Guest guest Posted July 12, 2006 Report Share Posted July 12, 2006 My Dearest Family, Please read the meaning behind each word slowly so that you can capture the feeling of love and that you may be able to experience the words with me....especially the ending. My third time meeting Amma was such a blessing, it is so amazing how things work according to ones own needs. This year I went to Dallas and Mount Pleasant to see Mother. I went to Dallas because it was so cheap to fly there I couldn't pass it up, it also gave me the chance to experience Amma on my own without the distraction of my girls. It gave me a chance to completely absorb in her. She walked in and a smile brightened my face that I couldn't wipe away. I had the thought of "Mother its been a year since I have seen your beautiful face." Tears came to my eyes. I did some very early seva the first day at 5 am - 10 am so that I could sit with Mother the entire time. I was also able to get into the question line and ask questions again this year. I always find it amazing that when I NEED to ask questions Mother is always available, I mean how often can one be chosen out of thousands of people when only 15 per day are allowed?.................... Amma's grace. My first question was about my girls being on medication, she replied to "Go with what the doctor says", I took that as an OK for my kids to be on medication if that is what they need, I had such hesitations originally but I know that mother will not fail me, I have complete faith in her direction. My second question was about my job and whether I should stay or look for a new job due to some issues at work, she told me "You have my blessing." Originally I took this to mean I have her blessing either way, she will remove any and all obstacles from my path. I am still deciding on this matter. Later I was FINALLY picked to have my chart read by the vedic astrologer who told me I should wait a year. Now I think to myself, is this my answer? Or the former? Any advise on this? My first darshan with Amma was a gentle smile and she sent me on my way. It was far from the "You have disappointed me" from the previous year! Whew! Before going to Dallas I prayed and prayed for Amma to play bhajans that I knew so that I could sing along, of course Amma would never let a devotee down, amazingly I knew so many songs it put me into divine bliss just hearing them, much less singing along with them, they would play repeatedly in my head. The previous years they would never play anything I had heard of, of course I didn't know any the first year, but went directly home and played bhajans for the next three months! The next day I only remember sitting with Amma the entire day, I don't think I did a single thing but stare at our Divine Mothers form. Her morning darshan was the most unexplainable experience I have had up to date. It put me in a strange state of mind, or perhaps a better word would be .........mindlessness. At first all I could do was cry and cry and cry. My friend told me I was crying for some time and I couldn't even explain to her why. I still don't have an answer. It was beautiful. It was deep. It was peaceful. It was God. I felt so deeply at peace that I could sit there for the rest of my life and be happy for it. There was a stillness to it. A quietness. I felt different. Some time later it was Devi Bhava night and before we went down to the hall, I was in the room with some of my Sat Sang members and stated, "If Amma wears a red sari it will be an answered prayer" and walked out. At home I had been doing the Mansa puja every morning and thinking how beautiful Amma would be in a red sari, so I would always dress her in red, then my heart became overwhelmed and I cried if I could have one answered prayer, Amma, please let me see you in my favorite color red. I wanted to see it visually on her. We walked down and all took our seats, one sat sang member and I were far back in the center waiting for the curtain to open, my friend commented to the ladies around us about my wish, of course I didn't REALLY expect her to have on a real red sari! But when the curtain opened .......there she was. So radiant. So beautiful. So red. As soon as the curtain open two of the ladies and my sat sang friend looked and me and exclaimed WOW! Another sat sang member who was not near us was frantically looking around for me in the crowd to try and see my face, she told me she wasn't even looking at Amma after she saw her wearing red! All I could do was become very humble, bow my head and give thank to her for months of prayer to see her in my beautiful red sari..................... How must she love us so much to take the time to answer each of our sincerest prayers. She spoils us so. How lucky we all are. I wanted to garland Amma, to "dress her up" as I do in the Mansa puja, I wanted to find just the right garland, but for some reason didn't. How sad that I didn't have the courage. I did however keep giving thanks to her over and over and over again in my head for answering all my questions and prayers. The vedic astrologer told me that I will become deeply spiritual from now until the age of 55. He told me that I would have a lot of travel over the next 20 - 30 years and I asked my dream question. "Would I go to India" he said "Its a very very strong possibility ". How should I feel about such things? Excitement? Humbleness? Happy? I feel that its such a privilege to know know such things might happen. That it really might be possible. I always think that the impossible will not happened, but then I'm shown that it is very possible