Guest guest Posted January 5, 2001 Report Share Posted January 5, 2001 That was very inspiring - Sunita. >Das Goravani <> >gjlist >gjlist >[gjlist] Growing Up Spiritually >Fri, 05 Jan 2001 08:01:51 -0800 > > >Hi Mark, Mani and Everyone, > >I have not met Tapani except through email. He has written many letters >to me rich with feeling. > >As for Kasi's question about Bhagavatam, that little girl was Devi >according to Bhagavatam, yes, and yes in that sense, Kasi V. is right. > >The Bhagavatam though is rich with strange occurances the likes of which >we have no current real experience. It's easy therefore to see it as >allegory and myth, though I've avoided doing that personally. > >I'm in a bind that goes like this: Hare Krishna movement and thus >Vaisnava religion asks us to believe many things from old books which we >cannot see or feel these days at all. These things form the basis of the >philosophy, ie, BHAGAVATAM is the basis of the philosophy in general. > >Following that, some persons rise up as Sannyasis, renouncing contact >with sense gratification in general, including touching the feminine >form, and tell us, the rest of us, to do the same, to be devoted to the >soul, to God, to serving only, and most of us, who cannot do it, feel >guilty or something like guilt, lifelong, trying to "be better". > >I have followed them for years, served them, tried to do this. > >Often they have politics between each other, some fall down from their >vows and create strange splinter groups, and others are just very dry >and demanding on followers. Some are I suppose the "right kind". > >I experienced so much of the negative, the falldowns, the politics, and >so on, that I became a bit uncaring about the whole thing any longer. > >I now believe is personal spiritual progress. I believe in myself when I >focus. Focus on serving, focus on appreciating God in all things in the >moment, seeing God in everything, seeing God handling me personally. I >believe in my personal spiritual life. > >Whenever I hear anyone, Hare Krishna or Sakta Bhakta, talking about a >Guru, I become disinterested and even frightened away. I no longer can >relate to worshipping anyone who is at all human as if they are >different or separate from the humanity I experience. I have seen >persons, because of a passing karmic phase or their exalted Kundali, >rise up to the position of being worshipped. I have seen them glow in >their glories for some time, or overall in life, but I can still see the >humanness in them. Knowing that anyone can do this due to karma, and do >the need for others to worship, I'm no longer interested in this process >personally. > >Like I was told Amma wears a back brace. I can see she's human anyway. I >realize she may "represent" or "carry" some amount of Divine connection, >but to place that really high in my heart, put her picture about my >house, worship that Divinity in her, that I cannot do. I don't have any >need to. It wouldn't change the fact that I am weak personally in so >many ways. It doesn't change my friends who are into her, as they are >still them, with their own faults. It may inspire them somewhat, but >Guru's no longer inspire me. I have overcome or something like that, the >need to worship them, please them, have relationship with them. > >I do see however that I need to be Guru to myself, and thus to whomever >might learn from me. I think this process is natural. It's like growing >up. At a certain point, you stop looking up to your own father or >mother, and start being one yourself. It's then up to you to learn that >phase of life wherein you lead others. > >Amma doesn't speak about a Guru that she worships much, and neither did >Prabhupada. Sometimes leaders speak of who inspired them, but usually >they are just themselves, leading others who are spiritually less >experienced, therefore spiritual lineage is alot like material family, >indeed the same words apply, such as "Father", "Mother", "Children" and >the like. > >Similarly it's also private. My children love me, even if their friends >think I'm whacky. It's a bond that isn't up for public approval. > >So I've simply graduated. Back in 1979 through 1986 I had heavy contact >with Gurus in the West and in India. I applied myself to this devotion >intensely. I was very much involved in the center of the movement I was >within. I was very devoted to my Gurus, very much so. My devotion was >such that I could convince others, and caused many persons to join the >ranks. > >But the aging process has it's own ways, and now I am a father. I >believe in Divinity wholly. Very much so. This is lifelong. But I >believe in the personal application. I believe you have to do it for >yourself ultimately. Self Realization for yourself and by yourself. It's >up to you what you want to see, what you can embrace, what