Amma in San Ramon, Thursday evening

[Guest guest]

It was special to spend this holiday with the Amma-clan! During Retreat Q&A

there were two questioners. The first, I think was a newcomer, because she

came by me on the way front and I think I spied an orange dot. She asked

Mother for help controlling her emotions while she spoke, because she was

very nervous. We all laughed in sympathy. And she said she had read some

of Amma's life story, and was so moved by the compassion... that she wanted

to know where to begin. Where does one begin to become like Amma.

 

What followed was a very lengthy reply, mixed in with some hilarious

interplay with Amma's swamis about translation. At one point Swamijji was

translated, and Swami Ramakrishnananda leaned over to add something to

Amma. She had to turn her head back to Big Swami, and then Br. Shantamrita

and Br. Dayamrita also were writing down different aspects of what She had

said to be translated. She made a big face and then started "complaining"

about her two sons, who have two different things to say. Then she

elaborated that there was an American (although perhaps thinking more like a

Japanese American since he spends so much time in Japan), an Indian American

(who was perhaps more American), and Indian, and another Indian. All of

them had different areas of the question and reply to emphasize. It was

very funny. The mayalalee speakers near where I sat were roaring with

laughter at her joking.

 

Amma replied, however, something very profound, that I hesitate to recall

and put into these words. It was... like... There is no place to begin.

You already are, You have always been, You always will be love... Atman. So

you are already there.

 

That flame is within your heart, and connects all beings. When people have

cultivated Sattwa, they have purified, it becomes like... the crystal beads

threaded on a mala. You can then see the thread that goes between the

beads. That is the similarity to what one sees in the pure mirror.

 

And then She talked and talked and talked and talked, and I didn't take

notes, but She gave some examples from Her own life, and it sounded a bit

different to me this time... about how She saw elder people that needed a

bath and clean clothes, and She would bring them home to take care of them.

And Mothers with 12 children in their lap, all of them and the Mother crying

too, because they didn't have food. The discrepancy between some people who

had so much, or had enough... and these who hardly had anything, upset

Amma. She asked God... Swami added, She asked Herself the Supreme Being...

how this could be, and looked deep within.

 

It was such a long answer, that there was one more questioner. She

commented to Amma that so much of what had been said was part of what she

wanted to ask about. Swami suggested, "Don't then." And then she said,

well exactly, that's part of my problem. Guilt. I feel guilty just for

being me... and elaborated. I held my heart, because it was so much how I

feel too. Just "not good enough."

 

Amma was very firm in her encouragment. She used the example of Abraham

Lincoln who must have had 30 failures in his personal life, professional

life, etc. etc. and yet he kept on persevering, and look at much he did for

society. Amma said you must not feel that way (And Amaranth, that passage

you gave pretty much NAILED the take-home message about the way the ego

distances us from God's Pure Love! ) Amma kept raising her fist and pumping

it forward, like c'mon! you can do it!, and said several times to

persevere. She used three words, that I cannot quite recall... I think they

were patience, constant enthusiasm, and perhaps... faith.

 

It was VERRRRY chilly last night. Down to 32 degrees Farenheit and there

was a safety announcement to defrost the cars thoroughly and be careful of

frost in the grass on the parking lots.

 

When AMMA went up to the house between dinner and the evening program, she

came in with a sweet white cape, that had a bit of faux-fur Santa Claus like

trimming. It was unbelievably cute. She looked like an Ice princess in

it... it was like something old fashioned you would see in historic ice

skating films! When She came in for the Pada Puja and stood there, some of

us really exclaimed about how darling She looked. Ooohed and Ahhhed and

Whooped it up. She was laughing! And laughing.... Everyone was so

delighted to see Her form dressed like that... and expressed their visual

pleasure with great cheers.

 

It gave me new insight into why she is called our darling Mother, Amma-chi!

 

 

Bhajans included a lively Ganapatiye song, Sarva Vyapiye (in Tamil), He

Nandalala Tujhe ("Hearing the sound of the flute this child of Braj say,

'let me have your darshan." Every part of my being and my mind calls out

Syam Shyam. You are the only support in my life.") and closed with that

Ambe bhajan that starts, "Durga Durga Durga Jai Jai MA!!!"

 

Darshan went until after 3:15 a.m. or so, and Mother stood up at the end and

talked quite a bit with some of the devotees around the Chair. Everyone was

laughing, and She gave Geeta a huge push. After a while people started

calling out for tranlsation, and then Mother spoke some more and talked

about the mini-controversy at the Ashram about sharing flats that people

have bought to use by others when they are not there. She said that when

Amma is not there, She has others Brahmacaris and Brahmacharinis stay

there. That sometimes Mother stays in the open sand, for example, if there

are some parents visiting their children at the ashram, and they need the

privacy of the bathrooms and so forth. It was also enchanting to stand so

close and hear Her speaking so volubly and chattering away.

 

lotsof love, prashanti