Like, Misunderstood (thin slice = into the Army)

[Guest guest]

God! This is turning into a bummer. Wait. Huh? Yeah, just breathe. In

and out. See your breath, feel your breath. Yeah! OK, enough of that,

now I wanna do something else. But sh*t! I gotta keep up this friggen

breathing. ‘Ulp!’ If I stop this breathing then I’ll die! ‘Gulp.’ Man,

I can’t spend the rest of my life doing this breathing thing! What?

Huh? Hey, how did I used to breathe? It was never a problem before. Oh

yeah! Before it was autopilot, you know, cruise control breathing.

Yeah! Cool! But, like, how do I get back into auto-breathing mode? Holy

God!

 

Suddenly I’m struck by a psychedelic vision of the band playing before

a huge crowd. Everyone is tossing flowers and confetti is falling on

us. We’re superstars bowing to the cheering audience. I’m just

completely basking in the huge adulation, with a broad grin. Everything

is rosy. The crowd is cheering wildly. The night sky starts to glow

with the light of a divine winged child who descends from the sky and

floats in the air on stage in front of me.

 

Holy Moly! I’m amazed! The angel-child has a halo, and the she pulls

out a glowing mirror rimmed in solid gold. The angel hands the glowing

mirror to me. I take the golden mirror, wow! It’s really heavy, and

cold to touch. Gazing inside the looking glass I see the closed eye, a

women's eye: suddenly the eye opens – looking straight at me.

 

BRRRRRINGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!

 

Huh? What the f**k? Is that a fire bell? Are we on fire?

 

I sit up. WHAT? I’m sleeping on the top of an Army bunk bed! It’s dark.

 

BRRRRRRRINGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!

 

All the lights turn on …blinding after the dark room. The goddamn bell

stops.

 

WHAM! BAM! The two doors burst open and huge booted drill sergeants

come marching in like the giants from hell. The four marching drill

sergeants stop in the center of the barracks and one of them, a huge

black DI bellows out, ‘Well well, lookie hea! You all regular sleepin’

beauties! Well I got some baaad news fo’ you! I ain't no Tinkerbell, ya

hea? Now we gonna have some fun tonight.’

 

I look out the window where it is pouring with cold rain and blowing

cold wind. Huh? The wall clock says 2 A.M.

 

‘Listen up!’ he continues. ‘We all goin to daa Nam. Ya hea? We goin

over there an’ hunt Charlie! And that Charlie he a baaad muthafucka!

Well, it ain't so tidy over there, an’ one day you all gonna thank me

for this here trainin.’

 

‘Gee, thanks! Do you take rainchecks?’ I wonder to myself.

 

‘Now git outta yo bunks and hit the deck, on the double! NOW you

candy-ass sons-a-bitches! NOW! MOVE IT!!’

 

The four sergeants start walking up and down the barracks banging their

sticks and long flashlights on the bedposts. The racket and noise is

terrible,

 

I stumble out of bed, ripped on two hits of lightning. I glance around

the barracks and it looks like the 4th of July, with fireworks

exploding inside the room.

 

I’m like, ‘Oh! Maaaan! Oh MAN!’

 

The huge black drill sergeant walks up to me. I’m standing next to my

bunk in long white winter underwear and socks – it is cold! The huge

Sergeant puts his nose against my nose and shouts, ‘Private Brown, is

you ready fo’ some mo' basic trainin?’

 

He then turns to face the double line of dazed recruits. ‘Private Brown

here is gonna take us fo’ some BT, ain't that right, Private Brown?’

 

I try to reply but can't find my mouth.

 

‘Speak up, soldier!’

 

Jeez, now I can’t even find my face. Sh*t! Me who?

 

With a loud smack, the Sergeant slaps my ear with his flashlight,

causing me to see stars.

 

‘Muthafucka we gon’ party ta-night! All right, everybody lets get

outside to da parade groun'. Now let’s move it, soldiers, double time,

now, move, move!’

 

Me along with the other recruits, all dressed in white long underwear,

start to file out of the barracks and march into the dark pouring cold

rain and mud

 

If there was ever a perfect song that described the Vietnam War and

Army draft, it’s AC/DC’s ‘Hell’s Bells’. Now I know that song doesn’t

exist yet, but if you happen to have a copy anyway, then put it on,

crank it up, and try to match the lyrics with Vietnam. I kid you not!

 

‘I’m rollin’ thunder I’m power rain’ – B-52s drop tons of bombs on Nam.

 

‘I’m coming on like a hurricane’ – jets swoop overhead dropping napalm

on the jungle.

 

‘White lightnings flashing across the sky’ – huge arch light explosions

on the horizon.

 

‘You’re only young but you’re gonna die!’ – teenage troop draftees

wallow in mud and blood. Can vote? NO! Can die? Yes!

 

‘Won’t take no prisoners, won’t spare no lives’ – Saigon Police Chief

shoots VC suspect in the head – point blank – blood spurts out.

 

‘Nobody’s putting up a fight’ – draftees standing, unwillingly, taking

the oath of induction.

 

‘Got my bell I’m gonna take you to hell!’ – The Liberty Bell, cracked,

in reverse.

 

‘Satan’s gonna get you, gonna get you’ – ‘Uncle Sam Wants You’ poster.

 

‘Hells Bells! – They coming for you!’ – The US draft board.

 

2 ORDER - http://www.themisunderstood.com/like-novel.html

 

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