No nurturing = Love Addiction

[Guest guest]

A new personal study of mine. If you see, as in mine, the 4th lord is

harmed, and so is the 9th lord, = no parenting quality = and I guarantee in

a family of 11 with a father away at mental farm, overstressed mother of 11,

this = no love for anybody, but for some reason, hit me the hardest, equals

addiction to giving and givine, in hopes of getting ALOT back, which chases

everyone away, makes you look like mega giver....yeah, sure....ends up like

"tears of the clown" or more like "tears of the lonely giving guru"...I'm

researching love addiction, as a last resort to end this endless pain. I'm

finding lots of resources on the web. Lots. Including books to read.

 

So this is something you practicing astrologers can add to your bag of

tricks to look for.

 

If you see both 4th and 9th lords heavily afflicted, and like in my case,

Saturn afflicts both, you should know something is up with lack of parenting

and nurturing, resulting in great needs later, acting out, etc.

 

Alot of what I do is just acting out, just screaming for love. The content

is an excuse for the act itself.

 

At least I can admit it. I'm on it too, because the pain is great. I'm

finding many say this pain is worse than any other, any other withdrawal,

addiction, etc., well of course I guess, it cuts to the core, it cuts deep.

I live a secret life of constant pain and crying, lonliness, wishing for

love, but everyone runs away. It never happens, if it does, it's

dysfunctional and codependent to the extreme.

 

 

 

Speaking in Harry Potter terms, I have been sucked dry by a dementor. I am

going to learn the Patronus spell asap.

[Guest guest]

On May 1, 2006, at 8:49 AM, Das Goravani wrote:

 

> Alot of what I do is just acting out, just screaming for love. The

> content

> is an excuse for the act itself.

>

> At least I can admit it. I'm on it too, because the pain is

> great. I'm

> finding many say this pain is worse than any other, any other

> withdrawal,

> addiction, etc., well of course I guess, it cuts to the core, it

> cuts deep.

> I live a secret life of constant pain and crying, lonliness,

> wishing for

> love, but everyone runs away. It never happens, if it does, it's

> dysfunctional and codependent to the extreme.

 

 

this is quite normal, das.

everyone should be screaming to get back home inside their hearts.

if they are not, something is wrong.

 

were not the gopis always crying for krishna?

our hearts are also always crying for that love.

 

you are right on track.

just know that your true goal is LOVE itself, not any substitute.

nothing is going to fill that void but the real thing.

no theory, idea, hope, wish, belief, imagination, or even person, body.

nothing is going to fill that need for love but love itself.

it's the way the game is rigged...

 

more imperative than the "uncle sam wants YOU!" poster.

it's a hunger that is so built-in... to get us back home, inside.

and there, we nurse contentedly on the breast of our REAL mother.

 

love itself is in you, all around you.

it's what you're made of, what everything is made of.

if you are not aware of it, then it HURTS.

there need be no greater hell.

 

"I laugh when i hear the fish in water is thirsty." Kabir

 

love is our habitat. we are so IN it, that we can't SEE it.

it is so in us that we become blind to it.

and it's always there.

and it's good to become aware of it, so it can soothe, comfort, heal.

poetically yours,

patricia