Guest guest Posted February 2, 2002 Report Share Posted February 2, 2002 It's true that many have told me they benefit from my exposure of my own turmoils. I also get alot of mail from others suffering, telling me so. That's very interesting actually, as I'll cover below. I get some emails and phone calls telling me to shut up to protect my good reputation. Some friends tell me I'll never get a wife if I keep this up, and so on. My own heart is that of pure honesty. That's part of my problem. I am right now in the middle of an extreme swing down. So it's an interesting time to be writing. Very jittery fingers, have to correct alot, may notice funny sentences, hyperness in the midst of extreme remorse, it's very weird. I can say that I have had a tremendous mind in this life. I wish I could share it more easily- what I see. It's been a real pleasure, being able to visualize geometry in my mind, understand math easily, have colorful flying dreams, be able to read so fast and understand well, and so on. The things I can see about our universe are really cool. I have animation software and would like to try to share some of it, but can't get to it, for many reasons, depression, money, GJ3 needed first, and so on. The diagnosis of what I have changes over time, which is normal. It's sliding towards bi polar but it isn't there yet, as the manias required for that have not been seen, but like Bi Polar, but without the hi manias, just slightly seeing those. But I have the polymaths problem, the "Touched" intelligence, the demon that chases us, as many before have discussed it. These days, In this game, one sees a psychiatrist, who is a prescriber, not a counselor, and they work with you on the medications. There are many modern medications that directly target various neuro transmitter chemicals in the brain. Finding the right cocktail for each patient is the trick- a little more Seratonin and Norepanephrine, a little less Dopamine, like this, it's a game of hide and seek. The drugs are there, but it's a hard area to diagnose clearly all the time. So the shrinks today pretty much focus on these new drugs, which started with Prozac, but has blossomed into a whole array of such things which all target different things, and some undo the side effects of the others, so you mix for that reason too. It's very expensive. One can easily pay $4 to $6 per day for each drug, and if there's a few prescribed, it can run you hundreds per month to be on these meds. They work, but it's a complex and tricky part of the body, and the cause and cure of these kinds of mental diseases is still being researched. It's a complex field where much relieving headway has been made, but there's alot more to go. One things for sure, anyone who has serious panic, depression, and all mental illnesses, are usually treatable these days. Most of them are. When one's mind and consciousness goes to extremes, one can perceive things not normally noticed. This was the whole argument for LSD and phychadelic mushrooms etc. That by seeing hallucinations, one's mind got expanded, that these drugs made you feel differently about life. In fact, these drugs directly work on the same chemicals that these class of medications I mentioned target. Generally psychadelics and some other drugs will either max or block one of these transmitters, thus greatly affecting your brains functioning, thus you experience something very unusual. So now, the "mental diseases" are when the balance of these things is such that "disfunctional symptoms" appear in the individual rather than some pleasureable experience. We all know or have heard of "bad trips" for people taking LSD. Yes, some people experience horror when they take LSD. This is because of the way their brain is balanced. The LSD has a different effect for them by maxing out Seratonin as it does. So, when you see "crazy" people walking down the street, often they simply have very strange brain chemistry. That's why they're talking to themselves, or walking strange. I have had a highly productive life and have proved that my brain is definitely capable of producing in the real world. I always got high marks, got full scholarships to a University, excelled in the HK Movement, excelled in business, programming, Jyotish, Music, Writing, and other things. I've had a great life in the intellectual/mental arena. So what went wrong? Well, it's complex. If you read the journals, you see the shrinks talking about environmental factors, genetic factors, and trigger factors, and so on. These are there with me. It's known to be a genetic thing, bi polar and depression. That's known, and my family has lots of history. Then for triggers, I know what they were for me, so I can give a story as to why this happened to me. But then scientists will have a slightly different story, somewhat paralelling mine at first, then changing, and this is where it gets interesting. At first, something starts a depletion, usually some stress in life, depleting the brain in one way or another. After this the shrinks say, the change in the persons thinking and behavior begins a spiral downward, pulling down other neurotransmitters, and eventually rendering the person a real basket case (at least in the old days before these meds). The person themself however doesn't notice the initial slow process of depletion, of usually Seratonin first. They don't notice, as it's so gradual. They then don't notice the next one going either, or the next, but eventually, their lives fall apart due to so much bad functioning, then it becomes more and more clear to everyone around them that something is up with this person mentally. People used to think it was "just the person". That "the person went crazy" and we used to think there was alot of "weakness" in that and that the person somehow "chose" that condition as a way of "backing out" of life or whatever. There was punishment in the old times even. Or sedation, or execution, etc. Now, when your brain is good like mine is, then it somehow