it might. I thought meeting Amma was impossible, but because of all of your open hearts, it became so. I have very few major desires in life anymore. Meeting Amma was one of them, Going to India is another. Liberation is a must. I hope that the astrologer is right, I guess its up to me to make it so. My will or none. He told me that my daughters make me spiritual. I don't know exactly how that is, he didn't say, but I do know that my daughters make me want to be the best person I can be, spiritually or otherwise. I asked if I should move in with my parents and he asked me about my brother, I became very perplexed at this and I told him he probably wouldn't say anything about it. I told him that we were not close at all and barely talk, he said that he could see that in my chart and that is why he asked, that he was very materialistic and could cause a lot of problems for me, he also said that he was blind to my true self and would never see the spiritual me. He was karmic. He said that my brother is my enemy. What does this mean? Did I do something horrible to my brother in a past life so now in this life I don't have a loving brother? Strange. Am I born with my enemy to right it in this life? Or is this just the lesson of karma of having a horrible brother and let it be? The astrologer told me to leave it as it is and not to help it. It is what it is. Leave it be. He says that my brother and I will never be close. He said my father was also blind to my spiritual self but he was not as bad as my brother. My father is a very prejudiced man with a lot of unhappiness, but he loves me. He said that my mother was the only one who sees me as I am and accepts me as is. I later called my mom and for the first time talked to her about Amma and the vedic astrologer and told him what he said about us. She replied "Of course I accept you, I love my baby girl" She was so opened and accepting about anything I talked about it was like talking to an Amma devotee. In which my parent far from, they see the pictures of Amma around my house but never question about it in any sort of way, its just ignored. He told me that I have fear and that I need to overcome it and that I am meant to be in a leader type position. Instead of being afraid of the lion, I need to BECOME the lion! How do I do that? It is going to take a lot of work. I think Amma will guide me with this. OK already as I am writing this Amma is guiding me in answering "lead with your heart". Funny. He finally said that I am not meant for marriage again and that he didn't see any in my chart which to me is a huge relief as I was always worried that someone might try to get in the way of my spiritual path. I also feel that with that thought out of my head I am able to concentrate fully on my spiritual self. It's the end of Devi Bhava and I am with another one of our sat sang members who is playing everything so coolly I didn't notice until AFTER everything what a little conniving little child she was, of course out of innocents I say this. Before leaving home I made a promise that I would let God place me where I was on every occasion and not push my way at any point, I kept that promise, but somehow I still was favored and blessed by Amma's grace, as Amma is ending the program with the flowers my friend and I are in the center by the Swamis singing and I am thinking OK I will come with her and not have peddles thrown on my head this time, I will let Amma direct me, then just as the end of the circle is coming up my sneaky friend grabs me and says "OK at the end you jump in like this"!!!! lol It was so cute because I had NEVER seen her act like a child. She was so innocent. So we jumped in and amazingly were dead center in front of the stage with Amma. As amma is glancing around and getting ready to shower the group with peddles she looks DIRECTLY INTO mine and my friends eyes give a HUGE grin with a beaming smile which seemed to last forever and takes a handful of peddles and points them at her and I and BLASTS us with peddles and giggles, my friend (who is ALWAYS mild mannered and calm) jumps up in excitement grabbing my arm saying OMG did you see that, that was just for us!! WHAT a blessing from Amma. She is so adoring! There are no words to speak of for such an experience from her Grace. On our way home from the program we were all so exhausted, it was the FIRST time I stayed up ALL NIGHT for Devi Bhava without ANY sleep. I was falling asleep standing up and thought I would fall to the ground at any moment. And of course Amma leaves with a smile on her face as always! Only God can do that! We also had a spiritual healing from the Buddhist Monk that Amma asked to travel with her. It was energizing! I think anyone who gets a chance to experience this should do so. Our final decision to go to Chicago became a negative and I think it was for the best as I slept the entire two days of rest until it was time for Iowa. This time my girls were going along and I was driving myself with one of my sat sang members who also went to Dallas with me. We arrived at the hall and Amma had already arrived, I had seva to do first thing so after meditation jumped right in at the seva desk. I really enjoyed helping people find seva and answering questions. After seva I went to pick up my girls from the children's program and went to sit with Amma for a while, the girls of course wanted to play so they went up stairs with other kids. I basked in the glory of Amma for a couple of hours and had lunch. My girls and I had darshan as a family in Iowa, she gave my youngest daughter darshan once, then