Healing relationship- To Dearest Cyra

[Guest guest]

Namaste dearest Cyra,

 

You continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.. Please don;t mind me

chirping in with 2 dimes' worth: Sometimes there are no

explanations for these things or this sort of behavior from the

other party. Or rather, there are explanations but they are hidden

from us and we don't get to find out till years later. Nothing

happens by accident, so they say..

 

Also fully agree with Sri DDji's advice to you and hope you will be

able to 'opt out' of the recurring cycle of hoping to mend things

and remain amicable. It may take a while for him to realize your

good intentions for the sake of your children. You mean well and you

are such a wonderful woman. If only he realizes this.

 

Perhaps when the time is right, he will come and ask your

forgiveness. Meanwhile just let him 'be' the way he chooses to be.

Sometimes, the other party has this thing called 'silent aggression'

or 'silent anger' that they hold down for many, many years before

they leave a marriage or relationship but is simply not able to

articulate their feelings or thoughts in words, or via verbal

expression nor able to talk things over.

 

Its unfair on the one who is at the receiving end but the party of

course can't see why it should be the case. If communications broke

down a long time back, then talking is the last thing the other

party is inclined to do.

 

Apart from the above, may I share with you a true story of a dear

friend:

------------

She had exactly the same problem as yourself and went thru quite a

similar stage for 5 years after her divorce, wondering about 'why,

how, if only, when, what, where did she go wrong, etc.'..... After

much suffering and finally liberating herself from those thoughts

and releasing the hurt (so to speak), telling herself that she

deserves better and snapped out of caring what her ex thought or

thinks or behaves, that he gradually came round and became friendly.

 

Eventually they talked like good old friends and he revealed his

past feelings and the reasons why he left plus a whole ton of

private stuff. Turned out that he became gay and had to leave her

and their kids!!

 

He said he had to remain "hostile" to her in hope that she will hate

him and forget him altogether. He didn't want to give her any false

hopes that there could be a chance for reconciliation, hence his

prolonged behavior of animosity, hate and put downs, etc. etc. Now

10 years on, they are the best of friends and he saw their kids

through school and university and she has found herself a wonderful

new man.

--------------------------

 

Cyraji, I know saying to forget someone is easy, but actually doing

it, is darned difficult but when in such a situation, its probably

healthier for you if you would consider trying harder to put him out

of your mind and not worry about what he thinks or how he behaves.

Its your wellbeing that is more important right now. Not his. May

I also say that its his loss, not yours. You certainly deserve

better and I hope the passage of time will heal your wounds and may

you find your true soul mate, one who is worthy of your love and

devotion.

 

Much love and hugs,

May God/dess Guide & Nurture You Always,

Simone

 

 

, Cyra Kanga

<crkanga> wrote:

 

 

but

> I still cannot understand the hate and negative part

> and if there is some way to eradicate or placate that

> it would be helpful.

 

 

, Cyra Kanga

<crkanga> wrote:

 

but

> I still cannot understand the hate and negative part

> and if there is some way to eradicate or placate that

> it would be helpful.