has the misfortune of getting extremely out of balance in these checmicals, it takes me to the edge of the mental envelope, from extreme jubilation, to extreme sorrow, from extreme courage, to extreme panic and fear. Do you see? All of these emotions are chemically induced in the brain, though they are real to us, they are founded in chemical transmissions of impressions and feelings. If these chemicals get out of whack from any reason, you experience something, but what, it depends. Some "crazies" get manic- hyper and dangerous. Others become catatonic, not moving, not dangerous. Hearing voices is just a symptom of extremely low Seratonin, and nothing more. I've been there. Because people with serious mental illness have always been hidden in the past, most people are not familiar with this area of life at all and have the odd feelings about mental illness that were traditional in the past. Even just the other day someone said to me "YOU'RE on anti depressents"? Meaning "Das Goravani, of all people!" That's simply a misunderstanding of how these things work. It's not about who you are or what you know, it's about whether or not your genetics, your environmental history, and your life experience triggers, all line up to make you experience one of these conditions. Some people have such strong brains, signified by well placed moons and mercuries, that they never experience any of this and really don't have any appreciation of what it is to be depressed. Sometimes they have been through EXTREME difficulties and they can't understand therefore why people who have been through LESS hardship are SO DAMN DEPRESSED and suicidal. This vision, this misunderstanding, is VERY COMMON still today. One simply needs to understand it's like diabetes. You either have it or you don't. Alot of things lead to it, but you can maintain your life with medications. Of course, some say that there are natural ways. That's fine. But here's where it gets real: When you're depressed, you can barely do anything. Bathing becomes rare for example, eating goes out the window, usually the bed is the only place you tenet, sometimes for months, or even years. Yes, there are people in bed for years, years and years. You just don't know about them because their families are taking care of them. So, if you're depressed, it's very hard to study, make money, purchase lots of good things, gather them all, do the mix, and keep on a good diet, and regiman in life, etc. Rather, the depressed person will tend to do things to make themselves worse and worse, because of the nature of how you feel when in these illnesses- the urges and cravings you get are opposite what's good for you. It's as if nature is weeding you out. Suicide is normal. It's almost a forgone conclusion if there's no help- or the street- homeless and crazy, soon they die somehow or another. So, the depressed person usually needs help to get going again. Most in America these days can get some help- at least some of these meds, through welfare and so on. But it takes more than that to really fix us up. We have to get our lives such that the environmental and triggers are removed. Finding them is hard. It takes time and alot of introspection, learning, experiences, and trial and error. Then there's the hope of restoration, or the possibility of a life on meds- this issue each case will face as they go along, finding out their fate over time. By now you should be able to easily understand that: 1. These are chemical based diseases, not choices or personality traits per se 2. They are treatable today, at least symptomatically. 3. Why some people never get it, why some people will definitely get it, and why some people who have suffered ALOT DO NOT have it while some people who are RICH AND FAMOUS DO HAVE IT despite supposedly "Having Everything" you could want. The above, is the most important thing to understand, #3. By now you should get that. Back to other things: The going to the edge of the mental envelope is where the fun and horror is. Nostradamus took drugs and saw things. Other people have too, but there's high price tags for this kind of behavior in the life. The brain doesn't take it well in one's future. For Bi Polar people, the extreme highs are very real, and so are the lows. They actually FEEL that high and good, and believe me, it can feel TREMENDOUS. You cannot buy that feeling anywhere, and there's no drug except perhaps Cocaine that approximates it. Raw power and happiness. Full happiness, full conviction, full faith, clarity, everything, it's great. The downs: Panic, horror, despair, fear, paranoia, remorse, etc., all at once, and in successive waves. You feel absolutely unable to communicate with the person you're trying to talk to. Right now I'm not like that or I couldn't type this. When I said "in the middle of" above...I meant earlier today was hell, so I'm figuring since it just lifted, it might return, you never know, so I was just in the cage a few hours ago. Fresh memories. You fear losing things. You fear people not understanding causing you life grief, taking things away from you in an effort to "help" you. You don't want to lose your dignity, but people take it away, those who don't understand. Your friends eventually give up helping you, as it never improves, and they expect improvement if they're gonna invest their time giving you a "pep talk". It cannot be cured quickly this way. Isolation is one of the feelings. This is my particular issue. My memories goes back to very very young, pre-talking. So I know what happened. I was left in a crib all day as a baby, crying and crying alone. Then things happened such that I got switched between schools constantly, and was always the odd person in the class. Then I skipped a grade due to being smart, but this further complicated my social life. Then my dreams of saving the world began, and I launched my own campaign to become the greatest religious singer of my day, by playing guitar through my entire teens instead of socializing. I