Amma the Guru (was Amma's Leela)

[Guest guest]

Well, it's time to share another Amma experience. Mine was so similar to Gopinath's wife's, I couldn't resist.

It has been a long-cherished desire of mine to sing for Amma, but when I was in LA I didn't have a car, so couldn't go to satsang, and thus never had the opportunity. When I moved to the Bay Area and started attending the satsang with Anaghan, one of the first things I did was enquire what I could do to sing for Amma this summer. I was instructed to sing for the satsang first, and that in order to sing for the satsang, I would need to go to bhajans up at the house on weeknights a few times. So I dutifully drove up from San Jose whenever I could to sing up at the house. Finally I got to sing at the MA Center satsang, and it was really special for me. But after that I never got to again, as all these random obstacles would come up to keep that from happening.

In early May, I arranged with Arpana to sing with my kirtan band for Amma. She agreed, but asked me to be flexible about the date/time, which was not a problem. We rehearsed a lot, and put together what we all considered a pretty rockin set. We were all (especially me, I think) so excited to get all of Amma's children singing the holy names with us. I had planned to gather all of my friends and family to sing the response vocals, but alas. Amma never responds to this kind of eager attachment. As the days wore on, the situation looked grim. Dayamrita told Arpana that Amma didn't want to hear anymore music, only the satsang groups. Darn. I couldn't sung with one of the satsang groups, but I just had to do my own thing with my band. Grr.

Actually, I felt pretty surrendered to it at the time. Oh well, I've only wanted to do this for five years, what's another five months? But at the 2nd Devi Bhava the disapointment really set in, and with it all these thoughts (which are embarrassing but I will share them here because you guys are family). "Why do all the same people who always get to sing for Amma get to sing now, and those of us who never have don't get to?Why does Amma always have to make everything to hard for me? Can't one thing just happen without there having to be some big f-ing lesson in it?Why can't I just be satisfied with the fact that I just got married by Amma, and have that be enough? Why am I so worked up about this?"

And then it hit me. I went outside, crying, thinking. "Last week, I was thinking that if only I knew that there would be a first Devi Bhava, and that the wedding would turn out okay, then I could really relax and enjoy my time here. But as soon as that was taken care of, there is another burning desire in it's place. The reason that I am constantly suffering emotionally is because there is no end to my desires."

It's something that I've read in numerous scriptures, Amma's books, satsangs, etc. But somehow it just went straight to my heart. The pain of the desire didn't go away, but my awareness had shifted, so that the pain was now only a physical manifestation, and not something that my mind was totally invested in. I started to observe the pain in my solar plexus; disapointment. It has a tangible feeling.

At that moment my seven-year-old step daughter came running up to me. "I have to find Big Swami and ask him if I can sing for Amma," she said frantically. "But Big Swami's not even here yet," I retorted, not believing the part of me that was jealous of a seven year old. She turned and marched right up to the stage, sat down in the mantra chair and waited for Amma to ask her what she wanted. She went straight to Amma, no hesitation, and asked if she could sing a song for her. Amma looked thrilled and nodded enthusiastically, making sure to throw a big "Aren't you happy for her?" smile my way.

"I need you to play the harmonium for me while I sing," Sammy said. Well, this was beyond irony. The immediate opportunity to put my recent realization into practice. Can I just be happy and supportive of my step-daughter without feeling jealous that she is going to have the experience that my craving of has caused me such pain? Sigh. I will try my best.

I sat down at the harmonium and began to play. Sammy sang out with all her heart, "Durge, Durge, Durge Jai Jai Ma," just like we sang at home. She had all of her friends singing the response vocals. I have to admit, the little girl totally rocked the house. Everyone woke up and started looking to see who was singing. Amma was looking at me and cracking up. Well, I played the harmonium as best as I could, and I must admit, I had a great time with Sammy. I was really proud of her.

Children are so unattached. The second it was over, she had forgotten it. She was in the bookstore in a flash, playing with some colorful spinning tops. "How did that feel?" I asked her. "Look how cool these tops are!" was all she said. BIG lesson for Prajna.

So, once again, Amma has shown me that her role in my life is to make me grow. Period. Guru is one who dispells the darness of ignorence, not one who pulls the wool even further over our eyes. So I can only give thanks for the tough love.

humbled again,

Prajna

Gopinath <pgopi > wrote:

--- Mary Ann <buttercookie61 > wrote:

> But what does the "loss of face" refer to?

