How Human Beans Grow

[Guest guest]

On May 2, 2006, at 6:32 AM, Das Goravani wrote:

 

> What might my exact Sun/Mercury conjunction in 2nd mean with Aries

> rising.

> Sun would be my mothers mouth, and second is family. Mercury is

> part of my

> mind, including my memory, so perhaps yelling, Sun's powerful

> intensity

> right there, right by the Mercury. I'm trying to remember. Parents

> are

> gone, so they're not reading this (in their bodies anyway). I

> remember being

> left in the crib all day crying. Probably there was yelling.

 

 

das, i like your letter. it sounds like it is very much

from the heart. that is good.

 

aries is the baby, the baby who screams for attention.

babies die without attention, but we are grown up and

we can now do what we need to do to get what we

need to get. we're BIG people now. and we can

get what we need to survive AND thrive. we can now

fill that empty hole in the heart -- we can feel all the

good feelings we missed 'then.' and really fill up on

them. if i've done it, anybody can. from my own

experience, i know it's possible... i used to have a huge

gaping, bleeding hold in my heart too. had a romance

addiction that would not quit... but i went from hell to

heaven. anybody can.

 

sun-merc combust means the mind is going to be

not working as it should. it should be balanced between

thinking about one's self and others. combust like that,

it thinks overly much about oneself. since we are here

to balance our charts/lives, perhaps it would be a good

idea to focus more on others? listen to them? hear

what they are saying? see how beautiful they are, each

one, in his/her own way? love others as you wish to be

loved? why? because it is the love that flows THROUGH

you that you feel. that is why having someone to love

feels so good... it gets the love flowing... but it's not

because you are loved, it is because you are feeling the

love that you are. the love that's always there.

 

even without a partner we are worthy of love. when we

relax and focus on our hearts -- there it is!!!!! the love

that we are!!!! it's been there all along. waiting for us

to notice. for us to come home to our hearts. until we

know how to feel the love in our hearts, we are not

going to make very good partners for anyone else. we

need to know that love is unconditionally living us,

breathing us, giving us life, so we know that we are

ok without a partner because otherwise, we imagine

that if they leave or die, we are nothing and we will die,

and that is why we are so 'needy' and 'desperate' and

off-putting. love is what you are. when you live it,

then you are a natural magnet for others. they will

flock to you, adore you, honor you, and you will be able

to pick a partner who is also your best friend, from a

crowd of admirers.

 

thinking all the time keeps the heart at bay. when you

are focused up in your head, the energy is not available

for your heart. it's either one or the other. that is why

religions sound so black and white. it's either 'heaven

or hell', 'god or the devil', etc... because we are either

breathing and in our hearts, allowing others to be who

they are, appreciating each breath, each morning, each

moment alone or with someone else OR regretting the

past, dreading the future, and missing what is here, now,

blessing us... even if it's solitude and the opportunity

for a moment of quiet and breathing. gratitude.

appreciation. they are blessings. and they require us

to look outside our own idea of how life is supposed to

be... the *course* calls our best guess of what is going

to make us happy, "the ego's plan for salvation." and

it says the plan is, "seek and do not find." hahahaha.

that's supposed to be our friend. hahahaha. it is NOT

our friend. good to get that clear. and the voice

between the ears IS the ego. the loud annoying voice

that tells us, "if only..." this or that, THEN i would be

happy. all the while, in our hearts, the love is begging

us to notice, "HELLO!!!! here i AM!" LOL and we just

shine it on, drive on by, ignore and neglect the solution

to all our troubles.

 

quiet. still. good. peace. out of that emerges love.

and then something else barges in and says, "but

WAIT a minute -- what about ..."?????????? LOL

it's a WAR. it's what the wars and conflict are all about

in all the scriptures. there is a war between the head

and the heart. and most people never get out of

their heads. to consciously seek to find that lovely,

loving space of quiet and peace... even a moment now

and again nourishes and fills like nobody ever could...

even the most perfect parent. since we were not

parented very beautifully, we now need to do it

ourselves and give ourselves the loving attention inside

that we missed having then. we missed feeling safe.

we missed feeling filled. we missed realizing that we

are being breathed every moment by something that

is FAR beyond who and what our mama & papa were,

could ever be.

 

the good thing about merc-sun is that it's smart.

so maybe your merc-sun is smart enough

to realize that it needs to rest so that it can have what

it wants. when it rests and lets go of its idea of how

things are supposed to be, then it can be happy with

how things are. what already is, is exquisite. but

it's the job of the brain/mind/intellect to find the error,

to discover fault... so it can correct it.

 

you asked why we project so much. we project so we

can see our own noses. we project because we can't

see the errors of our own process, so we 'throw' it 'out

there', so we can see what it is that we need to heal,

release, forgive, let go of, in ourselves. what i see 'out

there' and judge, is exactly what i need to love in myself.

i have disowned it, rejected it, thrown it away. i now

need to love it, honor it, cherish it, find its highest

purpose, and accept it. we also project so we can see

the beauty that we are, the wisdom, the love. people

project 'god' out there so they can appreciate what is

inside. the problem arises when they don't know the

inside, only the outside and they know it from their

heads and it becomes mixed with fear, superstition,

control, power, etc. but what it IS, is, as socrates said,

"Absolute Beauty." Absolute. and many scriptures

say many beautiful things. and they point to your

heart. THAT's where it is. you've searched the world

over... now it's time to become acquainted with your

own heart. that's not so bad, hm?

 

that's a GOOD use of introspection.

and it's good to look at the world and think really

objectively -- is this going to do it for me? the

answer is always 'no.' the answer is, i am not going

to rest until i know the love and beauty that all the

saints and sages have raved about... not secondhand,

but personally. when i know it in my heart, then i can

evaluate the 'worth' of religions. i can evaluate the

worth of relationships. i have more breathing space.

i am not as desperate. i can heal. comfort is an

inside job. there is nobody out here who is going to

be here always. but the love that you are never

goes away. it's built-in.

