General advice-what are moral values for maintaining relationship and the priorities of the ralotionship

April 5, 2007

respected readers.,

this letter that i m posting is not related to jyotish advice. here i just

want to get the advice and poll for the moral values and the definition of the

relationship.

My friend gaurav and his girlfriend and evrything. as they are committed to

each other and were living with each other with complete relation ship.

my

It started when my friend gaurav met mitali single mother to 2 years daughtter

and 4 year son. while working in project.

while working they started liking each others as a friend. not mor than that.

after some time gaurav went to pune for new job.

there he realised that actually he was in love with mitali.

after 6 months when he returned bak due to his personal problem he proposed

mitali.

mitali being single married separated and also being older than him. with

responsibility of two child.

she explained all these and also suspected if his family will accept hr or

not.

say this continued for 3 months after say 6 months she accepted the proposal

tonly after when gaurav promised her that he will take car of all three o fthen

and he will not marry to girl other than mitali.

say after this approval from both side they were enjoying ther life by

supporting nad caring for each other.

they were totally commmited to each other. there was nothing wrong betwen them

after some time they developed the raition ship and gave completeness to their

relationship. with pure intention. there was no cheat . after six years gaurav

parents forced him to marry a girl that they had selected for him at that time

he disclosed that he want to marry mitali none other than her.

there was a bomb blast in his family every one in his family was aganinst this

marriage. as ecepectd by him. they said there is no problem in girl she is

really nice but what about society. how we will face them and answer them. what

will happenh to your sisters who are married . they will be given taunt on this

relation ship etc etc. his father saind that i will give my life after this

relation ship . but any how they proposal that was brought was cancelled any

how.

As they were working as partners in their business. after hapenning this they

used to work togather. they continued their relationship. in a hope that they

will still try to face the situation. but now gaurav has started givin his dual

sides as i dont know what will happen whenever mitali used to ask him what will

happen next.

but there relationship and of caring amd living togather continued for next

two years under a pressure about what will happen. gaurav use to say i don't

know what will happen. after hearing this mitali felt sorry and still loved him

as both of them loved each other from the bottom of their heart.

finally any how in next proposal gauravs parents engaged him with the girl of

their choice

he just gave up and told mitali that he was engaged now. plz mitali don't

misunderstand me. i tried a lot but i cant see the condition of father, mother

in tension. my brother who have not yet a issue is in tension that what will

happen . they all are hoping for a issue from me. so because of all these

reasons now i cannot resisit my parents more and i have to give up.

for mitali it was more than a shock. she tried to bring into his notice about

their love, there so long relationship like husban and wife., about his

commitment for herself and her kids.

she said morally you cannot avoid us in this way. you cannot take such major

decision without my concern. how can you leave us. we are a family. and in a

family we cannot leave anyone for any reason.

his reply was that i am not leaving you we will live as we are living i will

satisfy all your need but i had to marry just to fullfill my parents wish. but

we will continue the realtionship.

now in case of boy he was saying this as he really wanted to live with mitali

but was unable to explain this to his parents.

now respected sir plz advice

was the girl who was asking gaurav to marry her every thing will be alright

nothing will happen wrong . to family as for her he was like a husband.

moraally it was right or wrong.

about boy who was going to fulfill his parents wishes even though he loved

mitali a lot.

was it morally right on his part

plz answer

this is what happen around me in my friend circle both being my friend i just

want to discuss how such situations are to be handled by both baoy and girl.

now gaurav is married to another girl. his family is happy but he deep in

heart feel sorry about mitali.

here mitali after such break that to second time is still is in deep pains.

just trying to live her thrid part of her life alone with her kids.

gaurav stilll need her company and he is ready to give but mitalis self

respect is not allowing her to forgive him for the thing that he has done with

her.

she also dont' want to cheat the wife to gaurav. any how now this is cheating

to keep affair with a man with a wife.

the inttion of gaurav is also not wrong but he want to keep all relations

happy.

so whenever i consider both of them i think both are actualyy made for each

other but destiny had separated them.

i want the how to interprete the situation and

was the role of gaurav right on his part.

