Begging the floor (To Mary)

[Guest guest]

Dear Mary,

 

 

 

I totally agree with you. My daughter (Jessica) would definitely have felt

worse if I didn't display love and affection during her painful moments. As

a matter of fact, as soon as she got better, Jessica was more then usually

affectionate towards me. I felt so rewarded for being patient.

 

 

 

Thanks,

 

Roy

 

 

 

 

 

 

-

"Mary Quinn" <mary1quinn

<valist>

Saturday, February 11, 2006 6:59 PM

Re: Begging the floor (To Roy)

 

 

> Hi Roy,

>

> I like your analogy of your daughter's ear ache. I'd

> like to continue using it, if you don't mind.

>

> You say that you tried to give her love and affection

> and she fussed and rejected you. It's true that it is

> very hard to try to alleviate pain and be rejected.

> Still, if you love someone, it seems to me that a

> happy medium is to recognize their pain, allow them to

> feel it, but still let them know you are there for

> them.

>

> However much your daughter fussed due to your

> attentions, imagine how she would have felt if you had

> left her alone in the house in order to not annoy her,

> and to protect your sensibilities. A complete lack of

> attention would probably have hurt her more than the

> annoyance of your unwanted touching. I suppose it is a

> matter of striking a balance between "being there" for

> the people we love, our community, and thinking we can

> take "an action" to alleviate a pain we cannot

> alleviate.

>

> So I agree with you about remembering there are times

> there is nothing we can do, but I think we add to a

> loving community (and therefore to ourselves, too) to

> let people who are in pain know that they aren't "in

> the house alone", since there is nothing else we can

> do.

>

> Loved your post!

>

> --- Roy Kamiki <nutrideias wrote:

>

>> Begging the floorDear Das,

>>

>> I must confess that I lacked courage to enter the

>> debate. Although I felt an urge to write many things

>> against your opinion, I refrained to avoid

>> antagonism. Also, another reason is that I feel you

>> are senior to me in nearly every aspect of life:

>> experience, spiritual and material knowledge, and

>> also age wise. So why would someone like me be able

>> to contribute to your understanding and emotion?

>> But, let me describe what happened a while ago to

>> serve as an analogy that I think best fits your

>> situation:

>>

>> "A month ago, my oldest daughter (7 years old)

>> caught a terrible cold, which eventually affect her

>> ear. Since she didn't know how to blow out the

>> mucus, the excess accumulated nearby her left

>> additive canal, which caused her a terrible earache.

>> The pain was so agonizing she that she just curled

>> in her puff and wepted for hours. The doctor

>> prescribed an eardrop to clear the canal and simple

>> painkillers (paracetemol) to alleviate her pain. My

>> heart broke down when I saw her tears flow while in

>> agony. So I approached her to give affection and

>> love in the hope to alleviate some of the distress

>> and discomfort, but my attempts were useless. The

>> more I tried to help, the more she fussed and asked

>> to be left alone. I then understood the consequences

>> of constant pain and suffering."

>>

>> Das, I read all your posts of suffering and

>> loneliness in VA Forum since 2003. I believe in your

>> excruciating pain, and when it was unbearable, you

>> would send us your words of deep distress in the

>> hope of easing the pain. I can still remember how

>> you described some of the real agony that you were

>> going through, and that some of them were so painful

>> that death seem to be the only relief. And just like

>> my daughter's situation, which I just described, I

>> figure that your depression drives you into a

>> self-destructive mode (or depression gear as you

>> mentioned), triggering aggressive or antagonist

>> mood. No matter how we approach your situation, your

>> irritation remains, and no one can mitigate that

>> suffering.

>>

>> In such situation, some of those who care about you

>> would prefer just pray for your recovery. Well, at

>> least that is how I feel. I rather appeal to God's,

>> to Whom I humbly address as Sri Krishna, to

>> intervene. He is the One that is beyond the modes of

>> nature and material existence. You may now have

>> another conviction that is not the same as when you

>> were dedicated during early years, and we must

>> accept and respect your choice. We are here to learn

>> our lessons, right?

>>

>> I also had times when I would returned to previous

>> chapters of my life book to review my understanding.

>> Well, this may not be your case, but it's your life

>> and soul that's under stake. Nobody else's..

>>

>> Take care,

>>

>> Roy

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

> I totally agree with you. My daughter (Jessica) would definitely have felt

> worse if I didn't display love and affection during her painful moments. As

> a matter of fact, as soon as she got better, Jessica was more then usually

> affectionate towards me. I felt so rewarded for being patient.

 

 

Bernadette lives in Zurich, I live in Oregon. Oh well. But, why do I care

about her person still, as a dear friend?

 

Bernadette was the only person who would come near me when I was in my

worst. My kids could not, I guess it was too much for them, as they were

only late teens then. This was like 3 years ago now.

