Archaeology and Patricia

[Guest guest]

Did anybody look at those amazing archaeology links I provided?

Doesn’t that amaze anyone?

Or, am I the last to discover this stuff?

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Patricia, my dear, just a mile away here in Eugene, typing on a better Mac than I am ;-/,

Uhh, there’s something about older woman who know it all for healing me,

that make me afraid. I actually close one eye and read every other line of your

stuff to me, like as if watching a scary movie. Got really burned by some

others like you who tried to heal me, ended up hurting. Conditioning runs

deep. The fear of the “witch”, the know it all crone, runs deep in

my blood.

This is not an insult. You might be totally right. Turning all my power over

to the female gender, older than myself, is a lot like listening to my mother

telling me to go to Church, which is where it all began.

I think I just need to find a loving woman, who loves me as I am, meds and needs and all.

I’m changing my ads to total truth, they start now with Lithium and end

with “hope you have dark troubles too”.

I don’t think being fixed works. It never has. I need love, don’t

know if yoga and fixed is my lot. Maybe bats and goth is my lot. Whatever.

I have no idea. I hurt. Nothing has ever worked. I just hurt, and hurt and hurt.

I cannot follow instructions, especially from an older woman who knows all the answers.

The other day a lesbian tried to tell me all the answers. That too won’t work.

A guru won’t work. So many burnt marks on me.

Acceptance and touch, from someone I like, which is a slender woman in her

thirties, who thinks that modern America is deranged, who thinks that

depression is a very normal outcome of being intelligent in todays day and age,

who gets sad seeing SUV’s, and so on. If I can find her, and she

doesn’t leave, I will come back to life.

That’s my cure, and I have no idea what ET’s call that.

For me it’s kin.