Guest guest Posted May 15, 2001 Report Share Posted May 15, 2001 This is a very unusual post and piece of writing. I would like to say it's off limits to the weak at heart. That's a warning. This is the label. For adults only. This is emotionally X rated, I think, for some. Proceed at your own risk. ---------- With one view, the same thing appears one way, then another way with a different view. So all are caught in illusions, yet all are one and perfect always. If a wave raises and shows itself, then it's mass is not to be found in the usual place, but boastfully raised instead. The energy is here, or there, but not in both places. So he who rises high, is missing something elsewhere. Trust it by physics. All are one and equal on one level. If you see not that but something else, on which level do you see? Das Goravani is a life, that as a life, has enjoyed distinction and recognition in measure equal to 50 times that of "normal" maybe, or maybe 10, or 5, or 100, who knows. But it feels higher than normal. But Das Goravan is an addict, and that feels like hell. I want no attention on this please, but to not say this is a sin of omission. None of us is great, only imbalanced. The greatest imbalanced sometimes reach the plum on the farthest branch. The risk and the stretch are hard to bear. The recognition sweet and tempting. Who reaches in excessive ways for that which is obtainable in healthy measure in healthy ways? That one who is freaked in fear that they might not receive the normal in life. Some strong fear or need is at the base of "drive". As it is without, so it is within, so then it's not a surprise, the enitity comes to manhood, and learns that his life is reflected in his chart. Then later he learns that his life and experiences are reflected in his genetical/chemical bodily reality. That what is felt, is related to chemical levels and genetics, and what is felt and experienced, is in the chart or in the sky, as without, so within. This man learns that all is one, that the universe knew him, created him, at the time of his gestation and birth, that it is in him and that he is one with that moment, which is a purpose, and that it contains struggle, the pain of being "inbetween". The genetics contain a blueprint for certain things, and it's in the chart, and in the DNA, and in the life in the experiences. The experiences are real. The man who can see easily through space and time, math and physics, as if it was just normal thinking, gifted with periods of creativity and focus that show excellence and promise, is driven to be like that by strong compelling forces which cause the person to be nearly never at ease, never at peace, driven to the point of needing intense sedative levels to survive, so it seems. The person is emotionally disturbed, but their mind and drive give beautiful imbalances, just as heat sometimes brings out the color of a gem. Why is this being so? Watch me burn myself for your love. Not feeling special enough, the needy entity, with no more gifts than the others around them, cuts off a part of themselves, sets it on fire, and attracts attention. Each time they get attention, there's a little less of them left. Peaceful is the one who, though 4th in line, is just happy to be in line. But that one who is the shooting star, they have a reason for that beautiful but brief flight of notice to all. There is no lamenting their brevity, for it was balanced by brilliance. There is no gain, there is no loss, only shifting energies we borrow. Bruce Lee's wife said: "The first thing about greatness is actually living a life worth remembering. Bruce just expired young, because that's part of what he was." If only I could be peaceful in the moment, but then I wouldn't be me. Whatever you are, you do not have the problems of others. This alone is cause for gratefulness. Brothers and Sisters, such great happiness do I feel so often, that I think I will die of happy heart attack on the spot. So wonderful are my mental experiences, that I think I'll forget to breathe at times. So terrifying are my fears, that I cannot know how I will live more and thus risk feeling them more. In the balance of it all, the end result is that I am gripped in love for my fellow beings, amazed by the science of living, challenged greatly by the need to grow and improve, fearful of being less than I should be for the ones I love or am near to. I have no belief in myself, and thus really ask for your well wishes. I may be somewhat beautiful in some ways, but I live in constant pain on a few levels which are not normal to most people. One day I believe I won't be like this. I hope one day I will know real inner peace. In the meanwhile, I hope to at least be able to create beautiful testimonies to the beauty I see around me, but am deprived for some odd reason of feeling any peace from. Yes, day #9 now, still no anti-ds, still on the oil, and reading more, trying to fix things, learning alot, on the right path. Much improvement already. Can we have enough merriment to be happy without drugs? Perhaps. I've never known such a thing 'cept only my Brahmacari days- daily dancing, lots of commeraderie, always social, village life, purpose, cause, reason. Then only was I away from the addictions. Only solid time period since I was 13. Shown a time of solid freedom by the Hare Krishna movement, from 79 to 85, then only, only only. Solid slavery otherwise. But I'm not bad. I'm good. I've spent my whole life saying this in all I do. Love me, accept me, I'm not bad, I just love being loved, I feel needy, help me, save me, love me, see, I'm good, I'm being a good boy. This is playing out. Notice me, see that I'm "good", I'm "good", I do "all the right things", Mr. Good Boy. Please love me. This is the script. Who loves you if you look wild? Who loves you if you're dirty? What if you feel wild too? What if everything about you is bad according to those who bear the mantle of the Catholic Church? What