got real good, and went to college for music, but joined the HK's instead halfway through, and gave up music. The HK's further estranged me, being a very separatist movement in many ways. Then I fell out of love with much of it, and am now isolated due to not wanting to go to any of that, not knowing anyone else harldly, and only knowing people through email. So often there are triggers like deaths, changes, moves, and so on, that bring it on in a person who is pre-disposed. For me, the realization that I was getting older, and that I didn't like my old group of friends so much anymore, then the loss of my wife and then the following girlfriend also, on top of having built a worload for myself that really required having a wife, and I had full custody of my two kids, so I just stressed out and died. It broke me. After years of just programming and building businesses, I just rather collapsed. Although I had had depressions before, the recent long bout of 2 years is definitely the biggest problem I've dealt with in life so far. This one started back in Janurary of 2000 and hasn't lifted since really, except briefly here and there. It's like living like walking in mud, but make that pain- it's slow, hard, and painful. Sometimes there's so much confusion and pain, that one can only think of ending it. That's why people do it. When people are in an episode of serious depression, ie, they are either crying pathetically in a fetal position, curled up in the corner sobbing, or just catatonic for days, etc., but especially when they're having a serious attack, the best thing to do is not talk about the issues, but just say "everything is ok" and "i love you" and so on, over and over. If you are ACTUALLY someoone the person ACTUALLY loves, then you can touch them, otherwise do not. Isolation is best solved by proving that it does not exist to the person. This is hard to fake. Most street people and crazy people have in common a dissassociation from their roots in some way, either by not having family, or moving too far away, or changing too much, or killing their brains with drugs too...but that comes from being depressed too, it's also just a symptom of depression- to want to be high all the time. Depression can be caused by things we do and do not eat. But this is a big science, so I'm not going into it. Some things will deplete us and lead us there, like coffee, cigarettes, drugs, certain foods, and certain foods and herbs will improve the parts of the brain affected in these diseases. My children are sick of my problem now. They are becoming rude to me now, turning their backs more and more, sending signals more and more that they can't deal with it anymore. Many friends went away a long time ago, and wives, girlfriends. So this leads to feelings that are horrible for such a person already suffering such feelings. So it compounds. This leads to the wise hiding it. The real mental greats of history often talked in riddles when talking about these things, or mentioned things in poetry that others think is just poetry, but believe me, it's not. Sometimes, usually, Saintly people have these diseases, which aids them in having the intense feelings they have for God. Sometimes in some cultures one's "God Experiences" are induced by publicly ritualized taking of intoxiations such as some peoples native to the American continent, which again, is just messing with your brain intentionally. Just as a junky who is coming off the drug feels pain throughout their body, and this often sends them back to heroin, so does the person predisposed to drug taking, depression, suicide, etc., feel ALL THEIR LIFE some type of low level pain throughout their body and mental system and emotions, due to the predisposition. I can recognize these dark cases easily, in childhood, youth, or any age, and I'm marginally one of them. I get to be extreme, I'm one of those- from the extreme of high function and success, to the darkness which I live alone, hiding it, because if fully exposed, would cause me to lose things. That's why, another reason why, there is so much privacy around great people. Because very often they are being really weird and it needs to be hidden from public view. If such a person is highly productive and important, they may be able to hire or otherwise acquire helpers to take care of them, as in the case of some famous authors of the past. Someone should have taken care of Van Gough, for example, and he might have lived. Others too. Sri Caitanya had the symptoms of EXTREME bi polar disorder. But in his case, it's been eulogized to Sainthood fully, for His faithful followers. But to be dryly scientific, he was a case for sure, as were many other greats of history. Sometimes the Euphoria one feels on certain drugs, say Heroin or Mushrooms, is felt simultaneously along with great fear or other negative emotions, by the person suffering mental disease. This is why a perfectly sane person can eventually seem like a blithering idiot, and sometimes why crazy people are so good at one thing- like the Autistic Savants- believe me I know where they are coming from- they have extreme brains. It's very subtle and hard to see, but science is making progress mapping all this stuff. All of this does not contrary Hinduism or Jyotish. This is a part of one's karma or not. Also, the body always paralells the karma. Just look at my chart, and look at exactly how smashed the Moos in, by which planet, and what dashas am I in? It all makes sense. It's karma. One can also follow Gita principles to calm the mind most of the mind, such as the principal of karma yoga, which automatically includes surrendering oneself to God, so it detaches us somewhat from cause and effect, and the pains caused by such identifications of self. So Hinduism helps with depression, and I use it that way often. However, those who really have these problems, will have episodes, that can come on quite suddenly, and appear extremely severe to those around, ..... such as, you are one moment