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Hello,

 

At the onset, I would like to say sorry for deviating

from the main theme. But I have been prompted to post

something here, encouraged by some of the earlier

postings on the list. I dunno why but I have started

to treat this group as my friend. I’ve been reading

the postings on this list for over a year now and in a

way have started to feel familiar with some of the

members who are regularly posting on the list and

perhaps that is the reason why I am opening up a bit.

 

Now……with some introduction………me is not an astrologer

and was initially a nonbeliever in this vedic science.

But happenings in my life have forced me to quest for

finding the reason or answer to “ Why me” concept. And

rather getting half replies from consultants…..thought

might as well learn the science and try to unearth why

things happen the way they are happening if it can be

really seen through horoscopes. Anyways……that was how

I got associated to this and am pretty satisfied with

what I am learning.

 

The reason of this posting is however, different.

Related to spiritualism, I guess!!!! As a person I am

totally disinterested in life…..feel it to be

meaningless existence. See the world around and feel

disgusted by the hypocracy, self agendas etc. of the

people and start to question myself why should a

person live amidst all this. Try to reason out the

logic of existence and feel like walking out and

perhaps start meditating somewhere, but cannot , as I

have some responsibilities and cannot disown them. All

this makes me feel much more frustrated and I feel I

am forced to live a life which I don’t want to. Feel

like tied down against my will. But then I think why

am I alive… it is coz of these responsibilities only

and how can I disown them. At times my heart cries but

I have to keep smiling. I feel hungry but don’t feel

like eating. Feel totally totally disinterested. Now,

perhaps u would say pray!!!!! Here, today I am being

honest……..i stopped believing in god…..but no I have

not completely……..i have just stopped looking at him

when am in trouble………..the battle is mine , and I have

to fight it myself without his help. I am tempted to

move towards him only when I hear discourses while

channel surfing. I would say I am a totally confused

person and perhaps too myopic to notice my own faults.

Perhaps u learned lot from a distance ,could point out

my faults to me so that I may try to correct myself

and find some peace in life. Any frank

suggestions?????

 

 

tanha

 

 

 

 

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