> Mary Ann

>

In this context, it was more of an embarrassment. My

wife was embarrassed that Amma singled her out by not

putting a candy in her mouth. So she wanted to eat it

by herself so as to make it look like Amma fed her

too.

 

-Gopinath

 

 

 

 

"Children, all of spirituality is contained in that one word: Awareness." - Amma

[Guest guest]

Namah Shivaya Prajna,

Love your story. And even though you didn't get to sing for Mother, you

got to play the

harmonium for her.

 

Someone once called the popping up of desires and vasanas the "cafeteria

tray phenomenon". Don't they

seem endless?

 

I ran into an old Baba Muktananda devotee yesterday. He lives here in

Sonoma, and is

a pretty free spirited guy. He goes to see Mother, and we run into him

everywhere. Anyway,

he was saying that he is pretty much able to just watch, and to go with

the flow. He lives his

life pretty simply, as do I. So a lot of things have fallen away for

him. But he met Baba in 1972 or so.

 

So Mother is working on us so we can let it all fall away. Everything

but Her. Everything

but that beautiful peace in the heart. Ahhh. .

 

 

 

Prajna - Brianna wrote:

>

> Well, it's time to share another Amma experience. Mine was so similar

> to Gopinath's wife's, I couldn't resist.

>

> It has been a long-cherished desire of mine to sing for Amma, but when

> I was in LA I didn't have a car, so couldn't go to satsang, and thus

> never had the opportunity. When I moved to the Bay Area and started

> attending the satsang with Anaghan, one of the first things I did was

> enquire what I could do to sing for Amma this summer. I was instructed

> to sing for the satsang first, and that in order to sing for the

> satsang, I would need to go to bhajans up at the house on weeknights a

> few times. So I dutifully drove up from San Jose whenever I could to

> sing up at the house. Finally I got to sing at the MA Center satsang,

> and it was really special for me. But after that I never got to again,

> as all these random obstacles would come up to keep that from happening.

>

> In early May, I arranged with Arpana to sing with my kirtan band for

> Amma. She agreed, but asked me to be flexible about the date/time,

> which was not a problem. We rehearsed a lot, and put together what we

> all considered a pretty rockin set. We were all (especially me, I

> think) so excited to get all of Amma's children singing the holy names

> with us. I had planned to gather all of my friends and family to sing

> the response vocals, but alas. Amma never responds to this kind of

> eager attachment. As the days wore on, the situation looked grim.

> Dayamrita told Arpana that Amma didn't want to hear anymore music,

> only the satsang groups. Darn. I couldn't sung with one of the satsang

> groups, but I just had to do my own thing with my band. Grr.

>

> Actually, I felt pretty surrendered to it at the time. Oh well, I've

> only wanted to do this for five years, what's another five months? But

> at the 2nd Devi Bhava the disapointment really set in, and with it all

> these thoughts (which are embarrassing but I will share them here

> because you guys are family). "Why do all the same people who always

> get to sing for Amma get to sing now, and those of us who never have

> don't get to?Why does Amma always have to make everything to hard

> for me? Can't one thing just happen without there having to be some

> big f-ing lesson in it?Why can't I just be satisfied with the fact

> that I just got married by Amma, and have that be enough? Why am I so

> worked up about this?"

>

> And then it hit me. I went outside, crying, thinking. "Last week, I

> was thinking that if only I knew that there would be a first Devi

> Bhava, and that the wedding would turn out okay, then I could really

> relax and enjoy my time here. But as soon as that was taken care of,

> there is another burning desire in it's place. The reason that I am

> constantly suffering emotionally is because there is no end to my

> desires."

>

> It's something that I've read in numerous scriptures, Amma's books,

> satsangs, etc. But somehow it just went straight to my heart. The pain

> of the desire didn't go away, but my awareness had shifted, so that

> the pain was now only a physical manifestation, and not something that

> my mind was totally invested in. I started to observe the pain in my

> solar plexus; disapointment. It has a tangible feeling.

>

> At that moment my seven-year-old step daughter came running up to me.

> "I have to find Big Swami and ask him if I can sing for Amma," she

> said frantically. "But Big Swami's not even here yet," I retorted, not

> believing the part of me that was jealous of a seven year old. She

> turned and marched right up to the stage, sat down in the mantra chair

> and waited for Amma to ask her what she wanted. She went straight to

> Amma, no hesitation, and asked if she could sing a song for her. Amma

> looked thrilled and nodded enthusiastically, making sure to throw a

> big "Aren't you happy for her?" smile my way.

