Guest guest Posted September 17, 2006 Report Share Posted September 17, 2006 I am really messed up, in major change, in peril. Software sales are nil. I am totally broke, negative balance. I have 2 dependents, my duaghter and grand daughter. My daughter sees me and the situation, and is doing what she can, but is also very worried. My mental problem, whatever it is, is in full swing again. I can¹t work on Jyotish. I just freeze. As I have given up believing like I used to, and given up Sanskrit names for myself, and have not had a single Hindu book in my house for ages, and so forth, the switch back to normal westerner has been happening and continues. Something majorly offended me OR SOMETHING and I can¹t work on anything Hindu related it seems.....or SOMETHING....I don¹t know. I am broke, very depressed, no avenue at this time for fixing either. My meds, though strong, do not make me ³happy². I am always taking alchohol and ganja for the constant mental anguish that my life causes me. I want love badly, a woman to love me, and I try, but none stay, or SOMETHING. I don¹t know what. I feel I am loveable, I am told I am handsome, a good lover, all those kinds of things...I DON¹T KNOW why I have nobody. I have no friend hardly at all in Eugene. I am always alone. Tommorrow I will go into the govt. welfare offices to seek counseling, help, vocational rehabilitation, etc. This will all be new to me. I have been self employed for 20 years now. Jyotish for 14. I have no strength. I lay on the couch, cry, worry, am always sad, loathe the phone and cannot answer it. The customers need help, and codes, but I can¹t even answer the phone. I so much hate my lonely life. I was praised a lot, but left alone. It didn¹t work. I can¹t be alone all the time. And I don¹t see how I¹m going to help society with Jyotish, which was my motivation back in the day. I was raised to be a priest, a helper of society, and these days I¹m becoming doubtful of that as a motivation...seeing how everything is predetermined anyway. I WISH SOMEBODY COULD HELP ME SOMEBODY COULD SUPPORT ME SO I COULD WORK ON GOOD THINGS SOMEBODY WOULD LOVE ME OR THAT I WAS JUST ABLE TO WORK AGAIN I can¹t even WORK. DAMMIT, DO YOU KNOW HOW BAD THAT FEELS! This has been going on for many years. The software gradually sold less and less, now it sells nil, I¹m that¹s mainly because I can¹t work on it....can¹t even answer the phone, or update the website, nothing. I get nothing done. I do VERY GOOD leather work these days, like making purses, etc. I love it.. I love working with leather. It¹s replaced painting as my hobby. I¹m a good person, but sad, depressed, broke, poor, very unsure, very ill at ease, very afraid of what is next....can I do it, will I just go down now...down, down, down. First and fifth lords now in my worst sign, my sixth, virgo, first conjunct the sixth lord. These are bad transits. I hope the world can help me. Can somebody help me? Is it the welfare offices and career counselors up her in Eugene that are my savior? With the amount of preaching I did, I should think the Indian Government should want to save me back to a state of stability and working on Jyotish. JS3, if it could be finished, is awesome, way beyond the norm. Barely getting by for years, never having medical insurance, never being able to pay my taxes, just getting by, has taken it¹s toll. I have given it all, sat in this programmers chair for so long. I have waited for love for so long, and haven¹t had it. Very sad, very down, very dieing, is how I feel. I wish somebody could/would help me, in a way that works. Some call and say ³Fly here². But like, I don¹t have the money, nor the energy, and what aobut my bills? So inviting me to your resort is not the answer. My personal bodily chemistry is awash daily with 3 prescriptions and two extras: Lithium, Lexapro and Klonopin, then alchohol and ganja for the pain. Just the regular meds leave me still very tense, very ill at east, very much just pacing around the house constantly ruminating, worrying, in anguish and torment. Ganja is the ONLY thing that works to actually bring on a state of peace, and then I do leather work. So now I¹m surrounded by beautiful things made out of leather, which I love, but it makes no money, solves no problems. I should think I¹d be interesting for some right woman to live and work with...work on our issues together...move forward financially together....I have tried SO HARD to find a spouse to no avail. It¹s hard to just have yourselve forever and be sitting at home, so called self employed but unable to work and going broke...now I am broke. I am facing imminent financial endings....what hurts most is not for myself, but for my two dependents, who are soft, used to a home of our type, not the typical American mood or home...ours has always been India-influenced. Big pain. Big worries. It¹s not just the ingress of Sun into Virgo. No, my pain is many years long, but this promises to be a bad month most likely. Great pain. Can anyone help, really help,? Is there love? Is there being saved? Is there anything coming now, soon, help, to me, from out there, or am I to become disabled in the eyes of the government, receive help, be very poor, try to find my way back to some type of dignity in normal society? What¹s going to happen to me? richard Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 17, 2006 Report Share Posted September 17, 2006 Dear Richard, Please give me your birthdata………..thought I had it but