my eldest daughter darshan, then me, I opened my hand and she had given me two kisses, she then gave my youngest darshan again, then we started to get up and walk away as Geetha chased us down the path trying to call us back, I see Amma speaking loudly to Geetha to bring us back and motioning at me and my girls to 'come back'. We kneel for a few minutes and Amma explained she didn't bless our family and wanted to make sure that it was so. My daughters also had there dolls blessed. As I walked away I looked in my hand with two kisses and instantly thought of my friend Adriane would wanted so badly to have darshan that day but couldn't, she was to leave the following day, I also knew she wasn't feeling well and thought that the kiss was meant for her, I took it over too her and she broke down in tears as I told her Amma knows your heart and is thinking of you. I gave her a hug, my own darshan from Amma lol I know it doesn't compare. Again the bhajans were out of this world and of course I knew them so that I could sing along. It was so transcending. The next day we were not able to have darshan but I did have seva as lap runner. Our coordinator was leaving that day so I was taking her place in coordinating the lap seva next to Amma's left and right. Luckily it went smoothly, I was so worried that someone wouldn't show up and Amma would notice that no one was there on my account! We did have a little glitch but Adriane was there to help work it out before she FINALLY had darshan and was leaving. I was appointed last so that I knew everyone was accounted for. Later that night...Devi Bhava! I wanted to get early darshan for my girls and I because I thought I would need to rest to drive my friend and us all home. So I arrived in the line early at 5:00 to get early tokens. Somehow I AMAZINGLY arrived RIGHT in the FRONT center of Amma for the puja. HOW is that possible? I was under the impression that was for "newbies" At any rate I was blessed to be front and center. I could smell her. I again thanked her for such a blessing. It could only be her grace that put me there. Devi Bhava started and as always happens the previous two years when Devi Bhava starts my heart cries. It becomes sad and weeps for what it knows is inevitable. My last darshan for the year. I wept and wept for Amma. Crying out why are you leaving this child behind, do you not know my heart is sad for you? How can you leaving this daughter. And as always she does that ONE extra step to let the devotee know ....she hears your heart.... the first year it was a grunted hug, the next year it was a double hug, this year it was a rub on my check and a knowing look in her eye, Mother heard her child's heart....she is there. I went off stage and cried and cried until my friend came shortly afterward to ask if I wanted to eat. Strange that I had virtually not seen her the entire night of Devi Bhava but she arrived in time to see my sad tears. I felt that she came by Amma's grace to "cheer" me up. We went to eat and yes...I did feel a little better. She kept asking me to stay and I thought I should go and get some sleep, then she said to sleep there on the floor and I kept thinking, I need a bed and quiet. I was about to walk out the door when one of my sat sang members child keep telling me over and over again, you HAVE to be back by 3:00, when I very well knew Swamiji said 4:00, sure enough the child was right, so it was with his care that I stayed a while longer to contemplate what I wanted to do. Amma's little helpers! And it is to be a GREAT blessing that he encouraged me the way he did. I would have been sad had I missed what would happen early in the morning. My friend and I went to do prasad, this was the only time I was able to do so because the first day my friend and I arrived JUST as she left and missed our chance. After this we went to sit and sang and sang and sang. I took a little 30 - 40 minute nap and felt like I slept the entire night! Strange.......or not. Then the Swami came over the intercom and stated that we would all be celebrating Guru Purnima in the morning!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOW!!!!! and WOW again!!! Since the year 2000 I have wanted to experience this. Then having my own Guru it became an even deeper desire. It was a chance to thank Amma for being my Guru, for leading me to my goal. Amma, Amma your too much to this one who knows nothing of devotion!! What do I know of such a blessing....? How did I become a lucky one with you....? What did I do to deserve such an experience? This was something I TRULY wish in my heart that every child of Mothers could experience, I hope they have that opportunity. We sang songs from midnight on about the Guru. Then after darshan was over she did a child feeding and the funniest wedding I have ever seen by Amma. The couple was so cute. After that............... it became very humbling. All of the staff started to come up and get darshan, one lady sitting by me pointed out the lady who prepares Amma's food and such is getting darshan and exclaimed that she NEVER takes darshan. Next all the Swamis rose up to Amma right side, garlanding and her prostrating at her feet one by one........... Big Swami first then the other deep orange Swami's then Sw. Dayamirita and the other light colored Swami's. All the garlands were SO BEAUTIFUL and to see her take them all with SUCH grace ....is unexplainable. She had to keep taking them all off as there were SO many and so heavy. I became even more deeply humbled at such and experience and started to cry and give my own thanks to Amma, for