>

> "I need you to play the harmonium for me while I sing," Sammy said.

> Well, this was beyond irony. The immediate opportunity to put my

> recent realization into practice. Can I just be happy and supportive

> of my step-daughter without feeling jealous that she is going to have

> the experience that my craving of has caused me such pain? Sigh. I

> will try my best.

>

> I sat down at the harmonium and began to play. Sammy sang out with all

> her heart, "Durge, Durge, Durge Jai Jai Ma," just like we sang at

> home. She had all of her friends singing the response vocals. I have

> to admit, the little girl totally rocked the house. Everyone woke up

> and started looking to see who was singing. Amma was looking at me and

> cracking up. Well, I played the harmonium as best as I could, and I

> must admit, I had a great time with Sammy. I was really proud of her.

>

> Children are so unattached. The second it was over, she had forgotten

> it. She was in the bookstore in a flash, playing with some colorful

> spinning tops. "How did that feel?" I asked her. "Look how cool these

> tops are!" was all she said. BIG lesson for Prajna.

>

> So, once again, Amma has shown me that her role in my life is to make

> me grow. Period. Guru is one who dispells the darness of ignorence,

> not one who pulls the wool even further over our eyes. So I can only

> give thanks for the tough love.

>

> humbled again,

>

> Prajna

>

>

> Gopinath <pgopi <pgopi%40>> wrote:

> --- Mary Ann <buttercookie61

> <buttercookie61%40>> wrote:

> > But what does the "loss of face" refer to?

> > Mary Ann

> >

> In this context, it was more of an embarrassment. My

> wife was embarrassed that Amma singled her out by not

> putting a candy in her mouth. So she wanted to eat it

> by herself so as to make it look like Amma fed her

> too.

>

> -Gopinath

>

> "Children, all of spirituality is contained in that one word:

> Awareness." - Amma

>

>

[Guest guest]

Dear Prajna,

 

Thank you so much for sharing your experience with the group, and for your honesty. The leela you described reminded me of what I experienced at Amritapuri when I was longing to receive a name from Amma. I was serving as stage monitor, and was hoping to be able to ask Amma if She would give me a name at the end of darshan - but my seva continued to the very end of darshan, and I felt the most excruciating sorrow as I realized that I would not be able to ask Amma for a name. I saw that Amma was trying to teach me to sacrifice my selfish interests for others, as my seva required that I assist others in receiving Amma's darshan. Yet I felt the tapas intensely as I wanted to be able to speak to Amma rather than help others be near Her!

 

In that moment, I became acutely aware of the core of my selfish, egoic tendencies and I knew that this is what Amma was trying to help me overcome. But the pain grew more and more intense despite realizing that She was providing a wonderful opportunity to go beyond myself in service to others. To make matters worse, the stage seva went against my natural inclinations, as I had to be very assertive with devotees who were resistant to moving from their spot in order to make room for others to be near Amma. She was killing two birds with one stone so to speak....

 

The next day, I felt great heaviness in my heart as I still really wanted to receive a name from Amma and felt that I would probably not get the chance as Amma was leaving to go on the North India tour the following day. But I knew that I should simply surrender to Amma and trust that by sacrificing my selfish interests, I would grow spiritually - as painful as it would be to do so.

 

I was dreading serving as stage monitor again, yet I knew that Amma was calling me to serve Her in this manner so I prayed to Her, "Please help me overcome the resistance I am feeling to this seva." I expressed my heart to her in prayer, telling her how difficult this particular seva was for me as it went against my non-assertive nature. I kept hoping that I wouldn't have to do the seva, but then a devotee came up to me and reminded me that I was needed on stage. I took this as Amma's will, of course, and prayed for the strength to be able to perform my duties with the proper attitude. Amma must have heard my prayer, as I somehow ended up being called to seek out those in need of darshan rather than being on stage (which is the part I found to be most stressful).