Was mitali who became harsh at the end when gaurav was engaging with another

girl right. she acted very very harshly with gaurav on last two days.

kya sahi hona chahiye tha

The fish are biting.

Get more visitors on your site using Search Marketing.

April 5, 2007

Dear Manisha,

gaurav is the only one to blame as far as I can see.

Gaurav should not marry if he is not allowed to marry

Mitali. If he cannot convince his parents then

the shortcomings lie with him . If after so many

years of living with her, he is still not

able to convince his parents that he truly loves

Mitali, it actually means that he does not

truly love her. Now he wishes to enjoy two women at

the cost of Mitali being left to the status of

a mistress, and the new women in his life as a

legally wedded wife, which means in other

words enjoying one cinema show is over, nothing left

to see there, lets enter another cinema hall and see

another movie. This is third clas behaviour. Dont

feel pity on Gaurav. And his lady love who he cant

marry probably she deserves that for having carried

on such a long period without actually marrying

after she left her first husband.

sorry for being harsh, but thats the truth as I

percieve it personally.

regards,

Bhaskar.

, manisha mahajan

<maniqsha721 wrote:

>

> respected readers.,

> this letter that i m posting is not related to jyotish advice.

here i just want to get the advice and poll for the moral values and

the definition of the relationship.

>

> My friend gaurav and his girlfriend and evrything. as they are

committed to each other and were living with each other with complete

relation ship.

> my

>

> It started when my friend gaurav met mitali single mother to 2

years daughtter and 4 year son. while working in project.

> while working they started liking each others as a friend. not

mor than that.

> after some time gaurav went to pune for new job.

>

> there he realised that actually he was in love with mitali.

>

> after 6 months when he returned bak due to his personal problem

he proposed mitali.

>

> mitali being single married separated and also being older than

him. with responsibility of two child.

>

> she explained all these and also suspected if his family will

accept hr or not.

>

> say this continued for 3 months after say 6 months she accepted

the proposal tonly after when gaurav promised her that he will take

car of all three o fthen and he will not marry to girl other than

mitali.

>

> say after this approval from both side they were enjoying ther

life by supporting nad caring for each other.

> they were totally commmited to each other. there was nothing

wrong betwen them after some time they developed the raition ship and

gave completeness to their relationship. with pure intention. there

was no cheat . after six years gaurav parents forced him to marry a

girl that they had selected for him at that time he disclosed that he

want to marry mitali none other than her.

> there was a bomb blast in his family every one in his family was

aganinst this marriage. as ecepectd by him. they said there is no

problem in girl she is really nice but what about society. how we

will face them and answer them. what will happenh to your sisters who

are married . they will be given taunt on this relation ship etc etc.

his father saind that i will give my life after this relation ship .

but any how they proposal that was brought was cancelled any how.

>

> As they were working as partners in their business. after

hapenning this they used to work togather. they continued their

relationship. in a hope that they will still try to face the

situation. but now gaurav has started givin his dual sides as i dont

know what will happen whenever mitali used to ask him what will

happen next.

>

> but there relationship and of caring amd living togather

continued for next two years under a pressure about what will happen.

gaurav use to say i don't know what will happen. after hearing this

mitali felt sorry and still loved him as both of them loved each

other from the bottom of their heart.

>

> finally any how in next proposal gauravs parents engaged him with

the girl of their choice

> he just gave up and told mitali that he was engaged now. plz

mitali don't misunderstand me. i tried a lot but i cant see the

condition of father, mother in tension. my brother who have not yet a

issue is in tension that what will happen . they all are hoping for a

issue from me. so because of all these reasons now i cannot resisit

my parents more and i have to give up.

>

> for mitali it was more than a shock. she tried to bring into his

notice about their love, there so long relationship like husban and

wife., about his commitment for herself and her kids.