if God plunked you into the middle of a typically dark Irish region of the Catholic Church? What if you realize the natures of all whom you loved were smashed like you, by this force of "you're bad the way you are". All energy was put down, the brilliance, the nautiness or sarcastic smart ass mood, the questioning, the freedom, the naturalness, everything, was straigtened and combed by people who didn't love us at all, for what we were, who we are. Only trying to perfect us, change us, "right" us, according to rules, principles and thoughts from an Eastern land, from an Eastern guy, from an Eastern forum. Ever so recently, those whose blood runs in my veigns, did not know anything Eastern even existed. This is so recent. So different do we look than those who live in the sunnier places so far to the South and East. But so much good do they have and know. OK, so learn and assimilate for improvement. But improvement means progress from a starting point. If the starting or reference point is lost, then the improvement may become errent running around aimlessly, even unknowingly. What if you forgot you lost your reference point, then you may not even know you are going nowhere. My people have known "you are not good the way you are" for over 1000 years. I am literally built out of this problem. My chart has the stark contrast of Sannyas and Debauch in a number of places. It's black and white, like my skin and hair. I think my people's problem is to sort this out. Self love and acceptance verse compliance with the wishes of others. I was once free, to be me, in a place all green, all green, always green, where everything was run by feeling alone, there was no writing, no school, only living, only living, where everything was only what it was, and nothing more, no meaning, no reason, no second purpose, no unseen motivations, only food, and dancing, real things, and love, and power, strength, these things, real things, things you can see and touch, were all there was, along with love for each other, caring, protecting, providing, no denial, no hiding, instant reactions always, always honest, never a lier, never misleading, always real, real, real, no education, no needs, humans in perpetual living motion, like animals, human animals, very real, very loving, real, my people. Black hair, snow white skin, sharp green eyes for a green land, long hair, unkempt, wild, loving, defensive, if necessary, then fully so, loving always, thats normal. The very fragile creatures float in a balance in nature. You cannot altar alter their environment and expect them to live. We grade things-more fragile, less fragile, but this means we have not discovered their fragility. Some just show it sooner, like a canary in a coalmine. The weakest are first to go, so the strong think, but is fine-ness "weak-ness" by default? Judgement. Is it yours to make? Do dirty people in bare feet standing in a green muddy land with long black hair, white pale looks, droopy eyes, with no books, no literacy, and only lots of what you consider fairy tales, and cute little circular drawings on everything and they think those are meaningful, do they deserve to be made to be like you because you come from far away, have weapons, and a God, and sanctimony. Are you better? What scale of judgement do you use? It is always the same. So long as a trace of self centeredness remains, we will judge and be judged. I have judged, and have been judged. I have been black and white, male and female. To love self enough to love others. To find the yang dot in the middle of the ying force, and the ying in the yang. If you feel the pain of all extremes, there cannot be anything but compassion. But any separative thought gives rise to pain. Compassion implies safety. There is none. Even compassion ultimately must be abandoned. You are not safe to give compassion. There is a place where human consciousness is as real as the "human animals" consciousness should be. If you cannot handle that, live where it isn't enthroaned. If you are not strong, do not be with us. Your weaknesses and fears freak us out. We cannot handle your headspace. We are real, and now, with no thoughts. Do not bring thought here. If I seek to be with loving brothers and sisters, then should I act in trust, like falling backwards off a cliff expecting to be caught, for one must start a cycle to watch it spin where one feels no spinning yet. If growth occurs, but the seed planter dies too early, it was worth it if you believe in reincarnation, otherwise, he was a fool only. But enough of those thoughts, I see you, I love you, come, lets eat, lets dance, play music, then make love, then sleep, then wake up and carry water. It's another great foggy day inbetween heaven and earth. ------------------- Hello, is there anybody in there, just nod if you can hear me, is there anybody home? Come now, I hear you're feeling down, I can ease your pain, get you on your feet again. Relax, I need some information first, just the basic facts, can you tell me where it hurts? But there is no pain, you are receding, a distant ship, smoke on the horizon. You are coming through in waves, your lips move, but I can't hear what you say. When I was child, I caught a fever, my hands felt just like two balloons, now I've got that feeling once again, I can't explain, you would not understand, THIS IS NOT HOW I AM, I have BECOME comfortably numb. OK, just a little pin prick, there'll be no more "ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" but you may feel a little sick. Can you stand up? I do believe it's working, good, that'll keep you going for the show, come on it's time to go. There is no pain, you are receding, a distant ship, smoke on the horizon. You are coming through in waves, your lips move, but I can't hear what you say. When I was child,I caught a fleeting glimpse, out of the corner of my eye, I looked again and it was gone, I cannot put my finger on it now, the child is