Please Help Me

July 25, 2001

Hare Krishna,

my two cents worth

I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling so bad, depressed and alone.

you say your children are in hare krishna gurukuli?, so you must have

contacts in ISKCON? if so, may I suggest you go to the temple nearest to you,

and establish yourself with the devotees there who will be able to help you

on a face to face basis, there must be Guru's there who can give you the

advice and help you need through this temporary affliction. It is temporary

even though it has gone on and on for such a long time. It will end at some

stage. Keep your faith strong. Don't let go of it.

may i respectfully suggest that the lady isn't the real problem, you need to

maybe deal with whatever what is going on inside yourself first, then you

will see that the 'affliction' loses it's power over you. The darkness will

disappear.

chant hare krishna hare krishna krishna krishna hare hare hare rama hare rama

rama rama hare hare every day....really focusing on what you are chanting.

Pray to Lord Krishna, He will bring the right people into your life who can

help you.

may you be well, and happy and free from suffering

in the service of sri Guru and Sri Gauranga

stavavali devi dasi

July 25, 2001

My Dear Friends,

I am very broken. I can't go on. I've been seriously, very, depressed

for years over a love affair. I have waited for a certain woman to

commit to me for years. I have tried everything, and it hasn't worked,

she stays away.

I've tried to deal with this, this alone-ness, like many of you,

bravely, but I cannot handle it. Maybe I'm just weaker than most, or

more love needy than most, but the fact is, I'm broken, completely. I do

not know how I will go on.

Due to being in this state for years, I have let my business go. I

haven't been able to work. My business is now at the point where it may

not even be supporting us any longer, me and my two kids that is. I

tried so hard to build up this business and it's being lost now.

Thousands of people love me for my work, love my work, my writings, but

it's all being lost because of this ongoing depression caused by this

drawn out love affair.

If I didn't have the kids I would do something- move- go somewhere to be

with other people. I haven't been able to move because the kids are in

High School. They were moved in Hare Krishna style over and over and I

promised not to move them during High School. They are situated nicely,

and I don't want to break that if possible, but now maybe everything has

to be lost.

I am losing everything right now. This is hard to bear after it taking

so long to build it all up and it's so successful, if only I could work.

I have a new upgrade almost done, but it's sat idle for two years while

I was simply crushed. Now I refuse to go on in this crushed state.

Something must change.

Please, I need help. I'm shaking all over, I'm crying, I'm dieing. It's

not enough to see an expensive counselor once a week, or even two

ofthem. I've tried this. I need someone in my life, at my place, helping

me to sort out my head, my beliefs, my emotions. I'm so confused and

totally screwed up that I can't make any progress out of this mess I'm in.

Isn't there someone in the world who cares enough about me to help me.

Not just emails and phone calls, as I've had tons of those. I need

someone to be here with me now. I need someone to care about me. I've

tried everything else already. I cannot go on. I'm going to lose

everything I've created and built. I'm to the point of basket case. I'm

going under. My kids will suffer. I will suffer. The world will lose my

business and the other things I've tried to be and do.

I moved up here for my kids and because I could afford it better. Now I

have no friends or family around at all. For the last 2 years I've just

paced back and forth at my home smoking. I've been stoned 24/7 to bear

the pain of the lonliness, isolation, rejection, and so on.

I cannot go on anymore. Please isn't there someone out there who cares

about me enough to come stay with me until I'm OK. Please.

To my family members, I only have a couple email addresses. Please

forward it to other than grace and regina if you have others.

I need somebody mature and strong who can help me sort out my life and

get back on track. Isn't there somebody who can help me, who wants to.

All this work I did I did in order to get at least one person who loves

me as I am. I cannot go on. Please.

Is there someplace someone knows of that I can go and be with loving

people who will help me sort it out and get back to life? I have two

teenage kids I can't leave for very long, though I can leave for a like

a week maybe. But they're messed up by this too and could use a sane

adult around, and could use seeing me get my head together with that

sane person's help. My daughter especially, has been very negatively

affected by this long depression and nightmarish love affair I've been in.

I am begging the universe to make one person who can help me be able to

come help me and that they do. I am begging for results. I cannot go on

alone as I have been for years already. I for one, just can't do it.

Those of you who do, I don't know how you do it. I just can't.

I have thousands who have sent me letters of appreciation. I am "loved

by many" but I don't ever SEE ANY OF THEM. I am always alone. I can't go

on like this anymore. It doesn't do me any good any more to receive

letters of appreciation when it comes to this problem. I need someone to

talk to, to relate to, who is supportive, my advocate, who cares about

me and is here. At least temporarily, I need this kind of personal

support. Actually I need a spouse. But right now I need something.

Someone to lovingly help me sort out my head and get back into life,

back on track in life.

I still live in a very nice house in a very nice neighborhood. My

situation is still saveable if I work. I can work if I feel loved and

not alone. I'm praying that my prayers are heard and answered. Please, I

cannot sort anything out much. Don't call me and expect a rational

person who can deal correctly. The whole point of this is that I'm

beyond that. Can somebody give me personal, on location, support and

guidance through this very dark affliction.

--

Das Goravani

2852 Willamette St # 353

Eugene OR USA 97405

or

Fax: 541-343-0344

"Goravani Jyotish"

Vedic/Hindu Astrology Software

July 25, 2001

well...

I'm going to tiptoe out here into this clearing in the glade and give you a big

hug again because I'm at a loss for words:

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Das}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I've been there where you are. It IS often darkest before the dawn and

sometimes that darkness lasts what feels like an eternity but even 'this too

shall pass' SOMEDAY. My heart genuinely goes out to you. Sometimes you just

HAVE to find one reason to keep going, to keep getting up every morning and

trying, to never give up hope and faith because you ARE drawing the next breath.

We each have a dark night of soul and sometimes more than one dark night of soul

but you CAN succeed Das and make it and find someone to love someday. And

sometimes the success is in the journey and not necessarily the destination.

Well....my prayers are with you.

In peace...

Renee

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