Archaeology and Patricia

[Guest guest]

On May 2, 2006, at 8:26 AM, Das Goravani wrote:

 

> Patricia, my dear, just a mile away here in Eugene, typing on a

> better Mac than I am ;-/,

 

hahahaha. das, that is very funny.

yes, my mac is a darling.

>

> Uhh, there’s something about older woman who know it all for

> healing me, that make me afraid. I actually close one eye and read

> every other line of your stuff to me, like as if watching a scary

> movie. Got really burned by some others like you who tried to heal

> me, ended up hurting. Conditioning runs deep. The fear of the

> “witch”, the know it all crone, runs deep in my blood.

 

that is very funny too.

the next time through, read the other lines.

i'm sorry you were hurt. that's sad.

and i have to admit, i do feel as if i am

coming into my own, reaching my stride,

and becoming the person i always wanted

to be. i LIKE it. i still have far to go,

but it all seems somehow do-able now.

>

> This is not an insult. You might be totally right. Turning all my

> power over to the female gender, older than myself, is a lot like

> listening to my mother telling me to go to Church, which is where

> it all began.

 

never turn your power over to ANYONE.

NEVER turn over your power to anyone.

you need to just clear up confusion and

live like the powerful person you are.

believe me, you've got everything you need.

you just forgot. LOL. we all forgot.

and early childhood trauma (day one) takes

us out of our hearts and teaches us lessons

such as: 'nobody loves me.' 'i'm all alone.'

very effective lessons. circumcision is a

killer. you've survived this long and you are

smart enough to want to live well. you'll

emerge from the trauma/drama.

but keep your power -- you need it to choose

peace, love. right now you are not in your

power. you are believing all the negative

messages that run through your brain day

in and day out. time to say, "HELLO? -- is

this TRUE?" LOL in other words, reality

check. and that's what saturn is supposed

to be for -- not for depression. reality check

starts with: am i a body? personality? a

history? or am i more than that? and if so,

then let's get on with finding out who i really

am... that's where the power is. moving out

of the costume, the dramatic, traumatic role,

and finding the person who is ***playing***

the role.

>

> I think I just need to find a loving woman, who loves me as I am,

> meds and needs and all.

 

dream on, darlin. you wouldn't like anyone

who liked someone who is not in their power.

you think, somehow, that you need to be

weak, pitiful, to get the attention you need/

want. au contraire. if you were manifesting

the powerful person that you are (not the

ego -- for it is just bluster, not power --

manifesting the love that you are), then you

will find a powerful woman who loves you for

the powerful person that you are. don't

pretend to be weak to try to get 'mama' to

come 'save' you. stand up and dance and

mama will dance too. you are such a powerful

person, das. you just need to listen to your

heart. and besides, lilthium is a natural mineral.

you might like to try using celtic sea salt...

it too contains lithium. it's 'full spectrum' salt.

we've been using salt that's been mined and

had all the precious minerals (that we NEED

to function correctly) removed.

>

> I’m changing my ads to total truth, they start now with Lithium and

> end with “hope you have dark troubles too”.

 

LOL you won't like anyone who answers that ad.

LOL they will be weak and you hate your own

weakness. LOL

>

> I don’t think being fixed works. It never has. I need love, don’t

> know if yoga and fixed is my lot. Maybe bats and goth is my lot.

> Whatever.

 

that's what my last letter said. love is the only

healer. you aren't broken, so there is nothing

to fix. you need to find your Self. note: capital "S".

>

> I have no idea. I hurt. Nothing has ever worked. I just hurt,

> and hurt and hurt.

 

pain is a message.

guess what it's saying.

DON'T TOUCH THE STOVE!

or

DON'T JUMP OFF THE CLIFF!

do what DOESN'T hurt...

listen to, feel, enjoy the love in your heart.

when you have been in a relationship,

you have felt something nice and good in

your HEART. that's YOU! that good feeling

is YOU. the peace, the contentment is YOU.

if you could feel that here, now, in any circumstance --

that would be a good thing, no?

ask your heart how to do that, independent of

people, places and things -- because they all

come and go. but your heart stays.

>

> I cannot follow instructions, especially from an older woman who

> knows all the answers.

 

good. don't do it. but find your heart.

>

> The other day a lesbian tried to tell me all the answers. That too

> won’t work.

 

darn.

>

> A guru won’t work. So many burnt marks on me.

 

darn.

>

> Acceptance and touch, from someone I like, which is a slender woman

> in her thirties, who thinks that modern America is deranged, who

> thinks that depression is a very normal outcome of being

> intelligent in todays day and age, who gets sad seeing SUV’s, and

> so on. If I can find her, and she doesn’t leave, I will come back

> to life.

 

dream on, das. you are praying for a co-dependent.

LOL. you will find your description but ? is that

enough for you? do you really want to commiserate?

or do you want freedom?

>

> That’s my cure, and I have no idea what ET’s call that.

 

"the ego's plan for salvation."

>

> For me it’s kin.

 

there are a lot of women who would love to have you

in their lives. just go pick one. the mall. a celtic

celebration. go to ms.thompson's herbs and find out

when the next gathering is. go. find someone.

then together find something bigger than both of you.

rest in your heart and enjoy the love that you are.

 

love, patricia