grown, the dream is gone, and I have become, comfortably numb. Pink Floyd (This most popular rock group made a number of albums focused entirely on the emotional pain they felt as individuals, specifically about those of their band leader and friend who killed himself. The lyrics are sarcastically poignant on the matter of the types of pains I'm talking about. They are not surprisingly, of similar origins as meself. ) ------------------- The Irish, the strongest Catholics, will be the worst enemies of conquest when they awake. Some of us are genetically predisposed as if we assume there is no need to generate happiness internally, as we rather seem to expect to get that from the environment. We are purely social you might say. Purely social white-green forest people. Very different from other races. We are all unique. It's as if Irish are genetically made to be on constant endorphin rushes. That's possible, in a heavy raja guna setting. Oh but, that's not OK, or Christian, change or die, become the heaviest priests as you bury all that freedom in a glass of denial in the name of Christ, Amen. No, if you don't like me, leave. This is my land. If you don't like me, leave. I am already a man. God made me, and this is where he made me. There's thousands and millions of us here, and we like us the way we are. Just leave. How many peoples, how many times, have had to think this uselessly as the agressor drove his weapon through their heart. If a people lives a certain way, then that will be in their DNA, in their charts, in their Genetics, never one without the other, as it is within, it is without, as you sew, you reap, as you live, you die, for what you are, you are, Jyotish is one view, there are others, but in all, the same flower unfolds, and that is the simple truth, which is also right before our eyes, for so much knowledge is found in light, hence "Jyotish", but your eyes are closed. If we have no books, but we have happiness, and you have books, but no happiness, then which is better, the learned or illiterate? Where one comes from, the conslusion was "the happy are better", but the other thought "the progressive are righteous indeed", and thus they parted not caring to like each other, but Budha, sitting nearby, could see how exaltedly correct both were, and his heart wept knowing of the impending war due only to the prides of selfishness still present in both. The Irish believe that the reason you have to wait for prayers to be answered is that God is so stoned that he forgets where he puts everything. Also, if you forget what you prayed for, then you're regularly surprised. It's a positive side effect of being Irish. Don't judge me! I grow food, my people eat. We laugh. Why can I not speak my heart? Why do you judge me? My mothers family name: Crinnion. To me, I hear heavy Mars and Renunciation (Kri and Nya), like Kamakazi warrior mood, but we don't do war per se, we do love war, which means, stay really strong and beautiful mainly for the purposes of chasing woman and making love. Forget fighting to the death with enemies over land, argh, would rather not. Spend all your money on pleasures alone. Don't bother with anything else. Now you're Ire. Happy. But can we be strong without killing ourselves? I think so, but I think the balance is hard to attain. Very hard. I think it's alot like animals who are transported. We are all, many of us, feeling this. Blacks in America, Whites in America, Irish in the Sun, Africans in the fog, so much displacement of DNA has occured, and as it feels funny adjusting so it's witness has his own adjustments to bear. In any ways that I'm wrong as far as facts go, I ask forgiveness. I'm not so much concerned with my facts, as I am with the spirit of my communication. I actually dislike detail editing as a rule, and prefer to feel the overall message much more so. I am usually more aware of whether or not another entity likes me, much more so than anything else. Whether this is good or bad, I no longer care. Self love dicates self acceptance. I am smart enough to know that revelling in uniqueness is to boost the material causational plane around oneself, and that this method of causation is so strong that it can lead to death, so, I am not trying to go there. I guarantee that thinking of me as a reveller in material body-self alone is incorrect. My very way of seeing life is to say that I love unconditionally, but then, that requires pristine circumstances which are n'er to be found 'amore. I am of that typology, of which I'm proud to suffer, that we don't generate something in ourselves, which shows we didn't need to, and yet we survived, so we survived natures deselection genetically, til now, til now, why now? Because we met you. Yes, simply because we met you, with your preaching and all that. That's why we're dieing off. Because you came. That's all. I am glad to be body linked to a people who die when contaminated. As much as duality grows in us, so much it comes to us. So the pristine land of Ireland was invaded in Kali Yuga, so the mountains of Tibet were likewise contaminated. When people crossed the rivers, mountains and oceans, the trouble began because the mixing began, and whatever judgement and exploitation was latent, then manifest, and all of the rest of the Yuga unfolded, and all began to suffer, as the people's of the different planets began to mix. But genetically some of us more so than others show the wear and tear of mixing ways of living that subtle balance called life. I and some others now seek only survival, driven to that by the complexity of the mixing so it seems. Bearing predispostions by DNA, we struggle with customs foreign to our genetics. The quick fixes create new problems, and the dieing out begins. It's like the American Honey Bee dieoff problem, it's so complex that it's not easy to fix. The many layers of complexity have even more complexed over time. Now it's up to the individuals to seek proper