Spiritual Humor #4

[Guest guest]

Forrest Gump Goes to Heaven

 

The day finally arrived: Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is

met at the Pearly Gates by Saint Peter himself. The gates are

closed, however, and Forrest approaches the gatekeeper.

 

Saint Peter says, "Well, Forrest, it's certainly good to see you. We

have heard a lot about you. I must inform you that the place is

filling up fast, and we've been administering an entrance

examination for everyone. The tests are fairly short, but you need

to pass before you can get into Heaven."

 

Forrest responds, "It shore is good to be here, Saint Peter. I was

looking forward to this. Nobody ever told me about any entrance

exams. Shore hope the test ain't too hard; life was a big enough

test as it was."

 

Saint Peter goes on, "Yes, I know Forrest. But, the test I have for

you is only three questions. Here is the first: What days of the

week begin with the letter 'T'? Second, how many seconds are there

in a year? Third, what is God's first name?"

 

Forrest goes away to think the questions over. He returns the next

day and goes up to Saint Peter to try to answer the exam questions.

 

Saint Peter waves him up and asks, "Now that you have had a chance

to think the questions over, tell me your answers."

 

Forrest says, "Well, the first one, - how many days of the week

begin with the letter 'T'? Shucks, that one's easy; that'd be Today

and Tomorrow."

 

The saint's eyes open wide and he exclaims, "Forrest, that's not

what I was thinking, but... you do have a point, and I guess I

didn't specify, so I give you credit for that answer."

 

"How about the next one," says Saint Peter, "how many seconds in a

year?"

 

"Now that one's harder," says Forrest. "But, I thunk and thunk about

that, and I guess the only answer is twelve seconds in a year?"

Forrest says, "Shucks, there gotta be twelve: January second,

February second, March second....."

 

"Hold it," interrupts Saint Peter. "I see where you're going with

it. And I guess I see your point, though that wasn't quite what I

had in mind. I'll give you credit for that one too."

 

"Let's go on with the next and final question," says Saint

Peter, "Can you tell me God's first name?"

 

Forrest says, "Well shore, I know God's first name. Everbody

probably knows it. It's Howard."

 

"Howard?" asks Saint Peter. "What makes you think it's 'Howard'?"

 

Forrest answers: "It's in the prayer."

 

"The prayer?" asks Saint Peter, "which prayer?"

 

"The Lord's Prayer," responds Forrest: "Our Father, who art in

heaven, Howard be thy name...."