Amma in Chicago

[Guest guest]

Namah Shivaya,

My oldest son wanted to see Amma this year for the first time. Up to

this point, he has considered the whole thing a bit crazy yet typical

of his unconventional mother (me as opposed to his " real " Mother)-

chasing a guru around. He had been gazing at her many pictures around

the house and asked me if She could read your thoughts. Of course, I

know she can from many experiences. So he had felt Amma in his

presence somehow communicating to him on some level so it seemed. He

wanted to know if he could call her on the phone to talk. But not

understanding how Amma is so busy, on the run, etc-I explained

calling her was not really possible. He was able to have someone ask

her a question and decided he also wanted to see Amma.

 

He decided on Chicago. I love Chicago but it is usually quite busy

and full of crowds and I preferred he found a less busy venue just

because he is painfully shy and anxious. I thought we should go to

Iowa City but he could not miss the traditional big fireworks with

friends. (He has no idea what fireworks Amma has!)

 

We arrived late on Friday-at 3:30 in the morning and went straight to

the hall. Immediately my son was overwhelmed by what would seem like

a small crowd to us. (He is very VERY introverted.) Throughout our

stay I tried to get him to go with me to get a hug, but each time,

the crowds and hall produced too much anxiety for him. Some working

the priority line knew his dilemma and were willing to get him in

late at night when crowds were smaller. I shared this with him but

nothing worked. It was all too much for his sensitve nature.

 

Just waiting in line on Devi Bhava was too much for him and

reluctantly, he returned to our hotel room. I waited in line and

decide to do some seva since he was unable to stay. After the puja I

visited him in the room before going to see Amma on the chance he

would change his mind. He did not. I had an early token since I knew

I needed to spend time with my anxious son.

 

I sat in line feeling a bit sad and disappointed, wishing I was going

to get a blessing from Amma with my son. While waiting, I had the

realization that it was not my decision to make but Amma's on when my

son would see Her. I realized that I did not need to worry-that Amma

would work it all out in Her own time and when it was right for my

son.

 

As I sat in the darshan line thinking of this, I thought,- I wish

Amma would at least give me an apple for my son so he would know that

She is thinking of him. I just wanted him to know somehow that She

was aware of him. As my turn came, Amma gave me the most beautiful

darshan. Smiling and gazing at me, she turned and looked over the

apples and picked one out, handing it to me beaming at me all the

while. Spontaneously, I said " Jai Ma! " I realized that she KNEW.

 

Sitting to the side, I cried for what seemed a very long time. I had

not cried hard around Amma in a very long while and it must have been

what I needed. Every time I see Her it is different. It seems I

forget Her greatness or something and this just made me wake up

again. Of course, I'd like to say I never forget. But it isn't true.

I have had many incredibly experiences with Amma, but at times I

think thoughts like, why am I going to see Amma anyway and begin

having crazy thoughts like what am I doing? Then She gently and

swiftly pulls me to her like the lamb's head in the Lion's mouth. She

will not let go. And I am so glad of this.

 

I took the apple to my son and told him the story. He raised his

eyebrows. I was leaving the room to go back down to the program hall

and noticed the apple was gone. My son took it with him as he

prepared for bed. Later I learned he had eaten it after I had left.

 

He knows Amma was thinking of him.

 

in Amma,

Adriane

[Guest guest]

This is very beautiful and moving.

 

XOXO

 

n2amma <a1driane wrote:

Namah Shivaya,

My oldest son wanted to see Amma this year for the first time. Up to

this point, he has considered the whole thing a bit crazy yet typical

of his unconventional mother (me as opposed to his " real " Mother)-

chasing a guru around. He had been gazing at her many pictures around

the house and asked me if She could read your thoughts. Of course, I

know she can from many experiences. So he had felt Amma in his

presence somehow communicating to him on some level so it seemed. He

wanted to know if he could call her on the phone to talk. But not

understanding how Amma is so busy, on the run, etc-I explained

calling her was not really possible. He was able to have someone ask

her a question and decided he also wanted to see Amma.

 

He decided on Chicago. I love Chicago but it is usually quite busy

and full of crowds and I preferred he found a less busy venue just

because he is painfully shy and anxious. I thought we should go to

Iowa City but he could not miss the traditional big fireworks with

friends. (He has no idea what fireworks Amma has!)

 

We arrived late on Friday-at 3:30 in the morning and went straight to

the hall. Immediately my son was overwhelmed by what would seem like

a small crowd to us. (He is very VERY introverted.) Throughout our

stay I tried to get him to go with me to get a hug, but each time,

the crowds and hall produced too much anxiety for him. Some working

the priority line knew his dilemma and were willing to get him in

late at night when crowds were smaller. I shared this with him but

nothing worked. It was all too much for his sensitve nature.

 

Just waiting in line on Devi Bhava was too much for him and

reluctantly, he returned to our hotel room. I waited in line and

decide to do some seva since he was unable to stay. After the puja I

visited him in the room before going to see Amma on the chance he

would change his mind. He did not. I had an early token since I knew

I needed to spend time with my anxious son.

 

I sat in line feeling a bit sad and disappointed, wishing I was going

to get a blessing from Amma with my son. While waiting, I had the

realization that it was not my decision to make but Amma's on when my

son would see Her. I realized that I did not need to worry-that Amma

would work it all out in Her own time and when it was right for my

son.

 

As I sat in the darshan line thinking of this, I thought,- I wish

Amma would at least give me an apple for my son so he would know that

She is thinking of him. I just wanted him to know somehow that She

was aware of him. As my turn came, Amma gave me the most beautiful

darshan. Smiling and gazing at me, she turned and looked over the

apples and picked one out, handing it to me beaming at me all the

while. Spontaneously, I said " Jai Ma! " I realized that she KNEW.

 

Sitting to the side, I cried for what seemed a very long time. I had

not cried hard around Amma in a very long while and it must have been

what I needed. Every time I see Her it is different. It seems I

forget Her greatness or something and this just made me wake up

again. Of course, I'd like to say I never forget. But it isn't true.

I have had many incredibly experiences with Amma, but at times I

think thoughts like, why am I going to see Amma anyway and begin

having crazy thoughts like what am I doing? Then She gently and

swiftly pulls me to her like the lamb's head in the Lion's mouth. She

will not let go. And I am so glad of this.

 

I took the apple to my son and told him the story. He raised his

eyebrows. I was leaving the room to go back down to the program hall

and noticed the apple was gone. My son took it with him as he

prepared for bed. Later I learned he had eaten it after I had left.

 

He knows Amma was thinking of him.

 

in Amma,

Adriane