Marriage Expenses and the Sastras

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Marriage Expenses and the Sastras

(HinduDharma: Marriage)

 

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Even if it is not possible for us to celebrate a marriage according

to the sastras in respect of the age of the bride, could we not be

true to their tenets at least in the matter of expenses? As I have

made it clear so often a marriage has nothing to do with questions of

money in any sense. Even though we have neither the will nor the

courage to act according to the sastras in all matters, we could at

least see to it that marriages are not turned into what may be called

an economic problem; in other words we could follow the canonical

texts at least in conducting weddings more economically.

 

The marriage ceremony is in fact almost as inexpensive a rite as

sandhyavandana. How much is to be spent on it? The newly-weds have to

be presented with new clothes(cotton will do), a tirumangalyam

(mangalasutra) with a piece of gold attached to it. Only a few close

relatives need be fed. At the time of the muhurta an auspicious

instrument must be played. This will cost you a small sum. The other

expense is the daksina paid to the priest. All this is fully in

accord with the sastras. Even a poorly paid clerk can perform his

daughter's marriage in this simple manner.

 

If wealthy people make marriages so lavish or showy affair, it would

be a bad example for others not so wealthy. The money they otherwise

spend on a music or dance recital or on other items that add glitter

to the wedding must be used for marriages in poor families. This

means that money that is otherwise wasted is converted into dharmic

currency. It should be possible for every affluent man to celebrate

the marriage of his daughter economically and save money with which a

poor girl can be married and made happy. "Mass marriages" may be

conducted in the same way as "mass upanayana".

 

The rent charged for the pandal itself [or the " hall" or mandapa]

takes up half the wedding expenses. You cannot hold a marriage

ceremony in a flat even on a small scale. Philanthropists should join

together to construct small mandapas in various localities for the

marriage of the daughters of less fortunate people.

 

There was a time when girls blushed when the very word marriage was

mentioned. Then came a time when young women waiting to be married

pined away at home, cried their hearts out, wondering whether they

would be married at all. Now things have come to such a pass that

women are on their own, not married and working like men in offices.

The very life-breath of our culture, stridharma is being stifled. We

hear reports of unseemly incidents happening here and there.

 

What is particularly tragic is that no one seems to be concerned

about finding a remedy for all the unhappy occurrences. What is

worse, these happenings are sought to be justified in terms of

psychology, this and that. Stories are written on the undesirable

incidents and films produced based on them and encouragement given to

wrong-doing. If we question the people who give encouragement they

turn back and speak to us about freedom of imagination, freedom of

art, and so on. In this republican age there is freedom for

everything except for the pursuit of the sastras.

 

I started by saying that according to the scriptures questions of

money have no place in the marriage ceremony. Talking of marriage

expenses, I must consider the complaint that a wedding lasting four

days(which is how it ought to be celebrated) can be very expensive.

 

The sastras do not ask you to perform rituals likely to impoverish

you. The marriage proper, the solemnisation of the wedding, is a one-

day affair. The groom must spend the following three days in his own

house observing brahmacarya. During these days there is no need for

any music, nor any nalangu, or any other celebration. Let those who

want to reform the marriage ceremony, think of changing it in this

manner.

 

The groom' s people must tell the bride's parents: The marriage

proper will be celebrated in your house. The remaining three days'

functions will be held in our house without your having to spend

anything". On the day following the marriage the householder( the

young man just married) must bring the "aupassanagni" (the sacred

fire in which the aupasana is performed) to his home. There are

mantras to be chanted as this fire is being brought, as it is placed

on the cart, as the bullocks are yoked to the cart, etc. You may do

the same nowadays if you go by car or train. In the old days marriage

alliances were formed between families living in neighbouring

villages. So it was easy to carry the auspicious fire from the

bride's to the groom' s house.

 

The four- day function may be performed in another way also. The

place where the marriage is celebrated is to be treated as the groom'

s house. Or the three-day function may be conducted in the house of a

relative. No one need be invited for food, not even the girl's

family. (The sastras do not permit the completion of the marriage

rites in a single day. ) The priest has to be paid a daksina-this is

the only expense.

 

According to the sastras, the groom must observe what is

called "samvatsara diksa" from the day of marriage(diksa for one

year); he must practise brahmacarya during these months. The marriage

is to be consummated only later. Such practices have however changed.

Until the recent past, the groom observed diksa at least for four

days if not for a whole year. Now everything is performed on a single

day. One is reminded of the saying: " The donkey is reduced to an ant

and the ant itself eventually vanishes into thin air".

 

During the marriage, Andhras wear cotton clothes dipped in turmeric

water. However well-to-do they are they follow this simple custom. In

the North too women wear ordinary clothes at weddings. We must try to

follow their practice.

 

One of the marriage rites is " pravesa homa" which is performed when

the groom returns to his house. He has to carry the sacred fire of

the marriage with him and perform aupasana in his home. It is for the

sake of convenience -- and with the approval of the sastras -- that

it is allowed to be done where the groom's party stays for the

marriage. To perform a marriage in a temple as a one-day ceremony --

and " be done with it " - is not right. Even rich people who spend

lavishly on clubs and races follow this practice because of their

reluctance to conduct the function according to the sastras.

Unfortunately, the poor are likely to follow their example. There is

no extra expense involved in performing a marriage in the sastric

manner as a four-day function.

 

How are marriages celebrated today? The bride is one who has already

attained puberty and the marriage is gone through in just one day. On

the following day the bride is taken to the house of her in-laws.

Another unsastric practice is that of consummation on the same day as

the marriage.

 

The groom is expected to observe brahmacarya at least for three

nights after marriage. There are eight types of brahmacarya. Even

though a man cannot be continent throughout, he must remain chaste at

least on certain days. The least that is expected of him is celibacy

for a minimum of three days after the marriage. This rule is no

longer observed. Worse, the consummation, as mentioned before, is on

the same day as the wedding is solemnised.

 

The undesirable practices now associated with the marriage samskara

are due to the anxiety to curtail expenses. If all rites are

performed on the same day there is a saving in the matter of feeding

the guests, the music, etc. Curiously enough, despite such an anxiety

to curtail expenses, there is a great deal of ostentation in our

weddings. To obviate the expenses incurred thus, parents perform the

upanayana of their son along with the marriage of their daughter.

 

We must try to reduce the unnecessary expenses incurred in performing

Vedic samskaras. Friends and relatives can help much in this respect.

They need not attend a marriage or upanayana even if invited.

Instead, the money that they would otherwise spend in travel may be

presented to the bride's [or the brahmacarin's] father. The fewer the

invitees present at a wedding the less expensive will it be to feed

them.

http://www.kamakoti.org/hindudharma/part18/chap15.htm