Yoga Bloopers

[Guest guest]

The following list is a compilation of things we actually said in

class, gathered from several yoga teachers who had the courage to

share their human fallibility with us:

 

"Lift your bellybutton away from your naval."

 

When teaching Kapalabhati breathing: "If you begin to feel faint or

dizzy, stop breathing and relax."

 

When teaching Setu Bandhasana (Bridge) by putting a ball between a

student's knees so they will not splay the legs apart, this was said

to a male yoga student :"Wow! You could fit 2 balls between your

legs!" Elena, May 2000.

 

When teaching Mulabhanda, the instructor wanted to acknowledge that

learning the Perineal lift would have a number of physiological

benefits: "If you learn this technique, this will also improve your

sex life by giving you greater control of the anal sphincter

muscles . . ." (the instructor's partner at that time was taking the

class that day, and the students looked at him oddly.) "I meant to

say the muscles around the cervix!" Elena, May 2000

 

Teaching Paschimottanasana: "Don't round your back. Try to rotate

the hip forward, and elongate your spine over your legs. It is not

about touching your nose to your knees - it is about reaching your

nose to your toes. This can be uncomfortable at first . . ."

 

"Press your shitting bones down . . ."

 

In a standing 1/2 bound lotus- "Hold your right foot in half Lotus

with your left foot" Elena, September 2000

 

"Now Separate your feet from your body." Elena, December 2000

 

INTENTIONAL PUN

 

Mahatma Gandhi was a revered yogi, and chose to live rugged and

ascetic lifestyle. He often went barefoot and as a result, developed

calloused feet. He ate a sparing vegetarian diet, including many

beans, and developed bad breath. He also went on a number of fasts,

which caused him to become somewhat weak.

 

He was a "Super-calloused fragile mystic with extra halitosis".

 

If we can't laugh at ourselves and our practice, we are taking

ourselves too seriously! Non-Attachment!. . .

 

When asked by the maintenance crew why a few ceiling tiles were out

of place in the yoga studio "oh, we levitate up there during yoga and

sometimes bump into the ceiling." Elena, October 2000

 

Student, with tongue firmly in cheek, asked "Now, what if I get

stuck in this pose?" (Pose was Kurmasana - sleeping Tortoise).

Response: "Those EMTs will sure wonder about you when they get here

then." Elena, September 2000