Guest guest Posted August 24, 2008 Report Share Posted August 24, 2008 Well, there's nothing funny about Janmastami. Still, among "Jokes" Krishna is the "Punchline. So USA's FOX TV have a show named "24" about a super-duper Counter-terrorist Agent named JACK BAUER. And his amazing prowess has spawned a series of jokes called Jack Bauer jokes. Here are a few examples concerning the US election. Hope you find these funny. He is just a TV character... *Whenever John McCain brags about his 7 years in the Hanoi Hilton, Barak Obama can counter that he once shook Jack Bauer's hand. *Jack Bauer wants to vote for Barak Obama just so he can torture him into giving up the "???". Only Jack Bauer gets to interrogate the President. By Presidential Order.*The election rules were changed that every candidate has to pass a 7 minute interview with Jack Bauer. Now NO ONE is running for President.*ONLY Jack Bauer is fit to be President. Elections are a waste of money that could better be used to buy bullets for Jack Bauer.*When Jack Bauer says he plans to "speak with the President of Iran", if YOU'RE the President of Iran, well, your fucked, Amigo.*Jack Bauer doesn't need the Israeli military to deal with Iran. The Israeli military needs Jack Bauer's "OK".*Both Iraqi and USA officials agreed that if 101 card-board cut-outs of Jack Bauer holding a side-bag were sent to Iraq then all US forces could leave. Why 101? 100 for Iraq and 1 to put on the border with Iran.*When "24" is played on Iran TV it is reduced to only the advertisements after the censors clip the violent parts.*President Jack Bauer doesn't have an Iranian problem. Iran has a Jack Bauer problem.*The entire Muslim World threatened "sanctions against America" unless it gives up the idea of Jack Bauer for President.*If Jack Bauer were President he would never listen to his National Security Advisor. NOBODY advises Jack Bauer.*If Jack Bauer WANTS your advice, then he will torture you for it.*FACT: There have been NO terror attacks in the USA since Kiefer Sutherland changed his name to Jack Bauer.*The UN threatened to "tell Jack Bauer!" unless Iran stopped all en-rich-ment. Since then Iran stopped it's oil business and has become a "poor" country.*The President of Iran is afraid to have even a TV conference with Jack Bauer.*Jack Bauer would pre-record his conversation and use the TV conference as a diversion to break into the room where the President of Iran is sitting, and "speak" with him directly.*Jack Bauer has methods of interrogation that enable people to remember previous lives.*President Jack Bauer would solve the financial situation by ordering everyone to make money.*President Jack Bauer would solve the homeless problem by demanding they get homes.*President Jack Bauer would solve the drug problem by transforming all drugs into medicine.*President Jack Bauer would solve the crime problem by outlawing outlawing.*President Jack Bauer would solve the terror problem by, basically, just being himself.*Jack Bauer's campaign motto is "Violence we can believe in."*As President Jack Bauer would print 24 zillion $24 bills with his picture on each note. In this way Jack would end inflation. The bills would also say, "In God We Trust! In Jack Bauer God Trusts!" ---IF ANYONE DOESN'T THINK THESE ARE FUNNY, THEN PLEASE GO STAND IN FRONT OF A MIRROR AND SAY, "I AM A WITLESS GEEK!" Get your new Email address! Grab the Email name you've always wanted before someone else does! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 25, 2008 Report Share Posted August 25, 2008 Hari bol Certainly there is some humor here albeit sadly though. Rockefeller is funding the 24 series to accustom people that" torturing children to get their parents to talk is OK", etc. How about torturing brahmins? Gadai--- On Sun, 8/24/08, Richard Shaw Brown <rsbj66 wrote: Richard Shaw Brown <rsbj66 "24"s JACK BAUER for President (FACTS?)"Planetary Group Group" <planetary-gemology >, "Sacred Group Group" <sacred-objects >Cc: "Ann" <alphanov2Sunday, August 24, 2008, 8:02 AM Well, there's nothing funny about Janmastami. Still, among "Jokes" Krishna is the "Punchline. So USA's FOX TV have a show named "24" about a super-duper Counter-terrorist Agent named JACK BAUER. And his amazing prowess has spawned a series of jokes called Jack Bauer jokes. Here are a few examples concerning the US election. Hope you find these funny. He is just a TV character... *Whenever John McCain brags about his 7 years in the Hanoi Hilton, Barak Obama can counter that he once shook Jack Bauer's hand. *Jack Bauer wants to vote for Barak Obama just so he can torture him into giving up the "???". Only Jack Bauer gets to interrogate the President. By Presidential Order.