being in my life, for being my Guru, for having compassion for all of us that she would suffer in a human body to show us love and to give us an example of true selflessness. There are no words to explain this unexplainable experience of worshiping the Guru. The humbleness it brings. The realization of what she does for all of us came up in the mind effortlessly. It flowed from out of no where. It felt like the divine came up within to help us understand the true meaning of what was taking place in front of us and the meaning of Guru, Saint, and God. Humbleness does not come close to expression. No word can. Big Swami then washed mothers feet so lovingly as Amma looked into the crowd so lovingly as she would at the end of a Devi Bhava ceremony, only more so. She gave each one of us a very loving glance and kept doing so the entire puja. She was so........................Divine. Divine. We did the 1008 names of the Divine Mother together after the washing of the Guru's feet, Big Swami did this with the utmost devotion as he clutched the peddles, pulled them to is big heart and showered Mothers feets while chanting her Divine names. What words next? What are words? Words have no meaning. Love. LOVE. Love for Big Swami, Love for all Swamis, Love for Amma. Love. Amma is Love. Love is Love. Love. The closing ceremonies came after this and again we were showered with peddles in the front, my girls along side of me. She even showers India who is on line live to watch the ceremony. Curtain closed and after the closing chants we get up and start to walk away when within SECONDS Amma appears out of the curtain in a FLASH, we are AMAZED at how fast she changed!! She is yelling for the people to come back, 'Come back, Come back, DON'T LEAVE," she says in English. We all quickly come running up to Mother at the stage who then says she has prasad for us all, she hands this out to thousand of people in under FIVE minutes, EACH one of us she hands them to us with her own hands! "Quickly, QUICKLY, Hurry, Fast, Fast" she says in English. When done handing out she speaks in English "For all my children who are not here, I eat prasad" She then goes up and down turning around in place like a child on a marry go round and says "Feeding child, feeding child, feeding ALL my children in the world" .........So rest assure that even if you were not at the ceremony Amma was thinking of EACH and EVERY one of you and feeding you, she does NOT forget a single child. How cute she was feeding you all though! lol CUTE! Like a baby you want to eat up! She then comes off the stage and gentle touches our hands and leaves. As my friend and I are leaving I hear of the milk of Amma's pada puja is being handed out. ANOTHER of my major desires! To drink the milk that bathed the Divine Mothers Feet!! How can this BE?!?!? It was so SWEET along with other tastes I can not describe. Its just all beyond my comprehension, I can't understand it. How lucky we all our to have the Divine Goddess come to us in such a loving manner year after year after year to bring us to our goal so patiently. I again feel altered as I did the first time I met Amma. Deeper somehow. It goes beyond intellect. How I can't wait to be rid of this silly thing called ego. The Divine Mother is within us all. I pray that we can all reach our goal in this life time and be at peace. Prostrations at Mother's Blessed Lotus Feet, this one Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 12, 2006 Report Share Posted July 12, 2006 Dear Robin, What a beautiful message! Enjoyed reading it, but this line brought tears instantly to this otherwise hard-hearted one: >When done handing out she speaks in English "For all my children who >are not here, I eat prasad" Thank you for taking the time to post your experience. You are wonderful. Om Amma Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 12, 2006 Report Share Posted July 12, 2006 Namah Shivayah, Wow. WOW. What can I say to follow up that amazing story? It warmed my heart and inspired me absolutely. Since I am headed out to a funeral right now, reading this really lifted my mood. Thank you for that. Now, I can't wait to see her EVEN MORE (I didn't think that was possible). That story was imbued with her love!! Love!!! Ananthasree http://ananthasree.blogspot.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 12, 2006 Report Share Posted July 12, 2006 Hi Robin, Wow! Thanks for sharing your story. I enjoyed reading it. What a special year it was for you with Amma! I've always wanted a Vedic astrology reading. I'm amazed how detailed they are. I gotta save up for that one! Do keep those stories coming! Jai Amma! Stacy http://360./stacysgarage Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 13, 2006 Report Share Posted July 13, 2006 beautiful. your story brought tears to my eyes. -- "Naan Amme Snehikkunnu" Be Love, Nischala http://www.ammasgirl.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 13, 2006 Report Share Posted July 13, 2006 Namah Shivaya, Thank you for sharing this. I'm also in tears, & just want to be with my Guru. Sweta How low will we go? Check out Messenger’s low PC-to-Phone call rates. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 18, 2006 Report Share Posted July 18, 2006 Wow, Robin. Of course this made me cry. Especially remembering the "extra" prasad kiss that you handed to me from Amma. Thanks for taking the time to write such a beautiful story. I loved every single word and it was joyful to read about the Guru Purnima since I could not be there. in Amma adriane Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.