Guest guest Posted May 2, 2006 Report Share Posted May 2, 2006 Om Namah Shivaya! Brothers and sisters, At times I feel thoroughly dejected due to the recent happenings in my life. I have been seeing Amma from 1996 and I really feel happy when I am at the retreat. I have been to Amma's retreat three times and planning to attend the retreat at Boston this summer. I do IAM Meditation everyday and am chanting the Mantra I got from Amma everyday. During Oct: 2003 I had to face a collar bone fracture and was down for six weeks. I didn't feel bad then. In July 2004 my wife Uma died of brin haemorrage and I was thoroughly shaken. She was the only person I thought gave me the required moral support for progressing in life. We were married for ten years and we were devoted to Amma and absolutely honest with each other. Even today at times I think about Uma. But loneliness is a very difficult thing to cope up in life and so myself and my parents started searching for alliance as is the Indian custom. My marriage was fixed with a girl in Maryland in Oct: 31, 2004. but two days before the wedding was to take place, she quarrelled and the wedding was called off. Then my marriage was fixed again in India in Aug: 2005. This time the girl was talking nicely for a good number of months and I was anticipating the wedding. However on the day before the marriage she had other ideas and the wedding was called off. This she told after I went all the way to India. Then again my marriage was fixed on Jan: 2006 and the wedding took place. For five days my wife was nice to me . But after five days she left me and applied for divorce. The divorce process is going on and I am again alone. At times I really feel depressed as I can't imagine a life in which I am to live perpetually lonely. I still look for a life as a householder and long for a life partner. Today I wrote as my concerns to Amma four letters on how I feel. If Amma looks into the needs of her children, why is She playing with me this way? I can admit I intend no harm to anyone. I find it difficult to concentrate on my work. I am sorry if what I wrote is offensive. But I can't suppress or ignore my feelings. Om Namah Shivaya! Mahadevan Venkitaraman Aum Amriteswarayai Namaha! Terms of Service. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 2, 2006 Report Share Posted May 2, 2006 Oh dear brother, what a leela! Amma has a way of going for the jugular, doesn't she? She says that the satguru will arrange circumstances in the disciples' life to bring up the vasanas and help us let go of our patterns. You know the bees that hover around Lalita Devi, supposedly attracted to her sweetness? I think they are really her little army of stingers! The death of the ego is brutal... we must be reduced to nothing for true surrender to take place. Another thing; Mother knows best. Once we have commited ourselves to the guru, everything that happens in life is for our own highest good. Her grace is constantly flowing, so while these potential "alliances" may not have worked out in the expected way, it is certainly for the highest good. I am one of those inlcined to believe that it is all her prasad, as Georgeson said. Amma is no ordinary guru, there is no stopping the river of love. I am certain that there is a better plan in store for you. "Whenever God closes a door, He opens a window." You'll be in my prayers. love, Prajna mahadevanv <mahadevanv > wrote: Om Namah Shivaya! Brothers and sisters, At times I feel thoroughly dejected due to the recent happenings in my life. I have been seeing Amma from 1996 and I really feel happy when I am at the retreat. I have been to Amma's retreat three times and planning to attend the retreat at Boston this summer. I do IAM Meditation everyday and am chanting the Mantra I got from Amma everyday. During Oct: 2003 I had to face a collar bone fracture and was down for six weeks. I didn't feel bad then. In July 2004 my wife Uma died of brin haemorrage and I was thoroughly shaken. She was the only person I thought gave me the required moral support for progressing in life. We were married for ten years and we were devoted to Amma and absolutely honest with each other. Even today at times I think about Uma. But loneliness is a very difficult thing to cope up in life and so myself and my parents started searching for alliance as is the Indian custom. My marriage was fixed with a girl in Maryland in Oct: 31, 2004. but two days before the wedding was to take place, she quarrelled and the wedding was called off. Then my marriage was fixed again in India in Aug: 2005. This time the girl was talking nicely for a good number of months and I was anticipating the wedding. However on the day before the marriage she had other ideas and the wedding was called off. This she told after I went all the way to India. Then again my marriage was fixed on Jan: 2006 and the wedding took place. For five days my wife was nice to me . But after five days