*The election rules were changed that every candidate has to pass a 7 minute interview with Jack Bauer. Now NO ONE is running for President.*ONLY Jack Bauer is fit to be President. Elections are a waste of money that could better be used to buy bullets for Jack Bauer.*When Jack Bauer says he plans to "speak with the President of Iran", if YOU'RE the President of Iran, well, your fucked, Amigo.*Jack Bauer doesn't need the Israeli military to deal with Iran. The Israeli military needs Jack Bauer's "OK".*Both Iraqi and USA officials agreed that if 101 card-board cut-outs of Jack Bauer holding a side-bag were sent to Iraq then all US forces could leave. Why 101? 100 for Iraq and 1 to put on the border with Iran.*When "24" is played on Iran TV it is reduced to only the advertisements after the censors clip the violent parts.*President Jack Bauer doesn't have an Iranian problem. Iran has a Jack Bauer problem.*The entire Muslim World threatened "sanctions against America" unless it gives up the idea of Jack Bauer for President.*If Jack Bauer were President he would never listen to his National Security Advisor. NOBODY advises Jack Bauer.*If Jack Bauer WANTS your advice, then he will torture you for it.*FACT: There have been NO terror attacks in the USA since Kiefer Sutherland changed his name to Jack Bauer.*The UN threatened to "tell Jack Bauer!" unless Iran stopped all en-rich-ment. Since then Iran stopped it's oil business and has become a "poor" country.*The President of Iran is afraid to have even a TV conference with Jack Bauer.*Jack Bauer would pre-record his conversation and use the TV conference as a diversion to break into the room where the President of Iran is sitting, and "speak" with him directly.*Jack Bauer has methods of interrogation that enable people to remember previous lives.*President Jack Bauer would solve the financial situation by ordering everyone to make money.*President Jack Bauer would solve the homeless problem by demanding they get homes.*President Jack Bauer would solve the drug problem by transforming all drugs into medicine.*President Jack Bauer would solve the crime problem by outlawing outlawing.*President Jack Bauer would solve the terror problem by, basically, just being himself.*Jack Bauer's campaign motto is "Violence we can believe in."*As President Jack Bauer would print 24 zillion $24 bills with his picture on each note. In this way Jack would end inflation. The bills would also say, "In God We Trust! In Jack Bauer God Trusts!" ---IF ANYONE DOESN'T THINK THESE ARE FUNNY, THEN PLEASE GO STAND IN FRONT OF A MIRROR AND SAY, "I AM A WITLESS GEEK!" Get your new Email address! Grab the Email name you've always wanted before someone else does! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 26, 2008 Report Share Posted August 26, 2008 How about: Jack Bauer could torture Brahman until it gave mukti. sacred-objects , David Sherk <gadaidasa wrote: > > Hari bol Certainly there is some humor here albeit sadly though. Rockefeller is funding the 24 series to accustom people that " torturing children to get their parents to talk is OK " , etc. > > --- On Sun, 8/24/08, Richard Shaw Brown <rsbj66 wrote: > > Richard Shaw Brown <rsbj66 > " 24 " s JACK BAUER for President (FACTS?) > " Planetary Group Group " <planetary-gemology >, " Sacred Group Group " <sacred-objects > > Cc: " Ann " <alphanov2 > Sunday, August 24, 2008, 8:02 AM > > > > Well, there's nothing funny about Janmastami. Still, among " Jokes " Krishna is the " Punchline. So USA's FOX TV have a show named " 24 " about a super-duper Counter-terrorist Agent named JACK BAUER. And his amazing prowess has spawned a series of jokes called Jack Bauer jokes. Here are a few examples concerning the US election. Hope you find these funny. He is just a TV character... > > > *Whenever