>

> she said morally you cannot avoid us in this way. you cannot take

such major decision without my concern. how can you leave us. we are

a family. and in a family we cannot leave anyone for any reason.

>

> his reply was that i am not leaving you we will live as we are

living i will satisfy all your need but i had to marry just to

fullfill my parents wish. but we will continue the realtionship.

>

> now in case of boy he was saying this as he really wanted to live

with mitali but was unable to explain this to his parents.

>

> now respected sir plz advice

>

> was the girl who was asking gaurav to marry her every thing will

be alright nothing will happen wrong . to family as for her he was

like a husband. moraally it was right or wrong.

>

> about boy who was going to fulfill his parents wishes even though

he loved mitali a lot.

>

> was it morally right on his part

>

> plz answer

>

> this is what happen around me in my friend circle both being my

friend i just want to discuss how such situations are to be handled

by both baoy and girl.

>

> now gaurav is married to another girl. his family is happy but he

deep in heart feel sorry about mitali.

>

> here mitali after such break that to second time is still is in

deep pains. just trying to live her thrid part of her life alone with

her kids.

>

> gaurav stilll need her company and he is ready to give but

mitalis self respect is not allowing her to forgive him for the thing

that he has done with her.

>

> she also dont' want to cheat the wife to gaurav. any how now this

is cheating to keep affair with a man with a wife.

>

> the inttion of gaurav is also not wrong but he want to keep all

relations happy.

>

> so whenever i consider both of them i think both are actualyy

made for each other but destiny had separated them.

>

> i want the how to interprete the situation and

>

> was the role of gaurav right on his part.

>

> Was mitali who became harsh at the end when gaurav was engaging

with another girl right. she acted very very harshly with gaurav on

last two days.

>

> kya sahi hona chahiye tha

>

> Food fight? Enjoy some healthy debate

> in the Answers Food & Drink Q & A.

>

April 6, 2007

Dear Elaine,

Sometimes the best 'directions' come from those who have travelled

the road that we are seeking!

, " Elaine Gardner "

<pspmomster wrote:

>

> Namaste Manisha,

>

> While I am certainly the last person on earth to be giving

> advice--especially in this situation;

> Just an experience of my own in this same line....

> I have a VERY close friend, he is almost like a son to me, and was

the

> person who 8 years ago, took me to the Venketaswar Temple in PA,

USA. It

> changed my life completely. (For the BEST I might add--NEVER had I

felt so

> blessed, peaceful--and at " home " as much as after the Puja they did

for

> me--which I NOW know was a " Jyotish " Yagna.) His name is " VJ " -

(Name has

> been changed for privacy). In the past 8 years I have been exposed

to, and

> have learned MUCH about the Indian Culture and many of the

traditions.

> However, even one of my Teachers, Pandit Rajmani Tigunait, (and who

also has

> 2 children--born in India, brought up in USA) has spoken MANY times

of the

> terrible " cultural clashes " going on both in India and around the

world.

> *I* believe that most, if not ALL is the result of both the media

and other

> cultures " forcing " their values and customs on very vulnerable and

confused

> young adults in this society. The situation you have presented and

many

> similar circumstances are being repeated over and over--around the

world.

> The parents and family elders, still expecting the youngsters to

adhere to

> the family values and cultural traditions of their younger days,

and then

> the young people--well, actually, not JUST younger people, but say

men and

> women from 16-->50. (JUST an estimate). The point is, is that many

> families are being torn apart because of this situation--and that

certainly

> doesn't bode well for the future generations.

> " VJ " was born in this country to a Mother from S. India and

his Father

> from Northern India; who arrived here in the USA just months before

his

> birth. Both of his parents were from small villages, but were

highly

> educated and had secured wonderful jobs in the USA hoping to be

able to

> provide for VJ and his sister everything that they didn't have. I

doubt

> they EVER imagined what life would be like some 25 years later.

