Begging the floor (To Roy)

[Guest guest]

Hi Roy,

 

I like your analogy of your daughter's ear ache. I'd

like to continue using it, if you don't mind.

 

You say that you tried to give her love and affection

and she fussed and rejected you. It's true that it is

very hard to try to alleviate pain and be rejected.

Still, if you love someone, it seems to me that a

happy medium is to recognize their pain, allow them to

feel it, but still let them know you are there for

them.

 

However much your daughter fussed due to your

attentions, imagine how she would have felt if you had

left her alone in the house in order to not annoy her,

and to protect your sensibilities. A complete lack of

attention would probably have hurt her more than the

annoyance of your unwanted touching. I suppose it is a

matter of striking a balance between "being there" for

the people we love, our community, and thinking we can

take "an action" to alleviate a pain we cannot

alleviate.

 

So I agree with you about remembering there are times

there is nothing we can do, but I think we add to a

loving community (and therefore to ourselves, too) to

let people who are in pain know that they aren't "in

the house alone", since there is nothing else we can

do.

 

Loved your post!

 

--- Roy Kamiki <nutrideias wrote:

 

> Begging the floorDear Das,

>

> I must confess that I lacked courage to enter the

> debate. Although I felt an urge to write many things

> against your opinion, I refrained to avoid

> antagonism. Also, another reason is that I feel you

> are senior to me in nearly every aspect of life:

> experience, spiritual and material knowledge, and

> also age wise. So why would someone like me be able

> to contribute to your understanding and emotion?

> But, let me describe what happened a while ago to

> serve as an analogy that I think best fits your

> situation:

>

> "A month ago, my oldest daughter (7 years old)

> caught a terrible cold, which eventually affect her

> ear. Since she didn't know how to blow out the

> mucus, the excess accumulated nearby her left

> additive canal, which caused her a terrible earache.

> The pain was so agonizing she that she just curled

> in her puff and wepted for hours. The doctor

> prescribed an eardrop to clear the canal and simple

> painkillers (paracetemol) to alleviate her pain. My

> heart broke down when I saw her tears flow while in

> agony. So I approached her to give affection and

> love in the hope to alleviate some of the distress

> and discomfort, but my attempts were useless. The

> more I tried to help, the more she fussed and asked

> to be left alone. I then understood the consequences

> of constant pain and suffering."

>

> Das, I read all your posts of suffering and

> loneliness in VA Forum since 2003. I believe in your

> excruciating pain, and when it was unbearable, you

> would send us your words of deep distress in the

> hope of easing the pain. I can still remember how

> you described some of the real agony that you were

> going through, and that some of them were so painful

> that death seem to be the only relief. And just like

> my daughter's situation, which I just described, I

> figure that your depression drives you into a

> self-destructive mode (or depression gear as you

> mentioned), triggering aggressive or antagonist

> mood. No matter how we approach your situation, your

> irritation remains, and no one can mitigate that

> suffering.

>

> In such situation, some of those who care about you

> would prefer just pray for your recovery. Well, at

> least that is how I feel. I rather appeal to God's,

> to Whom I humbly address as Sri Krishna, to

> intervene. He is the One that is beyond the modes of

> nature and material existence. You may now have

> another conviction that is not the same as when you

> were dedicated during early years, and we must

> accept and respect your choice. We are here to learn

> our lessons, right?

>

> I also had times when I would returned to previous

> chapters of my life book to review my understanding.

> Well, this may not be your case, but it's your life

> and soul that's under stake. Nobody else's..

>

> Take care,

>

> Roy