I've had a very sad life!!!!!!!!

[Guest guest]

Hello Umesh, I would like to start by saying that I am grateful for

the invitation to the group.

 

I have studied Traditional Astrology for 13 years, but I have very

little knowledge of Vedic or Jyotish Astrology.

 

My birthdata is Oct 9, 1974 Clifton, Illinois, 4:27pm

 

Umesh, I have had an extremely hard and difficult life. I was

abandoned by my father and abused by my mother. I do not have

contact w/ either parent. About 10 years ago my father made it very

clear to me that he is not interested in me, and my mother just

doesn't care much about me. When I was 21 years old I had a child,

and my child's father kidnapped him, and to make a long story short,

I hv no relationship w/ my child. My child's father (born Oct 1,

1973 Cleveland, Ohio, time unknown) was cruel, abusive, and

controlling, and his keeping my child from me is part of his cruel

and controlling nature.

 

I have never had a successful relationship, every man that I hv dated

has lied to me in some way, and twice I hv been in an abusive

relationship. Many times I have experienced abandonment in

relationships, as they usually just leave me for no discernable

reason. Most of my life has been spent alone, I live alone, I have

no family or support system, and Ive lost all hope of having a

partner whom is loyal and loving.

 

In 1997 I contracted the herpes virus from a boyfriend who failed to

tell me that he had it himself, and then he accused me of giving it

to him. Since this time I have been relatively alone.

 

I do not hv any desire to hv any more children (after the trauma of

hving my 1st child taken from me). And I have no desire to ever get

married. Through the little that I do know about Astrology I know

that the T-Square between Saturn, Sun-Mars, and Chiron will probably

prevent any truly happy family life anyway. And also that the Saturn-

Mars square tends to attract painful relationships w/ men. Mars

being in my 8th house, Saturn in the 5th, that explains me

contracting the herpes virus. The funny thing is, Saturn being in my

5th greatly diminishes my sex drive (and perhaps opportunities for

relationships), and I am not even overly sexually active. Like I

mentioned previously, I hv spent most of my adult life alone, marked

w/ long periods of abstinence.

 

And last but not least, I have lost the will to live. Everyday I

think about death, and I often pray for it. I hate the hand that has

been dealt to me in life, & I am extremely bitter and resentful

(although my combust Mars rarely outwardly displays my anger). I am

a sweet and giving person, apparently to my own detriment, and it

constantly eats at me how I've allowed others to abuse and take

advantage of me. Most nights I cry myself to sleep, and Im just

tired of being here. I feel like my life is not worth living, I feel

like Ive failed. I have very little energy left to continue (dont

worry, Im not suicidal).

 

My two quesions are this, is there anything that I can do to help

release the past 25 years of pain and heartache?

 

And also, I do not have medical insurance or access to medical care,

and when I have herpes outbreaks they are very painful physically and

moreso emotionally. Is there anything that I can do suppress or even

cure the virus? For the past 2 years I hv had to take Echinacea

EVERY DAY twice a day to suppress infections. If I miss even a day

my arms, legs, and feet fall asleep and I will have a break out in

two days' time. It's miserable!!!

 

Thank you for reading my post, I know its long, but Ive been through

a lot.

 

Emi