Guest guest Posted May 29, 2005 Report Share Posted May 29, 2005 > > > *Subject:* : One-Liners > > > Reporters interviewing a 104 year-old woman: "And what do you think is the > best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. > > She simply replied, "No peer pressure." > > * * * * * > > The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs. > > * * * * * > > Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very > elderly > widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" > > "98," she replied. "Two years older than me." > > "So you're 96," the undertaker commented. > > She responded, "Hardly worth going home is it?" > > * * * * * > > I've sure gotten old. I've had 2 By-pass surgeries, a hip replacement and a > pair > of new knees. I fought prostate cancer, and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't > hear > anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make > me > dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. I have bouts with dementia and > poor > circulation, hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm > 85 or 92. > I have lost all my friends, But Thank God, I still have my Florida driver > license! > An elderly woman from Brooklyn decided to prepare her will. She told her > rabbi she > had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she > wanted > her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. > > "Wal-Mart!" the rabbi exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?" > > "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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