you can >devote to, and how much effort you will apply. > >Indeed, the third house, 7th to the ninth, is one with many things that >we all tend to want to avoid. Progress, Courage, Austerity, Activity, >are things which are not comfortable. They are 12th to the house of >"comfort" and "Happiness" (in the present moment). > >Making progress is difficult. I now face that. I don't look for Divine >Handouts in the form of Prasad, Guru's blessings, Guru's Glances, or >being close to the Guru for others to see and artificially go Ga Ga over >me either. That happens alot. "I'm close to the Guru, Gee aren't I >special". That's commonly found in movements. Indeed, I heard that the >Brahmacarinis around Amma will be quite agressive if you try to >penetrate that close proximity. I'm not surprised. It's common. It's the >same with Groupies around Rock Stars. It's simply the principle of >soaking off another "great" by being close to them. > >Just a moment ago I awoke from the nights sleep. And as always, I >immediately began to contemplate as I always do, the same thoughts I >always have, which go like this: > >"Gosh my Lord, I am despicable. I have been a very bad devotee of yours >lately, as always. I have no good devotion to you, and will probably >suffer my due lot in material existence. I am probably currently bound >to suffer greatly and I can't really argue with that verdict. Today, let >me try to be a real devotee. I will overlook my own desires, and try to >stay focused on applying myself in service. I will try to not serve the >material senses. I am afraid of the just and due reactions for this. I >hate myself for being always so stupid in sense gratifications pursuit. >Please help me to not be like I usually am today. I want to be free from >this bind of material nature over my consciousness. Please allow it for >once" > >Something like that. I feel like I am nothing, and the process of >application in spiritual life is everything. I know if I sat around a >Guru today, I would hear all that I've already heard, and would feel >like I am wasting my time re-hearing lessons I already know. It no >longer inspires me to see their progress. I have to do it myself. >Whatever time they spent in meditation or austerities, I have to >duplicate that effort. Without that effort, or third house discomfort, I >cannot expect the rise above matter in myself. > >I know many persons who spent tons of time, more than me, around Gurus, >and who are no better off for it. > >So that is who I am. Better or worse, right or wrong, I'm solid in my >disinterest in movements and teachers. That phase is over for me. It's >time for me to be a real devotee of God on my own. I'm an independent >teenager now I suppose. Moved out, got my own place, making my own >spiritual meals, and facing lonely nights. Gotta find my true love, my >lord, on my own. We're all single woman, and God the husband, we must >find, attract, please and satisfy, then we'll feel pregnant with His >love. Something like that. > >I am not a defender of one faither or another, though I am skeptical >about Divinity being inside anyone, as I've seen so much self fooling >and cheating in this arena myself. But I do still believe, and I'm sure >I'd like anybody I met who is on the path, as I always do. They usually >like me too. I'm optimistic, but very dumb and fallen. Myself, I am more >of a court jestor. I have little austerity, am mostly just a fool for >quick and easy sense gratification, and probably not going to get very >far in the real thing in this life. Such is my lot with Venus in the >first in Aries. > >Well, enough of this, time to serve, by writing GJ3, my karma, my >dharma, my passion. > >Love to you all, and to your Gurus, in fact, say Hi from me! Tell them >to ask their Lords (or themselves) to bless me on my path so that I >might make some progress. Wait, does that undo what I said???!!! > >Love and Hugs, > >Raghu Goravani > > > > > > >2852 Willamette St # 353 >Eugene OR USA 97405 > > or >Fax: 541-343-0344 > >"Goravani Jyotish" >Vedic/Hindu Astrology Software > > >gjlist- > > > _______________ Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 8, 2001 Report Share Posted January 8, 2001 gjlist , Das Goravani <das@g...> wrote: >>> Hi Mark, Mani and Everyone, >>I have not met Tapani except through email. He has written many >>letters to me rich with feeling. Hi, Okay, then i misunderstood Tapani. He was written that he knows you personally - and i thought it meant he was met you. My feeling is that nobody can "know" only via email, althought communication can be very close. Anyway... I read your long letter and now i understand you much better. I have to say that you and me are very similar. Thank you. Regards, Mark Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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