she left me and applied for divorce. The divorce process is going on and I am again alone. At times I really feel depressed as I can't imagine a life in which I am to live perpetually lonely. I still look for a life as a householder and long for a life partner. Today I wrote as my concerns to Amma four letters on how I feel. If Amma looks into the needs of her children, why is She playing with me this way? I can admit I intend no harm to anyone. I find it difficult to concentrate on my work. I am sorry if what I wrote is offensive. But I can't suppress or ignore my feelings. Om Namah Shivaya! Mahadevan Venkitaraman Aum Amriteswarayai Namaha! Mata amritanandamayi Visit your group "Ammachi" on the web. Ammachi Get amazing travel prices for air and hotel in one click on FareChase Aum Amriteswarayai Namaha! Terms of Service. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 2, 2006 Report Share Posted May 2, 2006 I will keep you in my prayers, Mary Ann Duckworth - mahadevanv Ammachi Monday, May 01, 2006 12:06 PM I feel dejected! Om Namah Shivaya! Brothers and sisters, At times I feel thoroughly dejected due to the recent happenings in my life. I have been seeing Amma from 1996 and I really feel happy when I am at the retreat. I have been to Amma's retreat three times and planning to attend the retreat at Boston this summer. I do IAM Meditation everyday and am chanting the Mantra I got from Amma everyday. During Oct: 2003 I had to face a collar bone fracture and was down for six weeks. I didn't feel bad then. In July 2004 my wife Uma died of brin haemorrage and I was thoroughly shaken. She was the only person I thought gave me the required moral support for progressing in life. We were married for ten years and we were devoted to Amma and absolutely honest with each other. Even today at times I think about Uma. But loneliness is a very difficult thing to cope up in life and so myself and my parents started searching for alliance as is the Indian custom. My marriage was fixed with a girl in Maryland in Oct: 31, 2004. but two days before the wedding was to take place, she quarrelled and the wedding was called off. Then my marriage was fixed again in India in Aug: 2005. This time the girl was talking nicely for a good number of months and I was anticipating the wedding. However on the day before the marriage she had other ideas and the wedding was called off. This she told after I went all the way to India. Then again my marriage was fixed on Jan: 2006 and the wedding took place. For five days my wife was nice to me . But after five days she left me and applied for divorce. The divorce process is going on and I am again alone. At times I really feel depressed as I can't imagine a life in which I am to live perpetually lonely. I still look for a life as a householder and long for a life partner. Today I wrote as my concerns to Amma four letters on how I feel. If Amma looks into the needs of her children, why is She playing with me this way? I can admit I intend no harm to anyone. I find it difficult to concentrate on my work. I am sorry if what I wrote is offensive. But I can't suppress or ignore my feelings. Om Namah Shivaya! Mahadevan Venkitaraman Aum Amriteswarayai Namaha! Mata amritanandamayi a.. Visit your group "Ammachi" on the web. b.. Ammachi c.. Aum Amriteswarayai Namaha! Terms of Service. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 2, 2006 Report Share Posted May 2, 2006 Dear Venkitaraman, My family suggests that you talk about this problem with Amma in person when you see Her this summer. I'm glad you're sharing your feelings. in Amma, Amalia Aum Amriteswarayai Namaha! Terms of Service. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 2, 2006 Report Share Posted May 2, 2006 Talking with Amma is always best. I don't always get an answer from Her though-at least not in the way I would think. But I get it in other ways. I, too, had gone through very intense longing for a partner for many years after a divorce. I had been married 16 yrs and have 2 children and they bring me great joy so I am fortunate. Despite my children, I was very very lonely and missing not having a partner. This went on for about 12 years or so. But over time and at some point, after many years of this craving and desire, it evaporated. I do not know at what point this even happened as it must have been quite gradual somewhat like how a snake sheds its skin. I believe now that Amma burned this out of me. My longing shifted into just something else entirely. I cannot know your path but know that feeling of loneliness and longing. Try to be patient with life and with Amma. Until you see Her, try to focus that longing onto Amma for now. Perhaps that will provide some relief in the interim. As Amma has said to me, we must have courage to face all things in life. So have courage. She has not abandoned you. She is always with you. I would also recommend a chart with Prasannan if you visit on tour. This might provide you with some information that would give you some encouragement or clarity on this issue,-and perhaps some peace of mind. peace, adriane Ammachi, "leokomor" <leokomor> wrote: > > I agree with Amalia. > > Namaste, > > Chitanand > (GeorgeSon) > > Ammachi, "amalia_darling94804" > <amaliadarling@> wrote: > > > > Dear Venkitaraman, > > > > My family suggests that you talk about this problem with Amma in > > person when you see Her this summer. I'm glad you're sharing your > > feelings. > > > > in Amma, > > Amalia > > > Aum Amriteswarayai Namaha! Terms of Service. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 2, 2006 Report Share Posted May 2, 2006 Dear Friend, I Read ur recent incidents.I am so sorry for that.This is the time where u have to get enough strength to lead ur life.If somebody rejected u means u shouldn`t be dejected.God has given birth to fufil his deeds.We are putting boundaries on ourselves and wasting our lives. Amma is a goddess,giving relief to many directly and indirectly.By seeing problems we must realise ourselves,felling that instead of serving life to undeserved people like which u mentioned in ur life,serve poor people.When we get an opurtunity to see great soul(amma),we have to ask how to purify our soul.This body is temporary.Don`t think amma didn`t do anything.Probably she saved from all troubles.Probably she is saying that ur life is for some good deeds on this earth. ramarao MD Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 2, 2006 Report Share Posted May 2, 2006 Dear Friend,I Read ur recent incidents.I am so sorry for that.This is the time where u have to get enough strength to lead ur life.If somebody rejected u means u shouldn`t be dejected.God has given birth to fufil his deeds.We are putting boundaries on ourselves and wasting our lives. Amma is a goddess,giving relief to many directly and indirectly.By seeing problems we must realise ourselves,felling that instead of serving life to undeserved people like which u mentioned in ur life,serve poor people.When we get an opurtunity to see great soul(amma),we have to ask how to purify our soul.This body is temporary.Don`t think amma didn`t do anything.Probably she saved from all troubles.Probably she is saying that ur life is for some good deeds on this earth. ramarao MD Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 3, 2006 Report Share Posted May 3, 2006 Brothers and Sisters Om Namah Shivaya! Thank you very much for all your answers for my mail indicating my dejection. I feel very nice after reading Iswari's reply. Interestingly this is my own experience of how I am being. I get into depressing feelings in patches. At times, I find that I have faith in Amma and that Amma provides me with all the choices in my life. I feel new energy and I have been able to finish all the pending jobs. Though I am going through divorce which can be painful, I won't say I am immobilised and I find myself removing the clutters at my home as well as the software I am developing. This is a clear indication of the fact that I am getting cleaned internally by my association with Amma. What Amma is indicating me is being the child of Universal Mother, I can get whatever I choose. But that is not the way I feel always because of the way I was brought up which was a steep negative environment. Even now I feel depressed after talking to my parents. One can imagine how it will be as these days my parents are staying with me. Till my association with Amma, I closely followed my parents and so I am to carry a lot of negative impressions. I understand Amma does the work of cleaning me internally which can be as painful as surgery. That explains my troubles. Also when I am lonely, I can get to like myself better. As Jesus said, "Love thy neighbour as thyself." From that we can deduce, when we like ourselves better, we can like others. Om Namah Shivaya! Mahadevan venkitaraman Ammachi, "ammasiswari" <ammasiswari> wrote: > > Dear Mahadevan, > > I feel for you, most deeply. While my experience is not the same as yours, there are some > parallels. My husband and I, who have been married for six years, have been through four > years of hard-core infertility treatments (which Amma instructed us to pursue when we > discussed our situation with her) and our only pregnancy ended in a miscarriage of twins. > I'm not sure I could begin to convey the depth of our grief, pain, emptiness and despair. > For a long time, it felt as if it was without end, although I now know that this was illusory. > > I could speculate about why all of this befell us and there is so much literature on why bad > things happen to "good" people...but I couldn't have imagined an intellectual answer that > would have satisfied. There is a film about C.S. Lewis' relationship with the love of his life, > who died young of cancer. I remember one line toward the end where he, who had long > prided himself on knowing all the answers, says, "I have