a bereaved mother

[Guest guest]

Hare Rama Krishna

Dear Srijanjani,

Please provide us with your birthdetails, as you seem to be going through the

period of Marana Karaka planets.

If so, then the suffering is over now.

Best wishes, Visti.

-

Sriranjani Iyer

gjlist ; hanskpvedic

Thursday, August 15, 2002 7:33 PM

[GJ] a bereaved mother

Dear List Members.Thankyou from the bottom of my heart.My daughter's city of

birth is/was Olney, Maryalnd 20832.All this grief and sadness and darkness

overwhelms me. this past 5 yrs my other child -my son Dhananjay-has not only

lost his only sister but he has lost his parents too.Her father cries that he

saw her being born but did not see her die.I cannot forgive myself for not

bringing her back home safely.In the span of 5 years I have lost my child,my

sister and my mother.Tell me what is the Almighty's plan for me?

Chat with friends online, try MSN Messenger: Click HereOm Namo Bhagavate

Vasudevaya; Hare Krishna; Om Tat Sat:

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[Guest guest]

Dear Mr. & Mrs. Iyer & family ~

Please accept my sincere condolences at the loss of your beloved daughter

and sister.

I am writing in hopes of offering some small comfort from one who has

also been drawn into this brother & sisterhood of loss. We, the

bereaved, are so vulnerable and tender as we transverse this deep and

rugged valley of death, in the aftermath of our loved one's passing.

I, too, am grieving the loss of a child. My 19 year old son, Michael,

passed away very suddenly, 2 years ago.

Michael was a twin. He and Dustin are my only children and were not only

twins but were also known as Mirror Twins; born only 3 minutes apart -

Michael - right-handed and Dustin - left-handed. Michael was born head

first and Dustin was born breech; (feet first). They were so

incredibly interwoven and linked together in this lifetime - always

the same age, the same school, the same classes, the same friends ~ like

salt and pepper ~ dusk and dawn ~ two peas in a pod -

extremely alike yet exquisitely different.

I am eternally grateful to have been given the opportunity to serve as

their mother, mentor and friend. They were a twin phenomena -

charismatic enough to attract a crowd wherever they went. The party

didn't seem to get started until Michael and Dustin arrived.

As I stole a glance around the Church at Michael's memorial service and

looked upon the faces of sympathy, nearly 550 people in all ~

it struck me ~ that no one in that Church would trade places with

me for anything in the world. That I was living out every parents'

worst nightmare. The loss of a child. And just as suddenly, I

realized that I would not trade places with any one of them either.

I knew with a surety that having had Michael grace my life was worth any

amount of pain the universe could bestow. I am forever blessed that

he came my way and further that I was given such a position of honor in

his life ~ the honor of being his mother.

At his memorial service, there were people lined up on both sides of the

Church, as person after person filed up to the podium to share a memory

of Michael and to recall a particular circumstance that allowed them to

be the recipient of or bear witness to a very generous spirit.

I heard details about Michael being the first to step up and extend

himself to others in their time of need. Again and again I heard

about a particular invitation of welcome to or acceptance of one

person or another, and especially to those who found themselves on the

outside looking in - at a disadvantage in some way ... like

the new kid at school or the minority person, or the kid

being picked on by the bullies ... all told of how he helped

them in a time of need. It was notable how many people referred to

him as being their best friend. The head master from school referred to

the twins as standing out - like two shiny buttons. Another friend and

classmate described Michael as being the kind of guy that everyone wants

to be like. It made me realize that Michael truly succeeded at life

in the span of his short 19 years on Earth.

My sons have been the only human beings who have evoked unconditional

love inside me. My motherly love for my sons has opened my heart

and allowed me to experience a mere sample of the potent and benevolent

Love that our Divine Creator must surely hold for each one of us. I have

been told that God knows each hair on our head, and I believe it! I

comfort myself often by reminding myself that no one is where he is by

accident and chance plays no part.

Of course, we will forever miss our beloved son and daughter. Everything

brushes against the raw wound of our grief, triggering memories ~ like

the tilt of his head or a particular gesture, his way of walking, his

smile. These images are like beads strung together on a mala of

loss. Tenderly, we turn them again and again ... and

our love for that person, too, goes on and on.

As a mother, I am called to continue in the same practice that I had

before he passed away. I still chant the Holy Name, believing that

Michael too, will benefit from my practice. My work has not changed since

he died although when I first walked out into this darkness it was hard

to see anything at all. Then my eyes slowly adapted to the loss of light

and bit by bit, I began to see differently - probably to see things I'd

have never noticed had I walked by them in full light. Something like

that seems to happen with suffering. Not that I would have chosen it -

but after awhile, I realize that I am acquiring some kind of wisdom

through all this pain. My sense of what is important has been heightened

and I remind myself how much less vibrant my life would have been had I

never known Michael at all .... and then I am

grateful.

It helps to sit in Nature everyday, in some quiet place. To get in touch

with my deepest stillness and to feel the great elements of earth, air,

fire and water. To hear the ancient cry of a bird or the sound of the

leaves rustling in a gentle breeze; to feel the warmth of the sun and see

the beauty of a flower. As Nature soothes my own soul, I imagine

that Michael too, is surrounded by these same great elements somewhere,

perhaps at a higher frequency, and is held together too by the Love

of God ... inside of which the entire creation lives. I believe

that this great mystery of creation holds us each in It's heart and in

this, we are together.

God Bless you in every single way ~

Chandra Devi

~

At 10:33 AM 8/15/02, you wrote:

Dear List Members.Thankyou from the

bottom of my heart.My daughter's city of birth is/was Olney, Maryalnd

20832.All this grief and sadness and darkness overwhelms me. this past 5

yrs my other child -my son Dhananjay-has not only lost his only sister

but he has lost his parents too.Her father cries that he saw her being

born but did not see her die.I cannot forgive myself for not bringing her

back home safely.In the span of 5 years I have lost my child,my sister

and my mother.Tell me what is the Almighty's plan for me?

---

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