Guest guest Posted July 13, 2001 Report Share Posted July 13, 2001 Hello For fourth house fun, try this on: A few weeks back my car's engine died. I was faced with "What to do". It's our only car. I tried to do it smart, work a little harder/smarter, and get it fixed with least expense. So I arranged for used engine from a parts yard, got it sent to a good mechanic shop, got the car towed there, rented a car for the meantime, and waited. They took 2 extra weeks, which drove up my rental expenses significantly. Then, they got it done, I had incurred now an $800 installation fee, and they started it up, and after 10 minutes, this one died also- threw a rod. No good. So now what's probably going to happen is that I'll have to give the mechanic the car, which is dead still, to cover the installation fee, and lose the good CD player, the new muffler, recent transmission, old luxury car interior, and have nothing. So basically I lost $2000 actually between all the irrecoverable expenses and loss of that car's equity. So yesterday I had to go out and get another car. It's light blue, a hatchback, so it can work a bit, and older, an 89 Toyota Corrolla Hatchback. It's humble compared to the last, but at least it doesn't leak oil and isn't about to die. On the same day, yesterday, I got word about my mothers decreasing condition. Vehicles and mother are fourth house matters. I don't often hear of mothers condition, the letters don't come that often, and cars of course rarely die, so both on one day, along with a change of car, was significant. The letter was about a move for mother, and an update on the outlook. So I felt the letter and car situation were similar, and both happened on the same day. Lately also, my main computer died in a big way. Difficult to diagnose, difficult to fix, slow downs there. --- On other notes: Regarding the supplements, oils, depression, etc: I've been off anti-depressent drugs for maybe 3 months now or so, and taking instead the oils and lots of supplements. The update for you in short is that it's worked, but not completely. What I mean is, I can tell I am much better nourished. I've lost a good deal of unneeded weight, about 10 pounds, and I don't feel quite as overwhelmed by depression. However, I'm still sad and there alot. I can literally now feel that I have sadness as one issue, and on the other hand, there was the physical side of the depression. I seem to have greatly helped myself by improving my nutrition. I don't go as low. I don't feel as desperate. I get up quicker, and am able to take steps towards solving my problems. But I'm still sad alot of the time. --- I've come to realize that in my case, there is a deep old problem with things like inclusion, abandonment, belonging, etc. These are common, I've come to realize. Many of us don't feel connected. Some of us suffer intensely from it. In my case, this is so because I think through religious placements and my life thus far I have developed in such a way as to not be much interested in much at all. I tend to be not so turned on by things that turn others on. So I've spent alot of time making things instead. But I wanted to be loved, included, needed, at least by one person. A relationship. Friends would be good too. I realize that when I joined the HK movement, I was just turned 19. I wasn't much included then in anything, and my family was falling apart. I went into the movement and excelled in a way, easily got married without even trying to date or have a relationship or honor my wife's personality- in those days, at my level, it wasn't like that, it was just "done". You got married. Then you later discovered who you married, and who you are in marriage with that person. I had kids fast cuzz you were supposed to basically, if into sex at all. So I did all that. This traps you if you're dharmic. If you're a capable dharmic man, with two kids, you're not leaving that wife. So I didn't. But I wasn't happy. Then I got into a rebound relationship fast, very fast, again, right at the end of the first, without much getting to know each other, much, just real passionate. So now after that failure, and now 41, I'm just discovering things most people learn in their twenties- about mutual respect, the flow of relating, relating outside of the strict guidelines of shared cult consciousness- no base paradigm everybody accepts to make it all easier- no group to guide- just free floating people in an open plane- I'm not used to this. So this I realize is my issue. I'm alone again, kindof starting out. I feel like a Hindu Priest, at 41, just come to America, no friends or contacts (much at all), and hitting the streets, hoping to drum up familial feelings with somebody meaningfull in return- to get relationships going, with the hopes of being married too someday. It's like that for me. It's a new strange world. I didn't really realize til these days how much the Hare Krishna movement was my mother until now. Not only is my mother dieing, but that mother is also dieing for me so much it seems. I just can't go on with the same songs, in the same style, the same lectures that try to extinquish my passions. So basically, the sadness of having utterly failed in the personal