talking to the person and they are ok, then they stand there staring for a moment thinking, and suddenly start crying, and then it escalates and escalates until you think they are going to die from crying so hard, then they collapse and sleep for a day, and then wake up and LOVE LIFE AND EVERYBODY for a day, then suddenly they crash again, and so on. It's a wipe out for those around, and that is why they used to just sedate these people in homes out in the countryside. Many great minds have spent time in such "insane asylums" and they were never "insane", not REALLY. But I tell you this, and have no doubt, in the minds of some of those crazy people in those places and walking down the street, are some pretty incredible visions and realizations, mixed in with a overriding ton of confusion, which makes it innaccessible and unuseable to anyone else. Rarely does "a crazy" have the karma to channel it to anyone else effectively or usefully. Panic hide.... you have no idea how rare it is for one of us to reveal this much, it's only because my jupiter tells me to sacrifice myself for the greater good...so i'm doing it...in fear of being judged and harming my life more as the first paragraph, but not caring about myself, i did it anyway this has allowed me to see heaven and hell i understand saint bernadette, why she hid her pain, and why she surfaced as an ecstatic visionary and was so devoted. so in the karma, so in the chart, so in the brain, so in the life, because all is one actually, though within the one, diverse. you are the flower born at the universal moment and place of your chart, your body is like a part of a machine, performs a series of functions and dies, and you are the witness, and learn and experience thereby, as a partical of consciousness, capable of being in other vehicles, including spiritual bodies. My case contains the reality of midlife onset. This after being successful in many ways and having a family still to raise. Now I am alone with no spouse, and have the two kids still, and the business still, and the problem or disease still. I am still trying to function, actually "function highly" by carrying out all these tasks, but I'm slowly failing, the disease is winning, I'm sorry to say. I'm hoping for a turnaround, of course. I am changing Bhuktis for the better, and Sanjay said the transits are gonna help me soon, and I hope he's right. When I look ahead and see my next dasha is my worst planet and it's Mercury, I get afraid in one sense. But I'm made such that I have no fear, not REALLY. Cuzz I've always been religious deeply. But you know, we all want a good life, so if your mind is telling you that you feel horrible, and that you've lost everything and everything is right now very terrible, then you're gonna be unhappy, even if you are religious, generally. To feel TOTAL pain and still be SHANTI Is what makes a TOTAL saint like Bernadette of Lourdes and why her Shakti still sometimes heals the sick there in Lourdes. Her chart is plainly highly spiritual and religious, as was her life. Only because of this onset two years has GJ3 taken so long. I can barely ever get through the pain to do anything at all. I can barely run the business. I really need love and help to cure the isolation, but I'm really an extremely picky person, a perfectionist, in some ways, and in other ways too, and very sensitive to people's moods and thoughts...so, it's hard for me to find appropriate companions and help and spouse. I am trying to adjust to all of this. It is always a surprise to find out you have some serious condition, right? We all think "it will never happen to me" until it does, whether it's this thing, or a car crash, or HIV, or drug addiction, or whatever. There is so much detail to this subject that I could go on alot longer, but I think I'll stop here for now. I hope this helps somebody somewhere, more than it harms me. Also, people having mental attacks: Usually warming them up helps- they usually feel chills Giving them hot mild or tea, that is tasty, comforting Calming herbs and things that ground Nothing that increases Vatta The oils of hemp and evening primrose and flax- very good Not only grounding, but help make one feel less pain due to promotion of prostoglandin production Though many want to smoke pot, it aggravates the situation greatly A small amount of magic mushroom boosts seratonin immediately within an hour, giving relief- only a very small amount is needed- not enough to get high really- that's using it medicinally as opposed to the normal overdose which is termed "recreational" which has deletirous long term effects so it seems if one studies the statistics But then again, when you go down that path, of wanting to see what you're not normally made to see, then you are asking for becoming "not normal" after all aren't you? The magical plants and herbs have their properties and uses, and their misuses, which are dramatic. Life is about balance, so dramatic and extreme, or dangerous, so says also Krishna in Gita- that passion leads to pain. OK, enough, in service, not vanity, really, please. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 2, 2002 Report Share Posted February 2, 2002 Dear Goravani Thanks for that .I will file it away as an excellent reference for dealing with clients who may suffer from this ailment . It is always benficial to hear perspectives from inside a situation rather than simply making judgements from outside it . One critique of the many jyotish lists I've seen in operation is that the budding jyotishis seem almost soley concerned with techniques and are not sufficiently interested in the quality of advice and help offered . This could get to the situation where a first class jyotish still offers third rate advice .It is arguably preferable to have a third class jyotish offering first class advice .Balance is required . I salute the Libra Rasi on this point Nicholas Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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