that was a few computers ago. Phyllis _____ Das Goravani [das (AT) goravani (DOT) com] September 17, 2006 4:19 AM valist Honest really bad news I am really messed up, in major change, in peril. Software sales are nil. I am totally broke, negative balance. I have 2 dependents, my duaghter and grand daughter. My daughter sees me and the situation, and is doing what she can, but is also very worried. My mental problem, whatever it is, is in full swing again. I can¹t work on Jyotish. I just freeze. As I have given up believing like I used to, and given up Sanskrit names for myself, and have not had a single Hindu book in my house for ages, and so forth, the switch back to normal westerner has been happening and continues. Something majorly offended me OR SOMETHING and I can¹t work on anything Hindu related it seems.....or SOMETHING....I don¹t know. I am broke, very depressed, no avenue at this time for fixing either. My meds, though strong, do not make me ³happy². I am always taking alchohol and ganja for the constant mental anguish that my life causes me. I want love badly, a woman to love me, and I try, but none stay, or SOMETHING. I don¹t know what. I feel I am loveable, I am told I am handsome, a good lover, all those kinds of things...I DON¹T KNOW why I have nobody. I have no friend hardly at all in Eugene. I am always alone. Tommorrow I will go into the govt. welfare offices to seek counseling, help, vocational rehabilitation, etc. This will all be new to me. I have been self employed for 20 years now. Jyotish for 14. I have no strength. I lay on the couch, cry, worry, am always sad, loathe the phone and cannot answer it. The customers need help, and codes, but I can¹t even answer the phone. I so much hate my lonely life. I was praised a lot, but left alone. It didn¹t work. I can¹t be alone all the time. And I don¹t see how I¹m going to help society with Jyotish, which was my motivation back in the day. I was raised to be a priest, a helper of society, and these days I¹m becoming doubtful of that as a motivation...seeing how everything is predetermined anyway. I WISH SOMEBODY COULD HELP ME SOMEBODY COULD SUPPORT ME SO I COULD WORK ON GOOD THINGS SOMEBODY WOULD LOVE ME OR THAT I WAS JUST ABLE TO WORK AGAIN I can¹t even WORK. DAMMIT, DO YOU KNOW HOW BAD THAT FEELS! This has been going on for many years. The software gradually sold less and less, now it sells nil, I¹m that¹s mainly because I can¹t work on it....can¹t even answer the phone, or update the website, nothing. I get nothing done. I do VERY GOOD leather work these days, like making purses, etc. I love it... I love working with leather. It¹s replaced painting as my hobby. I¹m a good person, but sad, depressed, broke, poor, very unsure, very ill at ease, very afraid of what is next....can I do it, will I just go down now...down, down, down. First and fifth lords now in my worst sign, my sixth, virgo, first conjunct the sixth lord. These are bad transits. I hope the world can help me. Can somebody help me? Is it the welfare offices and career counselors up her in Eugene that are my savior? With the amount of preaching I did, I should think the Indian Government should want to save me back to a state of stability and working on Jyotish. JS3, if it could be finished, is awesome, way beyond the norm. Barely getting by for years, never having medical insurance, never being able to pay my taxes, just getting by, has taken it¹s toll. I have given it all, sat in this programmers chair for so long. I have waited for love for so long, and haven¹t had it. Very sad, very down, very dieing, is how I feel. I wish somebody could/would help me, in a way that works. Some call and say ³Fly here². But like, I don¹t have the money, nor the energy, and what aobut my bills? So inviting me to your resort is not the answer. My personal bodily chemistry is awash daily with 3 prescriptions and two extras: Lithium, Lexapro and Klonopin, then alchohol and ganja for the pain. Just the regular meds leave me still very tense, very ill at east, very much just pacing around the house constantly ruminating, worrying, in anguish and torment. Ganja is the ONLY thing that works to actually bring on a state of peace, and then I do leather work. So now I¹m surrounded by beautiful things made out of leather, which I love, but it makes no money, solves no problems. I should think I¹d be interesting for some right woman to live and work with...work on our issues together...move forward financially together....I have tried SO HARD to find a spouse to no avail. It¹s hard to just have yourselve forever and be sitting at home, so called self employed but unable to work and going broke...now I am broke. I am facing imminent financial endings....what hurts most is not for myself, but for my two dependents, who are soft, used to a home of our type, not the typical American mood or home...ours has always been India-influenced. Big pain. Big worries. It¹s not just the ingress of Sun into Virgo. No, my pain is many years long, but this promises to be a bad month most likely. Great pain. Can anyone help, really help,? Is there love? Is there being saved? Is there anything coming now, soon, help, to me, from out there, or am I to become disabled in the eyes of the government, receive help, be very poor, try to find my way back to some type of dignity in normal society? What¹s going to happen to me? richard Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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