> Although VJ is the oldest, the " problems " actually started with his

sister,

> " Jai " . " Jai " had always preferred to date American boys--with

blond hair

> (for some reason). She also got caught up in " the fast lane " --and

still is

> to some point--drinking, smoking, going to clubs, etc. The fights

in their

> family home have become legendary for their neighborhood. " Jai "

finally

> moved out, has flat out told her parents she will not have anything

to do

> with an arranged marriage--and I believe, right now, she has been

fairly

> " disowned " . She's not doing well, and her parents are both angry

and

> depressed. The Mother was a medical doctor, but shortly after

everything

> happened with " Jai " , she admittedly, took out her anger on a young

man who

> was a patient of hers and he mentioned " Jai " --she's now lost her

medical

> license.

> VJ--well, unknown to me, had feelings for me and told his

> parents--(this was almost 8 years ago)--while, at that time, his

parents

> were completely shocked--everything died down as soon as I made it

clear

> that 1. the feelings were not mutual and 2. I would in NO way

interfere

> with the family. Luckily, VJ and I have been able to remain just

friends

> over the years and, as his confidante, I have experienced the

emotional

> turmoil that everyone involved in these situations is going

through. VJ

> fell deeply in love, while in college, with an American girl. His

parents

> NEVER thought this a possibility--VJ attended Temple activities

with them,

> had even gone to school for several years in India. Basically, I

suppose

> because of the problems with his sister--his parents actually

ignored the

> situation, continuing to speak to families of young ladies in their

home

> towns in India, hoping to find his " perfect match " . They paid a

LOT of

> money to several Jyotishis, and made trips back and forth, talking

to

> families. VJ also decided to " ignore " what his parents were doing

and go

> about his life, developing an even stronger relationship with his

> girlfriend--who also loved him dearly. Everyone was just

pretending all was

> find--it was a powder keg waiting to go off. Although VJ's

girlfriend knew

> a " little " about Indian culture--VJ was too afraid to be up front

and honest

> with her about the " arranged marriage " subject. They moved in

together, and

> soon she was pregnant. His girlfriend had dreams of an elaborate

wedding, a

> wonderful, stable family, even the " white picket fence " . Her

family began

> elaborate and expensive preparations for a wedding. She told ME

that she

> couldn't imagine such happiness as she was experiencing. Before VJ

could

> tell his parents, they called him to say they'd found a match for

him and

> she'd be in America with her family to meet him on his next visit

in a few

> days. He was on the phone to me constantly, crying, " what do I

do " , " I

> can't do this " , " My life is falling apart " .

> I'd been trying to get him to be honest with his girlfriend AND his

family

> for over a year, but he thought everything would work out. It

didn't. He

> attempted suicide shortly before the " visit " which his family

explained away

> as " a bad infection " . He survived, went through with the visit the

returning to

> his girlfriend. *I* had to change my phone number at one point

because both

> of them AND the families were calling me night and day--and my own

fiance

> had just passed away. To make an already VERY long story short---

His

> American girlfriend lost the baby, attempted suicide herself and is

still in

> a semi-coma. Her family is inconsolable. VJ married in India--the

usual

> engagement and extravagant wedding ceremonies. He " tried " , but

could never

> " Love " his wife--their marriage was never even consummated. They

ended up

> in a huge fight, he hit her and sent her to the hospital--her family

> convinced her to file for divorce--THEN, because of the fighting

between the

> 2 families over money---the poor girl is being deported back to

India, ALSO

> with a broken heart.

> VJ is back in school, trying to finish his degree. He goes home

every

> couple of months...but realizes that things will never be the same

with him

> OR his family. He's coming by here in a couple of weeks and I

talked him

> into taking me to the Temple for a visit. I've spoken to one of

the Pandits

> there, he's well aware of the family situation and is going to TRY

and get

> the parents and possibly even Jai to come at the same time.

> Panditji here in Honesdale is also willing and hoping to work with

them as

> he himself deals with similar--but not as extreme problems with his

won

> children.

