Meeting Amma ........Continued...... 2nd email

[Guest guest]

We then arrived in Chicago. There were so many people that I am so glad I was able to go to such a small town before this. I sat in the hall staring again hour after hour. Absorbing every moment I could. Knowing it would be over too soon. I did some seva. Most of us were not able to get darshan on the first night. So we just gloried in her presence. It was enough for me. Then as I was sitting up close she looked RIGHT at me and gave me the BIGGEST radiant smile ever and jutted up her chin at me. My friend had this done to her hours later and she realized that was our darshan from Mother sense we couldn't get an actual hug. My friend even said she FELT like she just had darshan. The next morning I again sat in her presence as much as possible. My heart in totally grief knowing this would be the last day. I volunteered to work more seva and was able to do the holy water. I was so excited about this. I told Mother that I would let her choose my seva. Well then the guy

told us that he needed two of us to go to the "overflow" tent outside. I screamed inside my head NO! I'm not going. One girl raised her hand and then he asked again. No one would raise their hand. I then thought this is your choice Amma is this really what you want? He asked again and I finally gave in seeing this as Mothers guidance. I was heart broken that I wouldn't get to do the holy water inside. I felt like the privilege was taken away from me being able to do it for the first time. It didn't matter this was what Mother wanted I didn't argue. So we cleaned and put new table cloths on got all the necessary things ready which took quite a while. Then people started to arrive. I finally felt happy that I was outside. We then distributed the holy water to all the people. I notice the sky looking like it was going crashed down in a whirl wind of torrential rain. As Amma stared the "cleansing" the rain broke down in sheets of unrelenting rain. Some ran in. Some stayed in

the tent. The rain went where it wanted. All over the holy water and us, and the TV equipment. I just stood back and started to smile really big. I was loving every moment of it. What was more holy than nature's own water? And what was more holy that nature cleansing us? I started to laugh. I along with one other girl were the last people to go in. We didn't leave until long after it stopped. I felt rejuvenated! It was beautiful and a bit terrifying! I looked like a drowned rat!! LOL After that I just sat in the hall for sometime again transfixed on our Divine Mother, hour after hour. Never tiring. Thoughts going through my head. Starting to weep for what I didn't want to see. The end. I cried out over and over "Don't leave me Mother, Don't leave me I can't live without you!How can you leave your own daughter behind!Please let me come see you next yearLet me have the money to come and see you" Don't let this be the endPLEASE Mother!!Let me be able to see you

again" I was begging. I was in utterly deep sorrow. I cried over and over again. It was such GRIEF! Ten thousand times worst than a broken heart! I felt lost. A child without her mother. I knew the truth, that she was always with me, always inside me. Never leaving me for a moment. But it didn't help the process. It was then my turn for darshan, close to the end. I went up crying in helplessness, repeating, "PLEASE don't leave this daughter behind!How can you do thisLet me be able to see you again" I was again gently pushed into her loving embrace and started to weep again. She gave me her hug. Then let go and gazed into my eyes with a smile and gave me a squeeze with a really big "humph". She knew. It was reassurance. She would always be there. I walked off the stage weeping uncontrollably and tried to find a place in privacy. (Which I did not) So I sat in a chair by the doors just crying. I was suppose to go back and relieve the line attendant but by the time I

got myself to "somewhat'' presentable, she already knew I was emotionally unstable to help out. So she told me she had someone else and that it was OK. So I went to sit and gaze on her and cry for my Mother whom I finally got to meet after waiting for eternity. Cherishing every small moment with her. Every blessing she gave to me. She then left through the crowd after the ceremonies were finished. I brushed her hand as she past. A silent goodbye..

It was such an UNexplainable experience that has TRULY changed me inside and out. I can never explain this in words. It left such a DEEP impact on me. I am still most humbled by it all. I still have her Divine love within me, feeling at peace. I hope to never lose this feeling. It was so wonderful to finally meet some of my sisters after talking for over three years!! You are all SO wonderful and good. I TRULY feel like you really ARE my family. I would like to give a special, special, thank you to all of you who helped make this happen for me. There is NEVER, EVER going to be a way to repay you for such a BEAUTIFUL gift! NEVER. I thought of emailing you all individually but my computer is SO slow it would take MONTHS to email all who donated! I hope you all understand how important it was to me. How blessed I feel to have you all reach out with no questions asked. Only to reunited me with my Mother. It is most humbling. PLEASE, PLEASE understand what a DIFFERENCE you

have all made in my life. No matter how big or small. An encouragement here, a loving letter there, a phone call, an inspiration. It all mattered to me. I hold all you and this precious experience SO dear to my heart. There really are no words in ANY language to say thank you. I think that with what you made this girl feel in her heart is worth Mother taking all your karma away! I pray for her to bring you all to liberation!! I must agree on someone telling me about the synchronicity of being around Amma. As soon as I had a thought on something, a person, place, or thing, BAM! It was right in front of me. It was like being in a dream. .......And so..... there you have it. A rare and precious gift. That will never be forgotten. In this life or the next. A child finally reunited with her Mother. Counting the days until I can gaze at her face again. Counting the days until I can be embraced into her arms. Counting the days to once again see her radiant eyes and beaming smile

shining down on this lonely daughter. She is all I ever think about. All I can cry for. I have no desires for anything else. Everything reminds me of her, a smile, a child, the rain, the clouds, music. Everything. I leave you with these songs, a very small expression of what I feel.

