OT: Update on me, das g., day 16

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the end

 

Goodbye,

 

Day 16, still haven't taken any modern anti depressents (in 16 days). Which

means, any SRI's, or Seratonin Reuptake Inhibitors, which is what most of the

anti depressents out there are. These were keeping me out of complete and

total despair and panic, which I had experienced for months prior to getting

on them. They saved me.

 

Normally, after a couple days off of them, I would have reverted. I've tried

it.

 

Now however, I'm doing good. I have to be very careful, about my diet and

other energies around me in my environment, have to control my thoughts, and

so on, but I've had the best 16 days I've had in years.

 

Because of the oil mainly, and it gave me the strength to change my diet for

the better, and it caused me to have less attraction to addictive substances.

So, my diet is better, I'm downing myself way less, and I feel way better,

and I'm excercising, calling all my old friends, reconnecting with my family,

all spontaneously so it seems, since taking the oil. It's basically a bright

day after a long night.

 

I'm fine. Sure, I'm not out of the woods. No way. I've got to be careful.

But, I've definitely found something that works for me in this GLA oil. The

shoe fits. I must have had a serious dopamine deficiency actually, because

taking the oil (and DL Phenylalinine, which is an essential amino used in

dopamine production as well) has completely changed my life for the better.

 

I'm sorry if my using the list as a dump point for my personal processing

caused any woes. I just figured that everybody probably would like to read

maybe, or benefit from, someone elses honest revealing of their real life

struggles, rather than just always having less personal stuff on the list. It

was a sacrifice I did purposefully for external reasons and also selfishly to

get attention onto my issues from persons interested in talking about that.

 

This list, and Jyotish in general, has been my work focus for years. During

those years I pretty much lost all other people who used to be in my life. My

life changed tracks slowly, and now it's come full to completion. I'm out of

the HK bind of identity though retaining the good stuff, I am free to mingle

again, I freed myself that is, and my will to fight the good fight in life is

back, to struggle, to love, to care, to be part of, to go on, etc. I feel

good again.

 

But this list is still my friend, whereas my old friends are not in my life,

so I used the list as a listening friend.

 

My main purpose in writing this post is to say I'm still doing well, and the

processing is calming down to a more reasonable flow inside me, and so I

don't have as much gushing to spill out somewhere, I'm not as freaked now-

the realizations are settling a bit. So that's why I'm not posting like a

madman like I was. I'm calming down, that's all. I'm not crashing. I'm doing

good. I had a great day yesterday, hoping the same for this new day.

 

It's sunny here today. We don't get alot of sun here (it's like Ireland!).

So, when we get out, everybody is out. Eugene is AWESOME in the spring and

summer. It's comparable to the best places on Earth in that way. A college

town, so lots of youth to keep things hoppin kinda, and the trees and flowers

bloom like crazy due to the long dark rainy winters, and the humans go nuts

with spring fever, and it's pretty lively, like as if it was a beach town,

which it's not. So it's fun this time of year.

 

My kids got their licenses, and since both have girlfriend/boyfriends

already, so they're always taking the car here and there. Teenagers. New

friends are coming around. Things are nice. I'm fine.

 

So anyone worried about me, well, THANKS!

 

But I'm doing pretty good, better than in a long time. So just keep in mind,

this recent barrage of writing by me, wasn't the START, but rather then

ENDING of something bad, and you probably just didn't know about it, and that

was that I've been in Saturn Hell for the last 8 years, gradually it

increased, and the last 2 were unsurvivable really, and I barely got through

them, but these last 16 days have been the best days I've had in years.

Really. And I have good help, and I'm on the program of recovery on a number

of levels. Since my experiences and process are in line with standards well

known to crisis and recovery counselors, I know I'm on track.

 

It just so happens, that out of feelings of isolation killing me last summer,

I gave a class on Jyotish at my house. 12 people came for a few weeks, then

my condition caused me to stop.

 

However, in the class were many counselors for some reason- people employed

as working counselors in Eugene. These folks became my new friends. So now

besides having a good counselor who is well known here in Eugene, who I'm

seeing today even later, besides him, I also have a few friends who are

counselors, and who are tracking me along as friends watching me, talking to

me, sometimes they've been there for the tears, the "lean on me" times.

 

So I'm actually around quite a bit of input. My son's girlfriends parents are

permanent members of the recovery game, and that helps. It's about who you

associate with and what ideas you let in your head, that's alot what "the

game of happiness" is all about- assocation, and the conditionings it leans

you towards.

 

So I have good, helpful, association these days.

 

My real problem was the isolation and lonliness. It was mostly caused by my

deep attachment to the people filters I had on, which I picked up so I

thought, from the "right way religion", if you know what I mean. It was

learned Sanctimony or whatever it's rightly called. Anyway, that has been my

REAL problem. I need more people in my life.

 

Now since letting go of "avoidance of non devotees" and "avoiding meat

eaters", suddenly I have lots of people coming into my life. I am humbled,

and fearful, and want to be one of, not above. I no longer feel sanctimony,

and if I have anything at all, it is only the ability to realize that I do

want to see your soul mainly, and deal with it mainly, and in that way, I'm

somewhat liberated, in that I am clear about Brahma Vidya, Atma Jnan, etc.,

in my mind, very clear, though material male white conditioning remains,

still, I love walking in the light of spirit, and generally, that's how I

prefer to deal with others. So anyway, now that I freed myself, opened my

heart, to love everyone again, suddenly I see TONS of people everywhere, and

that gives my happiness, whereas before I only saw "meat eaters" and that

gave me great unhappiness.

 

I even named my cat "Meat Eater". I was so hung up on this.

 

I'm so glad to have let go of the few divisions that kept me in pain.

 

Then the oil. Then the help from a few friends. It all adds up.

 

I highly encourage everyone to realize that diet is oh so important in

shaping your life. I was a FOOL for not listening to this. I am being so

totally helped by eating only really high quality fresh foods, whole foods,

etc. I also became basically vegan because milk is high in triptophan, which

for now, I need to avoid high levels of (doing personal chemistry mixing now

for dopamine/gaba performance rather than seratonin- and I feel SO much

better- whereas the shrinks, bless their hearts, but, they were giving me

seratonin things- wrong.

 

So that's the update folks. I'm very fine, and happier than I've been in

years, and getting back into the biz right now.

 

Thanks for listening friends, being my friends i never met, and just for

being there for me to talk to. I'm really fine, sanity, health, kids,

everything. Seems like I exited my tunnel. Hope so. Working on it. Going

well.

 

My Snafu is now a Snalu,

 

"situation normal, all looking up"

 

das g.

 

 

 

truetype postscript:

 

I think in other words, my deluge onto the list is over. To the lovers I say,

thanks!, to those who hated it, i'm happy for you!, to everyone else, nothing

happened!

 

thank you for being

 

Hello.

 

the beginning