More Rants

[Guest guest]

Dear Curtis,

 

During my first bout with serious depression in 94 I had to do a

bankruptcy. They go very smoothly. Just go through the motions. It's

nothing. The only bummer is no credit afterwards so it seems, but you

can get a secured credit card, and after some years, they will

automatically unsecure it, raise the limit, and so on, and it'll come

back eventually if you need it.

 

At that time I lost everything I had built up. I also was in serious

marital pain, and then it ended, and so on. These days I have other

challenges that seem just as difficult. I can relate to everything you

said. I totally get it. I'm going through the motions of somewhat healed

pain these days, but it's moment to moment with careful attention to

maintaining inner steadiness.

 

That's the only thing I can say to you. No matter how bad things seem at

any moment, try to just take a moment to go inside and talk to yourself

free from those worries, and just say and make it true through your

actions: "I'm doing what I feel is right given my situation now, and I'm

doing the best I can."

 

And that has to be a broad "best I can".

 

I'm finding I have to be in touch with myself as above, and also admit

fully that it is hard times, and that I have to face these matters and

deal with them, and also, I remind myself to keep an open mind to

alternatives, even one's that seemed in past years perhaps out of your

range or norms a bit. Sometimes in hard times we're being pushed to

transitions and changes. I'm finding that sortof just reminding myself

to open up and let the moments roll in as they are, not trying to filter

the feelings or change them, but just being in admittance about it all

in a kindof calm accepting mood, helps. These things help me.

 

Sometimes we have to do things we didn't want to do. Sometimes when ads

don't work, and careers don't launch, or plans don't work out, we're

forced to do something else we wanted to avoid perhaps. This is

humbling. There is often no way around it. I've found that just after

getting through the painful period of realization, then initial contact

and action with the new previously loathed path, I get soon over that,

and am ok with it. I've found this here and there in small ways. I'm

saying it to be encouraging that the pain is somewhat momentary perhaps

on the chills of the changes that come.

 

Due to years of serious anxiety, day to day constant mental anquish,

panic, etc., I finally have come to a space of being really pissed off

about it, and am thereby getting the energy to really be more vigilant

inside my own head, and am able a bit more therefore to force myself to

take more positive actions towards fixing my problems etc. Unfortunately

I take being pushed a bit far before I launch into action. Better to see

it sooner.

 

Someone told me the other day a Maharishi quote:

 

"See the job, do the job, avoid the misery."

 

I think it applies at times like these. I'm going through it. I'm with

you in spirit.

 

Your bro,

 

 

--

 

 

Das Goravani

President

 

 

 

Eugene OR 97405

 

 

 

 

Fzx: 541-343-0344

 

 

 

 

Hindu/Vedic Astrology

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[Guest guest]

Since this is the place to rant, to make an utter fool of oneself (and why

not, maybe there is something to it after all.) Let me not neglect my

opportunity!!

 

Curtis Burns

4-5-1962

Cudahy, WI

11:17 (pm clock time)

22 Scorpio Rising (Raman ayanamsa)

 

For the past decade and a half I have struggled with an immense form of

anxiety, or "panic attacks". I just leave it at that, that is as a

convenient name as any. The causes are a combination of physical and

astral, my karma, and my particular dharma.

 

I have stuggled for years and years with this. Medication is an absolute

failure, I simply have a terrible physical reaction......

 

I did have a son four years ago, who is the spitting image of me. I have

very limited visitation rights with him because of a very paranoic mother

(my own karma in the situation non-withstanding).

 

I have many financial problems; a. because of the above anxiety problem, b.

because I tried to get into business last year and failed, c. because I

beleive that I am still very "lazy" at critical times, and d. because I

have had misfortune in other areas.

 

I'm sweating bullets these days because I am about to go into

bankruptcy. At times I can barely think because of this situation. I know

these thing happen to people, including many of those who have gone on to

success. Nonetheless I feel a great deal of "real" anxiety about this and

this kicks the "false" anxiety into overdrive. I become almost paralyzed

at times.

 

Will I get past this all? Undoubtedly.

 

I am in Mars dasa right now, Mercury sub, and Ketu sub-sub. Saturn is in

the 7th coming to a close opposition to the ascendant. Pluto is conjunct

exactly my ascendant.

 

At times I don't see the light of hope, just perpetual fog and distraction

from the anxiety and subsequent inability to succeed in earthly endeavors

(and spiritual endeavors for that matter)

 

I have sought help from all types of healers to no real avail, except to

see more than ever that God is the healer within, and that wholeness is a

state of mind first.

 

On July 20th (Raman) I will go into Venus sub-sub, the 7th and 12th ruler,

which is conjunct the Moon in the 6th in Aries. I am sure relationships

would be kind of fun, I have got my weaknesses there, but I am more

concerned about the situation with my finances and how that affects my

situation with my son.

 

I have recently put an ad in the local new age newspaper. I have

researched ad copy over the years and I feel I have got a good one. I

hired a designer to make it for me. It has been published for almost 3

weeks now and got just one call and appointment. The appointment happened

and went well.

 

(Doing astrology sessions having an anxiety condition is understandably

difficult at times, but I seem to get through with God's assistance)

 

But I have received no other response since. It is the middle of summer

and my ad just was published and maybe needs some more time.

 

I am freaking out nevertheless about the non-success happening here. My

fingernail are all jagged from bitting. I have a furtive look about me at

times.

 

I have however come much closer to God and more pure in my spirituality by

my desparation which is kind of funny, but it can only go so far until

actually start making about 500 to $1000 a month from sessions, right!!!?????

 

Help!! What do the Jyotishis out there have to say?!!!!

 

I have only touched upon parts of my situation here. I hope you can intuit

the rest.

 

Thanks all, in advance.

 

Curtis