There is something that I see

In the way you look at me

There’s a smile, there’s a truth

In your eyes

What an unexpected way

On this unexpected day

Could it be this is where I belong

It is you I have loved all along

There's no more mystery, it is finally clear to me

You’re the home my heart searched for so long

And it is you I have loved all along

There were times I ran to hide

Afraid to show the other side

Alone in the night without you

But now I know just who you are

And I know you hold my heart

Finally this is where I belong

And it is you I have loved all along

And no more mystery, it is finally clear to me

You’re the home my heart searched for so long

It is you I have loved all along

Over and over I’m filled with emotion

Your love, it rushes through my veins

And I am filled with the sweetest devotion

As I look into your perfect face

There's no more a mystery, it is finally clear to me

You’re the home my heart searched for so long

And it is you I have loved

It is you I have loved

It is you I have loved all along

 

Pardon me

If I've been acting strange

I haven't been myself lately

What you see

Is a person rearranged

Someone affected me greatly

And I've got so much to say

Ever since Amma looked my way

Gonna raise my voice like thunder

And leave the world in wonder of the change

The change inside of me

Everyday

I'm taking in the view

Of her glory around me

I'm awake

And I have been made new

By the one who has found me

Words just can't say enough

When all I feel is love

It's nothing less than a miracle

Your name I praise, because this change

Inside of me is so beautiful

Take this world from me

I don't need it anymore

I am finally free

My heart is spoken for

I praise you

I worship you

Covered by a love divine

Child of Amma

To hear you say

"This one's mine"

My heart is spoken for

Now I have peace

That I've Never known before

I find myself complete

My heart is spoken for

You have taken what was lost

And made it fully yours

By you who spoke to me

Now I am spoken for.

Then I saw her face

Now I'm a believer

Not a trace of doubt in my mind

I'm in love

I'm a believer

I couldn't leave her if I tried

Ever at Amma's Lotus Feet,

Robin

[Guest guest]

My apologies on this email. I accidental posted this. Please disregard it. :-)

 

Robin Wilson <lilymoonjewel > wrote:

We then arrived in Chicago. There were so many people that I am so glad I was able to go to such a small town before this. I sat in the hall staring again hour after hour. Absorbing every moment I could. Knowing it would be over too soon. I did some seva. Most of us were not able to get darshan on the first night. So we just gloried in her presence. It was enough for me. Then as I was sitting up close she looked RIGHT at me and gave me the BIGGEST radiant smile ever and jutted up her chin at me. My friend had this done to her hours later and she realized that was our darshan from Mother sense we couldn't get an actual hug. My friend even said she FELT like she just had darshan. The next morning I again sat in her presence as much as possible. My heart in totally grief knowing this would be the last day. I volunteered to work more seva and was able to do the holy water. I was so excited about this. I told Mother that I would let her choose my seva. Well then the guy

told us that he needed two of us to go to the "overflow" tent outside. I screamed inside my head NO! I'm not going. One girl raised her hand and then he asked again. No one would raise their hand. I then thought this is your choice Amma is this really what you want? He asked again and I finally gave in seeing this as Mothers guidance. I was heart broken that I wouldn't get to do the holy water inside. I felt like the privilege was taken away from me being able to do it for the first time. It didn't matter this was what Mother wanted I didn't argue. So we cleaned and put new table cloths on got all the necessary things ready which took quite a while. Then people started to arrive. I finally felt happy that I was outside. We then distributed the holy water to all the people. I notice the sky looking like it was going crashed down in a whirl wind of torrential rain. As Amma stared the "cleansing" the rain broke down in sheets of unrelenting rain. Some ran in. Some stayed in

the tent. The rain went where it wanted. All over the holy water and us, and the TV equipment. I just stood back and started to smile really big. I was loving every moment of it. What was more holy than nature's own water? And what was more holy that nature cleansing us? I started to laugh. I along with one other girl were the last people to go in. We didn't leave until long after it stopped. I felt rejuvenated! It was beautiful and a bit terrifying! I looked like a drowned rat!! LOL After that I just sat in the hall for sometime again transfixed on our Divine Mother, hour after hour. Never tiring. Thoughts going through my head. Starting to weep for what I didn't want to see. The end. I cried out over and over "Don't leave me Mother, Don't leave me I can't live without you!How can you leave your own daughter behind!Please let me come see you next yearLet me have the money to come and see you" Don't let this be the endPLEASE Mother!!Let me be able to see you