John McCain brags about his 7 years in the Hanoi Hilton, Barak Obama can counter that he once shook Jack Bauer's hand. > > *Jack Bauer wants to vote for Barak Obama just so he can torture him into giving up the " ??? " . Only Jack Bauer gets to interrogate the President. By Presidential Order. > > *The election rules were changed that every candidate has to pass a 7 minute interview with Jack Bauer. Now NO ONE is running for President. > > *ONLY Jack Bauer is fit to be President. Elections are a waste of money that could better be used to buy bullets for Jack Bauer. > > *When Jack Bauer says he plans to " speak with the President of Iran " , if YOU'RE the President of Iran, well, your fucked, Amigo. > > *Jack Bauer doesn't need the Israeli military to deal with Iran. The Israeli military needs Jack Bauer's " OK " . > > *Both Iraqi and USA officials agreed that if 101 card-board cut-outs of Jack Bauer holding a side-bag were sent to Iraq then all US forces could leave. Why 101? 100 for Iraq and 1 to put on the border with Iran. > > *When " 24 " is played on Iran TV it is reduced to only the advertisements after the censors clip the violent parts. > > *President Jack Bauer doesn't have an Iranian problem. Iran has a Jack Bauer problem. > > *The entire Muslim World threatened " sanctions against America " unless it gives up the idea of Jack Bauer for President. > > *If Jack Bauer were President he would never listen to his National Security Advisor. NOBODY advises Jack Bauer. > > *If Jack Bauer WANTS your advice, then he will torture you for it. > > *FACT: There have been NO terror attacks in the USA since Kiefer Sutherland changed his name to Jack Bauer. > > *The UN threatened to " tell Jack Bauer! " unless Iran stopped all en-rich-ment. Since then Iran stopped it's oil business and has become a " poor " country. > > *The President of Iran is afraid to have even a TV conference with Jack Bauer. > > *Jack Bauer would pre-record his conversation and use the TV conference as a diversion to break into the room where the President of Iran is sitting, and " speak " with him directly. > > *Jack Bauer has methods of interrogation that enable people to remember previous lives. > > *President Jack Bauer would solve the financial situation by ordering everyone to make money. > > *President Jack Bauer would solve the homeless problem by demanding they get homes. > > *President Jack Bauer would solve the drug problem by transforming all drugs into medicine. > > *President Jack Bauer would solve the crime problem by outlawing outlawing. > > *President Jack Bauer would solve the terror problem by, basically, just being himself. > > *Jack Bauer's campaign motto is " Violence we can believe in. " > > *As President Jack Bauer would print 24 zillion $24 bills with his picture on each note. In this way Jack would end inflation. The bills would also say, " In God We Trust! In Jack Bauer God Trusts! " > > ---IF ANYONE DOESN'T THINK THESE ARE FUNNY, THEN PLEASE GO STAND IN FRONT OF A MIRROR AND SAY, " I AM A WITLESS GEEK! " > > > > Get your new Email address! > Grab the Email name you've always wanted before someone else does! > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 28, 2008 Report Share Posted August 28, 2008 Jaya How about: Jack could torture Sai Baba until he produced a gold coin with Jack's image on it. On the back: Jack for pres--- On Tue, 8/26/08, Richard Shaw Brown <rsbj66 wrote: Richard Shaw Brown <rsbj66 Re: "24"s JACK BAUER for President (FACTS?)sacred-objects Date: Tuesday, August 26, 2008, 12:44 PM How about: Jack Bauer could torture Brahman until it gave mukti.sacred-objects, David Sherk <gadaidasa@. ..> wrote:>> Hari bol Certainly there is some humor here albeit sadly though.Rockefeller is funding the 24 series to accustom people that"torturing children to get their parents to talk is OK", etc.> > --- On Sun, 8/24/08, Richard Shaw Brown <rsbj66 wrote:> > Richard Shaw Brown <rsbj66> "24"s JACK BAUER for President (FACTS?)> "Planetary Group Group" <planetary-gemology>,"Sacred Group Group" <sacred-objects@ . com>> Cc: "Ann" <alphanov2@. ..