Horror worsens

[Guest guest]

So, I was doing good. Then a panic attack hit, hasn't

lifted for 4 days, living in constant anxiety and

physical cringing pain, pills help, but it's still

intense, without them, epilepsy like.

 

Now my few local friends will no longer visit or take

calls. My daughter left to far away job.

 

I who phobia about lonliness, am utterly alone, moreso

then ever. My only recourse now is some clinic

downtown, and I've been there before.

 

I can write plainly. It's macabre to me though. To

write plain write now, is macabre, like a mouth

speaking on a severed head.

 

It's undescribable, to be in constant depression, the

real kind.

 

It is caused by having no helper, no protector,

friend. I always had one. Once they were gone, 3 years

ago, I've lived ever since in total pain with no

production. What a waste. All my efforts failed. Has

the bhukti changed or not, will it produce or not. I

hope so. More and more I get cross eyed and hunched

over, my hair grows, I grow more and more cynical.

Life with nobody, in four walls.

 

A premonition nags at me, it's now or never. You're

missing the boat. Fear.

 

Indescribable realm of all negative emotions

simultaneously, constantly, unendingly.

 

One voice endlessly dominates, "there is no point to

life is you're alone, no point in working".

 

Leave me darkness, let joy return, I need to work,

I've known enough pain, what use is this more?

 

--

 

 

Das Goravani , President

 

2852 Willamette St, #353

Eugene, Oregon, 97405

USA

 

Voice:

 

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