again" I was begging. I was in utterly deep sorrow. I cried over and over again. It was such GRIEF! Ten thousand times worst than a broken heart! I felt lost. A child without her mother. I knew the truth, that she was always with me, always inside me. Never leaving me for a moment. But it didn't help the process. It was then my turn for darshan, close to the end. I went up crying in helplessness, repeating, "PLEASE don't leave this daughter behind!How can you do thisLet me be able to see you again" I was again gently pushed into her loving embrace and started to weep again. She gave me her hug. Then let go and gazed into my eyes with a smile and gave me a squeeze with a really big "humph". She knew. It was reassurance. She would always be there. I walked off the stage weeping uncontrollably and tried to find a place in privacy. (Which I did not) So I sat in a chair by the doors just crying. I was suppose to go back and relieve the line attendant but by the time I

got myself to "somewhat'' presentable, she already knew I was emotionally unstable to help out. So she told me she had someone else and that it was OK.. So I went to sit and gaze on her and cry for my Mother whom I finally got to meet after waiting for eternity. Cherishing every small moment with her.. Every blessing she gave to me. She then left through the crowd after the ceremonies were finished. I brushed her hand as she past. A silent goodbye.

 

 

It was such an UNexplainable experience that has TRULY changed me inside and out. I can never explain this in words. It left such a DEEP impact on me. I am still most humbled by it all. I still have her Divine love within me, feeling at peace. I hope to never lose this feeling. It was so wonderful to finally meet some of my sisters after talking for over three years!! You are all SO wonderful and good. I TRULY feel like you really ARE my family. I would like to give a special, special, thank you to all of you who helped make this happen for me. There is NEVER, EVER going to be a way to repay you for such a BEAUTIFUL gift! NEVER. I thought of emailing you all individually but my computer is SO slow it would take MONTHS to email all who donated! I hope you all understand how important it was to me. How blessed I feel to have you all reach out with no questions asked. Only to reunited me with my Mother. It is most humbling. PLEASE, PLEASE understand what a DIFFERENCE you

have all made in my life. No matter how big or small. An encouragement here, a loving letter there, a phone call, an inspiration. It all mattered to me. I hold all you and this precious experience SO dear to my heart. There really are no words in ANY language to say thank you. I think that with what you made this girl feel in her heart is worth Mother taking all your karma away! I pray for her to bring you all to liberation!! I must agree on someone telling me about the synchronicity of being around Amma. As soon as I had a thought on something, a person, place, or thing, BAM! It was right in front of me. It was like being in a dream. .......And so..... there you have it. A rare and precious gift. That will never be forgotten. In this life or the next. A child finally reunited with her Mother. Counting the days until I can gaze at her face again. Counting the days until I can be embraced into her arms. Counting the days to once again see her radiant eyes and beaming smile

shining down on this lonely daughter. She is all I ever think about. All I can cry for. I have no desires for anything else. Everything reminds me of her, a smile, a child, the rain, the clouds, music. Everything. I leave you with these songs, a very small expression of what I feel.

 

There is something that I see

In the way you look at me

There’s a smile, there’s a truth

In your eyes

What an unexpected way

On this unexpected day

Could it be this is where I belong

It is you I have loved all along

There's no more mystery, it is finally clear to me

You’re the home my heart searched for so long

And it is you I have loved all along

There were times I ran to hide

Afraid to show the other side

Alone in the night without you

But now I know just who you are

And I know you hold my heart

Finally this is where I belong

And it is you I have loved all along

And no more mystery, it is finally clear to me

You’re the home my heart searched for so long

It is you I have loved all along

Over and over I’m filled with emotion

Your love, it rushes through my veins

And I am filled with the sweetest devotion

As I look into your perfect face

There's no more a mystery, it is finally clear to me

You’re the home my heart searched for so long

And it is you I have loved

It is you I have loved

It is you I have loved all along

 

Pardon me

If I've been acting strange

I haven't been myself lately

What you see

Is a person rearranged

Someone affected me greatly

And I've got so much to say

Ever since Amma looked my way

Gonna raise my voice like thunder

And leave the world in wonder of the change

The change inside of me

Everyday

I'm taking in the view

Of her glory around me

I'm awake

And I have been made new

By the one who has found me

Words just can't say enough

When all I feel is love

It's nothing less than a miracle

Your name I praise, because this change

Inside of me is so beautiful

 

 

Take this world from me

I don't need it anymore

I am finally free

My heart is spoken for

I praise you

I worship you

Covered by a love divine

Child of Amma

To hear you say

"This one's mine"

My heart is spoken for

Now I have peace

That I've Never known before

I find myself complete

My heart is spoken for

You have taken what was lost

And made it fully yours

By you who spoke to me

Now I am spoken for.

 

Then I saw her face

Now I'm a believer

Not a trace of doubt in my mind

I'm in love

I'm a believer

I couldn't leave her if I tried

 

Ever at Amma's Lotus Feet,

Robin