relationship arena thus far in life, and getting increasingly older, unmarried, knowing that I'm pretty different with my background and all, feeling alot frightened that it might never happen for me (I know I wouldn't be alone in that), and so on, is my constant companion. Frightened, hoping, alone, wishing, praying, crying. All out of lonliness. Trying to start friendships, answering ads, calling the smallest contact, trying to drum up something, is a constant endevour too. So this sadness, isn't gone. But I feel way better overall, from the dietary changes. I saw a chiropractor and learned some things there. Posture affects consciousness too. So I'm working on my back muscles too. I did some counseling, but have since stopped. I went over the Irish thing, the family of origin processing, the processing of self identity verse taught identity, the priest issue, the issue of not being able to be happy, so many things. After awhile, I just didn't want to process anymore. I really just want to hang out with even slightly interesting people. It's so hard to find. There's alot of hip looking people in Eugen, but it's hard to just drum up close friendships. It takes alot of work and time. I kindof need it now, hence the pain of waiting and hoping. So in conclusion, I've learned that depression is essentially wholistic, complex, and is fed and conquered from many different places in our being, mental, dietary, physical, environmental. Basically, if you are on an unhealthy path in life, it will be overall- it will have it's parts in many places in your body, mind, and environment. It takes time, diligence, and work to clear it out. I have to handle my health, excercise, etc., for now, and take steps to build friendships but those results take alot of time to manifest. -------------------------- On the oils, repeatedly, it seems to helping some people types lose weight. It's happening over and over again with heavier folks I know who start taking mainly Hemp Seed Oil. It's easier to get than Even. Primrose, and higher in GLA than Flax. But Flax is a cool third place, more cheap, more availbe, but goes rancid ver fast. Buy small, use fast, keep refrigerated, out of air, out of light. -------------------------- Das Goravani President Eugene OR 97405 Fzx: 541-343-0344 Hindu/Vedic Astrology Software, Printouts, Videos, Classes Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 13, 2001 Report Share Posted July 13, 2001 gjlist, Das Goravani <das@g...> wrote: > > Hello > > For fourth house fun, try this on: > > A few weeks back my car's engine died. I was faced with "What to do". > > On the same day, yesterday, I got word about my mothers decreasing condition. > > Vehicles and mother are fourth house matters... >So I felt the letter and car situation were similar, and > both happened on the same day. > > Lately also, my main computer died in a big way. Difficult to diagnose, > difficult to fix, slow downs there. > > --- > Om Amrtesvaryai Namah!! Namaste dear brother Dasji! i was beginning to wonder if you were alright as i hadn't seen one of your wonderful rambling raves recently...it was just too silent except for the other busy bees buzzing around the list.... i was sorry to hear of your mother's worsening condition...but it is very interesting, as you say, that your car went on the same day!! also your emotional mind (fourth house too!) is having such a struggle as you say.... i looked and looked at your chart with you running Sa Ra Me Su and wondered just what those "nasty" Grahas were doing... it wasn't easy to see much (as i'm a student of course)...but i did notice that for yesterday, Moon, ruler of the 4th house was in the 12th....that's interesting...too we must remember that Moon is Parashara Karaka for MOTHER..so a double whammy!....and then we also see that Sun is directly aspecting your Jupiter and Saturn in the 9th...and the Sun-Saturn aspect according to your transit readings (from GJ) is a VERY difficult one...there were suggestions of losses due to death! (car! computer!) and challenges from those in authority....Rahu is right in there too, along with Mercury and Jupiter...all in this third house directly aspecting your Jupiter and Saturn in the 9th...and since the dasa period is SA RA ME Su....one would think to look there to see what's going on.....right now as you know Saturn is in your 2nd house (which as you remember can be considered a Maraka house)...it said challenges to income in your transit program....nothing like moving and losing both a car and a computer to talk of "challenges to income"....