 

No other adult friend would actually touch me, which is what I needed, for

people to come really close to me and talk really truthfully about life,

their's and mine, and help me "build my parachute" as I call it, which

means, help me come back, talk me back from where I was, to the reality they

were in.

 

Only Bernadette came near me, held me, talked to me, and when I was

screaming and shaking, really badly, even then she would hold onto me.

Holding a 6 ft tall, 220 pnd guy, who is writhing in emotional pain, scream

crying at top volume, can't stop, goes on and on... She held onto that, and

talked to me, kindly.

 

I screamed to this list, and many friends wrote and called. One, maybe two,

woman came around to help me and did. Years were passing alone though. I

screamed and nothing happened. I nearly died in pain.

 

Another guy my age here in town, who was an astrology student of mine, he

talked his reluctant girlfriend into letting me stay with them while

Bernadette visited her kids. If it wasn't for him, and Bernadette, I don't

know what would have happened to me. I could not be alone. I had to be

with other people. I could barely deal with anything at all, could barely do

anything. I spent most of the time hiding in a room in the curled up

position and taking lots of meds.

 

It was definitely not my thoughts or attitude. I could barely walk, barely

think, I was horrified. It was like being completely poisoned 24/7 and just

wondering if you will be OK. I say, again, what I experienced looked and

felt like "Jacobs Ladder", which is an absolutely horrifying film about a

totally bad acid trip a guy is having while simultaneously being killed in

vietnam, transported to medical help, and dieing in the hospital. His acid

thoughts, while dieing, is the movie. It's horrifying, and that's where

I've been, and I resent people even insinuating that I had a choice in the

matter.

 

I also resent the insult put up to my fathers face by their words. My

father, a good man by anybodys standards had strong delusions and paranoia.

He was placed in a home for years during my childhood and so I grew up

without a father because of this. You think it was just his thoughts? His

attitude?

 

This man was a WWII veteran and hero, in Pearl Harbor, commanded a ship the

rest of the war at Chief Petty position, front line depth finder, always

being shot at, many friends die, lots of war. Still very cheery later in

life as I did know him some. Very happy a lot, and taught us boys some good

things. He was good, but he was struck heavily and clearly, with mental

disease, or illness, or condition, whatever, he believed things that weren't

at all real, and it was pretty scary, and very debilitating. He had many

horrible worrys about enemies outside, and believed in false truths about

who he was etc.

 

By belittling the issue of the mind and the types and depths of problems it

can have, we miss great opportunities of understanding, and offend people

who by dint of their affliction may be the very ones who open portals in the

thought realm for everyone else. Actually, I'm speaking entirely

rhetorically to anyone who knows the truth about the matters of genius,

creativity, and appearance of mental problems in those persons.

 

Also, this is Jyotish, by God, and now don't you here know that there are

these proven truths called destiny, karma, predeterminism, etc?

 

I have recently been subjected to A LOT of preaching from someone who really

believes we design our lives, create our reality, with our thoughts. That's

one side, duality adds the other side, which is that you don't.

 

Again, show me one of you woman who talk like that, who thought you wrinkles

gone, your boobs bigger or smaller, your fat gone, your nose job done for

free by thought?!

 

Wouldn't that be great? How about thinking about a bigger car and it

appears?!

 

Yes, over time, you can think and go in a direction, that is, if your chart,

your destiny, allows it, the nature and purpose of your incarnation.

 

The saying "Be all you can be" is really good actually. It's quite about

the best thing you can say to somebody.

 

I like to say it instead, "If you can fulfill your dreams, then do so"

 

And out of respect to the Vedas to whom we all owe much, I have to mention

that the Gita says there are not only 2, but 5 factors of action. Just to

say, this is what the ancient book says, OK?

 

So, I think we should be carefully philosophical, otherwise we might mislead

ourselves or somebody else.

 

I have been alive long enough to see Prophets fall, to see psychics fail, to

see the greatest marriage divorce, to see the preacher hire the whore, to

see the president lie, the tyrant win, and lose. I read the books that said

"this technique never fails" and then saw it fail. I worshipped the

infallible, and lifted them from their folly later.

 

When I hear answers given easily, and freely like wind, in large quantity

and always right, never doubting, a blue sky that NEVER has clouds, then I

know I'm in maya.

 

You know what, to tell you the truth, I'm getting tired of playing the one

with mental illness. But you know what, it's not entirely up to me.

 

Jokes to lighten ending:

 

Some people wonder why the Irish sing so many sad songs. It's because they

play so many happy ones that need balancing out!

 

And remember, on the 8th day God created Whiskey, so that the Irish would

not take over the world.

 

Okay?

 

 

Thanks

 

Rick/Das

 

 

 

 

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