 

As I walked around the hall trying to find those who had not yet received Amma's darshan, I realized that Amma had heard and answered my prayers, as this turned out to be the most fulfilling experience I had ever had! I found tremendous joy in helping others receive Amma's darshan rather than feeling sorry for myself that I was not able to ask Her for a name. I still very much wanted to be able to ask Amma for a name before She left to go on tour, but I had surrendered this desire completely, resigning myself to the fact that I would not receive a spiritual name because Amma wanted me to give this selfish desire up and serve her devotees instead.

 

Anyway, to make a long story short, I was suddenly relieved of my seva halfway through darshan and was informed that I could get in the mantra/name line!!!!! The irony and beauty of this experience is that when I finally let my selfish desires go, surrendering to Her will that I sacrifice my egoic desires in order to serve Her children, Amma blessed me with my heart's longing!

 

It is truly amazing how Mother works with each of us, creating the perfect circumstances needed for our optimal development!

 

Jai Ma!

 

Nischala

[Guest guest]

Thank you for sharing this! It is funny, and interesting to me

considering that I had my own experience of singing for Amma this

time around (in New Mexico).

 

I live in the LA area and was active in the local satsang and music

group activities last year, but not this year, focusing more on

learning and practicing Nonviolent Communication, something I have

recognized could benefit our satsang and music group, as well as

every other group and organization and situation I have found myself

in. I didn't try to work anything out locally with the music group

about presenting a song because I wasn't going to be in LA during

Amma's visit here. I had called the New Mexico folks to see if it

was possible to present a song (I made a song of two mantras and was

hoping to present it to Amma). But I was told no; the rules for

participation in the local satsang music group in LA are the same

for participating there in NM, too. There was no way I could present

the song to Amma, not being able to attend a certain number of music

group rehearsals in NM prior to Amma's visit.

 

Once I got to the Hyatt in NM, while in the darshan line, it

occurred to me that I could ask Amma if I could sing it to her when

I went up for darshan. I asked one of the darshan attendants if I

could talk to Amma when I went up, and she laughed, saying, "You can

try!" When it was my turn for darshan, I said, "Amma, can I sing for

you?" Amma had put me into her left arm and was taking a drink of

water from a cup in her right hand, after which she simply pulled me

to her for darshan. I'm not even sure she heard my request. So, I

began to sing the mantra song into Amma during darshan, and then

Amma took me into her hands and looked me in the eyes and smiled,

and I was given my chocolate and rose petal and whisked out of the

way so the next person could receive darshan.

 

It was a new and different experience to be in mantra and musical

vibrations during darshan. I am still receiving the gifts...

 

Mary Ann

 

Ammachi, Prajna - Brianna <prajnaji

wrote:

>

> Well, it's time to share another Amma experience. Mine was so

similar to Gopinath's wife's, I couldn't resist.

>

> It has been a long-cherished desire of mine to sing for Amma,

but when I was in LA I didn't have a car, so couldn't go to satsang,

and thus never had the opportunity. When I moved to the Bay Area and

started attending the satsang with Anaghan, one of the first things

I did was enquire what I could do to sing for Amma this summer. I

was instructed to sing for the satsang first, and that in order to

sing for the satsang, I would need to go to bhajans up at the house

on weeknights a few times. So I dutifully drove up from San Jose

whenever I could to sing up at the house. Finally I got to sing at

the MA Center satsang, and it was really special for me. But after

that I never got to again, as all these random obstacles would come

up to keep that from happening.

>

> In early May, I arranged with Arpana to sing with my kirtan band

for Amma. She agreed, but asked me to be flexible about the

date/time, which was not a problem. We rehearsed a lot, and put

together what we all considered a pretty rockin set. We were all

(especially me, I think) so excited to get all of Amma's children

singing the holy names with us. I had planned to gather all of my

friends and family to sing the response vocals, but alas. Amma never

responds to this kind of eager attachment. As the days wore on, the

situation looked grim. Dayamrita told Arpana that Amma didn't want

to hear anymore music, only the satsang groups. Darn. I couldn't

sung with one of the satsang groups, but I just had to do my own

thing with my band. Grr.

>

> Actually, I felt pretty surrendered to it at the time. Oh well,

I've only wanted to do this for five years, what's another five

months? But at the 2nd Devi Bhava the disapointment really set in,

and with it all these thoughts (which are embarrassing but I will

share them here because you guys are family). "Why do all the same

people who always get to sing for Amma get to sing now, and those of

us who never have don't get to?Why does Amma always have to make

everything to hard for me? Can't one thing just happen without there

having to be some big f-ing lesson in it?Why can't I just be

satisfied with the fact that I just got married by Amma, and have

that be enough? Why am I so worked up about this?"