(incidentally it's been an expensive last couple weeks for me too!!...so much so that my card got declined due to lack of funds!..but in my case all those Grahas in Gemini are playing about in my 6th house...aspecting my 12th!!!) one thing else i noticed (irrelevant to the above, but interesting) is that you have the ruler of the 7th, Venus in the Lagna Bhava...., but that your Jaimini Dara Karaka is Sun...As well, just like me, you are Saturn Atmakaraka....and i too have the ruler of the 7th, Moon,(in my case) in my Lagna Bhava whereas Parashara Dara Karaka for me is VENUS....thus when i read your ramblings dear brother, i can totally identify with LOTS of what you are saying.... there seems to be some conflicts in there between the two different Karakas for partners...for both of us! the Karakas are "enemies" of each other....if we find a partner represented by one...then the other will be missing...and we feel dissatisfied...if the other...the same...and it might be hard to find a partner which exemplifies BOTH Venus and Sun for you, just as i might find it hard to find a Moon Venus combination...don't know if this makes any sense to you....just rambling. i find it interesting that your Lagna Bhava is Aries, ruled by Mars, Saturn's enemy....and that your Atma Karaka is Saturn, your lagnesha's enemy....i wonder if this will partially explain these feelings of never belonging....the "incarnation" or "body" is indicated by a fundamentally "different" Graha (and enemy of) the soul indicator, which is Saturn...too, it is interesting that we find VENUS in this Lagna Bhava as 7th Lord (or Lady), AND Venus could be considered to be ONE manifestation of your Beloved Deity, as She rules Libra, just 12th to the Location of the AK in Navamsha...of course we find Mars in that house which would, i understand, usually indicate the Beloved Deity...But when we look at where Venus is in both charts, it is interesting to note that in the rashi chart Venus is in Aries with your Lagna....and that in the Navamsha chart Venus is in Scorpio with Saturn (AK)(both ruled by Mars)....but in a sense we could say that Venus is also, as ruler of Libra, in Libra with Mars, (in Navamsha)...or at least "colouring" Mars with Her softening, Loving energies....so you could say that Venus and Mars are BOTH your beloved Deities, and that Really They are ONE...and that also, They are within your OWN SELF...as indicated by the placement of Venus in both Rashi and Navamsha....as well as WHICH sign those placements are in...both ruled by Mars...the indicated Beloved Deity Now, in my own case there is similar indications from Moon...although Venus is my Beloved Deity, i also see that Moon and Sani are just slightly different manifestations of that same Mother...and so i can take Moon, as my Divine Mother, not just my birth Mother....So when i find the Parashara indicator for "Mother" or Divine Mother (as Parvati) in my Lagna Bhava, and i feel this intense yearning all my life for Love, and understanding, and Union with the Beloved....i begin to wonder if indeed that this yearning is REALLY for my BELOVED DEITY...Divine Mother...and i have merely misplaced that yearning in the terms of this world onto the Sakti as manifesting in the lovely embodiments of our human women.....so like you this yearning for the soul mate is ever present...but seems never possible to be fulfilled...in fact when we have had relationships...*(at least in my case...i've often wanted to be free again!!!...as they say "can't live with them and can't live without them!!")...and just as with you, the yearning leads to a lot of sadness feeling that there is no one in this world for this child, who will understand and love him....only Divine Mother it appears to me, can understand one... this is one reason why i have felt so strongly connected with my Ammachi...i FEEL,and understand, that Amma, at least, understands, and loves me just the way i am...even though the physical meeting is only a very short time...Mother manages very effectively to make it clearly understood just how much She loves one... but try to linger in Her arms longer than the allowed time...and you'll see Her Kali aspect coming out....as She gently but firmly disengages in preparation for the next child....i don't take this personally, like some folks appear to..i understand that my Mother has a VERY big family...and there's not enough of Her to go around!..so i'm happy to even get my few seconds with Her...it deepens the inner contact, which i have come to learn, is the MOST important contact...... So what i'm seeing is that in a way you are two different beings in one body...the Aries guy, but also the Saturnian Guy...both of whom love Venus (even if you don't admit this...seeing Venus as the Guru of the Bad Guys)...but expand your view of Venus to the classical traditions of all Lands and you find Her as the Goddess of Love...not just sexual love, or family love, but also DIVINE LOVE...so it depends upon what level you call upon Her....She is happy to give you whatever you want...but you must decide what it is that you want...Mother Venus can be seen as Sri Laksmi, or Sri Lalithambika....the Playful Goddess....Sure She may be Guru to the Asuras...but who do you think most of us are in this world anyways???!!! WE NEED such a Guru as She is that is willing to take even the Asuras and try to improve them!!! in fact, i have begun to seriously believe that Sri Venus has taken birth in our Time, as my Mother...in the form of Ammachi...She is Guru to everyone...there are NO qualifications, other than desire to learn and grow towards Divine Love...Even She is wearing WHITE all the time except in Devi Bhava...and a little diamond stud in Her Nose......Who do we know that is wearing white, and likes Diamonds, in the Graha family????? Venus. the reason why i had a long time ago suggested that you are actually one of Amma's children IS because of your Saturn atmakaraka, as well as the fact that Sani in Scorpio, in Navamsha is pointing out Libra to be the house of the Beloved Deity!...too we find Venus in your lagna bhava...the same ruler of Libra...the house indicated by the Sani AK as house of beloved Deity...with Mars in there though it is modified such that one might see it as a combination, like Sri Radha Krsna...Who appeared as two but are actually ONE...the Divine Absolute and His Sakti... when we compare this chart of yours with Amma's chart we see that Amma's Lagna IS Libra, ruled by Venus and graced in Shasha Yoga with Sani therein....plus you have Sani in the 9th house, just as i do (along with Mars!)