>> Sunday, August 24, 2008, 8:02 AM> > > > > > > > > > > Well, there's nothing funny about Janmastami. Still, among "Jokes"Krishna is the "Punchline. So USA's FOX TV have a show named "24"about a super-duper Counter-terrorist Agent named JACK BAUER. And hisamazing prowess has spawned a series of jokes called Jack Bauer jokes.Here are a few examples concerning the US election. Hope you findthese funny. He is just a TV character...> > > *Whenever John McCain brags about his 7 years in the Hanoi Hilton,Barak Obama can counter that he once shook Jack Bauer's hand.> > *Jack Bauer wants to vote for Barak Obama just so he can torture himinto giving up the "???". Only Jack Bauer gets to interrogate thePresident. By Presidential Order.> > *The election rules were changed that every candidate has to pass a7 minute interview with Jack Bauer. Now NO ONE is running for President.> > *ONLY Jack Bauer is fit to be President. Elections are a waste ofmoney that could better be used to buy bullets for Jack Bauer.> > *When Jack Bauer says he plans to "speak with the President ofIran", if YOU'RE the President of Iran, well, your fucked, Amigo.> > *Jack Bauer doesn't need the Israeli military to deal with Iran. TheIsraeli military needs Jack Bauer's "OK".> > *Both Iraqi and USA officials agreed that if 101 card-board cut-outsof Jack Bauer holding a side-bag were sent to Iraq then all US forcescould leave. Why 101? 100 for Iraq and 1 to put on the border with Iran.> > *When "24" is played on Iran TV it is reduced to only theadvertisements after the censors clip the violent parts.> > *President Jack Bauer doesn't have an Iranian problem. Iran has aJack Bauer problem.> > *The entire Muslim World threatened "sanctions against America"unless it gives up the idea of Jack Bauer for President.> > *If Jack Bauer were President he would never listen to his NationalSecurity Advisor. NOBODY advises Jack Bauer.> > *If Jack Bauer WANTS your advice, then he will torture you for it.> > *FACT: There have been NO terror attacks in the USA since KieferSutherland changed his name to Jack Bauer.> > *The UN threatened to "tell Jack Bauer!" unless Iran stopped allen-rich-ment. Since then Iran stopped it's oil business and has becomea "poor" country.> > *The President of Iran is afraid to have even a TV conference withJack Bauer.> > *Jack Bauer would pre-record his conversation and use the TVconference as a diversion to break into the room where the Presidentof Iran is sitting, and "speak" with him directly.> > *Jack Bauer has methods of interrogation that enable people toremember previous lives.> > *President Jack Bauer would solve the financial situation byordering everyone to make money.> > *President Jack Bauer would solve the homeless problem by demandingthey get homes.> > *President Jack Bauer would solve the drug problem by transformingall drugs into medicine.> > *President Jack Bauer would solve the crime problem by outlawingoutlawing.> > *President Jack Bauer would solve the terror problem by, basically,just being himself.> > *Jack Bauer's campaign motto is "Violence we can believe in."> > *As President Jack Bauer would print 24 zillion $24 bills with hispicture on each note. In this way Jack would end inflation. The billswould also say, "In God We Trust! In Jack Bauer God Trusts!"> > ---IF ANYONE DOESN'T THINK THESE ARE FUNNY, THEN PLEASE GO STAND INFRONT OF A MIRROR AND SAY, "I AM A WITLESS GEEK!"> > > > Get your new Email address!> Grab the Email name you've always wanted before someone else does!> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 31, 2008 Report Share Posted August 31, 2008 HAAA!!! Good one! - If Jack Bauer were given the Vedas he could demand the absolute truth, and get it, within 24 hours. NO BODY WANTS TO BE JACK BAUER'S GURU. sacred-objects , David Sherk <gadaidasa wrote: > > Jaya How about: Jack could torture Sai Baba until he produced a gold coin with Jack's image on it. On the back: Jack for pres > > --- On Tue, 8/26/08, Richard Shaw Brown <rsbj66 wrote: > > Richard Shaw Brown <rsbj66 > Re: " 24 " s JACK BAUER for President (FACTS?) > sacred-objects > Tuesday, August 26, 2008, 12:44 PM How about: Jack Bauer could torture Brahman until it gave mukti. > > sacred-objects, David Sherk <gadaidasa@ ..