>

> And then it hit me. I went outside, crying, thinking. "Last

week, I was thinking that if only I knew that there would be a first

Devi Bhava, and that the wedding would turn out okay, then I could

really relax and enjoy my time here. But as soon as that was taken

care of, there is another burning desire in it's place. The reason

that I am constantly suffering emotionally is because there is no

end to my desires."

>

> It's something that I've read in numerous scriptures, Amma's

books, satsangs, etc. But somehow it just went straight to my heart.

The pain of the desire didn't go away, but my awareness had shifted,

so that the pain was now only a physical manifestation, and not

something that my mind was totally invested in. I started to observe

the pain in my solar plexus; disapointment. It has a tangible

feeling.

>

> At that moment my seven-year-old step daughter came running up

to me. "I have to find Big Swami and ask him if I can sing for

Amma," she said frantically. "But Big Swami's not even here yet," I

retorted, not believing the part of me that was jealous of a seven

year old. She turned and marched right up to the stage, sat down in

the mantra chair and waited for Amma to ask her what she wanted. She

went straight to Amma, no hesitation, and asked if she could sing a

song for her. Amma looked thrilled and nodded enthusiastically,

making sure to throw a big "Aren't you happy for her?" smile my way.

>

> "I need you to play the harmonium for me while I sing," Sammy

said. Well, this was beyond irony. The immediate opportunity to put

my recent realization into practice. Can I just be happy and

supportive of my step-daughter without feeling jealous that she is

going to have the experience that my craving of has caused me such

pain? Sigh. I will try my best.

>

> I sat down at the harmonium and began to play. Sammy sang out

with all her heart, "Durge, Durge, Durge Jai Jai Ma," just like we

sang at home. She had all of her friends singing the response

vocals. I have to admit, the little girl totally rocked the house.

Everyone woke up and started looking to see who was singing. Amma

was looking at me and cracking up. Well, I played the harmonium as

best as I could, and I must admit, I had a great time with Sammy. I

was really proud of her.

>

> Children are so unattached. The second it was over, she had

forgotten it. She was in the bookstore in a flash, playing with some

colorful spinning tops. "How did that feel?" I asked her. "Look how

cool these tops are!" was all she said. BIG lesson for Prajna.

>

> So, once again, Amma has shown me that her role in my life is to

make me grow. Period. Guru is one who dispells the darness of

ignorence, not one who pulls the wool even further over our eyes. So

I can only give thanks for the tough love.

>

> humbled again,

>

> Prajna

>

>

> Gopinath <pgopi wrote:

> --- Mary Ann <buttercookie61 wrote:

> > But what does the "loss of face" refer to?

> > Mary Ann

> >

> In this context, it was more of an embarrassment. My

> wife was embarrassed that Amma singled her out by not

> putting a candy in her mouth. So she wanted to eat it

> by herself so as to make it look like Amma fed her

> too.

>

> -Gopinath

>

>

>

>

>

> "Children, all of spirituality is contained in that one word:

Awareness." - Amma

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Amma had put me into her left arm and was

> taking a drink of

> water from a cup in her right hand, after which she

> simply pulled me

> to her for darshan.

 

Amma pausing to take a drink of water in the midst of

a darshan program?? Who has ever seen her do that!

Ought to be shown on "That's incredible", if that old

TV show is still running!

 

Keval

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

Hm, well, honestly, I don't know for certain that it was water

because the cup was not see-through. Are you kidding that you

haven't seen Amma drink during a darshan program? I guess she wasn't

pausing so much as attending to a basic need during darshan. I have

also seen/heard her many times holding conversations with others

while giving darshan.

 

Ammachi, Mike Brooker <patria1818 wrote:

>

> Amma had put me into her left arm and was

> > taking a drink of

> > water from a cup in her right hand, after which she

> > simply pulled me

> > to her for darshan.

>

> Amma pausing to take a drink of water in the midst of

> a darshan program?? Who has ever seen her do that!

> Ought to be shown on "That's incredible", if that old

> TV show is still running!

>

> Keval

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

namah sivaya nischala!

 

i am still decompressing from my first visit to meet Mother but when i

saw your story about the name i thought i'd write. i asked Mother for a

name (after much stuff about questions and name lines and etc. which

i'll blog about later) and this is also the name she gave me! i was so

surprised when i found out the meaning as i figured i would have a

different kind of name. but am loving it so much!