...and Sani thus (not just Jupiter) can indicate a GURU figure to you...in fact i would tend to say that from that chart, you will have TWO Gurus in this life...(just as i have...first Paramahansa Yoganandaji, and then Ammachi...but They are not at all exclusive of one another...actually i believe most firmly that Paramahansa Yoganandaji LED me to Mother, and that She is in fact that Very Mother, Who upon His suggestion, i called and called and called....)... in your case, you have had first Jupiter Guru, and then Sani Guru...and right now it is Sani Guru's time to manifest in your life (as you are now getting older, and entering into Sani's realm)...being as you have so identified with Jupiter Guru, and with your Mars/Aries lagna, which is anathema to Sani...being debilitated in Aries...this might make for some major readjustments being necessary...i suspect that Sani will be encouraging you to move in Her direction MUCH more than before...and than perhaps it might be time to emphasise the VENUS side of the Beloved Deity Duo...rather than the MARS (Krsna) side as you have been doing since you joined the HK movement....they are both valid, in the Sakta viewpoint...so if one doesn't work as well anymore, perhaps this is really a calling to shift and grow into the next level...where we see that Sani Guru and Venus really do have something excellent to offer us.... for me this is NOT NEARLY as hard, because of Sani Lagnesa as well as Atmakaraka.....but for you it must be a struggle because of the competing energies between Sani and Mars....but dear brother, as you are getting older, it really could be said to be time to get to be friendly with your Sani Self....not just your Mars self... Perhaps a lot of the sadness and depression are related to this trouble with Sani and Venus...and not accepting them too as essential parts of your Whole Self.... Om Sivayai Namah! Om Salutations are to That Sakti Who manifests as Siva! Om Vaishnavyai Namah! Om Salutations are to That Sakti Who Manifests as Visnu! Om Brahmanyai Namah! Om Salutations are to That Sakti Who Manifests as Brahma! Om Siva saktyaikya rupinyai Namah! OM salutations to that Siva and Sakti Who are One in Form! Om Visnu saktyaikya rupinyai Namah! Om Salutations to that Visnu and Sakti Who are One in Form! Om Brahma saktyaikya rupinyai Namah! Om Salutations to that Brahma and Sakti Who are One in Form!! as the above mantras state, my friend, my brother, so are we indicated by the most profound placements in our charts...i wonder if we are meant to be "happy" in this world...i suspect that if we pursue anything in the world, we shall NOT be happy...but that if we Pursue our Divine Calling...Pursue our Divine Beloved until She catches us, then happiness will not be a question in our minds any longer....we will not even think in that direction any longer... i suspect with this placement of the Beloved in the Lagna, that we are to LOOK WITHIN for that Divine Mother, Who is our REAL Beloved and so doing...the external life will take care of itself! Thus we can see that all this pain we have been going thru in our lives is really Sakti Prasad...a Gift from the Divine Beloved to remind us of HER...so that we can't get too lost in this material illusion of a world...but are thus drawn to rely solely upon the Divine... We should really look upon pain as a blessing and see that it brings us closer to the Beloved Deity...when we can do that, and not get lost any more so much in our little ego dramas...our little delusions....those little thought games that Monkey mind likes to play...when we can just cling all the more firmly to those Lotus Feet, in trials and hardship....then we will have learned our lessons here... Sri Neem Karoli Baba used to say: "i love pain because it brings me closer to God" Amma has said much the same, and in fact Her life is a living testimony to using "pain" and difficulties as a ladder to the Divine... in that Divine Mother's Love, and in Her Service, as ever, your own self, visvanathan Om Amrtesvaryai Namah!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 13, 2001 Report Share Posted July 13, 2001 All sorts of Pain in life seem to be inevitable (predetermined?)- but it also sounds true that the extent, at least, of suffering is optional ( just seemingly contradiction in terms IMHO). Don't know if "maturity" helps us in this dpt. as one would expect? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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