My apologies to Peter

[Guest guest]

Dear Peter,

 

You are absolutely right. I deserved that answer. I’m

sorry.

 

Humor is a defense mechanism. It’s one of the most

distancing agents out there, and it has the

unfortunate ability to give the impression of

heartlessness (yes, an accurate impression with me).

When mostly it is just different evidence of the same

kind of pain. Heartlessness keeps people away. So

these people are really worse off than you are because

you at least are trying. So just peel the occasional

set of teeth off your hand and try again. That bite

you get is just the universe telling you what waters

are dangerous for you to swim in. But most of the

planet is comprised of water, so just keep looking.

 

“Loneliness, emotional pain, trying to find a suitable

relationship, a longing to love and be loved,

unrequited love, and all that stuff” is not a domain

that can be divided by gender. Most people have this

problem. Some have it more than others, some are able

to show it more than others. If someone doesn’t show

it, it doesn’t mean it’s not there, it just means they

can’t reach it. You are luckier than you think, Peter.

The ability to be open and willingness to take a risk

is rare. For the teeth I leave in your hand – I do

deserve the Queen Bitch of the Universe, label. And

for that I’m sorry. Don’t let people like me stop you.

 

I met a soul last night that I would like to have

touched, but all I could see are my own inadequacies,

which are glaringly obvious most of the time, but last

night I felt true regret about them and…a longing to

be someone else, I guess. It’s rather painful to have

feelings when you aren’t used to them, like the blood

coming back when your hands are numb. But, my reaction

to burning my hand on the stove is to leave the

kitchen and avoid it for as long as possible. You just

keep touching the stove. And although I may wish to

find that funny (to cover the fact that my own

reaction is cowardly), it isn’t funny. It’s

courageous, and frankly smart. After all, there are

only so many burners on the stove – one of them is

bound to be cool.

 

So, one last thing before I leave the kitchen

completely: while you, and men in general, keep

looking for the woman with the great

looks/heart/personality, etc, you are not as lonely as

you think. So remind yourself of that when you think

you’ve hit rock bottom. You haven’t. I’ll share with

you one experience of mine and if there’s a message

for you in it, Peter, then you will hear it. I am a

person who is average in just about every way. If you

walked past me on the street, I probably would escape

notice. About 18 year ago (oh, Christ!) I had a friend

who liked to go out dancing. Dancing has never been my

thing. I tend to prefer things I’m good at (that whole

cowardly thing of mine). Anyway, I found that I almost

never danced. Not, by the way, because of my looks

(well, hell, MAYBE because of my looks) – but because

I gave off MAJOR stay away signals. I was at a stage

where I didn’t want to dance unless I danced with Mr.

Best Looking Guy in the Room. Well, anyway, one day I

decided that watching was a dead bore and I’d rather

dance so I decided to accept any invitation offered. I

showed up that night and was immediately asked to

dance with possibly the worst looking guy ever. I said

yes and focused on enjoying my dance with HIM. After

all, it might be my only dance. I had fun. Well, he

asked me to dance again and I gratefully agreed. After

that it was one guy after another until I’d worked my

way through most of the room. Did I ever dance with

the best looking guy? No. I didn’t miss him, though. I

enjoyed every dance, and I was pretty certain I was so

busy because I was wearing “yes” all over me. And I

ended up meeting a wonderfully kind and gentle dental

student from UCLA named Dave. Who, by the by, was

definitely yummy by my standards.

 

Best of luck to you in everything, Peter.

 

-Mary, QBotU

 

 

 

--- Peter Goodchild <Peter

wrote:

>

> Hi Mary,

> I'm glad I made you laugh,I can picture you having a

> laugh,that's good.I

> know and appreciate, it all does,have a very funny

> aspect.There is also a

> serious note,on the level of loneliness,emotional

> pain,trying to find a

> suitable relationship,a longing to love and be

> loved,unrequited love,all

> that stuff.A stumbling,reaching out.Holding ones

> hand out,in sincerity,and

> continually having it bitten.I feel for Das,I get

> the sense that his

> situation,is a great deal more intense than mine,a

> lot more.For someone like

> Das,I think that is very sad,I feel for myself too..

>

> There are good and bad folks in the world,that's

> black and white.One can't

> pretend,to oneself,that everybody is absolutely

> marvellous,because,that just

> ain't the case.Like my Kick-boxing coach says,"There

> are a lot of A-Holes in

> the world Peter." Think of the level of domestic

> violence,child abuse and

> all the rest off.People getting hold of a pet

> cat,hanging it from a tree,

> throwing petrol on it,and setting it on fire,it goes

> on,all the time.Like

> the Christians say,"Want friends?try being one"Some

> peoples sprits are just

> demons,who have taken on human form.Some woman,are

> just plain totally 100%,

> heartless, psychotic bitches,it may sound over the

> top,sad,but true.The

> divorce rate soars,

>

> I hear the sad stories some of my friends relate to

> me about aspects of

> their romances.Some guys top themselves because of

> woman.A friend says to me

> like,"I know you're looking for someone,but

> Peter,you don't realise how

> lucky you are, not being in a relationship.The

> number of people I Know who

> are caught in unhappy marriages""Not a lot of Queen

> of Hearts out

> there,though I'm still looking, I know they are

> there.I'm not being down or

> anything Mary:)Their are a lot off horrible,messed

> up women around,there are

> also,but harder to find,some very nice ladies out

> there.

> Anyway,bla,bla,bla:)

> Back to the main topic of the forum,

> Enjoy your day,

> Chill:)

> Peter.