 

very dependable. ETs call it, The Forever.

it NEVER goes away. LOL

 

love, patricia

[Guest guest]

(My personal views)

 

Dear Das,

I joined this list to learn and was never going to reply to it, ur

your pain, is loud and maybe I have some words that can help.

 

First I am not looking for a lover so I need to make that clear.

 

The void you feel inside you will never be filled by another person, you are

deluding yourself if you think this. Only once you have filled the void by

yourself can you become a solid person, and I believe only then can you bring

another person into your life to compliment it.

 

I watch people so desperately looking for love in another (one) person, how can

this be. Love is everywhere, in every living being/plant/animal, its just

sometimes we come across another soul who has a similar energy to us, and this

is what makes the relationship something special.

 

Love falls from the sky like soft rain, it is that light in anothers eyes, it is

for everyone, it is God.

 

Fill ur heart with this, allow it to come into you. Then you will be complete to

meet another and make it work.

 

The past is gone, as adult we should pack it away, like we pack away kitchens

after we use them of an evening.

 

Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life.

 

I wish you well on your journey.

 

Cheryl

 

And Das if I drank coffee id wanna cry too, it is not good for us, it effects

our nervous system, find some nice caffine free tea.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Okay, I admit, I get up early, drink coffee, and sit here wishing the email

was more exciting. Since it's not, I make it so myself. If I was married,

I'd be in bed laughing with my spouse about somebody or something and you

wouldn't be hearing from me. But here I am, single and typing to my cyber

spouse, the VALIST.

 

Anyway, why the hell do we project so much?

 

I'm going through this learning personally right now, about how being

neglected as a kid has led to me wanting to overlove somebody else,

specifically someone who doesn't respond back. Right now there is nobody to

do this with, so I'm at a loss for activity often, feeling empty and alone.

How stupid. Our systems sure work in strange ways.

 

This takes over as soon as I'm not heavily engaged in something else. As

soon as I'm not working, the mind goes to this problem, and feels the pain

of lonliness. My early life, like under 4 yrs old, is dictating so much of

the rest of my life, right now up til 46.

 

Then we read about how people who get electric convulsive shock treatement

for depression (sadness over the past really), experience forgetfulness due

to the treatments (zap-erase your brain) and thus feel better. Memories can

be painful, and continue to drive pain syndromes.

 

What might my exact Sun/Mercury conjunction in 2nd mean with Aries rising.

Sun would be my mothers mouth, and second is family. Mercury is part of my

mind, including my memory, so perhaps yelling, Sun's powerful intensity

right there, right by the Mercury. I'm trying to remember. Parents are

gone, so they're not reading this (in their bodies anyway). I remember being

left in the crib all day crying. Probably there was yelling.

 

I am always sad. It's very hard to bear. I am always sad. I have to carry

it around all day, day after day, year after year, for about 8 years now.

It never goes away. I take the meds, every day, they help somewhat. I try

hypnosis. I read. I will do more. I will keep trying. This is my "cross to

bear" as my Catholic mom used to say about whatever ails ya.

 

How to get deep conditioning out? How to get good things into the body and

mind's memories and systems? It's not easy. The body and nerves are so

densely constructed and so drawn to staying in patterns and ruts.

 

A number of my siblings are like me- struggling. It seems that the Church's

idea of the past (present?) that people should have lots of children

backfires in terms of kids growing up without nurturing in their childhood,

hence becoming disturbed later. The disturbance shows up as neediness for

love. That can easily swing over into sexual misconduct, and populate

prisons. Pope's instructions leading to prison after just 1 generation. It

happens alot. Not to me, but to less fortunate others. How many messed up

childrens of Catholics are out there? Ireland has had a real hard time with

this syndrome.

 

We also see on TV the problem with the extra Mormon children, especially

from Colorado.

 

I want someone to love me so badly, they cannot, so they don't even try, or

unless they are super woman, I can't love them. The problem stems from the

childhood trauma, and the great needs it created. Not easy to change these

conditionings and perceptions.

 

My drives, including to create great things, are linked to this wanting

love.

 

I'm seeing that my problem isn't bipolar or such, it's this huge hole in my

heart that got created early on, when I felt abandoned in an ocean of

siblings with no parents, in relative poverty in relation to the rather

wealthy neighborhood around us. You are lower, you are lower, you are

nothing, you are nothing....it was constant, and never ceased....your name

is stupid (our last name was "Wurst"), you Dad is a retard, you Mom is a

Nun, you have no money, too many kids, buck teeth, on and on...coming from

wealthy more beautiful kids of better family situations.

 

Childrens teasing words cut deep and last a lifetime. Parental neglect

forms wounds that last a lifetime.

 

I am alone. The house is dark. The light is rising slowly outside. Tuesday

Morning, my 46th year. Way up North, Oregon. The garden of vegetables I am

making is outside- I see the bean poles I just erected a day before. The

seeds are waking up, sending down a root. If the ground is right, they will

be strong. If I didn't work it or make it rich, they will be weak. The

result will be seen as they grow and at harvest time, whether it be rich, or

weak.

 

Human Beans, we are, seeking light, standing on rock, or rich soil, from the

past, where we were born, below our feet, if the fourth house, mine being

highly disturbed. Can a bean grown on sad rock ever become strong?

 

If one's "birth dirt" can best be described as sad, suicidal, and spiritual,

how can theat bean serve the others and be appreciated and get loved by

them? Will another bean ever want to be with that bean?

 

 

 

 

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