I've had a very sad life!!!! -- EMI, PLEASEREAD THIS............

[Guest guest]

I am sorry for prying into your business and reading a post

that was not intended for me. When I read the heading on your post I

said to myself, this person can't possibly have things as ruff as I

do, and oddly enough you do, plus our lives seem almost similiar.

I am a 26 year old with a 9 year old daughter, we both live in

a shelter. My parents have abused me mentally all of my life and

sometimes I wish the abuse was physical, because atleast if they only

beat me the pain would be gone by now, but words hurt more than any

pain I know of. I have to struggle everyday just to figure out how I

am going to feed my little girl, my daughters father doesn't want

anything to do with his daughter because he can't have me, he hasn't

seen his little girl in seven years. I had my little one when I was

only 16, and the money my mother collected from welfare for me and my

child, I didn't get one dime from her. I had to resort to

prostitution for about four years. I am trying my best not to go back

to doing that because I have been raped a total of five times already

and a couple of times I was almost killed. The only person I really

had in my life was my little brother, he was my best friend --- he

was also murdered at 16. I have a boy friend at the moment but at

times mentally he can be just as bad as my parents were. Every

relationship I was in was shit as well, and oddly every time I fall

in love I become a slave for that person because I am so desperate

for someone to love me.

I would love to be able to give up and just commit suicide so

that the pain would die right along with me, sometimes I fantasize

about being murdered myself, the only thing that keeps me strong is

the fact that I know if I have no-one now, then who will my daughter

have if I am gone???. I guess what I am trying to say is that we all

go through our own personal demons, and it is up to us if we are

going to be strong enough to deal with them and fight them off. One

of my little brother's has herpes and I know it can be incredibly

painful, sometimes he can't walk. I know he uses alot of medications

like Bacitration, Hydrocortisone and any kind of cream to clear the

out break up faster.There is a medicine that you can buy in the

pharmacy section of any discount store and I forget the name but it

comes in regular and extra strength and it is made for relieving the

pain of yeast infections, and trust me it will numb your whole

genital area so good, you will feel like you are in heaven-- (I will

try to find out the name if your interested, and it cost's like $4.00

the most.) Also you should try to fill out for a medicaid card

because Valtrex-(which is a pill), can clear up out breaks as well as

stop them from coming, my brother has not had an out break in over a

year.

I don't fully know your situation and all of the things

that might be bothering you but I hope this has helped ease your mind

a bit. Also remember that the more stressed out you are the more out-

breaks you are going to get. Just you writing to this message board

seeking some-one's help that you don't even know, show's that some-

where deep inside of you, you want to live, and you want to be happy

and trying to find help is a good start towards helping your self!

You should be proud of your self that you love your self enough to

not be suicidal even though you have been through so much. --(I wish

I could say the same.) I have to go now, I spent so much time already

on this letter, but know that you are not alone and someone does

care. If you ever feel the need to talk, I need friends and you can

feel free to e-mail me. I pray that things get better for you, shit

they say that if you truly love your self then it should be no

problem finding someone to love you, and I know some where in your

heart you do love your self, I wish I could say the same about myself.

No matter if you want to e-mail me back or not, I hope the best out

come for you, and I hope Lakitbastrology can help you.

 

Thanks for taking time out to read this and God Bless,

Jeannette Rosa -- <jean_rosa79