person.

 

And only this morning I was thinking of anger and how it affects my life. It

is not my own anger, but my reactions to any hint of anger on the part of

another I literally lose my mind. I am completely unable to think clearly and go

immediately into a space of fear, of not feeling good enough, of feeling I

deserve to be punished. I know this is not healthy for me or for anyone I

might be around, including the person whose anger triggered my reaction.

 

I want to hide, run away, and just as often as another may have lost the

ability to think cleary or make rational decisions when in a state of anger, the

same is true for me when I am in a state of reactive fear. Every morning,

when I do my sadhana, I ask God/dess/Amma to accept everything I think, say or

do; also I ask her to give me the ability to see Her in everyone and in every

situation, and to have compassion toward all.

 

But this morning, when I was writing in my sadhana journal, I wrote that I

have realized that, as soon as I get up to go about my day, I almost

immediately forget this intention. So much misery have I heaped on myself by

this

forgetting and going back to reacting. You're friend's letter gave me the

blessing

of reminding me and of demonstrating that, even in the midst of anger (or

fear), a person can make better decisions. This is like gold to me ~ a great

gift. Thank you for encouraging your friend to share this story with us ~ Linda

 

 

 

mybeautifulamma wrote:

 

A friend of mine has suggested to me that others may benefit from my story.

So, here it is.

 

After the third month in this unit I looked around my little cell and asked

myself " How did I end up like this " ?. Then I told myself that I needed to

change but I didn't know how. The next day the officer came around with a book

cart on wheels, he stopped in front of the cell and asked if I would like

something to read. I looked down and was immediately drawn to Amma's book

Awaken

Children VII. In the book Amma talks about the mind being mad and how we make

poor decisions when in an emotional state. This is how I had lived my life

up until this point. I began to use meditation to bring the mind into the

present moment; eventually I began to live in the present moment during the

course of the day, even when I was angry. Living in the present moment when

angry

allowed me to make better decisions. I no longer said or did negative things

while angry. This was the first step for me in learning to have some measure

of control over things that I thought were just part of my personality. You

see when we are angry it is because of a thought that causes a chemical

reaction in the body; this chemical reaction can affect our ability to think

rationally, unless we are aware of our anger in the moment. Then we can make a

conscious decision not to do something that we will regret.

 

At this time I meditate regularly, I practice living in the present moment

daily, and I continue to be aware of all of my emotions even the so called

good ones. Today, I am in college instead of committing crimes. I am a straight

" A " student in physics/engineering. I owe everything I have to Amma and her

Divine Wisdom. I will continue to use her book to improve the quality of my

life.

 

 

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