> I've talked with VJ about moving back to New York when he

graduates in

> May. They used to have some wonderful programs at the Ganesh

Temple in

> Flushing for both parents and children going through the

cultural " clashes "

> in todays society. Perhaps, just MAYBE--had the family, VJ and

Jai, spoken

> to someone about these issues years ago--maybe there wouldn't be so

much

> heartache today. I'm not sure if there IS an " answer " to any of

this.

> Educating--both the young AND the old---and better communication

between

> everyone would surely help. BUT..todays society, riddled with it's

mixed

> messages; the " brainwashing " of the media on our vulnerable

youth....these

> things aren't as easy to tackle.

> How much longer until Maha Vishnu comes to save us??!!! Wishful

> thinking I suppose......

> Blessings to all,

> elaine

On 05 Apr 2007 13:57:56 -0700, manisha mahajan <maniqsha721

> wrote:

> >

> > respected readers.,

> > this letter that i m posting is not related to jyotish advice.

here i just

> > want to get the advice and poll for the moral values and the

definition of

> > the relationship.

> >

> > My friend gaurav and his girlfriend and evrything. as they are

committed

> > to each other and were living with each other with complete

relation ship.

> > my

> >

> > It started when my friend gaurav met mitali single mother to 2

years

> > daughtter and 4 year son. while working in project.

> > while working they started liking each others as a friend. not

mor than

> > that.

> > after some time gaurav went to pune for new job.

> >

> > there he realised that actually he was in love with mitali.

> >

> > after 6 months when he returned bak due to his personal problem he

> > proposed mitali.

> >

> > mitali being single married separated and also being older than

him. with

> > responsibility of two child.

> >

> > she explained all these and also suspected if his family will

accept hr or

> > not.

> >

> > say this continued for 3 months after say 6 months she accepted

the

> > proposal tonly after when gaurav promised her that he will take

car of all

> > three o fthen and he will not marry to girl other than mitali.

> >

> > say after this approval from both side they were enjoying ther

life by

> > supporting nad caring for each other.

> > they were totally commmited to each other. there was nothing

wrong betwen

> > them after some time they developed the raition ship and gave

completeness

> > to their relationship. with pure intention. there was no cheat .

after six

> > years gaurav parents forced him to marry a girl that they had

selected for

> > him at that time he disclosed that he want to marry mitali none

other than

> > her.

> > there was a bomb blast in his family every one in his family was

aganinst

> > this marriage. as ecepectd by him. they said there is no problem

in girl she

> > is really nice but what about society. how we will face them and

answer

> > them. what will happenh to your sisters who are married . they

will be given

> > taunt on this relation ship etc etc. his father saind that i will

give my

> > life after this relation ship . but any how they proposal that

was brought

> > was cancelled any how.

> >

> > As they were working as partners in their business. after

hapenning this

> > they used to work togather. they continued their relationship. in

a hope

> > that they will still try to face the situation. but now gaurav

has started

> > givin his dual sides as i dont know what will happen whenever

mitali used to

> > ask him what will happen next.

> >

> > but there relationship and of caring amd living togather

continued for

> > next two years under a pressure about what will happen. gaurav

use to say i

> > don't know what will happen. after hearing this mitali felt sorry

and still

> > loved him as both of them loved each other from the bottom of

their heart.

> >

> > finally any how in next proposal gauravs parents engaged him with

the girl

> > of their choice

> > he just gave up and told mitali that he was engaged now. plz

mitali don't

> > misunderstand me. i tried a lot but i cant see the condition of

father,

> > mother in tension. my brother who have not yet a issue is in

tension that

> > what will happen . they all are hoping for a issue from me. so

because of

> > all these reasons now i cannot resisit my parents more and i have

to give

> > up.

> >

> > for mitali it was more than a shock. she tried to bring into his

notice

> > about their love, there so long relationship like husban and

wife., about

> > his commitment for herself and her kids.

> >

> > she said morally you cannot avoid us in this way. you cannot take

such

> > major decision without my concern. how can you leave us. we are a

family.

