Duty of Motherhood

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Duty of Motherhood

(HinduDharma: Marriage)

 

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Our women must give up their fondness for diamonds and silks. This

will be great help to our family and social life. Indeed womanhood

itself will stand to gain and stridharma will flourish. Woman should

think of the millions of silkworms killed to make the sari with

which they drape themselves. They claim that they are vegetarians.

So should they not feel remorse about being indirectly responsible

for the destruction of countless silkworms because of their love of

silk saris. If women of well-to-do families realise this and stop

wearing silk, they will no longer set a bad example to their less

fortunate sisters. It is because if the example of the wealthy that

the poor too hanker after silks and diamonds. Then the groom's

people bring pressure on the bride's parents for silks and diamond

studs. This is one reason for the marriage of girls being delayed.

 

It is a crime to have turned the marriage samskara into an economic

problem. After all, we too have daughters. That being so, merely

because we belong to the groom's family, we cannot take an arrogant

attitude and dictate terms to the bride's family, demanding this and

that. We should not lay down conditions like Shylock and tell the

girl's parents: "Give us a big dowry, bring us expensive vessels,

bring us diamonds and silks". Such behaviour is unpardonable: it is

one reason why girls remain unmarried, pining away at home. If you

happen to be the groom's parents you must satisfy yourself about the

girl's character, family, etc. "This girl will be the Laksmi of our

home and she will brighten it": with such thoughts you must accept

the bride, without laying down any conditions for the marriage and

without insisting that you must receive gifts in the form of money,

jewellery and so on.

 

In this matter women have a special responsibility. They must

naturally have respect and sympathy for fellow women. When they

celebrate their son's marriage they must conduct themselves in the

manner I suggested earlier. The presents given by other parents to

their sons-in-law must not be an example for them to make similar

demands. On the contrary, they must set an example to the parents of

other prospective grooms, telling themselves: "Why should we be

guilty of the sort of wrongs that others have committed? We will try

to bring about a change and set an example for others to follow".

This is how our motherhood must be motivated.

 

"We gave a dowry to the groom's people when our daughter was

married". Or: "My father gave a dowry to my in-laws when I was

married, so there is nothing wrong if I accept the same now". You

must be warned against taking such an attitude. This evil custom of

dowry that undermines our very dharma must be done away with.

Someone must take the first step [take the lead] in a spirit of

sacrifice. People make sacrifices in this or that cause. If their

village is included in a neighbouring district a hundred or a

hundred thousand people rise on protest and court arrest. Some of

the agitators set fire to themselves. Shouldn't we make a little

sacrifice in the cause of preserving the great ideals of our

womanhood?

 

Women come to see me and seek my blessings, saying: "We recite the

Saundaryalahari, the Abirami Antadi". What they do is commendable.

But they would deserve the compassion of Amba better if they

sincerely followed my advice in the matter of marriage. They must

not dictate terms regarding dowry, jewellery, gifts, and so on, and

must agree to the marriage alliance with their whole heart. There

are girls like them, or rather women, who are getting on in years

but still remain unmarried. They are emotionally disturbed and nurse

a hurt to their sense of honour because of their sad predicament,

but may be later they will become so hardened as to have no feelings

whatsoever. You must try to change the system that is responsible

for the fate of such women. If your hearts melt in sympathy for them

Amba will also look upon you with a kind eye.

 

You cannot justify the acceptance of a dowry and other gifts on the

pretext that they are given by the girl's parents on their own. This

can lead to others also doing the same and cause a bad chain

reaction. If the girl's parents give a dowry on their own, they will

expect the same from the parents of their son's bride. You must

refuse a dowry even when it is given voluntarily. If the girl's

people are wealthy you may tell them: "Don't give us any money. If

you wish you may give it your daughter in the form of stridhana. "

 

The groom's parents spend on clothes, travel, etc, and expect the

expenses to be "reimbursed" by the girl's parents. This is not at

all justified. They must tell themselves: "Our son is getting

married. Why shouldn't we ourselves spend for it? It is shameful to

take money from someone else to buy our own requirements. Will it

not mean that we can't afford them ourselves?" Unfortunately, people

think that they have certain rights and privileges as the groom's

parents and fleece the bride's people by intimidating or browbeating

them. Whether the dowry is given voluntarily or out of compulsion,

it is money stolen. It is all a vicious circle that causes injury to

society itself. We must somehow see to it that this evil system of

dowry is scrapped.

 

 

About "Hindu Dharma"

"Hindu Dharma" is a book which contains English translation of

certain invaluable and engrossing speeches of Sri Sri Sri

Chandrasekharendra Saraswathi MahaSwamiji (at various times during

the years 1884 to 1994).

For a general background, please see here

http://www.kamakoti.org/hindudharma/part18/chap9.htm