no answers anymore, only the life > that I have lived." I still wouldn't necessarily say that I have any "answers," but even though > we are still childless, I've learned and grown so much from this experience that I can > honestly say that I don't regret any of what I suffered, even as I wouldn't wish it on anyone! > > Rumi once wrote that, "There is a secret medicine given only to those who hurt so hard > they can't hope." I can attest to the truth of this...although it's often not what you'd expect. > Sometimes, our needs aren't what we think they are. I thought I needed a child. While I still > hope to have a child someday, in whatever way that may unfold....what I really needed was > surrender, acceptance, faith and the willingness to allow Amma to heal my heart. That may > sound like a strange thing to say. If I was suffering so much, why would I not be open to > healing? Because I had to be willing to give up my grasping...and that took me a long time. > > Tom has a very good point that, while that there are many stories of devotees who > approach Amma asking to be blessed with a partner or a child or whatever their heart > desires most, there are many of us who have been disappointed for years on end. At the > same time, I will tell you that I feel deeply blessed by the gifts my journey has born. > > For a long time, I had this fantasy of being able to share a story of Amma blessing us with > a child. At present, I'm not sure when or whether that particular story will be mine to > tell....but the story that I do have to tell is a rich and miraculous one, in its own right. > > Mahadevan, I pray that you will, indeed, be blessed with a companion...but more than that, > I pray that the places within you that are lonely and sad realize wholeness, peace, love and > joy, regardless of your external circumstances. Sort of in line with Tom suggested about > finding solace in the Oneness of Spirt, I found that this verse from the Upanishads, which > is sometimes chanted at Amma's satsangs during the closing prayers was so freeing: > > Om purna mada purna midam ~ That is the Whole; this is the Whole > Purnaat purnam udachyate ~ From the Whole, the Whole arises > Purnasya purnam adaaya ~ Taking away the Whole from the Whole > Purnam eva vasishyate ~ The Whole remains > > At first, these were just words to me, but at one point...I just knew it. I hope you will, too. > > And I am so truly sorry for your loss... > > In Amma's Love, > Iswari > > Ammachi, "mahadevanv" <mahadevanv@> wrote: > > > > Om Namah Shivaya! > > > > Brothers and sisters, > > > > At times I feel thoroughly dejected due to the recent happenings > > in my life. > > > > I have been seeing Amma from 1996 and I really feel happy when I > > am at the retreat. I have been to Amma's retreat three times and > > planning to attend the retreat at Boston this summer. I do IAM > > Meditation everyday and am chanting the Mantra I got from Amma everyday. > > > > During Oct: 2003 I had to face a collar bone fracture and was down > > for six weeks. I didn't feel bad then. In July 2004 my wife Uma died of > > brin haemorrage and I was thoroughly shaken. She was the only person I > > thought gave me the required moral support for progressing in life. We > > were married for ten years and we were devoted to Amma and absolutely > > honest with each other. > > > > Even today at times I think about Uma. But loneliness is a very > > difficult thing to cope up in life and so myself and my parents started > > searching for alliance as is the Indian custom. My marriage was fixed > > with a girl in Maryland in Oct: 31, 2004. but two days before the > > wedding was to take place, she quarrelled and the wedding was called > > off. Then my marriage was fixed again in India in Aug: 2005. This time > > the girl was talking nicely for a good number of months and I was > > anticipating the wedding. However on the day before the marriage she > > had other ideas and the wedding was called off. This she told after I > > went all the way to India. Then again my marriage was fixed on Jan: > > 2006 and the wedding took place. For five days my wife was nice to me . > > But after five days she left me and applied for divorce. The divorce > > process is going on and I am again alone. > > > > At times I really feel depressed as I can't imagine a life in > > which I am to live perpetually lonely. I still look for a life as a > > householder and long for a life partner. Today I wrote as my concerns > > to Amma four letters on how I feel. If Amma looks into the needs of her > > children, why is She playing with me this way? I can admit I intend no > > harm to anyone. I find it difficult to concentrate on my work. > > > > I am sorry if what I wrote is offensive. But I can't suppress or > > ignore my feelings. > > > > Om Namah Shivaya! > > > > Mahadevan Venkitaraman > > > Aum Amriteswarayai Namaha! Terms of Service. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.