me

[seamusjcarroll 0]

i have been ratteling else where , my inception here , was terror , as i suffered at the hands of others while helpless,as a child , as a man i have felt hopless and wild , as this storm rushed back out , thank god for prabhupada jai , the storm is not over yet but i have felt it all , while practically insane , my mind was spun so far , that a up to date descrition would psychotic schizophrenic with multiple emotional personality disorder, very savere continual traumatic flash to the brain resulting in terror afirming thoughts or images rushing through until the body goes into spasm and freezes with fright as if to die at which point the brain serves only motor neuron fuction to keep you alive as you your cognitive mind only whispers if it can an afirmation as to accurance just , while it believes it is going to die as it fades away unconciuos or drugged or both, the level of harm pain and violence regiter deep in the brain ,first and then associated words and then imeadiate terror, and the repetetive fuction result in breakdown dis function , this is where prabhupada jumps in , a different echo , and inside my illness prabhupada went to work , contradiction whats he want from a deseased such as me , and what do i want from him , what i wanted was to get out of this hell and go and enjoy in some other helll, where they know they are demons , not liars and speculaters here, withon the slits in my mind , i said go son check him out , because you are already dead , and you know killed as a child 3 times when i was 11 years old , first one violence second time pain third time body rupture all rsulting from the same act , and then i became the headless monster until i hered prabhupada , your mine ,my mind heared , my heart followed , my body burns and hurts as the nerves in my body release this terrible fear back up to krishna back out of my skin my body fixed my brain at rest with only an excitement spring yes prabhupada is my king brain fixed this little child in me to sleep in rahdas arms as the man stands and fights as one of prabhupadas cult, soory i deviate ,

[seamusjcarroll 0]

me more prahu jeejee bhakti and the primal spring krishnas lake where all is one , seed flowing through your brain woke up by excitement and nervers anxiuos and then scared but nice mind relax where ,here in this body as you forget again again again so on until one day you gain in a strange way istead of only going out some energy staid in your cognant brain afirming atachment usually for this world , the bhakti spring is at prabhupadas feet as you come you are sprung as you are the noose already around our necks before we were born so in this life to be sucessfull and reach prabhupadas holy feet oh mercyfull lord and give up souls for prabhupada to please this is death to all other desire as one desire burns through first thoughts then emotion and then body release until body mind and emotion fix 1 2 3 one blink one blink one blink all rejesting the same thing where is the spring got him jump mind to late emotional gate mind rush to find ecstatic mind rush elate as you cognate prabhupada great now what can i do for you spring at prabhupada jai rahda

[seamusjcarroll 0]

cognant krishna one day while sitting relaxed , play a drama with your self, imagine all the emotions you have felt good and bad nul voidless time deep in your soul a voice gently spoke hari hari what who are they this first taste already to late prabhupadas touch your in the hospital now take the remedy and give up all your fears love krishna until he appears this is rahda wish that all else will cease as krishna she grabs this is the mood of the devotee as he becomes friends with all as he is now forever a contradiction living in these material forms while electricty runs through when you see krishna rejister the the body your in and remember eyes relax and see eyes looking back at you when krishna springs ears ring if calm peacfull and given fully over to only pecieving instruction will come ultimate apreciation for prabhupada as we are who ever instructs from the heart all clean forget what the mind has seen let go of all old emotion inoncent you as pralad or shiva or inbetween or a kumari in been life forms change as minds cognate prabhupada great

[seamusjcarroll 0]

the bakti urg first opon a throne shiva for all of his mystical powers whee we drink milk until cured of our poison as victims we appear we suffer great blows until strong again chaitanya realm prabhupada at the healm pleasing as a reflection of krishnas rahda and all the vaisnvas everything born of seed rejoices all at once as prabhupada wakes us in our dreams and instruction give as we wish urg to krishna kiss as rahda appears kiss the ground as you look up something will appear remember think feel cognate body state urg to surg wait foor bahkti never stops the minds gate to mediatate released playing with snakes he always beats whilst the boy the man stand under the ever watchfull mind of pralad as he negotiates your release with shiva , shiva says drink as we speak , when his rage hate anger lies illusions break at that moment krishna comes to save his devotee we are saved because of prabhupada all souls are tortured in separation from krishna bodies are tortred if not soothed mind and emotion to this primal urg inoncent fuses in pralad speaks and says now do not be neophyte be mature and forget you saw me appear until you see me opon your head if im sat in fire shiva is very cross with you if im sat on a mat i keep flying from you if im sat on a lotus flower shiva is happy with you the primal urg is the voice you wish to heaar here now as you die as wish only to hear here emotion trace krishna place listen to pralad at prabhupadas door please give them rope ill take the choke and give it at shiva door pralada only burps for he is only a child and knashigerdave holds his fear this acending crown of thorns burn through your brain hence milk mercy as you burn at shivas door still mmore poison to drink where you offer up your sins and burn as one krishnas or one of maya the primal spring begins to burn with desire when mercy jumps at you let go as you look at the primal gate close as petals fold petals apear opon youre head and your favourite avatar speaks loud and clear as pralad confirms in your mind you go home the avatar is your angel home they forfill prabhupadas wish to well wish us all