Astrology and The Gender Divide - Bettina

May 29, 2004

Hi Bettina,

So sorry for responding so late...here's my reply...

You're absolutely correct when you mention the fact that Today's

Woman doesn't want to " marry down " yet alot of guys do it all the

time, with no end in sight. What I'm trying to convey to those with

a wooden ear is the fact that these women - and I AM NOT SAYING ALL

WOMEN - simply have unrealistic expectations - and if you're a

working astrologer you've had to see this. These ladies don't want

Everyman, they want Superman - too bad he only exists in comic books

and on movie screens.

Your comments about the Black community here in the USA are

interesting, because for the most part you are correct - but there

must be an adjustment here.

It is true that at one time in the hood, a Black lady teacher could

and did hook up with a brotha who was a plumber...or an RN who got

with a carpenter - and make no mistake, there are still such couples

around.

But as more and more Black women go on into corporate America, it's

hard to see them pairing off with a Ralph Cramden-like bus driver,

or his buddy Norton, who worked down in the sewers for a

living...like their White counterparts, these sistas expect and

basically demand that their mates come from the same backgrounds,

have the same experiences, the same tastes and sensibilities. And

like their White counterparts, we're starting to hear more and more

complaints from such sistas about how they can't find " eligible "

mate material.

....and there's another dimension to this, while we're on the

point...that of interracial dating and mating. According to US

census figures, while White man/Asian woman marriages remain the

largest sector here, the largest Black/White pairings are those made

up of a Black man and White woman - some 70% of them. On top of

that, the majority of such pairings occur among the middle and upper-

middle class - which means, for those sistas in that same class and

social grouping, there's even fewer potential mates.

This fact isn't lost on the brothas of that group - they're a hot

commodity, and they know it - and take full advantage of their

position. They have maximum freedom to chose pretty much any woman

they want - and let's be honest, there's alot to be said for the

mystique sexually of the Black man...lots of White women often

wonder what it would be like if they were to " go there " ...with

Hispanic and Asian women not far behind.

This is the source of alot of pain, fear and outright rage among

many a sista, and I've always wondered about the

supposed " solidarity " between Black and White women...do they spend

any time at all discussing this very important issue? If Oprah's

show is any indication, the answer has to be " No " .

There's more that I could say here, but I'll wait for your response.

In the meantime, let me say that what you said about the downfalls

of Indian marriage is true, but from where I sit, that should go

without saying...I mean, it's commonsense to think something's wrong

with the notion that a woman should burn herself alive if her

husband dies before she does, and so on.

You dig me?

Your serve.

Salaam,

Mu

May 30, 2004

Hello, Mu ...

When I was young back in the '60s, it was considered " cool " , rebellious, and

somewhat daring for a White girl to date a Black guy. Usually the girls who

did this were considered artsy, bohemian, or hung around the jazz scene,

that sort of thing. Many times they were involved in the Civil Rights

Movement. However, in the last decade or two I knew quite a few ordinary

middle class interracial couples ... the lady being White, the man Black

more often than not.

Up until recently I lived in the CA Bay Area, which may be a little

different from other parts of the country, though I lived in the a mostly

middle class suburb. During my last few years there I started seeing more

young couples (whether they were married, or dating, or just friends, I

don't know) where the dude was White and the lady Black, so this seems to be

an upcoming trend. They usually looked like people who worked in offices

.... you know, probably college educated, neither poor nor rich. I don't

know why it was the reverse for so long, but my theory is that with more

Black females than Males getting college eds, they (the Black females) are

now finding themselves in more situations, either at work or school, with

available White guys. A simple matter of what's out there.

Yes, I've seen many White guys with Asian wives/girlfriends. As you say, I

think they find them to be more " feminine " , undemanding, less critical. My

theory is that in the Asian countries the women are often treated like

underlings by the men, so White guys might seem like a relief to the women.

In CA I also used to see quite a few examples of what I'm sure were " mail

order brides " , older white guys with Philippino wives about 30 yrs. younger

than themselves. Whatever works! Asian male/White female couples are still

relatively rare.

The exception to the Asian thing is East Indian/anything else relationships.

I don't see many of those, probably because of the strong religious

traditions of Indian folk.

Oh, you were talking about the arranged marriage thing. As I said before,

I've had a lot of Indian acquaintances, and my understanding is that

nowadays, though the marriages are planned by the parents, they also have to

be approved by the children. No more of these Not Meeting Your Spouse Until

the Wedding Day scenarios.

What did you think of the last paragraph of my last letter? About the widow

thing. Do you have thoughts on it?

.... Bettina

MuMin Bey [mumin_bey]

Saturday, May 29, 2004 9:52 AM

Re: Astrology and The Gender Divide -

Bettina