Not good enough

[Guest guest]

So they tell me, the available proper woman for me, that I have to be

balanced, happy, peaceful, ³self winding², before a ³good woman² will want

me.

 

OK, Hmmm. What if I was made to be upset about things, upset about the

situations on Earth?

 

Is Gerry Adams (the head of Irelands SinnFein party, the political wing of

the IRA considered all ³balanced² and perfect?) How about George Bush?

Nelson Mandela? Or even Ted Turner?

 

If you are meant to do something, are you all normal and balanced?

 

Can¹t revolutionaries also have wives?

 

Aren¹t there attractive, passionate, fiery woman out there who want to be

missionaries of good and action? Where is my Queen Boodika?

 

The divine must want this world to be stupid because it keeps allowing the

best most passionate brains to die in suicide and self drugging because of

want of acceptance and love. What a waste. What a HUMAN SACRIFICE.

 

And they say there are no more human sacrifices amongst the white man.

 

BULLSHIT.

 

Just meet me. I¹m being sacrificed very slowly. The knife cuts one cell

layer per day, constant digging inward, as I slowly decay, fester and die

off.

 

What a bunch of illusioned ³normal² *itches I meet. They want white picket

fences, bombs to protect them, someone else to cut their meat, someone else

to dig their latrines, and someone else to clean up the environment. They

want to have a white glove life of ignoring reality.

 

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Loud yells. ROARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

 

What kind of spineless government would ALLOW SUVS to be produced in huge

quantities when we are past peak oil?????? STUPID !!!!!!!!

 

Can¹t they issue a paper telling Americans IT²S OVER !!!! The big oil

consumption days are OVER. GET IT ?????

 

Time to relocate to where there is water. Time to make damns, or die off

half our population through extreme birth control. Time to do shit man.

 

But not, just go on in stupidity until we NEED and REQUIRE a pandemic virus

or thermo nuclear clearings.

 

God, this is so obvious and easy, but no, the persons who can see it are

jailed, killed, dissapeared, or like me, die off in want of simply being

loved by one damn woman.

 

Gutless, spineless, pretty woman who cannot, will not, love a good man. NO,

they want normal 9-5 idiots who drink lots of beer, sit around being stupid,

and paint the house on weekends.

 

Shieze!!!!!!

 

More satisfied with Roman pomp and a defunct monarchies ugly wedding than

discussion their real problems.

 

My depression is total. Can barely walk or open eyes. Laying down only

except to type these diatribes of pain. Can¹t see the out game or the end

game. Consider all manner of ending it. Wouldn¹t want to hurt my kids.

 

Yesterday I paint in the park. Beautitfual Celtic painting. The newspaper

comes, takes pictures, interview, so what, nothing will happen. Gee, you¹re

great, you¹re wonderful, great software, handsome, great artist, great great

great, now go home and suffer alone you sick bastard. Nobody wants you,

except this cool shit you make. Make cool shit and die you unique and

brainy bastard. We only want what you make.

 

Woman: Gosh you¹re interesting, smart, attractive, a genius! even, wow,

amazing, you¹re really cool. ³Wanna come one inch closer lass?² Oh, no

*ucking way dude, I¹m with joe totally normal over here, and he¹s super

safe, and you¹re not. But go on being you, because like a TV show, you¹re

really interesting, but I sure am glad you end, or that I can turn you off

during the scary parts.

 

Shieze.

 

If I feel like this I can have total appreciation for how some poor * bs tar

d in I rock could get to the point of wanting to, not caring, about using

their body to be a b o mb and destroy at least some small part of what

they see as causing their immense pain.

 

It gets to the point where you simply don¹t care anymore.

 

Like them, I¹m not the oppressor. I¹m not a wasp of perfect happiness and

great family. No, I¹m one of 11 little down and ugly Irish poverty children

with no parents. Looked down upon. Taught to be outsiders from day one.

 

I tried to serve. Tried. Found out the One Living God thing of Catholic and

Vaisnavism is just a bunch of rules, rituals and wishful thinking. What a

waste of my life.

 

I was never Greedy.. Greed is what causes problems here. We are all

together, but Greed sets some apart as overlords, and all the problems

begin. America fosters greed, allows it. It¹s increasing. A few years

back we had no constant stock market updates on the news, now we do. Invest

and earn, do nothing and become rich. Latest MO of the wasp.

 

Lets see:

 

Eyes won¹t open

Pain across chest

Headache

Very negative attitude in head

Aches here and there in bones

Tired though always sleeping

Wanting darkness, end, release

Dread of what is coming, which is more of this

Dread of the past, which is only always this

Dread of losing my business due to inactivity

Dread of more judgement for being Politicall Incorr.

Dread of preaching from wasps who don¹t get it

Out of options, no more ideas, hopeless

 

Yep, that about sums me up. So when they say ³How¹s it going². I say

 

Shitty.

 

Because I¹m honest.

 

Then they ignore me. Feared out. Fearful people. Not real.

 

 

 

 

Ree MacQuoid

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

I cannot bear this pain. Why can't I HAVE A WIFE.

 

So long so long so long

 

I hate it hate hate it hate it

 

Dear whomever, god, whatever, please please please please please

 

 

I do not cannot should not be alone no no no no no no jno no no no no no no

no

 

 

 

Ree MacQuoid