> > and in a family we cannot leave anyone for any reason.

> >

> > his reply was that i am not leaving you we will live as we are

living i

> > will satisfy all your need but i had to marry just to fullfill my

parents

> > wish. but we will continue the realtionship.

> >

> > now in case of boy he was saying this as he really wanted to live

with

> > mitali but was unable to explain this to his parents.

> >

> > now respected sir plz advice

> >

> > was the girl who was asking gaurav to marry her every thing will

be

> > alright nothing will happen wrong . to family as for her he was

like a

> > husband. moraally it was right or wrong.

> >

> > about boy who was going to fulfill his parents wishes even though

he loved

> > mitali a lot.

> >

> > was it morally right on his part

> >

> > plz answer

> >

> > this is what happen around me in my friend circle both being my

friend i

> > just want to discuss how such situations are to be handled by

both baoy and

> > girl.

> >

> > now gaurav is married to another girl. his family is happy but he

deep in

> > heart feel sorry about mitali.

> >

> > here mitali after such break that to second time is still is in

deep

> > pains. just trying to live her thrid part of her life alone with

her kids.

> >

> > gaurav stilll need her company and he is ready to give but

mitalis self

> > respect is not allowing her to forgive him for the thing that he

has done

> > with her.

> >

> > she also dont' want to cheat the wife to gaurav. any how now this

is

> > cheating to keep affair with a man with a wife.

> >

> > the inttion of gaurav is also not wrong but he want to keep all

relations

> > happy.

> >

> > so whenever i consider both of them i think both are actualyy

made for

> > each other but destiny had separated them.

> >

> > i want the how to interprete the situation and

> >

> > was the role of gaurav right on his part.

> >

> > Was mitali who became harsh at the end when gaurav was engaging

with

> > another girl right. she acted very very harshly with gaurav on

last two

> > days.

> >

> > kya sahi hona chahiye tha

> >

> > The fish are biting.

> > Get more visitors on your site using Search Marketing.

> >

April 6, 2007

Dear Manisha

Could not you add up some more spice in the story ?

Let me " extrapolate " the story...

For Gaurav,

One day Gaurav was driving back home to his new wife/gf. On his way home, he

had an accident. He was severely injured and became handicapped. Because of his

condition, he had to quit the job. Every second of his life was like death.

Infact he is thinking to commit suicide. Everyone is in tension. Pain is daring

the patience. It appears that whole life has to be spent on wheel-chair. Being

so ambitious, and then being physically challenged is killing Gaurav....

For Mitali,

(inspired from hindi-movies)

One day Mitali was going back home. It was dark. There was noone on the road.

She was bit scared. All of a sudden, three or four men jumped on her and did all

those ugly things. Mitali could not help herself. And in the moment of acute

agony, she commited suicide. But now what will happen to her kids ? Who will

take care of them ? They are waiting for their mom to come and cook food. The

little one is crying for a long time. Other kid(s) are standing on the door

waiting for their mom.

What to do now ?

BUT.......Thank God, nothing happened like this.....

Mitali and Gaurav must have done some good deeds in their past lives and thats

why nothing happened like that.

Isnt life so beautiful ?

Best Wishes

Jagdish

manisha mahajan <maniqsha721 wrote:

respected readers.,

this letter that i m posting is not related to jyotish advice. here i just want

to get the advice and poll for the moral values and the definition of the

relationship.

My friend gaurav and his girlfriend and evrything. as they are committed to each

other and were living with each other with complete relation ship.

my

It started when my friend gaurav met mitali single mother to 2 years daughtter

and 4 year son. while working in project.

while working they started liking each others as a friend. not mor than that.

after some time gaurav went to pune for new job.

there he realised that actually he was in love with mitali.

after 6 months when he returned bak due to his personal problem he proposed

mitali.

mitali being single married separated and also being older than him. with

responsibility of two child.

she explained all these and also suspected if his family will accept hr or not.