> wrote: > > > > Hari bol Certainly there is some humor here albeit sadly though. > Rockefeller is funding the 24 series to accustom people that " > torturing children to get their parents to talk is OK " , etc. > > > > --- On Sun, 8/24/08, Richard Shaw Brown <rsbj66@> wrote: > > > > Richard Shaw Brown <rsbj66@> > > " 24 " s JACK BAUER for President (FACTS?) > > " Planetary Group Group " <planetary-gemology>, > " Sacred Group Group " <sacred-objects> > > Cc: " Ann " <alphanov2@ ..> > > Sunday, August 24, 2008, 8:02 AM > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Well, there's nothing funny about Janmastami. Still, among " Jokes " > Krishna is the " Punchline. So USA's FOX TV have a show named " 24 " > about a super-duper Counter-terrorist Agent named JACK BAUER. And his > amazing prowess has spawned a series of jokes called Jack Bauer jokes. > Here are a few examples concerning the US election. Hope you find > these funny. He is just a TV character... > > > > > > *Whenever John McCain brags about his 7 years in the Hanoi Hilton, > Barak Obama can counter that he once shook Jack Bauer's hand. > > > > *Jack Bauer wants to vote for Barak Obama just so he can torture him > into giving up the " ??? " . Only Jack Bauer gets to interrogate the > President. By Presidential Order. > > > > *The election rules were changed that every candidate has to pass a > 7 minute interview with Jack Bauer. Now NO ONE is running for President. > > > > *ONLY Jack Bauer is fit to be President. Elections are a waste of > money that could better be used to buy bullets for Jack Bauer. > > > > *When Jack Bauer says he plans to " speak with the President of > Iran " , if YOU'RE the President of Iran, well, your fucked, Amigo. > > > > *Jack Bauer doesn't need the Israeli military to deal with Iran. The > Israeli military needs Jack Bauer's " OK " . > > > > *Both Iraqi and USA officials agreed that if 101 card-board cut-outs > of Jack Bauer holding a side-bag were sent to Iraq then all US forces > could leave. Why 101? 100 for Iraq and 1 to put on the border with Iran. > > > > *When " 24 " is played on Iran TV it is reduced to only the > advertisements after the censors clip the violent parts. > > > > *President Jack Bauer doesn't have an Iranian problem. Iran has a > Jack Bauer problem. > > > > *The entire Muslim World threatened " sanctions against America " > unless it gives up the idea of Jack Bauer for President. > > > > *If Jack Bauer were President he would never listen to his National > Security Advisor. NOBODY advises Jack Bauer. > > > > *If Jack Bauer WANTS your advice, then he will torture you for it. > > > > *FACT: There have been NO terror attacks in the USA since Kiefer > Sutherland changed his name to Jack Bauer. > > > > *The UN threatened to " tell Jack Bauer! " unless Iran stopped all > en-rich-ment. Since then Iran stopped it's oil business and has become > a " poor " country. > > > > *The President of Iran is afraid to have even a TV conference with > Jack Bauer. > > > > *Jack Bauer would pre-record his conversation and use the TV > conference as a diversion to break into the room where the President > of Iran is sitting, and " speak " with him directly. > > > > *Jack Bauer has methods of interrogation that enable people to > remember previous lives. > > > > *President Jack Bauer would solve the financial situation by > ordering everyone to make money. > > > > *President Jack Bauer would solve the homeless problem by demanding > they get homes. > > > > *President Jack Bauer would solve the drug problem by transforming > all drugs into medicine. > > > > *President Jack Bauer would solve the crime problem by outlawing > outlawing. > > > > *President Jack Bauer would solve the terror problem by, basically, > just being himself. > > > > *Jack Bauer's campaign motto is " Violence we can believe in. " > > > > *As President Jack Bauer would print 24 zillion $24 bills with his > picture on each note. In this way Jack would end inflation. The bills > would also say, " In God We Trust! In Jack Bauer God Trusts! " > > > > ---IF ANYONE DOESN'T THINK THESE ARE FUNNY, THEN PLEASE GO STAND IN > FRONT OF A MIRROR AND SAY, " I AM A WITLESS GEEK! " > > > > > > > > Get your new Email address! > > Grab the Email name you've always wanted before someone else does! > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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