 

your sis,

 

nischala (formerly egyirba)

 

Nischala wrote:

>

> Dear Prajna,

>

>

> Anyway, to make a long story short, I was suddenly relieved of my seva

> halfway through darshan and was informed that I could get in the

> mantra/name line!!!!! The irony and beauty of this experience is that

> when I finally let my selfish desires go, surrendering to Her will

> that I sacrifice my egoic desires in order to serve Her children, Amma

> blessed me with my heart's longing!

>

> It is truly amazing how Mother works with each of us, creating the

> perfect circumstances needed for our optimal development!

>

> Jai Ma!

>

> Nischala

>

> __.

>

 

--

Be Love,

Nischala

http://www.ammasgirl.com

[Guest guest]

Dear Nischala,

 

Om Namah Shivaya! It greatly increased my devotion and faith when Amma gave me this name as it made me realize that Amma knows my vasanas and my innermost being. I was so eager to find out what my name would be, as I always knew that She would give me a name that would show me that She knows what I most need to work on and develop. My most predominant tendency has been to waver between bhoga/tyaga and between various spiritual paths (a very unsteady mind manifesting as constant fluctuation), so I thought to myself, "How amazing would it be if Amma gives me a name that means "unwavering". When She said that my name was Nischala, and the Swami told me what it means, my faith in Her omniscience increased a hundredfold. She knows each of us intimately, as revealed through the miraculous way prayers are answered and the events She causes to unfold in our lives which serve to eliminate our negative tendencies. How blessed we are to have a Satguru to guide us in this lifetime!

 

With love and gratitude,

 

Nischala (formerly Kirsten:-)

[Guest guest]

ONS Nischala!

 

yes, Mother looked at me while hugging others and said "Nischala!" i

had no idea what was happening at that moment cause i had not seen this

happen before (this was my first visit to meet Mother). so, i didn't

know what she was saying. the Br/Sw wrote down 'stillness' and was

trying to explain to me. there was so much going on around me at that

moment. he was trying to convey what you were told. i didn't have the

immediate response that you did in understanding why that name at that

moment. but i certainly get it now! yes! we are most blessed to have

a Satguru to guide us and love us!

 

what is the definition of 'bhoga' and 'tyaga?'

 

Nischala wrote:

>

> Dear Nischala,

>

> Om Namah Shivaya! It greatly increased my devotion and faith when Amma

> gave me this name as it made me realize that Amma knows my vasanas and

> my innermost being. I was so eager to find out what my name would be,

> as I always knew that She would give me a name that would show me that

> She knows what I most need to work on and develop. My most predominant

> tendency has been to waver between bhoga/tyaga and between various

> spiritual paths (a very unsteady mind manifesting as constant

> fluctuation), so I thought to myself, "How amazing would it be if Amma

> gives me a name that means "unwavering". When She said that my name

> was Nischala, and the Swami told me what it means, my faith in Her

> omniscience increased a hundredfold. She knows each of us intimately,

> as revealed through the miraculous way prayers are answered and the

> events She causes to unfold in our lives which serve to eliminate our

> negative tendencies. How blessed we are to have a Satguru to guide us

> in this lifetime!

>

> With love and gratitude,

>

> Nischala (formerly Kirsten:-)

>

 

--

Be Love,

Nischala

http://www.ammasgirl.com

[Guest guest]

I know what you mean about the divine chaos on stage:) The strange thing is that somehow I got in the mantra line by mistake, so when it came time for me to receive a name, Amma reached out to me and was about to whisper a mantra in my ear when one of the brahmacharinis told Her that I was supposed to receive a name. She looked at me, laughed and said "You Annapurna". I was confused as I thought She was giving me the name Annapurna! But then I was told to move back and wait in the name line, half expecting that Amma would name me Annapurna. I have always wondered what Amma meant when She said that! I thought that perhaps there may be a word in Malayalam that sounds like Annapurna - that means something along the lines of "Why did you get in the mantra line silly girl?" lol

 

What I meant when I said I have tended to waver between "bhoga/tyaga" is alternating between material pursuits and renunciation - bhoga meaning material sense enjoyment and tyaga is renunciation/control of the senses.

 

Om Namah Shivaya,

 

Nischala