personal adjustments for self preservation often, as we disperse and mingle all the more in this era of easy travel and relocation. Although one may suffer and seek a remedy, it doesn't come until it comes, and it is seen in the stars to be so. Black hair, white skin, lets not sun but only warmth in, heat absorbed through a matted black shield, whilst his living self prefers wet green field, this heart knows not the Sun, lives on myst and loving fun, a diamond made of coal, the highest low, leave him alone, only then can he glow. As within, so without. The logical mind gets some peace from this knowledge. The emotional being is another thing. There, the battle of life actually goes on, the battle to feel happy. Knowledge, Money, Fame, none of these by themselves guarantee happiness. Happiness is another thing. Only he who lives life the way which his own conscience dictates is right, feels right to himself. If that way is not accepted in the local space and time, then denial and repression have to be replaced somehow with higher octaves. What if higher octaves are a foreign thing to begin with for the entity. Dilemna of the Irish. Lacking what they need, not being able to ocatve up as part of the beauty of their being, WHICH SHOULD BE HONORED, they self destruct. There's no choice. They are pure devotees of fun. Without it, they die. This should be honored, not destroyed. Let each colorful frog live. Some poisonous, some not, judge not, touch not. The fragile need careful handling, otherwise they break. Christ said "My peace I bring to you, and leave with you". It should be peace. Peace first, and peace remembered, if it be real Christians. There should be nothing else. Then the fragile are safe. You cannot disturb their place. Offerings must be left at their gate, not your understanding of their gate. Let them assimilate, or digest, at their speed, your offerings. No interference is the prime directive. That is why I say I find it OK that the Orissans do not let whites into their temple. I glady step back. My "godbrothers" in HK never agreed with this. I still say, I honor them. White people, step back. Do not invade Puri. If I had a temple with my own, I would keep it for my own. It would our temple. If someone keeps their temple for themselves carefully, it is more likely they won't come shoving it onto you and your people with guns. In Yoga, there is first respect. In exploitation, there is contempt first. In Yoga, there is no force, only communion. There is no experience of violence when all elements are one in their consciousness of purpose as one unit. Violence is the stark meeting of an entity with a focus entirely different than one's own. Violence cannot exist without this base element. Some entities are not equipped to deal with violence, while others are. This is duality, there is always "both" in all questions. Those not equipped to deal with violence means not equipped to think adversarily. This means survival in zones where adversarialism is a requirement becoms impossible for them. The pain of the lack of total fun and love constantly wears out that species, who slowly die in pain of foreign incarceration like some species of animals experiencing captivity. Recently a soft hearted Western Hare Krishna devotee was wrongly accused of rape in India. He was imprisoned. He kept a diary of his pain. He killed himself in that Indian prison in Delhi. The officials read his diary. They understood the setup and framing that was done to him for church political reasons stemming from a major court battle over church stuff. The real promotors of the fraud are now being chased. But my point in bringing this up is this: While Indians might survive an Indian prison, Westerners cannot. This is due to innate levels of ability to deal with Indian style austerities. Similarly, it's scientifically tested and proven that Navaho Native American babies, even if born from Culturally Assimilated Navaho parents, respond favorably to the traditional "Cradle Board" of the Navahos, whereas white babies emphatically hate it. This proves again the genetic dispositions we carry are quite significant. Irish and Scotts being similar in blood, seem to be disposed to not creating that which creates dompamine. There must be a cultural reason why they didn't need this, as they did survive. Judgements on the Irish in modern times are based on viewing them mostly AFTER Christian invasion. All modern movies about "The Irish" are set in recent centuries. That's not "The Irish", that's the damaged nation of some people's who's names are almost forgotton. Along with everything else that didn't match up, these cultures are "his story" now. Somehow we didn't need what we don't have. I have thoughts and feelings, visions, inside me, of a way of living, where I would be just fine as I am. I am, in other words, already fine. But I'm not fine now. I haven't been fine in this place, in this life, in this culture, in this age, but I'm fine internally. The way I am, the way I really am, when I'm me, how I manifest now, is all judged out of acceptability. I have to hide, cower, evade, etc., and I don't know who's land this is, who's way this is, but it's not mine. It's just about surviving it now. My life is heavily threatened by my own self actions. The way, the things, the means, offered to me, for dealing with life, are not good for me. The things I really need, I would have to create a new civilization to provide to myself. It would be basically impossible. What I need socially, and from the mental/emotional plane of the humans near me, is not going to happen in my life. This is probably for sure. Things are so far gone. So surviving it I guess becomes key, and finding some reasons, a few people, to go on. Maybe I should move when the kids are gone in a few years. Peace be with you, your friend das goravani Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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